Chapter 80 – No Strings Attached
by Salted FishFrom now on, we’re… together?!
Damn it, can’t you stop being so ambiguous?! Can you?! What’s with all this roundabout, hesitant, coy nonsense?!!
The Legion Leader nearly tore his kiwi-fruit-like hairstyle into a peeled hard-boiled egg. Finally, gritting his teeth and stomping his foot, he decided—screw it, he was going all in!
[Whisper] Milk is Mom: What do you mean by that?
Even with his newfound courage, the Legion Leader still had his limits. After sending the message, he turned his head away, desperately resisting the urge to look at the screen.
After two agonizingly long minutes, the Legion Leader silently turned his head back, straightened up, and nervously focused his gaze.
After another two excruciating minutes, only one thought remained in the Legion Leader’s mind—
Meng Chudong, FUCK YOUR MOM!!!
The tenderly ambiguous “What do you mean by that” from four minutes ago still lay quietly in the whisper chat, untouched by any follow-up messages.
Fang Zheng swore that even if Meng Chudong had truly been abducted by aliens this time, he wouldn’t forgive him! He was going to chop that bastard into mincemeat! Grind him into paste! Boil him into soup! Fry him into crumbs! Deep-fry him into—
“You’re so toxic, so toxic, so toxic, wuwuwu~~~ Always bullying me~~~ Watch out, I’ll get my revenge~~~”
“Hello!” At such a moment, don’t expect the Legion Leader to have a gentle tone.
However, the Deputy Commander was completely resistant to this pitifully weak single-target attack: “I like you. That’s what I mean.”
Legion Leader: “…”
This isn’t fair!!
Resistance + Ultimate Skill—damn it, this combo is cheating, isn’t it?! TAT
“My Legion Leader?”
“Dead.”
“Lying in a crystal coffin?”
“…What do you mean?”
“If you’re lying in a crystal coffin, then you’re asking for a kiss. I might consider obliging.”
“Which planet’s rule is this…?”
“Snow White’s.”
“Then if I were lying in bed, I’d be Sleeping Beauty?”
“Only the ‘sleeping’ part is somewhat accurate.”
Can he reject this guy’s confession—if this even counts as a confession?! TAT
“Are you out of your mind?! Is this how you court people?! Give me the phone—”
Just as the Legion Leader was drowning in tears, an unfamiliar male voice suddenly came through the receiver.
Lu Yue couldn’t take it anymore. If Meng Chudong’s confession had scored at least a 5 out of 100, he could’ve endured watching the train wreck. But this was negative points! This confession was more hate-inducing than a curse, for fuck’s sake!!
“Hey, buddy, don’t listen to him. Let me take over now, alright?”
“Wait, who are you…?” The Legion Leader on the other end was baffled.
“Sorry, forgot to introduce myself. I’m Lu Yue, childhood friends with that idiot over there. This guy has been a shut-in his whole life. Forget courting men or women—he’s never even chased a dog…”
This guy isn’t exactly eloquent either, okay?! TAT
“Don’t let his dead-fish act fool you. He’s actually super nervous. He drank an entire bucket of purified water at the internet café today. Just now, customers were complaining they were thirsty, but there was no water left…”
Nervous? Does the word even exist in Birdy’s dictionary?
“Don’t snatch it—I’m not done yet!”
After some strange rustling sounds, the familiar voice of the Deputy Commander returned—
“It’s me. Ignore that lunatic.”
The Legion Leader swallowed hard and said sincerely, “Can I talk to that lunatic for a bit longer…?”
At least that guy says things that are pleasant to hear!
“I really am a little nervous,” Meng Chudong admitted, unconsciously licking his lips before taking a slow, deep breath. “Because this is the first time I’ve liked someone so much. When you’re offline, I think about when you’ll log in. When you’re online, I want to grind mobs and run dungeons with you. When you’re wandering alone on another map, I keep checking your location in the legion status, wondering what you’re up to. When you’re texting with Mad Lad… I get sulky.”
Fang Zheng listened, and as he listened, he forgot to breathe.
How could anyone like him? And to such an extent? It defies logic. There’s no reasoning behind it. The universe must be glitching. If someone told Fang Zheng that one day he’d make it onto the Forbes rich list, he might’ve mustered the courage to gamble on that one-in-a-million chance with a “Who knows what the future holds?” But for someone to like him—especially someone as ridiculously impressive as Birdy—was absolutely nonsensical, completely illogical, with no narrative coherence whatsoever…
“Still there?” came Birdy’s uncertain voice from the other end.
“Ah, yeah, I’m here.” Fang Zheng shook off the chaotic thoughts in his head and steadied himself.
“Don’t feel pressured. It’s not like I’ll suddenly show up at your doorstep…”
Mad Lad takes psychic damage =_=
“I just wanted you to know, but we can keep things the same as always.”
“How is that even possible…?” The Legion Leader’s face was full of misery. He was already under immense pressure, damn it! TAT
“You’re right,” the Deputy Commander conceded thoughtfully before offering a brilliant suggestion. “Then how about we try online dating first?”
“…” What kind of cause-and-effect is that?! Is there any?!
“Alright, online dating it is. Happily decided.”
“Fuck…” Before the Legion Leader could finish cursing, the Deputy Commander had already hung up with practiced efficiency.
Lu Yue, who had been eavesdropping by pressing his ear to Meng Chudong’s phone, frowned in confusion. “Winter1The characters of Chudong literally mean Early Winter, I think he was about to swear at you…”
The Deputy Commander calmly pocketed his phone. “I didn’t hear it, so it doesn’t count.”
Lu Yue really wanted to bow to this legendary being. “A normal person would’ve at least asked, ‘Do you like me back?’ What do you mean, ‘happily decided’?! Are you shopping on Taobao or something…?”
“What if I push too hard and he runs away?” Meng Chudong glanced at him lightly. “You gonna compensate me?”
Lu Yue: “Your deadpan face is seriously making me want to punch you. Seriously.”
Meng Chudong: “Come on~~~ Hit me~~~~”
His childhood friend had clearly been possessed by something unclean. Terrifying. TAT
[Whisper] Polly: Want to continue yesterday’s quest?
Fang Zheng had been sulking over the unfinished curse for half the day. He’d even considered sending a whisper to complete the three-word classic, but in the end, he lacked the courage. He’d just been staring at the screen until Birdy sent the invitation.
[Whisper] Milk is Mom: We’re already Level 66. What’s the point?
[Whisper] Polly: Level 66 to 67 probably requires this quest’s follow-up. Otherwise, we’ll get stuck.
[Whisper] Milk is Mom: Probably?
[Whisper] Polly: Last night, my XP bar was full at Level 66, but I couldn’t level up to 67.
[Whisper] Milk is Mom: Then why didn’t you try doing the quest?
[Whisper] Polly: I was waiting for you.
[Whisper] Milk is Mom: Why wait for me?
[Whisper] Polly: If the level gap gets too big, you’d curse me in your heart.
[Whisper] Milk is Mom: …
Fang Zheng tried, really tried, but he couldn’t bring himself to say “How could I?” with a clear conscience. TAT
[Whisper] Polly: Though I’d prefer it if you thought of me every second, being cursed at isn’t exactly a pleasant experience.
[Whisper] Milk is Mom: It’s too late to backpedal now. Not even Yunnan Baiyao2A proprietary traditional Chinese medicine used to control bleeding can heal the scars left by your past verbal poison.
[Whisper] Polly: [kiss]
[Whisper] Polly: [hug]
[Whisper] Polly: [snuggle]
[Whisper] Milk is Mom: Alright, I’m healed now.
The secretly gleeful zombie and the grinning DPS Healer happily made their way to Horqin Prairie. Following Lan Xiaotian’s directions, they soon reached a lake, beside which lay the Bandit Hideout. A dozen or so yurts were clustered tightly together, a bonfire burning in the center where the bandit leader and his crew sat. A few men with knives patrolled the perimeter.
The two bashful youths tacitly avoided mentioning hopping onto YY and continued communicating via text—
[Local] Milk is Mom: Should we recruit a few more people?
[Local] Polly: Like who?
[Local] Milk is Mom: Those guys lurking behind us…
[Local] War-Snow Wolf: Excuse us, we were here first.
[Local] Milk is Mom: Doesn’t change the fact that you’re hiding in a dark corner.
[Local] Polly: Want us to test the enemy’s combat power for you?
[Local] War-Sorrel: Thoughtful!
[Local] Milk is Mom: In your
[Local] Polly: dreams.
[Local] War-Sister Liuli: Dude, what’s with the two of you being so in sync?!
[Local] Polly: Didn’t I tell you last time?
[Local] War-Sister Liuli: So you two are really… you know, a thing?
[Megaphone] Polly: [kiss][Milk is Mom]
[Local] War-Sister Liuli: Thanks, no further questions.
But the people of Huaxia had plenty. =_=
[Huaxia] Pangu’s Axe: Holy shit, what’s this?! Love so deep it’s raining mist!!!!
[Huaxia] Summer Bubble Tea: Damn, that’s too much info—I need a moment…
[Huaxia] Sky Cleaver: Aren’t those the Ghost Server Legion’s leader and deputy?
[Huaxia] Metamorphosing Fish: What a bizarre legion…
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: You damn account thief, don’t you dare run!! Just wait till your granddaddy comes to slaughter you—
[Huaxia] Polly: Fighter Jet, it’s me.
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: Fuck you, Parrot would never call me Fighter Jet!
[Huaxia] Polly: I figured that phrasing wouldn’t work if I replaced ‘Fighter Jet’ with ‘2B.’
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: …That tone sounds so familiar >_<
[Huaxia] Polly: Want to PK me again to confirm?
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: Parrot, it’s really you TAT
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: What’s wrong with you TAT
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: Did you eat something bad TAT
[Huaxia] 2B Fighter Jet: Don’t be like this TAT
[Huaxia] Milk is Mom: 2B, what’s your problem?! Would kissing me poison your parrot to death?!!!
The Legion Leader isn’t a pushover—you think I’m on my deathbed? >_<
[Huaxia] Summer Bubble Tea: Damn! The male lead’s response!!
[Huaxia] Diamond Seller: Brother, you’re legendary.
[Huaxia] Nicknamed White Dragon Horse: All gays should die!
[Huaxia] Drink Till You Drop: Whitey…
[Huaxia] Nicknamed White Dragon Horse: What, you support this?
[Huaxia] Drink Your Sister 3X: Commander, how could you keep this from us?! Bromance is the best thing everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!
[Huaxia] Drink Till You Drop: Yep. Fully support.
[Megaphone] Big H: Commander, your deputy already kissed you. Aren’t you gonna respond? Hahaha.
Now that his name had been called, the Legion Leader decided there was no point hiding. Offline, he might be insecure, shy, and hesitant—but online? Damn it, he was the mighty Ghost Server Legion Leader!
[Megaphone] Milk is Mom: A kiss in return is too much. How about a song? [shy]
[Megaphone] Milk is Mom: Little sweetheart~~ what’s wrong~~ acting like a fool~~
[Megaphone] Milk is Mom: I ask questions~~ why won’t you~~ answer me~~
[Megaphone] Milk is Mom: You said~~ you love me~~ is it true or false~~
[Megaphone] Milk is Mom: Speak clearly~~ explain plainly~~ don’t play dumb~~
The online spectators had only one question—where the hell is the shyness?!
Meanwhile, the War Banner Legion members spectating offline in Horqin Prairie—
[Party] War-Bodhi Patriarch: He’s… singing.
[Party] War-Sister Liuli: Yep.
[Party] War-Sorrel: Right in front of us.
[Party] War-Sister Liuli: Yep.
[Party] War-Six Souls: This level of mental fortitude…
[Party] War-Sister Liuli: Godlike.
[Party] War-Snow Wolf: So they’re the real deal?
[Party] War-Black Gold: Can you stop? I’m getting chills =_=
Perhaps singing had released the Legion Leader’s pent-up stress. After belting out the entire song, Fang Zheng felt refreshed and invigorated.
Along with that, his previously suppressed emotions began to stir restlessly.
[Whisper] Milk is Mom: So… wanna give it a try?
[Whisper] Milk is Mom: You have my photo, right? Remember to look at it every morning during your wake-up call. If, over time, you find me unappealing, annoying, or irritating, just give me the signal. I’ll back off immediately, seriously—don’t drag it out if you’re too embarrassed to say it. Wait, I don’t even have your photo yet. Damn, I’m at a disadvantage here. Hurry up, send me yours.
[Whisper] Milk is Mom: Hello?
[Whisper] Polly: Hi, this is Lu Yue.
[Whisper] Milk is Mom: Don’t tell me that guy went to drink water again…
[Whisper] Polly: Sister-in-law, you’re a prophet.
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