37. Falling Dream Part 2

The mist spread like a wash of color over a painting, its thin veil of white making everything seem unreal, stripped of authenticity. Even the heat of the water against his skin felt distant and vague.

It should have been scalding. Yin Yan watched his skin redden, slowly confirming that the water was indeed hot, then turned the dial the other way. But no matter how high the temperature rose, he still felt cold. That layer of white mist didn’t feel like steam. It felt like frost.

Before he could make sense of it, the mist faded, and everything became clear again.

And then, he saw her.

She stood within his shadow, her skin a corpse-like gray, as if she had just stepped out of a freezer, frost still clinging to her face. Yin Yan wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t even surprised. This scene was far too familiar.

Every time he tasted a bit of warmth, every time his body felt heated, she would appear, using this method to cool him down again.

She twitched, wrenching herself free from his shadow, moving her stiff joints. The way she moved was unnatural. Less like a human and more like some kind of arthropod.

For all this time, Lu Zhengming had occupied him completely, leaving her no chance to emerge. She had been forced to remain in the darkness, lurking in the shadows like a spider in its web.

Now, she had finally seized the opportunity. Her long, thin arms wrapped around him, clutching him the way a predator ensnared its prey.

“Another one says they love you.”

Her voice was a cacophony of noise, like the chittering of insects.

Yin Yan stared at her in silence, controlling his movements and expression, careful not to provoke her with any misplaced reaction.

She slipped to the ground, circling him once as she scrutinized him with a harsh, critical gaze. Aside from the marks left by lust, his body was practically flawless.

She sighed, her long, thin fingers prodding at the kiss marks on his chest, her voice carrying a hint of pity. “But we both know what he’s really fallen in love with.”

This wasn’t the first time she had come to remind him. Every time, she arrived with the same mocking pity, as if she were watching a foolish tragedy unfold.

Yin Yan’s entire mouth tensed, caught between words and silence, his tongue pressing against the roof of his mouth and his teeth. His chin lifted instinctively, the tilt of his head stubborn and defiant. He knew this would anger her, yet for some reason, he refused to back down this time—like a rebellious teenager challenging his mother.

But she didn’t get angry. She only sneered, exposing him with cruel clarity. That smile brought to mind something insect-like, a spider weaving its trap.

“After all this time, after trying so many times… you still haven’t given up?”

Yin Yan’s teeth clenched so tightly that they ground against each other audibly.

Her limbs stiffened, taking on an unnatural, chitinous quality. The way they scraped against the floor sent shivers down his spine.

“There is no one in this world who can accept you, except for me.”

She climbed onto him again, her hands, now grotesquely resembling the forelegs of an insect tracing over him, from his throat down to his chest. With every touch, she ridiculed the places Lu Zhengming had kissed, yet at the same time, she worshipped them.

Her voice had completely transformed into the sound of a spider. If spiders could speak, their voices would surely sound like this. Mechanical, shrill, and full of unrelenting noise.

“That’s my carefully sculpted masterpiece. Who wouldn’t like it?”

She cradled his hands, guiding them under the shower’s spray.

“Even these hands, the ones you use to create, exist because of me.”

Her words awakened the memory buried in those hands. The pain they had endured reignited under the cold water, spreading like an old wound torn open. Yin Yan began trembling again, his face turning so pale it was almost translucent, only a shade warmer than her frostbitten complexion.

“Foolish child, all of this is an illusion, a lie. If you don’t break it yourself, then when he finally sees the truth, your pain will be a hundred times worse than it is now. And when that day comes, you’ll realize… I’m the only one who truly cares for you. Even after everything you’ve done to me.”

His shivers grew more violent. His whole body started to sway.

“Of course I love you,” she murmured, her voice still carrying the eerie resonance of a spider, whispering the same words over and over. “But not yet. You’re not worthy of it yet. You’re not worthy…”

She had completely transformed to a grayish-white spider, her elongated limbs forming a cage around him, trapping him within. Only when he fully collapsed did she soften, dissolving like a wisp of smoke and retreating into his shadow.

“It’s all for your own good.”

When Yin Yan stepped out of the bathroom, Lu Zhengming was standing by the door, still naked. The bed was a complete mess, and he hadn’t bothered to clean up, as if he had been waiting there the whole time.

“I almost kicked the door down!”

His voice was urgent, and his embrace was tight. Only his skin felt a little cool. Before stepping out, Yin Yan had used hot water to bring his body temperature back to normal. He kissed Lu Zhengming and leaned against his shoulder, as if he were lightheaded from staying in the shower too long.

Lu Zhengming didn’t notice anything unusual. Holding him with one arm, he reached into the wardrobe with the other and pulled out a bathrobe, draping it over him. “Go sleep in the guest room. We’ll clean up tomorrow.”

Yin Yan let himself be led without resistance, too drained to look at the path or even think. He was dazed, barely aware as Lu Zhengming tucked him under the covers. Lu Zhengming took a quick shower before slipping in beside him. He wanted to hold Yin Yan tightly, like he always did, but worried it might make it harder for him to sleep. Instead, he simply pressed his forehead against Yin Yan’s shoulder, breathing in his scent as a small comfort.

For some reason, Yin Yan couldn’t fall asleep as easily as he usually did. He was utterly exhausted, yet sleep remained out of reach. As he listened to Lu Zhengming’s steady breathing, his mind was flooded with fragments of old memories, leaving him restless in bed.

“Can’t sleep?”

Lu Zhengming’s voice was clear, as if he hadn’t been sleeping at all.

Yin Yan didn’t respond. He sighed softly instead, and Lu Zhengming pulled him into an embrace, gradually tightening his hold. It was almost suffocating, but Yin Yan didn’t want to push him away. He was too tired to move, feeling like an ancient ruin whose foundations had long since decayed, no longer able to withstand even the slightest disturbance.

Lu Zhengming began kissing him.

Yin Yan sighed again. He didn’t have the energy to satisfy Lu Zhengming, but the kisses weren’t lustful. They were gentle, like the kind one would place on something fragile and precious, falling in delicate succession along his shoulder.

Each kiss felt like an injection, slowly filling him with warmth, piece by piece mending the ruins inside him. After a long time, he finally felt like he could move again. He turned around and met Lu Zhengming’s gaze in the dark.

“Thank you.”

Lu Zhengming kissed his forehead. “It’s okay. Everything’s fine now.”

Right after he said it, he realized it sounded more like he was comforting a child than reassuring a grown man. So he shifted, brushing his lips against the corner of Yin Yan’s mouth in a kiss laced with restrained desire.

Yin Yan hadn’t had the strength to kiss back, but as their lips met, he felt like there was an opening, one through which he could draw in a bit of warmth. Slowly, he leaned in, getting lost in it. He felt Lu Zhengming’s breath grow heavier, felt the restraint in his touch. Finding himself capable of smiling once more, he let out a soft chuckle.

Lu Zhengming seemed encouraged by that laughter. After a brief, deep kiss, he cupped Yin Yan’s face. “I love you. No matter what, I love you…”

Yin Yan could see that he was doing his best to comfort him, to express a sincere and gentle love. But strangely, the moment he said those words, the kisses lost their effect.

What exactly had he fallen in love with?

Yin Yan couldn’t help but recall her mocking voice. Once the thought surfaced, it refused to be dispelled. The heat he had painstakingly gathered seeped away through the cracks of his ruins, leaving only a bone-chilling cold inside him.

Too cold. He needed to do something.

So he kissed Lu Zhengming back, using the wettest, filthiest technique, making him lose all reason, making him believe he was starving, that he had to fill himself with the most intense desire.

Sure enough, Lu Zhengming was bewitched, his consciousness tangled up in those suffocating kisses and caresses. When his hand found Yin Yan’s eager hardness, he thought his attempts at comfort were working, and he ached to drown him in every ounce of tenderness he had.

Yin Yan, too, was unexpectedly passionate, moaning in that criminally seductive voice of his. Lu Zhengming was unbearably hard, as if he had been holding back for an entire week, his burning arousal pressing against Yin Yan’s leg.

“I was going to say this earlier…” His voice was hoarse. “But I was afraid you’d think I’m a pervert.”

Lu Zhengming started kissing him again, his hand wrapping around Yin Yan and stroking him. His palm was hot, his whole body was burning. Ever since they started kissing, his temperature had been rising.

Yin Yan finally felt a bit of warmth again and laughed. “What were you going to say?”

Lu Zhengming’s hand slid lower, pressing against his entrance. It was still soft and slick. His fingers felt as starved as his cock, aching to push inside right away. He swallowed hard and leaned in to whisper against Yin Yan’s ear, “What you did just now… was really sexy…”

“What do you mean?” Yin Yan’s ears started to heat up. He had a vague idea of what Lu Zhengming was referring to but wasn’t sure if he should believe it.

“I mean…” Lu Zhengming hesitated, his lips pressed against the hollow of his ear, voice thick with desire. “You let me fuck you like that… dripping so much… fuck, I can’t handle it…”

Yin Yan’s ears burned like they were on fire, the heat spreading across his cheek. He didn’t know which one of them was more depraved. His breath came fast and uneven as he tried to push Lu Zhengming away, but the man wouldn’t give him the chance. His lips caught his ear, savoring it as if tasting him.

“You… don’t think it’s dirty?”

Lu Zhengming shook his head. His fingers pushed forward, sinking into that carnal trap. “Not dirty. If it’s yours, it’s fine… I want to see you like that again. I want to fuck you until you piss yourself.”

Yin Yan’s entire face burned. It was unbelievable. No amount of humiliation, not even being forced to wear a plug to class or subjected to anything worse, had ever made him blush like this. But Lu Zhengming’s words felt like they were roasting him alive.

“Lu Zhengming, you’re a fucking pervert…”

“I am a pervert…” Lu Zhengming buried his face in the crook of his neck, greedily inhaling his scent. “I don’t even know where my limits are… Yin Yan, I think I might be going insane…”

He spread Yin Yan’s legs apart, sinking in easily with how wet he was. A long, satisfied groan left his throat. He wanted to fuck into him just as fast as last time, but he knew he wouldn’t last if he did. So he stayed buried inside, throbbing against his walls. Just as he hesitated, Yin Yan hooked a leg around his waist, clenched down tight, and started moving on his own. Lu Zhengming lost control. He grabbed Yin Yan’s ankle and thrust in all the way.

“I really am insane,” he panted between kisses. “I feel like I could fucking die on you…”

Yin Yan let out a breathless laugh. The shame hadn’t faded yet, but something else had taken its place. Something foreign, burning hot. It spread from his ear, still flushed red from being sucked on, and melted into his body, mixing with the overwhelming pleasure.

“Don’t die…” Yin Yan tightened around him, grinding his sweet spot against him with every roll of his hips. He stroked Lu Zhengming’s face with a smirk. “At least fuck me to death first…”

Lu Zhengming couldn’t refuse. He gripped Yin Yan tightly, stroking him with rough, unrelenting motions while thrusting in and out, as deep as he could go, carving into him like he was excavating a hidden mine. Yin Yan’s body was pushed to its limit, overwhelmed by pleasure. His waist and legs had completely given out, leaving only his cock swollen and rigid in Lu Zhengming’s hand, pulsing and begging for more.

The illusion of cold that had gripped his body was collapsing faster and faster, shrinking like a shadow retreating into the cracks, trying to escape to some unreachable abyss. He was so close to forgetting it entirely. And yet, a part of him still hovered outside his body, watching everything with eerie detachment, like he was witnessing a movie that had nothing to do with him.

He understood why some people mistook pleasure for love. After all, he had wavered before too, countless times, under the overwhelming ecstasy of being fucked senseless. This act, this merging of bodies, felt dangerously close to love. He almost let himself be fooled by it.

But no. Of course, it wasn’t love.

It was nothing more than the desperate hunger of a frozen man chasing warmth, an instinctive response to pleasure and pain. He would never be stupid enough to be some mindless moth drawn to the light. No matter how seductive it seemed, the flame was still a trap. The only thing waiting at the end was destruction.

He crushed that fleeting moment of hesitation with all the rationality he had left and let himself drown in pleasure instead. Just before his eyes shut, he thought he saw a single strand of silk drifting down from the ceiling.

And in the boiling heat of his orgasm, that question still lingered, unanswered—

What exactly was it that Lu Zhengming had fallen in love with?

An illusion? A carefully crafted deception? Or was it that woman’s twisted, sculpted masterpiece?

One thing was certain. It could never be the real him.

Not the truth, buried beneath all the lies.

Not the sinner, weighed down by guilt.

Never.

Right now, they didn’t even have the strength to kiss, even though their lips were barely separated by the width of a single finger.

Lu Zhengming had a dazed, intoxicated smile on his face, utterly satisfied, physically and emotionally. He felt as if he had given Yin Yan something, something good. Back then, he had shared his own experiences of joy with his childhood dog, and it had always accepted them so happily. And now, Yin Yan had accepted his love. What could be more fulfilling than that?

Yin Yan lay beside him, looking sated yet hesitant, as if he was about to share something. A secret, a piece of his past. Maybe it was something unpleasant, but that didn’t matter. Whatever it was, Lu Zhengming was willing to listen. He could accept it all.

Because he truly loved Yin Yan. And he firmly believed that love could mend anything.

Gently, he wrapped his arms around him, reminding himself to be patient, to be strong, to be the safe harbor his lover needed.

Just as he expected, Yin Yan finally spoke, his voice soft.

“When I was a kid… I had this problem…”

His forehead rested against Lu Zhengming’s collarbone as he spoke in a halting, embarrassed tone, as if it was something difficult to admit.

Lu Zhengming listened quietly and realized it was just a common issue kids often had. Nothing serious. He had wet the bed before too. Besides, losing control during sex was, in his opinion, an unexpected thrill. At that moment, Yin Yan had been filthy and irresistible, and he couldn’t hold back for even a second. Wasn’t saying “I love you” over and over at the peak of his orgasm proof of his stance?

Yin Yan kept his head down, speaking about this harmless little incident in such a secretive way that it almost seemed like he was shy, which was rare for him. Lu Zhengming couldn’t help but kiss him again. “It’s fine, I really like it. But if you don’t, we can take it easy next time.”

Yin Yan’s voice was muffled against his chest. “That’s why I don’t like being a bottom.”

Lu Zhengming chuckled. “That’s fine too. You can fuck me from now on. Any way you like.”

A small smile played on Yin Yan’s lips. “With you, I can. You make me feel good.”

Heat pooled in Lu Zhengming’s lower body. He was ready to go again. Their legs were tangled together, so Yin Yan could obviously feel the change. He reached down and wrapped his hand around the hardness and moved slowly, but Lu Zhengming caught his wrist. “You do it.”

Seeing Yin Yan hesitate, he slid down instead, taking him into his mouth and licking him thoroughly. “I used to hate bottoming too, but with you, it feels good. I like being fucked by you.”

He reached for the lube in the bedside drawer, slicked himself up until he was wet and slippery, then sank down onto him.

No matter the position or posture, Lu Zhengming did it flawlessly. Yin Yan’s body was once again ensnared by his artistry in sex, but this time, it wasn’t just his body drifting. It was his entire soul.

He stood coldly at the bedside, and behind him loomed a massive, pale spider.

Its limbs wrapped around him as his gaze cut through the entangled bodies on the bed, reaching deep into the recesses of time.

At the end of a long, dark tunnel, a frail boy lay naked in a puddle of urine. Red and purple welts crisscrossed his back, legs, and buttocks. He could almost hear the whisper lingering in the boy’s ears, repeating the same words: “It’s all for your own good.”