Chapter 91 – The Pinnacle of Gossip

The moment the Deputy Commander logged back in, he was bombarded with endless greetings and inquiries from the crowd at the cliffside—

[Local] War-Bodhi Patriarch: “Drink has already made his stance clear, Ghost Server’s Polly, which Commander do you fancy? You gotta give us an answer. Don’t tell me you want both…”

[Local] War-Sorrel: “Oh no! Two rivals, can’t bear to let go of either one~~~~”

[Local] Kill All Who Block Me: “Blood Warrior is way more reliable than a healer, right? Healers can’t even heal zombies. Drink just stands in front of Polly and blocks everything—done! Plus, ‘Drink Till You Drop’ is such a cool ID, so badass!”

[Local] Kill Gods If They Block Me: “Damn, you’re such a Drink fanboy! ‘Milk is Mom’ isn’t that bad of a name either.”

[Local] Kill All Who Block Me: “Are you serious?”

[Local] Kill Gods If They Block Me: “[2B Fighter Jet]“

After a quick comparison…

[Local] Kill All Who Block Me: “Damn, ‘Milk Mom’ is actually such a high-class, stylish name!”

[Local] 2B Fighter Jet: “WTF?! How did I get dragged into this?!”

[Local] Blood Bulls Don’t Graze: “I think your name’s pretty good.”

[Local] 2B Fighter Jet: “Aaaahhh!! Just shoot me with a machine gun already~~~~~”

The entire scene fell silent for two minutes.

Then…

[Local] Kill All Who Block Me: “Polly, are you a guy or a girl? That male voice on YY during the dungeon run earlier… that wasn’t a voice changer, was it?”

The topic had shifted.

The Deputy Commander hadn’t planned on engaging in such low-IQ banter with these bored players, but the topic involved the Commander, and his instincts told him that a certain fatty was very invested in how this played out. Otherwise, why would he stay silent for so long instead of jumping in to stir up chaos as usual? So, he took it upon himself to analyze the situation—

Before logging off, everything was normal. Then, after “Your Sister” used this account, a storm of gossip erupted, Drink got dragged into it, and now the crowd was questioning his gender while demanding he choose between the two Commanders… Great, he understood the battlefield now.

A true Deputy Commander dares to face the bleakness of life and confront the bloodshed—

[Local] Polly: “Gender: Male. Preference: Male.”

[Local] Big H: “OMG!! You’re a gay guy and you’re still trying to two-time?!”

[Local] Polly: “First, having many admirers isn’t necessarily related to sexual orientation. It’s mostly about personal charm.”

[Local] Polly: “Second, Milk is Mom and I are currently dating with marriage in mind.”

[Local] War-Bodhi Patriarch: “What do you even see in him? I’m baffled!”

[Local] Polly: “We’re happy together.”

[Local] War-Bodhi Patriarch: “That’s way too vague. Can you elaborate?”

After a pause of over ten seconds—

[Local] Polly: “Tiny little people~~ riding the wind and waves~~ spending every day just being carefree~~ Tiny little people~~ playing the fool~~ laughing and joking, we’re carefree~~\(≧▽≦)/~~~”

War Banner Legion fell silent for over ten seconds—

[Local] War-Snow Wolf: “Fuck, these two are a match made in heaven!”

The sharp-eyed Sister Liuli caught what the Deputy Commander hadn’t said outright—

[Local] War-Sister Liuli: “You didn’t finish what you were saying earlier, right? After ‘First’ and ‘Second,’ what’s ‘Third’?”

[Local] Polly: “Third, Drink, sorry, but I’m not interested in you.”

[Local] Drink Till You Drop: “Piss off =_=”

[Local] War-Sister Liuli: “Uh… that breakup was quick…”

[Local] Nicknamed White Dragon Horse: “Damn, Drink, where’s your dignity? Getting angry so fast is just pathetic. When Vivian cheated on me with Greatsword, she gave me the biggest green hat ever, and I gritted my teeth and never said a word. We’re men—we swallow our broken teeth with blood! No matter how bad the other person is, we remember the good times and protect their reputation! Right?”

All players silently turned away…

Somewhere, a small group began stirring.

Everyone was a reporter now, quickly sending updates from the frontlines—

[Local] Suave Not Sleazy: “Whitey, Vivian just jumped off the cliff.”

Tonight, no one would sleep. According to official statistics from the game’s operators, the average logoff time for players on the Huaxia Summit server was delayed by two hours that night. Whether this extra time was spent savoring the gossip or grinding levels remained unknown. But one post from the Huaxia Forum’s casual discussion section that night could represent the sentiments of many players—

Poster: Thomas the Tank Engine

Title: Damn, I’m a genius!

Content: Why the hell did I pick the Summit server during the beta?! Thomas, you dumbass! You’re absolutely a genius hahahahaha!!!!!!!!

#1

Reply by: Thousand-Year Ice Soul

Content: OP’s about to lose it.

#2

Reply by: Wandering Heart

Content: He’s already lost it ╮(╯_╰)╭

#3

Reply by: Shattered Radiance

Content: What’s so special about Summit? Ugh, the name sounds like some nouveau riche crap.

#4

Reply by: I Want to Be an Immortal

Content: OP, I support you! Damn, tonight had everything—love triangles, squares, straight and gay relationships, cheating, shamelessness, handling green hats with grace—and all involving big-name Legion figures! The plot twists were insane, who the hell needs movies anymore?! Hahahaha

#5

Reply by: Tragic Little Meatball

Content: 5555555, my mom yanked my plug halfway through watching!! Kneeling for updates!! P.S. I saw Drink say the zombie was the woman he loved most.

#6

Reply by: Thomas the Tank Engine

Content: Later, the zombie explicitly said he wasn’t interested in Drink. Then, Five Peaks Pavilion’s Deputy Commander Whitey (you know him, right?) suddenly blurted out that his wife cheated on him, and then his wife jumped off the cliff. And that’s not all—the adulterer actually challenged Whitey to a PK for an explanation, only to get instantly one-shot by some morally upright bystanders. Tsk tsk, not even a corpse left!

#7

Reply by: Dreaming of India

Content: Holy shit, drama of the year!

#8

Reply by: I Want to Be an Immortal

Content: The adulterer was Meteor Blitz’s Legion Leader, Greatsword →_→

#9

Reply by: Watering Horses at Flowing Blossom River

Content: Nah, it was Ancient Legends…

#10

Reply by: Shattered Radiance

Content: Does Huaxia have server transfer items? Even a one-day trial pass would do!

The spectators couldn’t contain themselves, and the involved parties weren’t faring much better.

Fang Zheng had been dazed ever since the “Tiny little people~~ playing the fool~~” incident. Only when the night grew quiet, his comrades logged off one by one, and Birdy asked in YY, “Still not sleeping?” did he truly believe that the person on the other end of the computer was Birdy and not some troll wearing his skin.

“Not that tired,” Fang Zheng answered seriously, then let out an even more serious yawn.

“You should still sleep…”

Oh, such concern~~~

“Lack of sleep makes you fatter.”

He held back =_=

“I’ll sleep if you do something for me,” Fang Zheng chuckled. “That thing earlier, yeah, ‘Carefree,’ give me a live performance~~ Sing it and I’ll go to bed right away~~”

“Goodnight.”

[System] Your friend Polly has logged off.

He was just joking, damn it TAT

With the Deputy Commander offline, the Legion Leader suddenly felt bored and decided to log off too. He thought he saw Mad Lad send him a message right as he was exiting, but by the time he tried to cancel the logout, it was too late.

Staring at his motivational desktop wallpaper—black background with white text reading “I will lose weight,” “Fat guys have no future,” “Even if you die, you’ll just be a dead fatty”—the Legion Leader debated whether to log back in or just text Mad Lad to ask what was up when his phone rang.

Fang Zheng checked the caller ID and grinned. Mad Lad was definitely a reincarnation of Cao Cao.

“Hey, was just about to look for you.”

“What for?”

Mad Lad’s voice sounded distant and ethereal through the phone in the quiet night. Fang Zheng suddenly realized he could recall the feeling of meeting Mad Lad but not his actual appearance. Even when he tried hard to remember, only a vague outline remained.

“What for?” Fang Zheng deadpanned. “Obviously to ask why you were looking for me?”

Only someone as quick-witted as the Ghost Server Legion Leader could untangle such convoluted logic =_=

“Did you message me in-game earlier?” Fang Zheng added. “I was logging off and didn’t catch it. What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing,” Mad Lad’s voice suddenly lowered, sounding oddly awkward. After a long pause, he finally asked, “You met the zombie?”

“Nope,” Fang Zheng answered without thinking, then realized, “Wait, what do you mean?”

Jiang Yang on the other end of the call sensed the hostility and quickly explained, “I didn’t mean anything by it! Earlier in-game, the zombie said you two were dating with marriage in mind, so I was just curious how far things had gone. Wanted to offer my blessings!”

“Piss off!” If Fang Zheng had been polite to Jiang Yang before, it was only because of their one relatively amicable meetup and that unspeakable flirtation when they first met. Now, he wasn’t giving him any special treatment. “Do you think I’m doomed to be a catfish? That everyone who sees me will be disappointed or horrified?”

“I didn’t—”

“Didn’t your mother’s—” Huff. Business might not work out, but civility remains. Better not curse too harshly. Ahem. “Didn’t your sister. You ran off so fast that day—don’t think I don’t know. I refuse to believe you traveled all that way just to stay half a day. You took one look at me, had your worldview shattered, and bolted. Fuck!”

This was something Fang Zheng had pieced together later.

Something about that meetup had always felt off, and when he had time to think about it, it clicked one starry night. Since then, he’d held onto a tiny sliver of resentment toward Jiang Yang. Of course, he knew it wasn’t entirely the other’s fault—any man with normal aesthetic standards would react that way, and Jiang Yang had been decently polite about it. He should be grateful. But the key was that the other guy needed to let it go. Constantly poking at it, especially with his obsessive interest in Fang Zheng and Birdy’s progress, was just asking for trouble. What, just because you weren’t interested, no one else could be? Even if Fang Zheng were as fat as Zhu Bajie¹From “Journey to the West.” He is a half-man, half-pig demon., he wasn’t planning to chase after you, Chang’e²Goddess of the Moon. In “Journey to the West,” Zhu Bajie was once a heavenly marshal who was banished to the mortal realm for drunkenly harassing her., so why the hell do you care?!

The topic they’d silently avoided was now laid bare, leaving Jiang Yang stunned and speechless.

After his outburst, Fang Zheng felt much better—until he noticed the stiff, awkward atmosphere. Then he started second-guessing himself. Had he gone too far? If Jiang Yang hung up in anger, how would they play together in the same Legion after this?

“Sorry…” The person he expected to hang up suddenly apologized.

A delicate silence spread between them, but this time it wasn’t awkward. Instead, it was like a pair of hands smoothing out the hidden knots in their hearts.

Fang Zheng sighed deeply and said earnestly, “Let this be a lesson—online interactions come with risks, and meetups… ahem… require caution. If you’d asked for my photo earlier, you wouldn’t have had that traumatizing experience.”

Now it was Jiang Yang’s turn to protest: “I did ask! You kept refusing to send one!”

Fang Zheng wasn’t about to back down: “Then you should’ve realized I was ugly! Otherwise, I’d have been handing out photos left and right like you! Like flyers!”

“Damn, what if you were just too beautiful to share casually?!” Jiang Yang’s philosophy had always been: Better to slaughter a thousand by mistake than let one slip by!

Fang Zheng was awestruck: “The fact that you haven’t caught anything yet is a miracle.”

Jiang Yang deadpanned: “No need to be so harsh…”

“Actually,” Fang Zheng recalled the time he’d almost sent Jiang Yang his photo and realized fate had intervened, “I did try to send you one, but I was also chatting with Birdy at the time and accidentally sent it to him instead.”

Jiang Yang felt like he was hearing a fairy tale: “That… can actually happen?!”

Fang Zheng rubbed his nose, also finding the situation awkward: “Then Birdy said if he were me, he wouldn’t have sent that one. But the problem was, that photo was already the closest to my best-looking version, so…”

“Wait,” Jiang Yang interrupted, puzzled, “He straight-up told you it was too ugly to send?”

“Not exactly. That’s why I say conversation is an art—his artistry outclasses yours by miles,” Fang Zheng remembered it clearly even now. “He said people are always harsher on photos than on the real person.”

• 1
  From “Journey to the West.” He is a half-man, half-pig demon.
• 2
  Goddess of the Moon. In “Journey to the West,” Zhu Bajie was once a heavenly marshal who was banished to the mortal realm for drunkenly harassing her.