Chapter 7 – I’m a Power Leveler

Fang Zheng slept until noon the next day.

In truth, he could’ve slept even longer, if not for Gou Xiaonian’s incessant phone calls.

“What’re you up to?” Gou Xiaonian’s voice was smooth and rich, deep with a magnetic charm that could kill. Even when he was being shamelessly casual or spewing profanity, it did nothing to diminish the lethality of his tone. Fang Zheng sometimes entertained the wild thought that Gou Xiaonian should consider phone sex as a side gig—maybe he’d make more money that way than with his actual work.

“Sleeping…” No matter how active his mind was, it couldn’t override the drowsiness of his body. Fang Zheng’s voice was laziness incarnate.

Gou Xiaonian clearly noticed, his tone laced with amusement. “I knew it.”

You knew it and still called?!

Fang Zheng wanted to curse him out, but he kept it to himself. With Xu Di, he wouldn’t hesitate to kick the guy out of bed mid-sleep, but with Gou Xiaonian, he turned into a girl chasing butterflies, desperate to hide all his coarseness and only show off his delicate, fluttering charm.

Unaware of Fang Zheng’s thoughts, Gou Xiaonian got straight to the point after the small talk: “The sun’s scorching your ass, get up and eat.”

“You mean eat with you…” Fang Zheng grumbled, then let out a long yawn before continuing, “Not going out. Too lazy.”

Gou Xiaonian sighed, his tone earnest. “Kite¹Phonetic similarity. Fang Zheng [方筝] is his name, and Fengzheng [风筝] means kite, don’t you burst into tears every time you look in the mirror?”

Fang Zheng thought for a moment, then replied sincerely, “Doggy, every time I think I’ve gotten uglier, I take out my ID card and look at it. Then I realize it’s all just an illusion.”

“……”

Truth be told, Gou Xiaonian hadn’t been awake for long either, so in his half-dazed state, this verbal nuke sent him straight back to the respawn point.

Tossing his phone aside, Fang Zheng tried to go back to sleep. But no matter how tired he was, sleep just wouldn’t come. He tossed and turned until the blankets were a tangled mess, then finally gave up, sitting up with a dramatic flourish before stumbling to the bathroom with bedhead and morning breath.

After relieving himself, Fang Zheng felt lighter, his mind clearer. Once he washed up, he was a brand-new man.

Burst into tears every time I look in the mirror?

No. Fang Zheng stared at his slightly pale reflection—the unmistakable face of a gamer who stayed up all night—and smirked self-deprecatingly. Someone like Gou Xiaonian, born with innate charm, would never understand the insecurities of a fatty. It wasn’t that they didn’t care, but sometimes, being fat was just an innate trait. The kind where you gained weight from drinking water, where your digestive system was just too damn efficient. So, since they couldn’t change their appearance, they changed their mindset. Slowly, the insecurities buried themselves deep, deep down, and all that was left on the surface was a carefree, unfiltered attitude.

Thanks to an all-night AFK forging session, Mad Lad had reached level 29.

Fang Zheng clicked on the blinking friend requests, all from two IDs—Wu Next Door and 2B Fighter Jet.

He accepted the most recent one from Fighter Jet, and within half a second, a private message popped up.

[Whisper] 2B Fighter Jet: Hey, babe~~~

Fang Zheng liked this tone.

[Whisper] Mad Lad: Hey, 2B~~~

A brief silence.

[Whisper] 2B Fighter Jet: Sweetie~ Can you call me something else?

[Whisper] Mad Lad: Lil’ Jetty?

[Whisper] 2B Fighter Jet: ……

[System] Your friend 2B Fighter Jet has left the game.

[System] Wu Next Door has sent you a friend request. Accept?

Fang Zheng clicked accept again, and, as expected—

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: Hey, babe~~~

What the hell, is this pretending to have amnesia and starting over? =_=

[Whisper] Mad Lad: Hey, Old Wu~~~

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: Did you miss me last night? ^_^

[Whisper] Mad Lad: I was asleep.

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: Did you dream about me, then? ^_^

[Whisper] Mad Lad: Nope, slept like a dead pig.

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: Babe, a lady shouldn’t talk so crudely~~

[Whisper] Mad Lad: It’s called being down-to-earth.

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: Fine, I like it~\(≧▽≦)/~

[Whisper] Mad Lad: ……

Too lazy to deal with this idiot any longer, Fang Zheng was about to log into Milk is Mom on his other computer when the doorbell rang.

Who could it be at this hour? Fang Zheng had an inkling but didn’t dare hope.

Opening the door, he was greeted by that annoyingly handsome face.

“Hey, handsome~~” Fang Zheng greeted with exaggerated enthusiasm, thinking that if 2B Fighter Jet looked like this, he might actually consider continuing the flirtation…

“You must be talking to this.” Gou Xiaonian didn’t for a second believe Fang Zheng’s enthusiasm was directed at him, so he naturally handed over the bag in his hand.

Fang Zheng took the logo-printed plastic bag without arguing, instead playing along. “You’re so thoughtful. I love their congee.”

Gou Xiaonian gave him a look that screamed you’re hopeless. “What time did you sleep last night? If it weren’t for all that fat, I’d swear you were on drugs.”

“Single life, man. Long, lonely nights, no sleep.” Fang Zheng leaned against the doorframe, striking a pose. “So… wanna take me in?”

Gou Xiaonian gently lifted Fang Zheng’s chin with a smirk. “Sure…”

Listen up, folks. The greatest distance in the world isn’t life and death, nor is it that you’re a man and I’m a man. It’s—

“When you lose weight.”

Annoyed, Fang Zheng swatted his hand away and turned to place the congee on the table. When he looked back, Gou Xiaonian was still standing at the door. “What? Not coming in?”

Gou Xiaonian shook his head regretfully. “Got business to take care of.”

Business this early in the afternoon? How depraved…

As if reading his mind, Gou Xiaonian smiled and clarified, “Xu Di’s been dodging his debts. Gotta go splash some paint on his door.”

“Oh, that kind of business. Then hurry up, don’t let that bastard slip away again.” Fang Zheng plopped onto a chair, peeled open the lid, and started slurping his congee.

Gou Xiaonian waved breezily and casually shut the door behind him.

Fang Zheng paused mid-slurp, listening as the footsteps faded away, a strange, indescribable feeling in his chest.

Gou Xiaonian was a considerate, charming guy.

Too bad charming people tended to prefer even more charming people.

By the time he finished the congee, Fang Zheng’s faintly sour mood had long since vanished. Returning to Huaxia Summit, Wu Next Door was still bouncing around Mad Lad, spamming messages like Wifey, where’d you go? Wifey, don’t ignore me…

This was why he loved games—because everything was quantifiable.

A pro was just someone with skill, not someone whose talent was questioned because of an ugly mug.

A beauty was just someone with a sweet voice, even if they were more dangerous in dungeons than the monsters themselves, surrounded by white knights cooing over them in voice chat.

A boss was just a mindless DPS sponge, regardless of height, weight, or sexual orientation.

And feelings? Just fleeting clouds. Today’s heartbreaker might be tomorrow’s heartbroken.

—Simple, brutal, honest, direct.

He loved this world.

[Whisper] Mad Lad: I’m back.

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: Wifey~~~~~ T_T

[Whisper] Mad Lad: What’re you up to?

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: Waiting for you.

[Whisper] Mad Lad: Nothing else to do?

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: I got kicked out of the legion, now I’m homeless T_T

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: Wifey~ Take me in, please? >_< Alright, folks, let’s revisit our earlier notes and make a correction. The greatest distance in the world isn’t when you lose weight. It’s—

[Whisper] Mad Lad: Sorry, I’m a power leveler ^_^

Wu Next Door fell silent again.

Fang Zheng worried he might actually react like the real Wu Next Door, trembling at the mere sight of him from now on.

After a long pause, Fighter Jet finally asked something profound—

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: For real this time?

[Whisper] Mad Lad: Yep.

That’s right. Everything before was bullshit. This time, it’s the truth.

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: You’ve always been the power leveler?

[Whisper] Mad Lad: Never switched.

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: A male power leveler?

[Whisper] Mad Lad: Yeah.

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: Then why’d you say you were a woman before?!

[Whisper] Mad Lad: For the gear, I had to take one for the team…

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: You’re fucking disgusting!!!

[Whisper] Mad Lad: No shame, no game.

[Whisper] Wu Next Door: ……

Clearly, 2B’s soul had been deeply wounded. The private chat no longer sprouted seductive tildes.

Unfazed, Fang Zheng set Mad Lad to AFK again and switched to Milk is Mom.

Logging into the Mirage Server was always smooth—just two seconds, and Milk is Mom appeared in the desolate world.

At 1:30 PM, the ghost server was slightly livelier than it had been at 3 AM. At least on Nanjing Road in the main city, players occasionally passed by, and there were even party recruitment messages in the World channel.

[Huaxia] Your Uncle: Corpse King Necropolis in Western Hunan, anyone down?

[Huaxia] Your Uncle: Corpse King Necropolis in Western Hunan, anyone down?

Fang Zheng felt like he’d seen this ID before. After some thought, he recalled it was the guy last night who’d been wailing about Mirage Server being a true ghost town. Who was he arguing with back then?

[Huaxia] Diamond Seller: Only twelve people online, who you recruiting? Give it up~~ Buying game currency long-term~~

Ah, there was his old rival.

[Huaxia] Your Uncle: Fuck, how are you still here, you profiteering scum?!

[Huaxia] Diamond Seller: Diamond quality, solid as a rock.

[Huaxia] Your Uncle: Piss off.

[Huaxia] Crossplayer’s Blessing: Count me in for Corpse King.

[Huaxia] Your Uncle: Holy shit, finally someone!

[Huaxia] Diamond Seller: Buying game currency long-term~~~ Am I invisible? =_=

[Huaxia] Your Uncle: Blessing, can you pull in anyone else?

[Huaxia] Crossplayer’s Blessing: Tough. The bros all quit.

[Huaxia] Your Uncle: Let’s hug it out. Nothing but tears here.

[Huaxia] Crossplayer’s Blessing: Let’s just shake hands. I don’t swing that way.

Corpse King Necropolis… Fang Zheng was tempted. But right now, with one Blesscaller and one Spirit Master, healing was more than covered—but who’d tank? Spirit Masters were high-DPS, but for a level 55 dungeon boss, one DPS definitely wasn’t enough. Even for the slightly easier max-level open-world boss like the Heavenly Lake Monster, it had only been thanks to the zombie’s Solid as a Rock skill that Milk is Mom had enough time to whittle it down—and back then, Milk is Mom had been wearing DPS gear. Now, without a tank, he’d have to wear healing gear, and with the Blesscaller as a secondary healer… well, he’d never heard of a BOSS being healed to death.

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  Phonetic similarity. Fang Zheng [方筝] is his name, and Fengzheng [风筝] means kite