HPV 60

I was on the first watch again tonight.

Whenever it was my turn, Banwes would stay awake with me, which meant he was essentially standing watch twice. No one asked him to—he was just putting himself at a loss for no reason.

The moon, caught on a tree branch, hung silent and eerie. Even Penzey, who had been tossing and turning, had finally fallen asleep.

I mouthed the words toward the red irises staring at me.

‘There’s something I need to say. Take me out for a bit.’

If I moved, the rustling sounds would risk waking the whole group. I chose the best option available.

Without moving a single finger, I asked Banwes to lift me up.

And I left everything to him.

It was always a wonder, seeing such a massive man approach like a ghost without making a sound, even with all the dry twigs scattered around.

Banwes stared at me for a long moment before carefully gathering my hair first, then meticulously lifting me, checking every movement to avoid making any noise.

In the end, he successfully carried me away from the others without a single sound.

Now, there were only two episodes left before we reached the Black Dragon’s Nest. Two more stops, and we would arrive.

Yet I was still here—burdening everyone.

‘Maybe I should have been more of a villain. Then no one would care when I disappeared.’

But if I had done that, the demon inside me would have been found quickly, and I would have died a horrible death.

Paronai, who was kind-hearted. Penzey, who even shared his magic with me. Bzhan, who worried about me. Yurichen, who had become responsible for me.

And Banwes.

In trying to erase the existence of “me” that had intruded into the original story, I had only sunk deeper into their lives.

Banwes placed me down on a relatively clean patch. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even realize I had been set down.

‘I don’t know what to do.’

Knowing only parts of the future made it even harder. It would have been better if I had known nothing.

Despite knowing the original story, I couldn’t find a way to rid myself of the demon inside me. That was the worst part.

My last hope was to deviate completely from the original path—to join the Black Dragon Subjugation.

‘No matter how I think about it, the only real power that can drive out a demon is divine power.’

The subjugation at the Black Dragon’s Nest was the last, and strongest, instance of divine power use that I knew of.

Yurichen would risk his life to purify the demon clinging to the Black Dragon.

Just like at the Duke’s territory, if I could get involved there, maybe—just maybe—I could purify the demon within me too.

But there had already been one failure.

I was terrified that I might cause an irreversible disaster.

Back in the Duke’s territory, there had been two high priests. Now, there was only one.

Yurichen —who had treated me kindly, waited for me even when I delayed our schedule, and promised to let me stay at the temple.

‘Though I hear Paronai’s holy sword will shine at the Black Dragon’s Nest… can I really trust in that?’

And there was another, deeper problem if I joined the subjugation.

Originally, I was just a stake—a guide to bring Banwes to the Nest.

If a background character suddenly barged into the final battle, the only future I could imagine was…

‘Becoming a sacrifice to trigger another character’s awakening… something like that.’

Objectively, I wasn’t any real fighting power.

I could make shields with the spirits’ help and heal Banwes, but compared to the risks my weak body would bring, the balance didn’t add up.

Join the Black Dragon Subjugation and try to purify the demon.

Or step back and plan for the future.

I chose one path.

“If I get close to the Black Dragon, the demon inside me might react and cause trouble.”

Because I decided to believe in Banwes’ promise to stay by my side.

“I’ll withdraw from the subjugation as planned. You go defeat the Black Dragon on your own and come back.”

Banwes’ face hardened.

I blinked in confusion. It was a perfectly reasonable statement—so what had I said wrong?

Given that Banwes saw me as a hopelessly weak creature, I thought he would simply nod if I said I wasn’t going.

…I didn’t understand Banwes at all.

He seized on a completely different point.

“When I come back, how can I be sure you’ll still be alive?”

He had already anticipated the possibility of me meeting some misfortune while waiting alone.

“Big words for someone who can’t even fend for themselves.”

If someone else had said it, it would have sounded like worry. But Banwes’ blunt tone made it impossible to take kindly.

I frowned.

“I’ll take care of myself.”

“No, you’re seriously strange—so strange you attract every storm to you. There’s no way you’ll stay safe without me.”

I had my own reasons to believe otherwise. Since we entered the central region, I hadn’t felt like any believers were tracking me. Bzhan hadn’t given me any warning, so it had to be true.

“So what, are you saying I should follow you all the way to the Black Dragon’s lair? Think about it logically—that’s even more dangerous!”

Banwes clamped his mouth shut and glared at me.

Finally, I realized something, and a cold, rigid feeling gripped my heart.

“Don’t tell me… you’re planning not to go after the Black Dragon either…?”

My breathing grew quicker. I fought to keep my voice down, my chest heaving.

Banwes didn’t answer, and that silence confirmed my worst fears.

Suddenly, my eyes stung with tears. I pressed down all the emotions trying to surge up.

“Am I really that hopeless to you?”

Banwes’ arms, which had been folded across his chest, loosened. His fingers twitched, betraying his agitation.

Despite everything, it felt a little satisfying to see I had unsettled him.

“I never said that.”

“No, it’s basically the same thing! You’re always saying awful things!”

I knew. Banwes had no obligation to be kind to me.

But I was starting to understand him a little.

If he truly didn’t care, he could just ignore my jabs. So why did he always take the bait?

He could’ve chosen to never show me any favor from the start—so why did we always end up caught in arguments like this?

It wasn’t something I could learn from the original story.

I expected him to look away by now, but those red eyes remained fixed on me.

For just a little longer than was appropriate, he kept his gaze on me. That lingering, uncertain meaning hidden behind his crimson stare.

Banwes was seriously worried about me. I must have seemed so fragile to him.

Like if he so much as took his eyes off me, I might collapse on the spot.

‘I’ll only be a hindrance during the Black Dragon Subjugation.’

The thought that Banwes couldn’t unleash his berserker strength—unlike in the original—because of me, crossed my mind.

My tangled thoughts piled up like snow, clogging my head.

It felt like one of the main pillars holding up my emotions had crumbled.

“And what about you? Have you said everything you’re hiding?”

Banwes lost his cool too, snapping back at me.

“You think I’m hiding something? I’m not!”

“Same here! So don’t demand something from me that doesn’t exist!”

Banwes showed no sign of backing down. If I raised my voice, he raised his even more. He never gave an inch.

“Fine! I’ll say it out loud!”

I shouted, filling my lungs with the icy night air.

“The truth is—me being here only holds you back.”

I said it: that I should leave.

If I stayed any longer, I would come to rely on him too much.

***

After hearing those words, Banwes didn’t sleep a wink.

Or at least, it felt like he hadn’t even blinked once.

He was so out of it that he couldn’t even remember. His eyes were bloodshot, and combined with his naturally red irises, he looked even more terrifying.

It wasn’t a matter of him simply refusing to leave.

Riarun might leave him.

And with their relationship strained by constant arguments, he wouldn’t be able to hold him back.

Even when he tried to think positively, a fear he couldn’t explain kept gnawing at him.

What if he grabbed him—and that frail little thing just broke apart in his hands?

The man was terrified that even a shapeless feeling could hurt him.

He had a strange belief: that kind, gentle words could hurt Riarun.

So he had never learned how to speak kindly.

After all, a hybrid wasn’t supposed to have emotions.

That’s why he couldn’t think of a single word to hold him back with.

The suffocating emotion he couldn’t name boiled over inside him.

Then, suddenly, Banwes stopped walking.

The rest of the group came to a halt, one after another.

Everyone turned to look at him in confusion.

At the center of it all, toward the small, slender figure.

“Riarun. I kissed you because I wanted to.”

For the first time, the distortion in his red eyes showed his desperation to hold onto him, by any words necessary.

“I have no intention of letting you go. Even if saying this makes things harder for you.”

Shock rippled through the group like an earthquake.