GGAS 29

Eun Sanho thought his body was getting heavier. His arms and legs would not move as he wanted. He disliked the helpless feeling of being dragged down.

‘I can’t breathe.’

He did not know exactly what to do, but his hand twitched on its own because he wanted somehow to open an airway.

‘It’s cold.’

It was really cold. He had heard many times that seawater was cold, but it was his first time experiencing it. Thinking about it, he had never gone deeper than knee height into the sea. He was not the type to visit the beach often during summer vacation in the first place.

‘if I had known this would happen, I should have at least fallen into the sea once… Then I wouldn’t be this flustered now…’

With his mind blurred, Eun Sanho regretted in a strange direction.

‘Ah, it’s really cold…’

Repeating what he had already thought, Eun Sanho slowly closed his eyes that had been barely open. There was no longer enough oxygen left in his body for his thoughts to run. His consciousness started to fade.

***

A bright light dyed the inside of his eyelids a dark red. Eun Sanho frowned and opened his eyes slightly.

“……?”

He thought he had drowned in the sea, but it did not seem that way. What he saw now on the ceiling was not the halo of an angel or the hellfire of a demon, but most likely one of those long LED fluorescent lights you could see anywhere in Korea. The kind that sold for ten thousand to twenty-five thousand won each at large supermarkets.

On top of that, the fresh air entering his lungs carried a familiar smell. It could be described as the disinfectant smell from the nurse’s office, the one he used to come and go from every lunchtime in school after scraping his knees while playing soccer.

‘Hospital?’

As Eun Sanho blinked to focus his blurry vision, a clattering sound came from his side.

“Eun Sanho-ssi, are you awake?”

The voice was urgent, and it was familiar. Eun Sanho turned his head slightly on the pillow to the left and blinked a few more times. Once his focus settled, he saw the worry in a sharp T-zone at a glance.

‘What, this isn’t a hospital… It must be heaven.’

Eun Sanho blankly stared at Kim Gwanggong, who was asking if he was alright. The reason Eun Sanho obsessively liked that one romance movie among so many, Ti****nic, was because it had a handsome man soaked in water, and now that rare species he had only seen on screen was right in front of his eyes. Kim Gwanggong’s jet-black hair was not dripping wet but still held plenty of moisture. Eun Sanho blinked slowly as he watched a single transparent droplet run down Gwanggong’s sharp jawline.

“-Sanho-ssi, Eun Sanho-ssi?”

“…….”

No matter how much he called, Eun Sanho did not answer, only fluttered his pretty eyelashes. Kim Gwanggong could not stop his expression from stiffening.

“I will call the doctor.”

Kim Gwanggong stood up from his seat as he spoke. The blanket barely hanging over his shoulders slipped helplessly to the floor. But Kim Gwanggong did not care in the slightest and quickly turned his body to leave. Left behind, Eun Sanho ended up seeing without filter the wet shirt clinging to Kim Gwanggong’s back, his skin showing through. His pale face flushed bright red. He liked the sight of a handsome man’s wet face, but he had no immunity to a handsome man’s wet back muscles. He was a naive Confucian gay. On top of that, because of a bad chain of association, he remembered the time he had spilled juice by accident and seen Kim Gwanggong’s chest. Thanks to that, his face turned as red as it possibly could.

‘What do I do…’

Now that he had ended up seeing both the front and back of Kim Gwanggong, Eun Sanho pulled the blanket up over his head. His face burned as if it had been scalded.

While the doctor and nurse came to check various things, Kim Gwanggong stood a few steps away. Because of the dark aura he gave off as he folded his arms and stared, Eun Sanho felt like his temple would be pierced. He tried hard not to look at Kim Gwanggong even by accident and focused instead on following the doctor’s pen scribbling across the chart.

“Fortunately, there are no particular issues. But just in case, let’s watch the prognosis for three more hours.”

The doctor spoke kindly as he put the pen into his gown pocket. Even though he was lying down, Eun Sanho tried to nod and say thank you, but Kim Gwanggong was much quicker.

“Thank you.”

Eun Sanho glanced without thinking at Kim Gwanggong bowing his head gracefully and politely in his place, then quickly turned his gaze back.

‘When will that shirt dry?’

He blamed the useless shirt and tried to calm his pounding heart.

“No problem. Since you were rescued relatively quickly at the scene, there was no great danger.”

When the doctor praised the quick rescue, Eun Sanho suddenly remembered one scene. It was Kim Gwanggong reaching his hand toward him just before he fell into the sea.

‘Wait, then the reason Gwanggong-ssi is wet…’

Only then did Eun Sanho realize that Kim Gwanggong was the one who had pulled him out. His already damp back from seawater felt even wetter with cold sweat. He had caused no small amount of disgrace to Kim Gwanggong, and yet the man had jumped into the sea in the middle of a party to save him, drunk and all. It was the worst. Listening further to the doctor and Kim Gwanggong, it seemed lifeguards had been deployed soon after Kim Gwanggong jumped in, and the whole place had been thrown into an uproar.

‘You’re insane, Eun Sanho.’

Blaming himself, Eun Sanho’s mind raced over how he was supposed to apologize for this situation. He was so absorbed in his frantic thoughts that during the time he was racking his brain, the doctor and nurse left to see other patients, Kim Gwanggong pulled up a chair and sat beside him, and when he noticed Eun Sanho’s vacant look, he raised an eyebrow. Resting his chin on his hand with a somehow more relaxed face than before, he started to observe Sanho’s changing expressions and eventually found a pattern.

To summarize his observations, Eun Sanho was repeatedly absorbed in thought, brightened, pouted, then fell into thought again, all without realizing Kim Gwanggong was watching. It was funny enough that Kim Gwanggong considered continuing to watch, but he soon let go of the idea. He could watch endlessly without getting bored, but facial muscles were still muscles, and he worried the patient might overuse them and collapse.

“If you rack your brain that obviously, it’s hard for me to pretend not to notice.”

Eun Sanho, who was in the middle of deep thought, flinched and jerked his head around in surprise.

“Y-yes?”

“What are you doing rolling your eyes while you’re rolling your thoughts?”

“Ah….”

When Eun Sanho showed a look of sudden realization, Kim Gwanggong bit down on the soft flesh inside his cheek to keep the corners of his mouth from rising.

‘How can a person be that cute? This is absurd.’

Ignoring the taste of blood in his mouth, Kim Gwanggong leaned his upper body forward, clasped his hands together, and rested them on his knees. Then he looked at Eun Sanho with an indifferent face.

“What are you thinking about so seriously? You just came back from the brink of death.”

When Kim Gwanggong asked, Eun Sanho bit his lip.

“…I don’t know how I should apologize. Just saying I’m sorry feels far too inadequate….”

“There’s no need. I’m fine.”

“But….”

Eun Sanho trailed off and glanced at Kim Gwanggong. It looked like if he could not give a proper apology, he would keep getting anxious and start biting at his fingertips. Kim Gwanggong did not like at all that Eun Sanho, while glancing at him, was putting on a finger-disassembling show. He picked up a sheet of paper and a pen from the bedside table and held them out to Eun Sanho.

“Take these.”

Kim Gwanggong spoke.

“……?”

Eun Sanho, caught off guard, accepted the paper and pen. Kim Gwanggong glanced once at Eun Sanho’s fingers, which could no longer pick at his nails because they were occupied, then moved his eyes back to his face. Eun Sanho was staring at him with clear pupils filled with question marks.

“Eun Sanho-ssi, rather than receiving apologies, I prefer it when the cause of the problem gets resolved.”

“The cause of the problem?”

“If you truly feel sorry toward me, it would be better to find a way to prevent this kind of situation from happening again. That’s better than an apology.”

When Kim Gwanggong explained, Eun Sanho, flustered, sat upright so fast the bed shook.

“I-I’ll make sure nothing like this ever happens again!”

Eun Sanho spoke like a machine gun and even raised his palm, ready to take an oath. At the same time, the pen slipped from his hand. Kim Gwanggong swiftly caught the falling pen in a precise motion and placed it back in Eun Sanho’s hand. Then, while Sanho looked wide-eyed between the pen and Kim Gwanggong, he grabbed his shoulders and eased him back down into place.

“From what I’ve experienced, most problems get solved once you write the situation down. All the more so if it’s a recurring issue. Organizing it visibly makes it easier to find the pattern of the problem.”

Kim Gwanggong carefully pulled the blanket up to Sanho’s neck as he spoke.

“Eun Sanho-ssi, write down your current situation in one sentence.”

“Uh….”

Eun Sanho, who was still lying down, did not know how he was supposed to write like that and grew flustered. When Kim Gwanggong raised an eyebrow with a signal that said, “what are you doing not writing?” Eun Sanho’s eyes wandered aimlessly with nowhere to go.

“Why are you rolling your eyes again?”

When Kim Gwanggong pointed it out with a lifted brow, Eun Sanho’s face turned red.

“Um….”

Holding the paper and pen in both hands, Eun Sanho stuck them out above the blanket with an awkward wiggle.

“C-could you maybe write it for me instead?”

When he asked in embarrassment, Kim Gwanggong realized what the situation now looked like. For a moment he too felt embarrassed and lost his words. But he quickly pretended it was nothing and took the paper and pen.

“Go ahead. I’ll take it down.”

“Ah, yes. Uh… should I say it in formal speech or casual speech?”

“Whichever you’re comfortable with.”

Kim Gwanggong clicked the pen as he answered. Eun Sanho looked like he thought for a moment, then snapped his fingers.

“Ah, right! Today my blind date partner cheated on me so I got angry and drank a ton, then because I was drunk I tried to reenact a famous movie scene as a drinking habit, ended up jumping into the sea, nearly died, and now I’m here in the emergency room causing trouble for Kim Gwanggong-ssi!”

Anyone else would have asked him to repeat it, but Kim Gwanggong, already used to Kim Abang’s too-much talk, wrote the entire long sentence smoothly in elegant handwriting without hesitation. Then he skimmed it once and nodded.

“In that case, there are three solutions.”

“Three?”

Surprised that such a hopeless situation could have so many solutions, Eun Sanho asked in wonder.

“They’re a mix of superficial fixes and fundamental ones. Do you only want one kind?”

Looking up from the paper, Kim Gwanggong checked with Eun Sanho.

“Ah, no. The more options the better. I’ll hear them all.”

“Good. Then let’s start. The first is simply to watch fewer movies.”

He underlined ‘reenact a famous movie scene’ thickly and showed it to Sanho as he spoke.

“Movies…?”

“If you watch fewer movies, then even if you get drunk and lose control again someday, you’ll avoid the misfortune of jumping into the sea.”

It was true. If there was no input, there would be no output. But Eun Sanho’s only hobby was watching movies. Watching one in the morning when he woke up and one in the evening before bed was a routine he took more seriously than three meals a day. Ig he gave up watching movies, what fun would be left in life? He started to grow distant from the first option.

“…What’s the second one?”

Eun Sanho shifted his eyes toward another part of the sentence and asked.

“The second method is to quit drinking.”

This time, Kim Gwanggong circled ‘drank a ton because I was drunk’ and spoke.

“Alcohol…?”

“It’s obvious. If you quit drinking, you won’t get drunk.”

This too was correct. It was even good for health. But Eun Sanho felt instinctive discomfort at the words quit drinking. His ex-boyfriend, whom he hated so much he didn’t even want to think about for a second, had policed his drinking every day. The thought of following what that bastard liked made Eun Sanho feel rebellious. He would rather quit movies than follow that order.

“…What’s the third?”

He asked, hoping at least the third would be something he could actually quit.

“Finally, the third is a bit easier than the first and second. You won’t have to do anything, Eun Sanho-ssi.”

“Really?”

Hearing something that sounded welcome, Eun Sanho brightened.

“Yes. All you have to do is choose, and I’ll take care of showing goodwill to your ex-boyfriend and your blind date partner.”

Kim Gwanggong tapped the words ‘blind date partner’ with his pen as he spoke.

“Goodwill?”

Eun Sanho frowned at the absurd line. But Gwanggong did not mind and continued his explanation.

“Since both of them said they like walking on two legs, wouldn’t they like walking on four legs even more¹? If I make them walk on all fours, it will be everyone’s joy.”

When Kim Gwanggong said such a frightening thing in a calm tone, Eun Sanho forgot his discomfort and gaped with his mouth wide open.

“W-walk on four legs?”

“If I use a little money and connections, it isn’t all that difficult. So don’t hesitate to choose.”

As Kim Gwanggong was about to finish his explanation with elegance, clicking the thousand-won pen shut, Eun Sanho frantically waved his hand.

“N-no, that can’t be!”

Eun Sanho shouted.

“Why not?”

Kim Gwanggong looked at him in puzzlement and asked.

“That….”

Why not, he said. Eun Sanho was at a loss for words for a moment. Honestly, no matter how mild he lived, he was still just an ordinary person, not a saint who could embrace even such trash. Why should he care if people like that crawled on four legs or not? And besides, all he had to do was choose, and Gwanggong would handle everything….

“…No. Still, this isn’t right.”

Eun Sanho muttered, shaking his head as if to shake off bad thoughts.

“I didn’t hear properly. What did you say?”

Kim Gwanggong asked. Eun Sanho steeled his heart and met his eyes. For someone who had just said he could handle it with some money and connections, Kum Gwanggong’s deep black eyes were calm, and his gaze looked cold as always.

“That is….”

For the first time since meeting him, Eun Sanho suddenly felt scared. On the surface, he looked stiff, but beneath that he had always been kind. Now that he was suddenly like this, it was frightening.

“So….”

Eun Sanho’s mouth would not move easily. If he said no, what would Kim Gwanggong say? Would he say that Sanho always lives like this, weak and yielding, always getting taken advantage of? Would he call him a pushover? Like other people did?

“So….”

Eun Sanho’s voice grew a little smaller. He saw his reflection in Kim Gwanggong’s eyes. He was drenched in water, and he looked small. Maybe the others were right. Always acting stupid, always getting taken advantage of, then crying alone and acting like a fool, only being a burden to those around him, someone not worth looking at. That’s you.

“…….”

Eun Sanho ended up biting his lip and dropping his gaze. The words stuck in his throat and would not come out, and even if they did, he had no idea what he should say. He had no idea what words would stop Kim Gwanggong from seeing him as strange.

“…….”

Eun Sanho tore again at his fingers already frayed with small and large wounds and swallowed dryly. He had started speaking, so he should say something, but not a single word came to mind.

‘If this isn’t being a fool, then what is?’

1. On the surface it’s nonsense about two legs vs. four legs. Underneath, it’s mocking the cheaters “if you’re fine with two-timing, why not crawl like dogs, and we’ll all laugh at you.” ↩︎