Chapter 2 – Who is Polly

Who is Polly? Anyone in Huaxia who’s completed nine years of compulsory education would immediately answer—it’s that parrot from the English textbook. But for players on the Mirage Server, aside from that little bird, the name also represents a legend.

Zombie Polly, once the undisputed PK King of the Mirage Server—no, the entire North China region. Skilled in gameplay and well-equipped, it was said that when the level cap was first raised to 40, he single-handedly soloed the Shaolin Temple’s Eighteen Bronze Men dungeon and dropped the server’s first Golden Bell Staff. The most outrageous thing about this staff was that it increased attack range by 12–17 points—for melee classes, this weapon was practically cheating. Yet, later on, this staff ended up being used by the Legion Commander of Huaxia Dominion, My Blood for Xuanyuan. Whether it was gifted or sold remains unknown, until the game updated and the level cap increased to 55, after which this level 40 Orange-Tier Weapon gradually faded into obscurity.

Speaking of Huaxia Dominion, it was only after Polly joined that they slowly grew into a powerhouse. Some newer players might not know this, assuming Huaxia Dominion had always been an elite legion, but Fang Zheng was well aware—even if he was just an onlooker, he had witnessed step by step how Huaxia Dominion rose from a small fry to a major legion. So when Polly was promoted to Vice Guild Leader of Huaxia Dominion, no one objected, even though his reputation was far from stellar—stealing mobs, killing players, ambushing… all kinds of infuriating behavior. The problem was, no one could beat him, so they could only grit their teeth in frustration. But half a year ago, when he was kicked out of Huaxia Dominion, it truly shattered the expectations of all the spectators.

The reason wasn’t complicated—Polly had pulled another opportunistic move, striking from behind when Vivian was about to finish off a monster, causing both the boss and Vivian to drop dead, with the latter even losing better gear than the former. If Vivian had been some nobody, this would’ve blown over, but she happened to be the wife of the Vice Guild Leader of Five Peaks Pavilion. Naturally, Five Peaks Pavilion wouldn’t let it slide. Even if just for show, they sent half their legion to hunt Polly down.

Huaxia Online allowed PKing—though killing too many would turn you into a red name, and if a red name died, their gear would drop at a 100% rate. But with sheer numbers, and considering Polly wasn’t an easy kill, the odds of him actually getting red-named weren’t that high. Still, as the saying goes, “two fists are no match for four hands.” Polly might escape once or win a fight or two, but eventually, he was bound to be overwhelmed. And so, his death count slowly climbed. Normally, at this point, Huaxia Dominion should’ve stepped in to help, but they didn’t. Instead, they issued a statement: due to Polly’s consistent misconduct, Huaxia Dominion had decided to expel him from the guild¹Legion and guild are the same thing. Legion is the official game term, and guild is the term sometimes used by players to mean legion..

“Killing the donkey after it’s done grinding the mill”—whether you liked Polly or not, those were the only words that came to mind.

But what Fang Zheng thought of was: “seizing the opportunity to bow out.”

After the game updated to the level 55 cap, the Zombie class became obsolete. In terms of DPS²DPS= damage per second. Used literally as that, but also as a general term for high damage output, and as a noun to mean damage dealer, it couldn’t compete with Spirit Masters or Demon Refiners. As a tank, it was no match for Blood Warriors or Berserkers. And as for healing? Forget it—Zombies only had a minor self-heal skill that couldn’t be used on other classes. The reason the system even included this skill was because healers had a hard time healing Zombies—nine times out of ten, the heals would get resisted. Ever heard of heals getting resisted between teammates? Zombies were just that bizarre. The official explanation was: “Due to their unique physiology, Zombies cannot receive normal healing.” Gradually, Zombies became a rare sight in the game, and Polly naturally lost his value to Huaxia Dominion. Combined with his terrible reputation, which dragged the legion’s name through the mud, they took this opportunity to kick him out. Why not?

Unfortunately, Polly wasn’t the type to “return good for evil.” If you showed no mercy, don’t expect any in return. After being kicked out, his policy toward Huaxia Dominion members became simple—kill on sight. If he could kill them, he did. If he couldn’t, he still tried. Even if he ran into both Five Peaks Pavilion and Huaxia Dominion at the same time, he’d always prioritize the latter—their aggro was just too high. With an obsolete class but razor-sharp skills, Polly gave Huaxia Dominion a real headache, especially their so-called “elites” and veterans. They’d fought side by side before, so they knew each other well. After being PKed a few times, they started getting paranoid, afraid to even wear their best gear outside dungeons, fearing they’d get killed and drop it.

“Fear not the Zombie’s blade, but the Zombie’s grudge.” Over time, Huaxia Dominion couldn’t take it anymore. What to do? Well, “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.” And so, the two biggest rival guilds on the Mirage Server actually teamed up—just to hunt down one lone Zombie.

Fang Zheng didn’t witness much of that bloody storm firsthand. He only knew that Polly got PKed so much he lost almost all his top-tier gear, and his level dropped from 55 all the way to 37. When new servers opened, the big guilds migrated, and the hunt finally came to an end. But a level 37 white-geared³Basic common gear. Usually easy to acquire, but weaker and has lower stats. account was basically worthless. Sure, you could grind back up, but keep in mind—it might take days to grief an account down, but rebuilding one, especially a top-tier one, takes months or even longer. And that’s assuming you have a guild. If you’re solo-queuing in random parties, the road ahead is long and arduous—good luck.

Returning to the Tiananmen respawn point, Fang Zheng was about to enter the underground passage to teleport back to Mount Emei when suddenly, his cheek itched.

Turning his head, the “scent thief” had already retreated, spinning in place with a smug look. “So? Handsome or what?”

Fang Zheng naturally wiped the saliva off his cheek and gave an honest assessment: “Middle-aged housewives would go crazy for you.”

Xu Di facepalmed. “Why not young girls?”

Fang Zheng also facepalmed. “What decent girl would go looking for a gigolo?”

Xu Di shook his head like a disappointed elder. “Your vision is too narrow. You’ll never achieve greatness.”

Fang Zheng scoffed. “Your vision’s so broad, huh? Planning to sell yourself for another 500 years?”

Xu Di couldn’t take it anymore, his face scrunching up like a chrysanthemum. “Damn, you’re even more savage than Doggy!”

Fang Zheng nodded earnestly. “So you should apologize to Doggy when you get the chance. See how gentle he is with you usually?”

Xu Di had no comeback. If this were an MMO, the gap between them would be like a mob versus a raid boss.

But Xu Di could console himself—Fang Zheng was only this sarcastic because even if he wanted to sell himself, no one might want him. Not that Fang Zheng was ugly or anything, but that round, pudgy body of his… He’d need to lose at least 20 jin before even thinking of putting himself on the market. Maybe 30? Or more?

Still, for all his sharp tongue, Fang Zheng was genuine with friends. Xu Di figured the reason both he and Gou Xiaonian liked hanging around Fang Zheng was probably because—in a world full of pretenses, a place where you could be completely yourself was rare and precious.

At 7: 55, Xu Di suited up and headed out to conquer the night. Unfortunately, Fang Zheng, fully immersed in the world of Huaxia Online, didn’t even notice. It wasn’t until he died for the second time to Polly’s claws that he belatedly checked the time and thought, “8:20, gotta remind Xu Di to hurry to work.” But when he turned around, the room was empty.

Polly stared at the Wandering Physician who had appeared before him for the third time, his already thin patience nearing its breaking point. At first, he thought this was some vengeful player from Five Peaks Pavilion or Huaxia Dominion—failing to kill him once, then coming back for round two, persistent and dedicated. But after two fights, he clearly saw—this guy had no guild. He was just a lone wolf. So what was the deal? Did he look like a mob? Or did this guy think he was some Open-World boss? But seriously, a Zombie boss with an English name popping up among a bunch of monkeys—how was that even logical?!

Thoughts aside, Polly’s fingers never stopped moving. If the guy wanted to throw himself at death, who was he to refuse…

[Local] Milk is Mom: Wait wait wait wait wait!!

Typing takes time, so Fang Zheng was still a step too late—Milk is Mom got skewered mid-sentence by a claw strike.

Luckily, the Zombie didn’t press the attack, clearly waiting to hear him out.

Fang Zheng quickly hammered the keyboard, pouring out his admiration like an unstoppable flood—

[Local] Milk is Mom: Birdy, your PK skills are no joke! I bet you’re the only Zombie player this badass on the whole server right now!

Birdy⁴or “little bird”, double meaning, a kiddie term for a penis, like saying little peepee…

Polly narrowed his eyes behind the screen.

Why did he suddenly have the urge to turn this guy into a quail?

Fang Zheng mistook his silence for skepticism and hurried to continue his heartfelt confession—

[Local] Milk is Mom: I’m not lying! Forget the Mirage Server, you probably won’t find another Zombie this OP in the entire North China region, especially after the new update.

[Local] Milk is Mom: I thought you’d gotten weak and that’s why Huaxia kicked you out. But now I see—letting you go was their loss.

Behind the screen, Polly switched from narrowing his eyes to raising an eyebrow.

On-screen, Polly finally responded with actual words—

[Local] Polly: Mom, get to the point.

Fang Zheng spat out his water all over the monitor. Holy shit, this guy really went there!

[Local] Milk is Mom: Whoa, hold on, that’s way too familiar…

[Local] Polly: Milk?

[Local] Milk is Mom: …Mom is fine!

[Local] Polly: So. The point.

[Local] Milk is Mom: Wanna team up for the Changbai Mountain Monster?

Fang Zheng expected that no matter how Polly responded, he’d at least get mocked—after all, he’d just died to Polly twice, his corpse barely cold, and here he was trying to latch onto the guy’s coattails. But to his surprise, Polly was surprisingly understanding—

[Local] Polly: What’s in it for me?

Fang Zheng liked this—straight to the point, shameless but refreshingly so.

[Local] Milk is Mom: You keep all the drops. I just want the Heavenly Lake Core.

[Local] Polly: Heavenly Lake Tear?

The advantage of veteran players was their experience. The moment Fang Zheng mentioned the Heavenly Lake Core, Polly immediately knew it was for the necklace “Heavenly Lake Tear.”

[Local] Milk is Mom: Yeah. And if we’re lucky, maybe even a Sparkling Heavenly Lake Tear—those look even better.

[Local] Polly: Ghost server. Even if you make it, you’ll be the only one who sees it.

[Local] Milk is Mom: If the mountain doesn’t move, the water will⁵Idiom. Means even if the mountain doesn’t move, the water will find a way around it: if there’s a will there’s a way—it won’t stay a ghost server forever.

• 1
  Legion and guild are the same thing. Legion is the official game term, and guild is the term sometimes used by players to mean legion.
• 2
  DPS= damage per second. Used literally as that, but also as a general term for high damage output, and as a noun to mean damage dealer
• 3
  Basic common gear. Usually easy to acquire, but weaker and has lower stats.
• 4
  or “little bird”, double meaning, a kiddie term for a penis, like saying little peepee
• 5
  Idiom. Means even if the mountain doesn’t move, the water will find a way around it: if there’s a will there’s a way