IOB Ch 23

Ever since I came back from Gumi, I have become strange. Every time I looked at Woo Seonrim, all the tips of my limbs tingled, the corners of my eyes grew hot, and a peculiar wave stirred in my heart. Then, whenever Woo Seonrim and I happened to press our lips together, the face of the young Woo Seonrim from the depths of my memory would overlap, and my heart would pound like crazy.

When we kissed, I would get twice as breathless as usual, and eventually, I had no choice but to strike Woo Seonrim’s shoulder to push him away. For days, I pondered the reason for this damn mess, and I thought it might be because of guilt.

The guilt of only now remembering my first meeting with Woo Seonrim. And the regret for the useless words I had babbled in those days when I knew nothing…….

“Director, what on earth is wrong with you these days?”

“Huh?”

I was spacing out, and when Woo Seonrim’s words brought me back to my senses, I found myself pinned beneath him on the sofa. Just a moment ago, we had been sitting side by side, watching a music show performance. It seemed I had been sitting still like a puppet with its strings cut, not even realizing Woo Seonrim was pushing me over.

“What are you doing?”

“What are you doing, Director. You just keep saying, yeah, yeah, to every question. You weren’t listening to me, were you.”

“A person can get lost in thought sometimes…….”

“What were you thinking about that made you nod so readily when I asked if I could put it in today.”

“Did I do that?”

“Yes. Anyway, since you gave permission, let’s do the deed today.”

“You cowardly bastard. You have to fight fair and square. Taking advantage of a moment when a person is spacing out. Get off.”

“Saying one thing and then another isn’t very fair and square either.”

Woo Seonrim retorted smoothly as his hand stealthily slid under my clothes. Only then did my senses come back to me like a bolt of lightning.

“Are you serious? Do you have a reason to tear my asshole? It’s not ready yet, not by a long shot.”

“You can handle up to three fingers with no problem now.”

“Three? You said you only put in two. You son of a bitch, you lied to me.”

“What’s important is the fact that three fingers went in, one way or another.”

The human body is truly amazing. At first, even one finger was overwhelming. As a result of my asshole being penetrated repeatedly over the past ten days, my body had finally become accustomed to another’s invasion.

“S-Still, yours is thicker than fingers.”

Just because I had grown somewhat used to it did not mean the fear had completely vanished. Woo Seonrim’s cock was both long and thick. It would go in much deeper than fingers and press against my inner walls. I had no confidence that my fragile, virginal body could endure it.

Although I still acted smug, pretending to Woo Seonrim that I was experienced in sex, I, who was a virgin in both the front and the back, was inwardly extremely tense. The acts up to this point alone have been mind-blowing, so what would happen to me if full penetration were to occur…….

Honestly, it probably wouldn’t just be painful. For a first-timer, Woo Seonrim was a guy with a lot of knowledge he’d picked up from here and there, so he knew how to skillfully draw out a person’s pleasure. For me, who had once suspected myself of being anhedonic, the very fact that I could cum while pressing my bare skin against another person was shocking.

But isn’t it also a problem if it feels too good with Woo Seonrim’s cock in my ass? I don’t know. I have been experiencing a great deal of identity confusion lately.

Tap, tap. Woo Seonrim’s fingers touched my side and then slyly slid up to my armpit. I flinched my shoulders and kicked the sofa hard with my heels.

“Absolutely not today. I can’t do it. I’ll die.”

“You’re such a drama queen.”

“Then you present your ass. Shit, talking so easily when you get to have sex comfortably……. Saying that because it’s not your ass.”

Woo Seonrim gazed down at me, then suddenly lowered his head and kissed my forehead.

“W-What.”

“I was just kidding. I wasn’t planning on going all the way today anyway.”

“This bastard……”

Now he even knows how to tease me. It seemed Woo Seonrim had become much more relaxed.

“I did it because I was upset that you kept getting lost in thought. So, what were you thinking about?”

“I don’t know.”

There was no way I could say that, in fact, I had been thinking about you. That’s right. These days, my mind was entirely filled with things related to Woo Seonrim.

On the way back to Seoul after meeting Aunt Maehwa, the memories of the old days became even clearer. Young Woo Seonrim’s every gesture and word belatedly came to mind at random.

Black hair long enough to be tucked behind the ears. Eyes that were even darker than they are now. Large, round eyes. Eyelashes that trembled wondrously every time he blinked his eyelids, and so on.

I really thought the young Woo Seonrim was a girl. So, this is really embarrassing, but I wanted to look good to him. I tried to act cool, pretended to know things, and showed off by giving him tasty treats. That’s how eleven-year-old boys were……. And even back then, I was quite a sucker for a pretty face.

Maehwa Rice Cake Shop, where I arrived after running away from home with my mom. There, I harbored the naive, childlike expectation that a new life would begin. At first, my heart was filled with fear, but the thought that I had to look good to a stunningly beautiful girl made me suppress my fear and act quite composed.

At the time, Woo Seonrim was also staying at his aunt’s place, so we felt a sense of camaraderie, being in a similar situation. While my mom was cooped up in a room with Kim Hwiseon, talking about this and that, Woo Seonrim and I roamed the market floor.

‘Hold oppa’s hand tight! We can’t have you getting lost.’

I spouted nonsense like that……. It was my first time at that market too, but I dragged Woo Seonrim around as if I were a local. The more I recall, one by one, the more I want to bite my tongue.

But why didn’t Woo Seonrim tell me he was a boy? He’s a sly bastard, anyway. Shouldn’t he have corrected a misunderstanding of that degree? Making a person feel so embarrassed…….

Woo Seonrim probably remembered that time. Because he would often talk as if we had known each other for a long time.

Ah, actually, mistaking Woo Seonrim’s gender was no big deal. The main reason that threw my heart into disarray was something else.

At that time, while we were wandering around the market, we stopped in front of a second-hand general store. What caught my eye was an old electronic piano, full of scratches here and there. A piano. Would I no longer be able to play the piano? I think I had that thought.

Because I had started piano because of President Choi. Because playing the piano costs a lot of money. Because Mom and I would now live in poverty. I recalled the things President Choi had drilled into my ears until they bled. Curses that if we left home, we would be worthless trash and would suffer like beggars.

As we lingered in front of the piano for a while, the general store mister said.

‘Aren’t you the rice cake shop’s nephew? If you want to play the piano, go ahead. It’d be even better if you ask your aunt to buy it for you.’

At that moment, Woo Seonrim squeezed my hand and looked up at me. He was quite beautiful. Since my greatest pride at the time was the piano, I wanted to show off my skills a bit in front of this girl. Displaying my charm…… something along those lines.

I had Woo Seonrim stand next to me and began to play the Haydn sonata I was practicing at the time. It was my first time touching an electronic piano, so it felt awkward. The posture of playing while standing was also awkward. With each key I pressed, I suddenly missed the grand piano at home.

The sound is different. It’s too different.

But the moment I had that thought, a sense of guilt welled up with it. Don’t feel regret. Even if you end up playing a stationery store melodica for the rest of your life, just be satisfied. I soothed myself like that and continued to play.

Knowing full well how much my mom had suffered because of me. Clearly remembering the day we were both beaten by President Choi. To miss the piano I played in that house. That was the first moment in my life that I felt disgusted with myself.

An ordinary eleven-year-old wouldn’t be disgusted with themselves, but. I hated myself. The emotion of self-loathing, newly acquired that day, has gripped me my entire life and has not let go.

I didn’t finish the piece and stopped in the middle. I had started playing with a light heart, but my mood had sunk uncontrollably. The corners of my eyes throbbed. If this continued, I would only end up showing an unsightly side of myself to a girl I had just met. It was when I took my hands off the keyboard and stepped back.

Woo Seonrim, who had been following me silently from the rice cake shop without a word, opened his mouth.

‘It’s amazing.’

Woo Seonrim’s eyes sparkled. His face, which had been unusually gloomy for a child, was suddenly suffused with life.

The air around the old general store changed. The latter part of the Haydn sonata I had stopped playing echoed cheerfully in my head. The winter wind didn’t feel cold. Warmth spread across the back of my hands, which had turned red as soon as I took off my gloves.

Woo Seonrim, as if entranced by something, slowly approached the piano.

‘……Do you want to play too?’

Woo Seonrim nodded his head slowly. The way he awkwardly placed his hands on the keyboard was very clumsy. I figured he was a kid who was playing the piano for the first time. I could tell just by the angle at which he bent his hands. He was definitely not a kid who was used to the piano. The fingertips pressing the keys also seemed to lack any strength yet.

But without any sheet music, Woo Seonrim began to play.

A crude sound echoed through the market alley. It was a sound that clearly showed he was a beginner. That’s why Woo Seonrim felt even more bizarre. An unbelievable thing was happening before my eyes.

That kid copied the sonata I had been playing just moments before for about 8 measures, and then, he began to improvise on the main theme. His expression of dynamics1) was a mess. His handling of the final notes2) was also sloppy. Even with such playing skills, he was freely playing with the music. The notes danced on the air.

Now, I would have recognized Woo Seonrim’s genius right away, but at the time, I was also young, so my judgment was lacking. I couldn’t gauge the extent of his skill. Though I was instinctively amazed.

Woo Seonrim couldn’t finish his performance. He tilted his head in the middle, and as if he couldn’t continue the melody any longer, he took his hands off the keyboard. Then he stared at me intently.

I, slightly flushed, abruptly went up to Woo Seonrim.

‘How long have you been learning the piano?’

Woo Seonrim pursed his thick lips and just rolled his eyes. I thought he might be a very shy kid.

‘Keep playing the piano. You’re incredibly good. What did you say your name was again?’

‘……Woo…… Rim.’

‘Huh? Yurim? Right, Yurim.’

‘Name…….’

‘What? Ah, anyway, you absolutely have to do piano, for real.’

Woo Seonrim mumbled in a slurred voice, and the younger me was not patient enough to listen closely.

‘I hope we see each other at a concours later on.’

Although I was in a situation where I could not guarantee that I would continue with the piano, a murmur laced with sincerity escaped me without my knowing.

‘……A concours?’

Woo Seonrim looked up at me with eyes that held a faint curiosity.

‘Yeah. It’s where people who are good at piano gather and compete. If you win a prize there.’

If I won a prize at a concours…… President Choi would be pleased, and the beatings would lessen for a few days. The intensity of his verbal abuse toward Mom also weakened. So, to me, a concours was recognized as something special and good.

I couldn’t continue with my next words and hesitated for a moment.

‘If you win a prize, it’s good, anyway.’

‘If I go there, will Seoni hyung be there too?’

‘You should call me oppa.’

‘…….’

‘Well…… since there’s a bit of an age difference, we might not be able to compete together. But there are also competitions without age limits. And when we both become adults…….’

My words kept getting longer and longer, rambling on. The more I explained, the more my heart felt like it was shriveling up. Because it felt like even if I made this kind of promise, I wouldn’t be able to keep it anyway.

In the first place, would this kid’s family have enough money to support a piano major? Seeing as he was living off the rice cake shop, that was probably not the case.

I was a precocious child who had realized the logic of the capitalist world early on. You can’t have everything you want. President Choi always emphasized that. That I was lucky, that he was supporting me, that I was enjoying these things with his money.

‘The concours…… I’ll go.’

I didn’t take Woo Seonrim’s quiet mumble seriously.

Surely, he wouldn’t have started the piano just to keep a promise like this. I want to believe that’s not the case.

‘Yeah, yeah.’

It’s a world where things don’t go as you wish anyway. Around the time that rather pessimistic thought for a child crossed my mind, my mom came to get me.

For the next few days, my mom and I stayed at a nearby cheap inn. Mom said we couldn’t go to Aunt Maehwa’s house. I didn’t know the reason back then, but it seems she was probably trying to avoid Kim Hwiseon. It appeared that the conversation they had after meeting for the first time in a long while had not gone well.

Mom told me not to go outside the inn and to just stay quietly in the room. Then she bustled about, going here and there to look for ways to make a living. I was so bored and frustrated I felt like I would die.

Fortunately for me, Yurim, no, Woo Seonrim came to the inn to play with me. It was our time, just the two of us.

‘Seoni…… oppa.’

That small face calling me with a strange expression. I was happy to see him.

To be honest, I hated the old inn filled with a musty smell. I didn’t show it to my mom, but I was a little scared of being alone. So I was glad when Woo Seonrim came.

During those few short days, Woo Seonrim had been a pretty special existence to me. But why had I forgotten about it for so long?

It was probably because my memory became distorted around the time of my mother’s death. Some things are excessively vivid, and some things are excessively blurry.

Those few days in Gumi were a series of tense and uncertain days. Although I was also a little excited and thrilled at the thought of starting a new life with my mom. In the end, it concluded with the tragic ending of being caught by President Choi again.

I had deliberately buried a few of these complicated memories in the back of my mind. I hadn’t expected Woo Seonrim to be within them.

The closed memories open, and the past and the present are pieced together to become one. The words spoken by the child Woo Seonrim and the adult Woo Seonrim intersect.

‘Sometimes I think I shouldn’t have played the piano in front of others.’

Woo Seonrim had been in hell for several years because of the sponsor he met at the concours.

‘I would have lived an ordinary life. None of it would have happened, and I would have graduated high school in Korea……. But then. Would I not have been able to meet you again, Director? I don’t like that.’

The fear that I might have been the one who ruined Woo Seonrim constantly flickered in a corner of my heart. Even when we met as adults, I had tried to pull him onto the stage. If he hadn’t met me, would Woo Seonrim have lived a different life? Would it have been less painful?

This kind of guilt and self-loathing was extremely familiar to me. They were the emotions that would instantly consume me whenever I thought of my mom.

I always lead the people who truly love me, only those people, to hell……. A deep-rooted suspicion raised its head once again, and I felt like I was going to be sick.

“You’re lost in thought again.”

The one who pulled me out of my reverie was Woo Seonrim, as it always had been. I was lying limply on the sofa and looked up at him. Woo Seonrim had a sullen expression, as if he was displeased.

“……Woo Seonrim.”

“What is it.”

Only now can I see the traces of his childhood features scattered across that face. There were many things I wanted to ask Woo Seonrim, but I couldn’t organize them into words.

Did he really remember our meeting in Gumi? What did he think of me? Could it be that the me from back then had influenced him? Is it possible there’s something more that I haven’t recalled?

Leaving the numerous questions behind, the first words I blurted out were desperate.

“Call me oppa.”

“…….”

“I know it’s weird, but just once.”

I thought that if I heard that title again, my mind might become a little clearer. But as expected, it seemed like a crazy request. Woo Seonrim, who had been fiddling with my side, stared at me as if looking at a bizarre creature.

“You had this kind of fetish?”

“……Never mind, forget it. Pretend you didn’t hear it.”

Woo Seonrim tilted his head and brought his face right up to mine. His long eyelashes fluttered. Press. Woo Seonrim’s hard and hot center pressed down on my lower abdomen. There had been no sign of it, but at some point, he had stealthily gotten an erection.

Woo Seonrim spoke, gently rubbing his groin against me.

“Oppa.”

“…….”

“Yisak oppa.”

A light shiver ran through my entire body. This is fucking crazy. I reflexively flinched and whipped my head to the side.

“You told me to do it, and I did. Is this not it? Oppa.”

“……Fuck. Hey, I’m sorry. Stop it, stop.”

The more clearly I felt Woo Seonrim’s swollen member, the more a sense of sinfulness welled up. The old memories returning my ass. Living cheek-to-cheek with a pervert must be making me lose my mind too, because strangely, I was getting aroused. My genitals were responding.

“Ugh.”

Woo Seonrim put his full weight on me, crushing me from above.

“Director, what is this? You’re hard.”

“…….”

“Whether it’s a fetish, or if you were imagining another woman instead of me. I’m really curious.”

“What? It’s neither.”

Feeling somehow like a sinner, I curled my body up like a roly-poly.

“Should I wear women’s clothes for you next time?”

He might actually look good in them…… I hastily shook my head, chasing away thoughts like that.

“Forget it. Fuck, I don’t know why I’m turned on either……”

“I’m really curious what’s inside that head of yours.”

“That’s what I want to say to you. I feel a bit wronged.”

“Director, you’re an idiot.”

“Hey, I still graduated from a university abroad.”

“Are you looking down on me now for only having an elementary school education?”

Woo Seonrim glared at me with a face full of pique. He was getting annoyed more frequently today. I think it was entirely my fault, but. Meekly backing down didn’t suit my nature, so I found myself muttering.

“No, well, if you’re so pissed off, you can take the qualification exam or something……”

“Discriminationist.”

“Still, you should at least get a high school diploma. You might go abroad to study later. Having a history of studying overseas is something the public likes, and it’s easier for promotion. And thinking about tours later on……”

“Talking about work again. Are you going to send me abroad? Then what about you, Director? Planning to cheat to your heart’s content in Korea in the meantime?”

In fact, if Woo Seonrim were to become that established, I naturally intended to follow him as his manager, so Woo Seonrim’s question was rather baffling. I could just set up an overseas management company. So there was an option for him to go alone. Until now, I had never even considered the thought of being separate from Woo Seonrim.

Feeling a bit embarrassed and dumbfounded by that, I avoided Woo Seonrim’s gaze and mumbled.

“W-well, cheating is only a thing if we’re in a relationship. It’s not like we are.”

“Why are you only saying such mean things? Are you going to send me alone?”

“No, well, I’d assign people to you……”

My mouth was far from honest.

“I’m not going anywhere without you, Director.”

“……Live independently, independently.”

“Why would I live without you, Director.”

“Don’t go around saying things like that.”

“Ah, this is annoying, so take off your pants.”

“What?”

“I need a sense of security. I’m just going to suck your dick, Director.”

“What does that have to do with a sense of security……”

Woo Seonrim made his demand boldly and then proceeded to pull down my pants with his own hands. In an instant, my lower body was exposed.

“No, is he really a crazy bastard…… Hngh, heuu…….”

Without giving me a chance to protest, Woo Seonrim took my member into his mouth. It felt as if my waist was melting away. With trembling hands, I clutched Woo Seonrim’s hair. I liked the hair, which I had recently had him get slightly layered and trimmed.

Now, everything about Woo Seonrim had passed through my hands. He even smelled the same as me. To feel proud of something like this. I tried to reflect on where it all went wrong, but it seemed like I wouldn’t find an answer, so I decided to just empty my mind. I covered my eyes with my forearm and focused only on the pleasure Woo Seonrim was giving me. Fuck, as expected, it felt too damn good.

۶ৎ

“Ah, fuck.”

Just before entering the villa where President Choi was staying, I uttered a curse as if performing a ritual. I wanted to quickly show my face and return to Seoul.

Today was the important day when Woo Seonrim was having his profile pictures taken and doing his first media interview. I was planning to officially announce the management contract and promote Woo Seonrim by distributing materials to the press.

Woo Seonrim’s personal social media account, which the company had recently opened, was also growing smoothly. We pretended the company wasn’t involved, only posting daily life photos and short performance videos.

Korean netizens are truly quick, and they had already unearthed past articles about Woo Seonrim participating in elementary and middle school concours. After that, no trace of him could be found in the piano scene, which amplified Woo Seonrim’s mysterious image.

Without needing to add any commentary, just posting a single full-body shot on social media garnered a good response. Of course it did, fuck. It’s Woo Seonrim……. For reference, most of the daily life photos were ones I had taken. Meaning both the photographer and the subject were perfect.

Seeing several modeling offers come in through Woo Seonrim’s personal account, I realized that people’s eyes are all similar. Was I being extra, was I so captivated by his talent that I was seeing his face as too beautiful? Such doubts vanished completely.

That’s right. Woo Seonrim was…… objectively handsome. His uncommon face drew even more attention. He was a far cry from the look-alike rookie actors or pretty-boy idols you see everywhere. His physique was like a model’s, but his aura was strangely exotic and cynical. This was a raw gem that I had discovered.

As the interest in Woo Seonrim grew, a corner of my heart would occasionally flutter, but I had to force myself to ignore it. Whenever the anxiety that I might do something unnecessary again and lead Woo Seonrim down a strange path arose, I would tell myself.

No. It will be different this time. Because I’m not a child anymore. Because I’ve become an adult who knows how to use money and power.

The Choi surname, which I once hated, is the source of my strength. A powerful force that can protect someone. I am a person of the Jaeyu Group. Even if I tried to run away from the family, I can’t sever the blood ties anyway.

In that case, it is better to use it. I have to side with my eldest brother, who will be the next person in power. I will choose even the lesser evil.

If my stepmother and third brother, Choi Dowon, become the center of the Jaeyu Group, it will be troublesome for me in many ways. Choi Dowon despises me. My eldest brother, who just treats me like a robot toy dog, is better. He may use me, but he won’t try to harm me indiscriminately.

Choi Dowon was always itching to crush me. If he only had the chance, if he only had the power, he would want to dig into my weaknesses and have me removed from the family register. He was that kind of person. If he found out that I cared for Woo Seonrim a little too much, it was obvious he would be watching for an opportunity to destroy Woo Seonrim.

So, it couldn’t be wrong for me to move as my eldest brother demanded. I have to live too. Having been born the son of a concubine, it was impossible for me to become number one anyway, and I don’t have the personality for it either.

Kingmaker…… I can’t even dream of that. A pseudo-kingmaker. Not a pro, but a hobby-level kingmaker. A semi-semi-semi kingmaker, maybe…….

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fighting.”

I muttered to myself and entered the villa. I felt like I was gaining a bit of strength.

A while ago, I received clear orders from my eldest brother. Calling them orders makes me feel like some kind of secret agent, which is both funny and scary. Of course, the latter emotion was predominantly in control.

‘Ms. Jeong is getting too out of hand. Father passed on more shares to Choi Dowon than I thought. I also can’t stand the sight of the board members who are still on Father’s side. It’s not like everything will be resolved just by sending Father off comfortably and quickly.’

My eldest brother’s tone was so gentle that it all sounded like no big deal.

‘We have to kill off Choi Dowon first.’

‘……Kill?’

When I asked, tense, my eldest brother scoffed as if it was absurd.

‘We can’t actually kill him. Yisak, is a person’s life that cheap.’

He said, after talking as if it were.

‘Dowon is not sick like Father. If a perfectly healthy man in his 30s suddenly dies, it would be too suspicious. There needs to be a plausible cover story.’

‘…….’

‘It seems Choi Dowon has embezzled a bit through a paper company. He’s also gotten his feet wet in that redevelopment deal that’s been making noise in the National Assembly lately.’

‘Did he have the brains for that……?’

‘Ms. Jeong is behind him. And Father even stepped in to help.’

Was Choi Dowon the son that President Choi cherished the most? Funnily enough, I felt a slight sense of betrayal. He had saddled me with a failing hotel business. But he helped that bastard Choi Dowon with money laundering? That wicked old man. He deserves to die.

‘I think Father has more evidence of the embezzlement. If we dig around, something else sordid might turn up. You know Father’s habit. He’s an old-timer, so he doesn’t trust digital and records everything in analog, you know.’

He was a man who even believed that COVID-19 could be transmitted through the internet. President Choi was half-crazed with superstitions and shamanism. As he got older, those symptoms worsened.

‘It’s not in his personal safe. He must have a separate place where he keeps it. I think you’ll have to get that information from Father.’

‘……Me?’

‘I think Choi Dowon has a rough idea? But Father likes you these days. Sending you for caregiving every week has had an effect. He doesn’t even want to see me or Geonyeong, but he lets you into the villa separately.’

I felt like a Trojan horse.

‘I’m not asking for the exact location. Just humor him and try to fish out a clue.’

‘But he’s not the type of man who will just tell me if I ask.’

‘That’s why you have to try your best, Yisak.’

Me? How on earth? While I was at a loss, my eldest brother nonchalantly laid out even more incredible words.

‘Once you find out the location of the ledgers from Father, send him off well.’

And the method my eldest brother suggested was very simple and effective.

President Choi was a diabetic. Diabetes had also led to liver cancer. If we overdose the Semax solution he gets injected with, with insulin. He would immediately go into severe hypoglycemia and die.

Since he was already a severe diabetic, it was a plausible cause of death. And since President Choi was staying at the villa because he hated hospitals to death (saying they were full of ghosts and the aura of death would cling to him or something), it was easy to play tricks.

The number of people who could freely enter the villa and meet privately with President Choi could be counted on one hand, and I was included among them. Why? Because I’m his son…….

Funnily enough, President Choi avoided being alone with my eldest brother. Eldest brother didn’t push it too hard either. There were still quite a few beefy guys loyal to President Choi, and he probably didn’t want to cause unnecessary trouble and arouse suspicion.

So, I had to do it. I would be the son who, after caregiving with deep filial piety, would be the first to discover President Choi’s death one morning.

Since I was a person who had absolutely nothing to do with management rights, I was outside of everyone’s guard. I wouldn’t get any scraps from my eldest brother for this, so I wouldn’t be tied to his faction either.

The reward I would receive was very small and personal. Safety, and Woo Seonrim. That was all.

Actually, that was enough. And on top of that, I get to take revenge on President Choi with my own hands. And screw Choi Dowon over too. Not bad.

Walking while comforting myself, I found myself in front of President Choi’s room. I ran into the resident caregiver and gave a light nod, and the caregiver shook his head with a face full of fatigue. It meant President Choi’s condition was not good today.

I swallowed a sigh and grabbed the doorknob. President Choi was lying askew on the bed, surrounded by the latest medical equipment, watching the television screen. It was a space equipped with everything like a hospital, and his personal physician also visited here every day.

He receives such devoted care as if he were a monarch from some royal era. It’s so unsightly I could die. His strength will continue to decline and his movements will become more difficult, but at this rate, he looks like he’ll prolong his life for a hundred, a thousand years. As my eldest brother said, if we don’t step up and handle it, I might have to see that old man’s face for several more decades.

My breath catches in my throat. I was the one who wished for President Choi’s early death more than anyone. The key to realizing that wish has been passed to me. But I’m not entirely happy.

President Choi, his face flushed red, was shouting before he belatedly looked at me.

“No, you son of a bitch! Where are you throwing the ball! ……Oh, you’re here, youngest.”

“Yes.”

A game of the Jaeyu Pioneers baseball team was being broadcast live. The Jaeyu Group had acquired the baseball team a few years ago for the purpose of changing the corporate image to be more friendly. They inherited the predecessor club but completely changed the mascot and team name.

It was a project that President Choi actively pushed because he was a baseball fan, but I couldn’t understand why that stupid ball game was so popular. The sight of him getting fired up over one tiny ball was also ridiculous. President Choi trembled and muttered to himself.

“Did I buy that bastard for nothing. Damn it. I should have brought in a different foreign player. The front office bastards have no sense. They all need to be fired.”

I sat down on the sofa placed next to the sickbed and said.

“What’s the baseball team’s ranking this year?”

At that, President Choi suddenly bellowed.

“Why are you so uninterested in our team. You even send our company’s celebrities to throw the first pitch! You should be cheering with all your heart and sending all your soul, and even that wouldn’t be enough. You bastard, you, go to church and pray or something.”

“Looks like autumn baseball is out of the question this year too.”

There’s no way he’d be that angry if they were doing well.

“Did you come here to provoke me?”

One of the biggest culprits for the Jaeyu Pioneers lingering in the lower ranks was probably President Choi. He was likely meddling in every single player acquisition, telling the front office to do this and that……. President Choi might have a talent for making money, but he had no eye for baseball.

“It’s easier if you give up.”

“Ugh, fuck, he missed that one!”

President Choi yelled at the screen, pounding the bed with his fists. At this rate, he was going to die from high blood pressure before I even touched him.

“Agh, I’m not watching this.”

The score was already a 7-point difference. President Choi turned off the television and then abruptly turned his body to the side and lay down on the bed. The sight of the old man muttering to himself was pathetic.

“Hey, Yisak. Peel some fruit.”

“Yes, yes.”

Since I had been visiting frequently, his skill at ordering me around had also improved. With a gloomy heart, I brought the fruit and a paring knife. President Choi watched me absentmindedly as I peeled the apple skin in a spiral, and then he spoke.

“It’s good to see you’ve become gentler these days. You’re the best among my sons. The other ones are too busy with work and don’t even think about coming.”

“My hyungs are busy.”

This situation where I was being mistaken for a filial son, when I was only coming because I was forced to, was dreadful. Does President Choi think I care for him? It was a truly disgusting state of affairs. I managed my expression as best as I could, occasionally glancing around the room.

There was more clutter than when I had come a few days ago. The most noticeable things were the talismans plastered all over the wall. So the old man has called a shaman again. He hadn’t come to his senses even after collapsing from overexerting himself in a shamanistic ritual last time.

Since he became ill, his tendency to rely on shamans had definitely become more severe. Even though he was a Christian in public. Since I didn’t believe in any god, I just found President Choi, who was making all this fuss, strange and absurd.

What does it mean to believe in something with all one’s heart? If you earnestly wish for the Jaeyu Pioneers to make it to autumn baseball, does that wish really reach the team? If you live in a room wrapped in health talismans, will cancer and diabetes be cured at once? It seems humans are a species that always wishes and prays, even while knowing it’s impossible.

To absolutely revere something. To believe, to rely on, or to worship. To overcome the anxiety of existence and fill the void, even if it sometimes appears irrational. That might be a human trait.

In fact, when you think about it, I wasn’t much different. While some sought shamans and others sought the cross. I clung to music. Music was my religion.

Suddenly, I wondered what Woo Seonrim was like. That guy had lived surrounded by religious fanatics for several years, yet he seemed to have no faith in their doctrines at all. Even if it was an organization he had joined following Kim Hwiseon, not of his own will, one would think he might have been converted after living there.

From the start, Woo Seonrim had an image of not relying on anything. Rather than worshiping and chasing after music like me, he played with it. It seemed like he would calmly observe even if his own life were scattered like the wind. Either way, with a dry and parched expression.

Still, there were rare moments when desire spread across Woo Seonrim’s face. When he had just finished his own performance. And…….

‘Director, I love you.’

The image of Woo Seonrim’s face looking at me abruptly came to mind and instantly took over my thoughts.

For a moment, I almost dropped the apple I was holding. This fucker, why is this popping into my head now. Heat flared up in my body reflexively. Woo Seonrim looks at me too directly, and for no reason. Those eyes are the problem.

Just as I was trying to cool down and focus on peeling the apple again, this time, President Choi interrupted me.

“Looking at you like this, I’m reminded of how much you resemble your mother.”

“……Yes? Ugh.”

Why is he suddenly talking about Mom here? The paring knife slipped and slightly cut the side of my hand. It wasn’t a big wound, but an unpleasant stinging sensation washed over me. I quickly pressed a tissue to the wound to stop the bleeding, but President Choi had a face completely soaked in his own sentiment. He didn’t seem to know I had cut myself.

“When is Seonju’s death anniversary. It was around summer. Wasn’t it.”

Squeeze. Blood soaked into the tissue.

How dare you put that name in your mouth? When you can’t even remember the anniversary properly. Suddenly, a numbness started from my fingertips and my whole body trembled in a spasm. Various things I didn’t want to remember rushed in all at once. I felt nauseous.

I wanted to kill the old man in front of me right now. I wanted to strangle him. I was a madman for hesitating, feeling uneasy about killing him when he was a human being like that. That thing deserves to die. My breathing became increasingly rapid and ragged, and I barely managed to hold it together and stuttered.

“The anniversary…… I, am taking care of it…… on my own.”

“Should I go to the columbarium where Seonju is this year.”

Only now? Now that his body is old and sick and it’s time to die, he’s indulging in old memories, pretending to be a human being with feelings.

My mom had long since become a person who had never existed in this family. It had been an eternity since we had spoken in detail about my mom’s death. It was better that way. If I had talked about my mom often with the Choi family members, I really would have gone insane.

“I was neglectful of Seonju.”

“…….”

“I shouldn’t have let her go like that.”

“S-stop……”

“You saw some terrible things too.”

“……I said, stop.”

“Look at this. He’s already about to cry just from the mention of his mom. Sigh, Seonju also made a wrong decision at the end. If she had thought about seeing her own child, she shouldn’t have died like that at home……”

Thud. I knocked over the table in front of the sofa and shot to my feet. Startled by the loud noise, President Choi stopped muttering and looked at me.

I wanted to suppress my temper, but it wasn’t easy. President Choi was a man who had rarely done anything good for me, so the surge of resentment itself was familiar. But it had been a long time since President Choi had explicitly mentioned ‘that incident.’

What answer does he want from me. I thought, struggling to compose myself amidst my relentlessly quickening breath. That’s right. It’s all Mom’s fault. I resent my mom. Would he be satisfied if I spouted something like that?

A sharp pain gradually arose in the skin cut by the paring knife. My heart felt as if it were being crushed by my ribs. The urge to kill President Choi boiled up strongly. President Choi’s yellowish eyes looked disgusting.

……No. The old man might be testing me.

My chest ached from lack of breath, and I placed a hand on it. I don’t want to faint. As the warmth of my palm seeped through my shirt, the pain seemed to ease a little.

Get a grip, Choi Yisak. I shouted at myself internally. I’m not a kid anymore. The childhood days of crying and struggling like a madman, only to earn a click of the tongue from President Choi, were over.

Letting emotions take the lead accomplishes nothing. I ignored the images of death flickering endlessly in my mind. I am an adult. I will not cry and laugh and be shaken as President Choi wishes.

I clenched my trembling hand into a tight fist, then released it. Cold sweat was running down from the nape of my neck to my spine. I collected my shallow breaths and righted the table that had fallen on the floor.

“……I’m sorry, Father. I got a little worked up.”

President Choi’s gaze stuck to my face. I swept my hair back with my palm and quickly wiped away the sweat that had formed on my forehead. President Choi stared at me for a moment before speaking.

“Do you, still hate me.”

The cunning and disgusting old man. President Choi’s dark and powerless-looking face sharpened for a moment.

As expected, he’s testing my loyalty to him. It’s President Choi’s old habit. Even while on the verge of death, he hadn’t let go of a sliver of vigilance. It was fortunate, I suppose, that he was generally soft on his own flesh and blood.

I had to earn President Choi’s trust. Even if it meant fawning over him. This situation was shitty and terrible, but there was nothing I could do. I didn’t have the confidence to reassure President Choi with calmness as my weapon. A poker face was not my forte.

It was better to appeal to his emotions. President Choi, surprisingly, had a cheap sensibility, so this might work better.

Besides, I was pretty good at acting out tears. Plop. I slumped onto the sofa and covered my face with both hands. I didn’t hold back the welling tears and deliberately sobbed even more violently.

“Hey, Yisak. Are you crying.”

Tsk. I faintly heard President Choi click his tongue. I revealed my trembling fingertips for President Choi to see clearly and muttered.

“I don’t want to be like this either…… but these days, with you being sick, Father…… I guess I’ve been thinking a lot. Actually, a while ago, Mom appeared in my dream.”

A blatant lie.

“What? Seonju did?”

As I spoke with a heavy dose of tears, I could feel President Choi taking the bait. Heup. I sniffled and then rubbed my cheeks hard with the back of my hand. Through my blurry, watery vision, I saw President Choi’s face.

“In the dream…… she talked to me about you, Father.”

Fear flickered in President Choi’s eyes for a moment. I guess he knows he acted like trash. I don’t believe in ghosts, but if my mom had accumulated resentment and become an evil spirit, I would have thought it was understandable.

“What did she say.”

“She said not to hate you too much, Father……. That it just happened that way because misunderstandings piled up between you two. She said you were good to her when you first met.”

“Yes, I was.”

“She said if you live hating people, you’ll end up getting sick like her. To take good care of you, Father……. That’s why I’ve been visiting you so often lately.”

“……Seonju was a kind child.”

“But when you suddenly brought up Mom, my emotions, haah, I couldn’t control them.”

“Goodness, you’ve always been a boy with too many tears.”

“I know. That I’m weak. I’ve tried hard to fix it, heuk, but it doesn’t work well. I wanted to be strong like you, Father……”

“…….”

“Ah, Mom told me to make sure you eat a lot of red food.”

President Choi’s yellow eyes widened a little more. I had blurted it out after suddenly recalling my eldest brother’s words that my stepmother had recently been buying up a ton of beef for yukhoe, as if she were about to open a restaurant. The reason for such abnormal behavior at home was usually an instruction from a shaman, so I had made a rough guess, but seeing his expression, it seemed I had hit the nail on the head.

While I tried to shed tears pathetically, I was frantically racking my brain. Fuck, how can I shake this old man up even more? It seemed my lucky guess had worked; President Choi appeared quite shaken by the words “red food.”

“Is that true?”

“She said things with red skin, not just red meat, are also fine…… so I brought an apple.”

“No, did Seonju really say red food.”

“Yes.”