HPV 92

“High Priest, you should eat too.”

“I have no appetite.”

Indeed, Yurichen really didn’t seem hungry. Even during the physically demanding journey, he had shown little interest in food, so it wasn’t all that suspicious.

But then again, it was suspicious. While I devoured my meal, he never left my side and watched me the whole time.

On top of that, he followed me even after the meal—and unbelievably, he even helped me find things to do at the temple so I wouldn’t be bored.

“Would you like to see the vegetable garden we cultivate at the temple?”

“Um… maybe later.”

“Then how about a book? I’ve brought something Riarun might find interesting.”

I glanced at the title of the book Yurichen was holding, and I was nearly drawn in against my will. ‘110 Tips for Living Like a Scoundrel.’

No. I have things to do.

“I’d like to pick a book myself. May I visit the temple’s library?”

When I’d just returned to the capital, I heard rumors that the number of Rohin believers had significantly increased in the South.

Yes, this is reality.

The reality that the man who locked me underground for twelve years is living comfortably, praised by others.

The reality that he could reach out to me again at any time…

‘I want revenge.’

I want to strike first before he can lay a hand on me.

I have no power of my own, so the best way might be to provoke Yurichen, who considers the other orders a thorn in his side.

‘But I can’t speak it aloud. If I do, even the truth will sound like a lie.’

Even though the demon is gone, my mouth still won’t open because of the binding.

I recalled the past.

On a frozen mountaintop, Banwes’s uncle, who had lived with vengeance in his heart for years, brainwashed him.

That brainwashing was based on divine power… but since Hancanera bypassed me and became the High Priest, it wouldn’t be strange if he possessed powers beyond those of an ordinary spirit wielder.

At first, I tried to ask Yurichen directly whether there were any curses, bindings, or brainwashing spells placed on me. But I failed miserably. My mouth only spouted irrelevant words.

Even talking about the binding is itself bound.

So now I’m trying something else. If I can’t speak it or write it… what about this?

I visited the temple library. There were scholarly books, guides, and quite a few literary novels, but most were Gaioh doctrine texts.

I confirmed that Yurichen was watching my every move—even my slightest gestures.

Among the neatly arranged book spines, I looked for the first character of “binding”. I tried not to be too obvious as I pointed at the character with my finger.

“…”

When I came to my senses, I was just standing there holding a book. I didn’t feel like I had been controlled. It had just… slipped past me.

First, I was stunned. Then, I couldn’t breathe.

Did they think I would give up here? I’ll figure it out on my own if I must.

“I want to visit the Royal Library.”

It should be natural for me to go out when I want. But since the temple is Yurichen’s sanctuary, I couldn’t be sure. So I made a polite request.

For some reason, Yurichen agonized over it seriously before reluctantly agreeing—on one condition.

“Go with Bzhan.”

Bzhan had been staying near the swordsmanship academy with Penzey. I couldn’t leave him alone at the inn, so I’d sent him along with someone I knew. But now he was getting recruitment offers from the academy, which was a headache.

The boy came as soon as Yurichen contacted him. I gently patted his head, full of affection.

We headed to the second-largest library in the capital, one that even commoners could access.

Let’s look into speech-bindings. If I can’t find it here? I’d ask Penzey to search the Tower Library too.

As I walked through the bookshelves… I suddenly stopped and stared.

Tucked in the corner of one shelf was a copy of a Rohin doctrine text.

I reached out and took it. It wasn’t a book I’d never seen before—just a basic doctrinal text.

I opened it and read the first line:

“We are all a part of nature.”

The words floated up, glowing faintly. A high-pitched ringing filled my ears.

Panting breaths. I moaned lewdly and kissed the man who was on top of me.

It felt good. That kind of pleasure—nothing else could compare.

As he ran his hands over my naked body, groaning roughly, I saw a blackened figure behind him.

Its pitch-black eyes stared directly at my climaxing face, shameless and cold.

{I didn’t attach a demon to you just so you could go lose your virginity elsewhere, you know.}

A slightly bitter laugh, and an inquisitive tone that brushed aside even the dull weight in my chest.

It was a voice all too familiar—one that made my skin crawl.

How many times had I been beaten and imprisoned for so long, all because of a single word from Hancanera’s lips?

{Did it feel good while he was inside you? You really are an adult now, aren’t you?}

There was a thud. It was the sound of my knees hitting the library floor. I couldn’t feel a thing.

Through every moment I had lived—he had been there.

The closest thing I could compare it to was Gaioh’s divine insight… if used maliciously, with possessiveness as its core.

He had been watching me, peering into my thoughts throughout my journey. Everything I saw, Hancanera saw too. What I heard, ate, smelled, touched—he monitored it all.

Even every emotion I’d ever felt for one man… he had seen it all.

“He saw everything?”

The fact that the hero’s party made it this far.

My battle with Banwes.

The warmth we shared with our hands, lips, and hearts.

Even that fevered night.

Hancanera had performed the demon-summoning ritual. And I had become its vessel, thanks to his scheme.

Perhaps even my escape had been his plan—he let me loose to watch what I would do.

When kissing Banwes wasn’t enough to suppress the demon, we had eventually joined our bodies.

And after the demon vanished, I’d found myself hoping I could still hold on to him.

But if Hancanera had been toying with me from beginning to end, then it was all meaningless.

None of it was mine. Everything had been taken from me—or perhaps, I never had anything to begin with.

“Why did he let me go?”

So that when he dragged me back and locked me away again—this time forever—I’d know despair. After having tasted the world, it would destroy me all the more.

In that moment, my head suddenly turned of its own accord.

“……!”

I snapped out of it with a jolt and shoved the person away. The startled figure quickly withdrew their arm.

“Are you all right? You dropped your book and didn’t pick it up, so I worried you might be unwell.”

It was a librarian.

Under her concerned gaze, I barely managed to straighten my knees and stand. I accepted the handkerchief she offered and wiped the cold sweat from my brow.

I forced myself to reach out and return the Rohin doctrine book to the shelf.

But then I froze again.

The book I had picked up wasn’t a doctrine at all—it was a novel I’d never seen before.

When I hastily flipped open the first page, it wasn’t Rohin’s teachings I found—just a blank sheet of paper.

So many things had threatened my fragile body over the years.

The man had done everything he could to keep me alive—but danger still clung to me, the kind no one else could bear in my place.

{Did you enjoy your little outing? Bet you never want to come back. Right?}

It was as if needles were stabbing into my eardrums. I staggered, bracing myself against the hallway wall.

Not knowing whether that voice was a hallucination or something real made it all the more terrifying.

Everything I had done, thought, or willed suddenly seemed suspect.

“Can you understand what it feels like to not trust yourself at all?”

The demon was gone.

Maybe I’d finally become worthy of being at Banwes’s side… or so I thought.

But from the beginning, I’d had no right.

I belonged to the Rohin high priest —Hankaneira.

As I stepped outside the main entrance, dazzling sunlight poured down on me. I squinted and raised my hand to shield my eyes.

The brilliant light seemed to swallow up all sound, leaving my head ringing and disoriented. I walked aimlessly, not knowing where I was going.

Across from me stood a broad-shouldered figure, catching the sunlight like a dam holding back water.

My steps halted as if I’d seen a grim reaper.

Banwes was dressed in something I’d never seen before—a hood pulled low over his head and glasses borrowed from Penzey.

The glasses were enchanted to make his eye color appear a plain, unremarkable black.

They used stored magic power, so he couldn’t wear them long.

But they were useful for brief moments like this when he came to pick me up.

He parted his lips awkwardly, moved them once or twice, then finally muttered in a small voice,

“…Why didn’t you come to me before leaving the temple?”

I had no energy to question what he meant by that, or why he said it.

The moment I realized the truth of my life, I used all my strength just not to strangle myself or end my life to escape the horror.

So when I lifted my head, my expression was cold—so cold he wouldn’t even think to doubt it.

“You do your job. I’m not going to need you to clean up after me forever.”