45. The Fall Of Icarus Part 2

Even after sending off the graduating students, Yin Yan still had no time to rest.

His painting “The Road,” the portrait of Lu Zhengming, had just won the gold prize at the provincial art exhibition. It would now be packaged, along with the other winning works, by the provincial art association and shipped to Beijing for the national exhibition judging.

Based on past experience, any piece that won at the provincial level would almost certainly be included in the national exhibition. A provincial gold prize had a strong chance of winning bronze at the national level. Particularly exceptional pieces might receive a silver award. As for the highest-level gold prize, that usually involved multiple layers of consideration and was never decided based solely on artistic merit. For example, the gold-winning oil painting from one previous year was a massive historical piece depicting the victory in the War of Resistance. As soon as that year’s exhibition ended, the painting was acquired by the Military Museum.

Unless one painted something of that nature, every artist competing in the national exhibition was essentially aiming for one of the very limited silver awards. Yin Yan was no exception.

The first time he had been selected for the national exhibition was ten years ago. At that time, he was still a student, submitting his work without pressure. This time, he could not face it so lightly. A bronze prize was already within reach, but to obtain what he truly wanted, a bronze would not be enough.

Before the holidays, he was constantly seen with Ma Pingchuan, either drinking tea, playing mahjong, or frequenting certain private clubs with restricted access and a particular kind of entertainment.

Lu Zhengming had called him several times. Each time, the background was filled with noise and chatter, and even on WeChat, replies often arrived after a long delay. As time passed, it started to weigh on Lu Zhengming in a way he could not quite name.

He scrolled through his WeChat Moments, reviewing posts related to Yin Yan’s exhibition. That comment with a heart emoji “Congratulations, Zhengming” popped up again, glaringly conspicuous. He remembered pinning Yin Yan to the bed in Beijing and forcing him to explain what that heart meant. At the time, they had been naked, their skin pressed together without the slightest barrier. Lu Zhengming had believed that there was no distance between their hearts either. Naturally, Yin Yan had not answered him directly. He had fallen back on those familiar tricks of his, using seduction to steer the conversation into more explicit, more naked terrain.

What struck Lu Zhengming now was how long it had been since they last spent a night together. They no longer even shared meals. Their only communication was through a few daily WeChat messages, quickly reporting their whereabouts to each other.

And he knew perfectly well why Yin Yan was trailing after Ma Pingchuan.

This Dean Ma’s father was an adviser to the national art association and a highly respected figure within the system. In previous years, his name had always appeared near the top of the national exhibition jury list. Though he had since retired and now held only an honorary title, his influence within the art association remained considerable. There was also Dean Ma’s uncle, whose work still hung in the Great Hall of the People. Although that uncle had never joined the art association, he was considered a towering figure within the traditional Chinese painting circle.

Many people wanted to cozy up to Ma Pingchuan, but very few had the privilege of sitting at his mahjong table. Yin Yan’s goal was to use Ma Pingchuan’s connections to secure a silver award at the national exhibition. This would benefit not only Yin Yan and Ma Pingchuan, but also Pingyuan Art Academy as a whole.

If Yin Yan won, his professional title and position within the academy would be guaranteed. More importantly, he could use the silver award to open the gates of the Beijing Painting Institute. His careful cultivation of the Zhong Jingjing connection was all for the sake of catching a ride on Dai Wangyun’s coattails.

For the Pingyuan Art Academy and its oil painting department, a silver award at the national exhibition would be a significant honor, one that would influence many aspects of the institution’s standing. Even if Yin Yan had not taken initiative, the academy would have asked Ma Pingchuan to intervene on his behalf.

But persuading Ma Pingchuan to pull strings was never a simple task. Ma Pingchuan knew that Yin Yan wanted to leverage him to win the silver award and then enter the academy leadership. At the same time, he also saw Yin Yan as a valuable asset who could help expand the reach and influence of the Pingyuan painting school. Yin Yan, however, had never given a clear answer. He kept evading the invitation to formally join the Pingyuan school, and Ma Pingchuan was not about to hand over such a key connection without securing a firm commitment in return.

What Ma Pingchuan could never have guessed was that Yin Yan’s true objective lay far beyond him. He assumed Yin Yan was simply proud and unwilling to mix with smaller factions. If he ever found out that Yin Yan was trying to bypass him entirely and enter the Beijing Painting Institute on his own, the fallout would be far more serious than just a failed silver award bid.

Under normal circumstances, only those who had served as dean of an academy would be eligible to enter the painting institute after stepping down. Yin Yan’s maneuver was a direct challenge not only to Ma Pingchuan but also to the current academy dean. He had now thoroughly offended both of them.

Lu Zhengming had been on edge for him the entire time.

He had not known what Yin Yan was scheming before, but now that Yin Yan had come clean with him, he found himself even more worried.

“You’re pushing too far,” he wrote on WeChat, trying to persuade Yin Yan to start from a more realistic position, like vice dean or even department head. “You told me not to transfer to the Experimental Art Department for the sake of playing it safe, but why are you taking such a risk yourself?”

Yin Yan responded with apparent ease. The voice messages he sent back were filled with light laughter, both to reassure him and to say that everything was going smoothly.

Lu Zhengming kept replaying those voice messages. The breath that slipped out of Yin Yan’s throat as he smiled seemed to blow directly against his eardrum, making his chest itch and worsening the restlessness in his heart.

“To hell with it,” he muttered, pressing down on the voice recording button. “I miss you. You have to come keep me company tonight.”

As soon as he lifted his finger, he felt the message sounded too pitiful. He quickly deleted it and sent a text instead: “Come to me tonight, or I’ll come to you.”

With a sigh, Lu Zhengming turned off his screen.

Yin Yan seemed to have turned him into a different version of himself. He was no longer the reckless man who used to scale walls drunk at night to visit someone. Now he had become soft, easily shaken, someone who cared more about others than himself.

Lu Zhengming could not tell whether this was a good thing or a bad thing. He was willing to do all of it for Yin Yan. He just did not know whether Yin Yan actually needed him to.

If not, then what was the difference between himself and Ma Pingchuan or Dai Wangyun? Were they all just tools for satisfying Yin Yan’s desires?

“Of course not.”

Yin Yan looked down at him, but his expression was gentle. He stroked Lu Zhengming’s face. Lu Zhengming was stiff with nervousness.

“Relax. It’ll be hard for you to feel good like this.”

Lu Zhengming glared at him. “How could I possibly feel good like this?”

He struggled in frustration. The chain on the handcuffs clinked against the bedframe.

Completely naked, Lu Zhengming was cuffed to the headboard, his legs spread wide and locked in place by a leg spreader. Nothing was hidden. Everything was exposed. His voice trembled slightly. It held no defiance, sounding more like a shy and resentful complaint.

“Do you trust me?” Yin Yan was still smiling, brushing his finger across Lu Zhengming’s lower lip.

“Trust you with what?” Lu Zhengming turned his head away, but Yin Yan followed, sliding two fingers into his mouth and teasing his tongue with his index and middle finger. “Trust that you’ll make me feel good? Or do you mean trust that I’m different from the others?”

Yin Yan suddenly pulled his fingers out. The emptiness left in Lu Zhengming’s mouth filled with cold air. He found himself oddly missing the warmth of those two fingers. Before he could answer, Yin Yan tilted his chin up.

“You shouldn’t ask questions like that.”

“Why not?”

“You talk too much.” Yin Yan’s smile faded. “I’m going to punish you.”

Lu Zhengming almost laughed. If it was just a game, then so be it. But hearing Yin Yan say the word “punishment” with such seriousness made him want to laugh. That was, until he saw Yin Yan’s face. The moment he did, the laughter caught in his throat and vanished.

That face suddenly looked unfamiliar. He had seen Yin Yan without a smile before, but never with such a cold expression. A chill crept up his spine.

“Yin Yan…”

Lu Zhengming’s throat tightened, and his voice pitched upward. As he watched Yin Yan’s hand draw closer, he shuddered.

But Yin Yan only smiled and lightly tapped his Adam’s apple. Lu Zhengming finally breathed out. The anxiety that had coiled in his chest began to melt into something else. Something subtle and electric, something dangerously close to arousal.

Blood began pooling downward. That part of him swelled with weight and heat. He was never ashamed of being naked, but to be opened up like this, with no control, and have every flicker of arousal laid bare, still made him feel humiliated.

This time was nothing like before. Back then, he had never been fully restrained. Every act of submission had been willingly given. Even when he was the one taking it, he had still retained control over his own body. The difference between being able to resist and choosing not to, and being utterly powerless to resist, was like night and day.

Only now did Lu Zhengming begin to regret it. Earlier, Yin Yan had offered him two choices, and he could have chosen to take the dominant role. He had no idea what came over him, but when he looked into Yin Yan’s eyes, something compelled him to pick the other option.

He still did not believe he had that kind of tendency. He did not think he would respond. Yin Yan could only prove it with fact.

Just like before, Yin Yan flicked his fingers lightly against Lu Zhengming’s cock. Lu Zhengming let out a sharp gasp and, to his dismay, realized he was fully hard.

Yin Yan traced circles over the smooth tip, collecting the fluid that had begun to seep out. He brought his fingers to Lu Zhengming’s lips.

“Looks like you’re enjoying this.”

Lu Zhengming’s cheeks burned, but he refused to admit defeat. He wrapped his tongue around Yin Yan’s fingers, sucking them as if giving head. He wanted to see Yin Yan lose composure, to reclaim some shred of dignity that way.

Of course Yin Yan would never give him the satisfaction. In truth, he had already been aroused the moment he coaxed Lu Zhengming into the handcuffs. Those eyes, refusing to yield, only heightened it. He could have given in completely, but holding back doubled the pleasure. Especially when Lu Zhengming’s gaze turned fragile and clouded because of him, the pleasure multiplied. He did not even need physical release.

He moved his fingers inside Lu Zhengming’s mouth, tangling with his tongue until it finally gave in, drooping softly between parted lips. Saliva trickled down Lu Zhengming’s chin and along his neck.

“How does that feel?”

Lu Zhengming’s body betrayed him, trembling with stimulation, but he still insisted, “Nothing special.”

Yin Yan did not argue. He simply smiled and pulled over the leather case at the foot of the bed, laying it open before him.

“Pick the one you like.”

Inside were all of Yin Yan’s toys. Lu Zhengming had used a few of them on Yin Yan. He knew exactly how intense they could be. The thought of experiencing them himself now made him instantly regret not showing mercy earlier.

He could not help but recall that time. Yin Yan had been pushed to the brink, his mind hazy, legs twitching uncontrollably, a wide stain blooming beneath his body…

“You’re dripping,” Yin Yan said, sliding his hand between Lu Zhengming’s legs and showing him the damp sheen on his fingers. “What were you thinking about?”

Lu Zhengming answered honestly, “I was thinking about what you looked like when I used it on you.”

“Which one?”

Yin Yan picked out a black bullet vibrator and pressed the switch. It began to buzz in his palm.

“This one?”

The image flashed through Lu Zhengming’s mind. Yin Yan’s entrance wet and pliant, opening briefly before closing tightly again, leaving only a thin black retrieval cord trailing out. He had held that cord, carefully exploring his body inch by inch. Yin Yan’s brows furrowed, lower abdomen tensing and relaxing in rhythm. When Lu Zhengming finally found the right spot, his waist and legs had begun to tremble…

“Then let’s use this one.”

He heard Yin Yan chuckle. Then came a sudden coolness between his thighs, a slick trickle sliding down and being pushed inside. The finger that entered him did not withdraw, instead roaming deliberately, probing every corner while avoiding the one place he craved to be touched.

His legs were bound wide apart, giving him no leverage. Even trying to move with the rhythm was useless. All he could do was squirm, hips twisting in helpless arousal, his entire posture obscene and exposed.

Yin Yan played with him for a long while before finally pulling his finger out, leaving behind a tender emptiness. Lu Zhengming’s chest was damp with sweat. He had given up struggling altogether.

“Feel it carefully.”

Yin Yan brought the still-vibrating bullet down, pressing it against the slick entrance.

Lu Zhengming’s whole body tensed. He remembered the first night he tried a masturbation toy. The mechanical, cold sensation had made his scalp crawl.

But what pressed into him now was something else entirely. Colder, harder, and more forceful than that night. A rhythm that no human hand could replicate was knocking against his last defenses. Resistance crumbled quickly beneath the assault and gave way to a deep, inexorable invasion.

“Ah—”

Lu Zhengming’s feet were stretched taut, toes curled, and his legs trembled as if electrocuted. He clenched his muscles, trying to resist the vibrator’s intrusion, but only ended up pulling it in deeper. Yin Yan gently massaged the ring of muscle, which was so tight that not even a finger could slip through. It resisted stubbornly.

“Relax. This is the lowest setting.”

“I’ve never used anything like this before…”

Lu Zhengming gritted his teeth, the unfamiliar vibration drawing sharp breaths from his mouth.

Once again, he confirmed that he truly did not like this kind of cold mechanical stimulation. Yet his body betrayed him with complete honesty. From the moment the vibrator was fully inside him, the slickness from the front had not stopped. Yin Yan smeared the fluid over his cock and stroked it slowly. Lu Zhengming cried out at once.

“Stop…”

Yin Yan did not stop. His hand moved steadily over the underside of Lu Zhengming’s cock while his other hand reached for the retrieval cord of the vibrator, adjusting its position.

“Yin Yan!” Lu Zhengming struggled, only managing to rattle the cuffs with a sharp clinking sound. His mouth hung open as he gasped for air. The strange sensation inside him had long since turned into an unbearable itch, but he still resisted. “Take it out… Take it out and use yours instead…”

“What if I say no?”

Yin Yan pressed the remote control. The steady buzz shifted into waves of rhythmic pulsation, mimicking the tempo of actual sex.

Lu Zhengming’s entire body jolted as if someone were truly inside him. Pre-cum surged out in pulses, splashing across his lower abdomen, then dribbling down his twisting waist.

He tilted his head back, eyes shut, imagining Yin Yan holding the vibrator in his mouth with the same intensity. But in his fantasy, he was even worse. He had pushed his fingers inside, pressing the vibrator against Yin Yan’s most sensitive spot…

Another wave of sensation spread from his chest. Wet heat enveloped his nipple. Lu Zhengming opened his eyes in a daze and saw Yin Yan’s tongue circling it. A sudden urge to come hit him hard.

But all the pleasure vanished in an instant.

Not just from his chest. The hand on his cock, the vibrations inside him, everything stopped at once. The vibrator was pulled from his body, trailing a string of warm lubricant.

Lu Zhengming had been forcibly yanked back from the edge of orgasm. His face flushed deep red, even the rims of his eyes tinged with color. He could not name what he was feeling. Hunger, anger, and frustration tangled together into a complex, desperate kind of plea.

He looked at Yin Yan with that gaze. Yin Yan’s breathing changed.

Desire surged in Yin Yan’s chest. He could not endure that look for long. Tossing the vibrator aside, he took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled. He reached into the case and pulled out another toy.

It was a deep blue vibrating wand, the shape simpler than a real organ but unmistakably modeled after one. Lu Zhengming had never seen him use this before, and he was not sure it could even be used. The thing looked enormous.

Yin Yan carefully coated it with lubricant. Lu Zhengming watched, a strange sense of resistance rising in him. It was not just about the size. At this point, he no longer cared what Yin Yan did to him, except for one thing. There was one thing he cared about intensely.

“Wait.”

“What is it?” Yin Yan pressed a switch at the base of the wand. It began to slowly warm in his hand. “Don’t worry. It’s not as difficult as you’re imagining.”

“It’s not that.” Lu Zhengming shrank back, even the urgency of his almost-orgasm retreating in the face of what he was feeling now. He stared at Yin Yan’s hand and finally asked, voice barely above a whisper, “Have you used it before?”

Yin Yan laughed for a long while before nodding.

“I used it to comfort myself when I missed you.”

“You used this?” Lu Zhengming stared at him in disbelief. “That’s just… too much…”

The rest of what Lu Zhengming wanted to say never made it out, because Yin Yan had already wrapped a hand around his cock. A few deft strokes were all it took to bring it back to full attention. Yin Yan placed the vibrating wand between Lu Zhengming’s legs.

“See? It’s about the same size as yours.”

A flash of heat shot through Lu Zhengming’s chest.

He stared at the wand. His mouth had gone dry, his lips were slightly parted, and his gaze remained locked on it. His mind was filled with images of Yin Yan using it on himself. He was so caught up in those images that he did not even realize how foolish his question had been.

“Does it feel the same?”

Yin Yan’s smile deepened. “Why don’t you find out for yourself?”

Something about that smile made Lu Zhengming feel a faint sense of alarm, but he could not figure out why. Before he could think it through, something warm and hard pushed into his body.

“Fuck—”

He cried out. The sensation was overwhelming, harsh in a way that made his entire back lift from the bed. Every muscle in his body locked up with tension. No matter how he tried, he could not relax.

“No. This isn’t right. No—”

He repeated the word over and over before the feeling finally took shape in his mind. It was the strangest thing. It felt as if he were being fucked by himself. The thought unsettled him completely, though he could not say exactly why.

He stared at Yin Yan, a flicker of panic in his eyes. “Don’t do this. I don’t like it.”

“Why not?”

“If you hadn’t said anything, maybe it would’ve been fine. But now that you have, I can’t stop thinking—”

Yin Yan laughed and continued to push the wand in, slowly and steadily. Once the head was completely inside, the rim had already stretched him wide. There was not a single fold left.

Lu Zhengming trembled violently and struggled with everything he had, but his limbs were locked in place. All he could do was feel the blunt, heavy pressure driving deeper.

“Yin Yan… take it out. Please… I’m begging you…”

“Why are you so resistant?” Yin Yan paused, his voice gentle. “This is my favorite toy. The one I’ve used the most, for the longest time. There were a few days when I had to use it almost every day. At the peak, I used it multiple times a day.”

His words came slowly, voice low and soft, almost hypnotic. There was something bewitching about the way he said it. Lu Zhengming felt his mind slipping, lulled by the rhythm of Yin Yan’s voice. The images started flooding back.

“Can you feel it?” Yin Yan whispered beside his ear. “So hot, so full…”

Lu Zhengming’s body relaxed, and he really did feel his insides filled with searing heat.

“You were always so slow, so gentle, like you were afraid of hurting me…” Just as he described, Yin Yan moved in a slow, gentle rhythm, occasionally adding more lubricant. “You were so patient, trying to find the right spot… was it here? Or maybe here?”

“A little deeper… yes…”

“Here?”

“Too deep…”

Lu Zhengming grew anxious. The wand felt alive, brushing against the spot every time, but never staying there. He wanted to grab it himself, to take control.

As if reading his mind, Yin Yan smiled. “That’s exactly what you used to do. You would torment me, tease me… make me beg for it…”

He pulled out just a little, then turned the vibrator on. Lu Zhengming’s hips tensed again.

“Now you know what to do, don’t you?”

The vibration hovered just shy of his most sensitive spot, close enough to graze it but never quite settling. He clenched hard, trying to draw it in, but Yin Yan held it in place.

“What are you supposed to do?”

“…Beg you?”

“Beg me for what?”

“Beg you…” Lu Zhengming was panting hard. “Beg you… to put it all the way in…”

His vision went dark for a moment as the wand sank into him, impossibly deep. He had to suck in several gulps of air before he could speak again.

“Shit… you’re brutal…”

“You were always like this,” Yin Yan replied with perfect calm. “You made me feel like I was crawling out of hell every single time.”

Lu Zhengming’s gaze softened. “Are you getting revenge?”

“How could this be revenge?” Yin Yan said, still smiling.

Yin Yan slowly drew the vibrating wand out, then pushed it in fast and deep. After repeating this a few times, Lu Zhengming could no longer make a sound.

Yin Yan turned the vibration up a level.

“This is what it means to make you feel it for yourself.”

As he spoke, he began thrusting in the same way Lu Zhengming used to. Deep and forceful strokes, each one landing squarely on his most sensitive spot, grinding against it before pulling back.

Lu Zhengming felt dizzy, his head spinning. The moans ringing in his ears were high-pitched and unfamiliar. They sounded a little like him, and yet not quite.

He pictured all the moments he had spent with Yin Yan. Sometimes he was on top, sometimes Yin Yan was, but no matter the position, that man was always the same. Shameless. Enchanting.

Lu Zhengming realize where those strange moans were coming from. They were his own voice, but in Yin Yan’s tone. When he neared climax, his voice would rise sharply. There were moments when it sounded like he was about to cry. Every time he heard himself like that, he lost all control, driving both of them to the edge together. At those times, Yin Yan was so tight, burning hot, his whole body trembling from the inside out. It drove Lu Zhengming mad. He could have died inside him and been content.

Yin Yan’s chest heaved. He clenched his fists tightly just to keep from giving in. He had never seen Lu Zhengming in such a frenzied state. For a moment, he did not know whether he should be jealous of the toy, or of Lu Zhengming himself.

After climax, Lu Zhengming collapsed like someone unplugged. But Yin Yan was still burning, unable to sit still. He undid the cuffs and let Lu Zhengming lie flat on the bed.

Lu Zhengming looked at him through hazy eyes. He felt like there was something he had forgotten to ask, something unresolved. But he was too tired to think. Yin Yan was right next to him, and that was enough. He quickly fell asleep.

He was soaked from head to toe, even his eyelashes wet through. It made Yin Yan wonder whether he had actually cried. His voice had sounded just like crying at the end. Yin Yan, still blazing with desire, felt a sudden and inexplicable ache.

That thought alone was enough to cool his lust in an instant. He got up, warmed a towel, and began gently wiping down Lu Zhengming’s body, just as Lu Zhengming often did for him.

While he did this, a cold presence lingered behind him.

She stood there with her arms crossed, clicking her tongue in mockery.

“You’ve made quite some progress.”

Yin Yan ignored her. He focused on cleaning Lu Zhengming thoroughly, then pulled the blanket up to cover him. He ran his fingers across Lu Zhengming’s brow, where the muscles were still tightly furrowed, as if holding some unresolved confusion.

With a quiet sigh, he muttered as if to himself, “Of course he’s different.”

Lu Zhengming was different. That much was certain. As for what made him different, Yin Yan was not ready to explore that just yet.

“Don’t forget what really matters,” she reminded him.

Yin Yan’s eyes remained fixed on Lu Zhengming. Without turning around, he replied,

“I’ll give you what you want. But what I want, you don’t get to stop me.”