IOB Ch 24

“Haa…… this is.”

President Choi slapped his forehead with his palm.

“Seonju has come, Seonju has come……”

The sight of him muttering in awe was horrifying, but I didn’t stop my acting.

“I’ll tell you next time Mom comes to my dreams again.”

“Yes, you must.”

“Later, I could go and see the Bosal-nim and have a talk……”

“Hey, that’s great. Good thinking, Yisak.”

I sniffled while roughly wiping my face with a tissue. President Choi had taken the bait. This way of winning President Choi’s heart was something only I could do. If my eldest brother or Choi Geonyeong cried, the old man wouldn’t even bat an eye. Because it would be obvious that it was an act.

To President Choi, I was a guy who had experienced a tragic event as a child, was so lacking in perseverance that I quit the piano midway, and was so weak-willed that I had no desire for management whatsoever. So it worked. Because I was the unremarkable, illegitimate youngest son.

But as time passes, even a cowardly boy eventually becomes an adult. I covered my tear-stained face with my hands and suppressed the hollow laugh that threatened to burst out.

۶ৎ

“Director, are you really going to the studio?”

With my nose and mouth buried in an oxygen respirator, I just nodded my head. I was hyperventilating. It had been somewhat bearable when I was facing President Choi at the villa, but as soon as I got in the car, the symptoms worsened. My hands and feet trembled, and the collar of my shirt was soaked with ceaseless cold sweat.

It had been a long time since I’d had such a severe panic attack. Since I had been seeing President Choi more frequently these days, the portable respirator I had prepared just in case was doing its job perfectly. Shiiik, shwiik. I was curled up, inhaling deeply.

Ah, this sucks.

It felt like my lungs were being torn apart. I hated myself, trembling pathetically in the back seat of the car. There’s a thought that always comes to mind at times like this. Why was I born like this? Couldn’t I have been a little more ordinary? My eldest brother and Choi Geonyeong were fine even after seeing all sorts of things. Is it really because I’m weak? No, do you know what a hanged corpse looks like? If you don’t know, it’s better to just go on not knowing.

Why did I have to be the first one to see it? Why did Mom die like that? It’s not like many people went in and out of Mom’s room. She must have known that the probability of me being the first witness was very high. Why. No, Mom was sick in her later years. Her mind was very sick. But still……. This kind of undutiful resentment wells up, but in the end, it always leads to one conclusion.

It would have been better if I hadn’t been born. If I didn’t exist, none of this would have happened.

When I was in high school, these thoughts reached an extreme, and I would suddenly start crying even when just standing still. That’s why President Choi treated me like a weak invalid. Crying while eating, crying while walking, crying while playing the piano. The funny thing is, in the year that we actually held Mom’s funeral, not a single tear fell.

My eighteen-year-old self lived submerged in tears that came belatedly. The air always felt heavy and damp. It felt like I was walking through the deep sea, not on land. I wondered if other people felt like they wanted to die every day. If it was just me who was unusually like this, then it must be proof that I was a flawed human being.

I wondered how the people on the street could move their legs, breathe, and walk so effortlessly. I had to put all my effort into every single one of those actions, but they all seemed so natural. If there was some secret method, I wanted to know it too.

It was around that time. That I heard the rumor about the boy who appeared like a comet in the classical music world, Woo Seonrim.

I went alone to see a concours that Woo Seonrim participated in. My days were only bearable if I filled my head with a stimulus other than death, so I was drawn by the interesting rumor.

Woo Seonrim was an overwhelming genius. While listening to Woo Seonrim’s performance, I didn’t feel like I wanted to die. All my nerves were focused on following the melody. It had been so long since death had momentarily disappeared from my mind. For others, this would be a normal state, but for me, it was a novel sensation.

It would be nice if I could live buried only in this kind of music. The moment I left the realm where music flowed, it felt like my breath would stop and I would immediately become a corpse. It was from then on. That I couldn’t get excited in a normal way and started living like a person who was dead somewhere inside.

But if I hadn’t met Woo Seonrim back then, it’s certain that I would have physically met my death. Thanks to Woo Seonrim, I had managed to stay alive, even if in a slightly shabby state.

“Heueub…… heuu……”

My breathing is slowly stabilizing.

I wanted to see Woo Seonrim. This fucker, I couldn’t stand the thought of wanting to see Woo Seonrim. My hair must be a mess and my complexion must be terrible, but I had to go where Woo Seonrim was and see him.

Woo Seonrim must be in the middle of his first media interview. It was the moment his great journey was beginning. I didn’t want to interfere. If I showed up looking like a madman, I might ruin the atmosphere.

Maintain your identity as a cool-headed businessman. Please, get a hold of your senses. Does anything change if you meet Woo Seonrim now? It’s just a momentary feeling. A momentary impulse…….

I tried to soothe myself, but my desire to see Woo Seonrim remained unchanged.

“F-uck……”

I threw the respirator aside and grabbed my hair.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck……”

“Director?”

Driver Kim glanced at me in the rearview mirror as if looking at a madman. It was the gaze of an ordinary person, slightly frightened. For a moment, the thought that Woo Seonrim wouldn’t look at me like that surged up.

I wouldn’t dare to predict Woo Seonrim’s actions, but he would surely deflate me in some way. I would burst into a hollow laugh out of absurdity, and after scolding Woo Seonrim for being a madman, all my tension would melt away with the single phrase “I love you” that he utters like a habit.

I would be able to breathe comfortably. If Woo Seonrim were next to me right now, surely.

I leaned my head against the car window, exhausted. I’m fucked……. It seems I’ve really come to like that guy, Woo Seonrim. My chest tightened for a different reason than before.

Kreung. Sniffling, soaked in cold sweat and tears, the first love I had come to realize.

Objectively, it was far from beautiful, but at least in my life, it was one of the few beautiful moments.

۶ৎ

-Hey, you’ve arrived, so why aren’t you coming up?

Han Yeseo’s shrill voice came from over the phone. I was in front of the studio where Woo Seonrim was having a magazine shoot. Even after parking the car, I couldn’t bring myself to get out.

It’s strange. When I was holding onto the respirator, I had urged Driver Kim so much because I wanted to see him even one second sooner. But now that I had arrived, I didn’t have the courage to face Woo Seonrim.

This is the kind of guy I am. I can be full of confidence, but when the actual situation arises, I want to run away.

Is it because I’ve finally admitted that I like Woo Seonrim? My face grew hot and I tapped my toes nervously. I needlessly rubbed the car seat with my fingertips.

-The interview part is all done, and we’re in the middle of shooting the photos that will be in the magazine.

“Ah…… I see.”

Woo Seonrim was scheduled to participate as a guest performer and collaborate in the neo-classical concert that Han Yeseo was planning. Even though he wasn’t in charge of the main program, he had a sufficiently impressive solo part. It was an unconventional opportunity for a performer whose only experience was winning a concours in his childhood. Without Han Yeseo’s name value and guarantee, it would have been virtually impossible.

Starting with this concert, we planned to promote Woo Seonrim not only online but also offline. To grow quickly and release an album and hold a solo concert by next year. Everything was flowing smoothly.

The only thing that deviated from the plan was my emotions. The moment I thought of Woo Seonrim, my heart pounded like crazy to an absurd degree.

-He looks even more handsome all dressed up.

Han Yeseo’s words piqued my curiosity. I chewed on my lower lip.

“W-was the interview okay?”

-Yeah. He didn’t say anything unnecessary and did as he was told.

“That’s a relief.”

Woo Seonrim is smart, so if he put his mind to it, he would be good at acting like a normal person.

-Hey, are you going to stay in the car?

“……W-well, is a video call possible for a moment.”

-Why?

“Just check if I look weird right now.”

-Huh?

Driver Kim praised me, saying everything about me was fine and beautiful, but I couldn’t trust his judgment. Han Yeseo, with a bewildered expression, switched to a video call. Han Yeseo’s face filled the phone screen.

“How do I look?”

-What do you mean, how? You look the same as usual. Handsome and look rich.

“Ah, really? For real?”

-What on earth are you asking me to look at.

“I don’t look too…… like a dazed idiot, do I?”

Han Yeseo’s eyebrows twitched, and she got annoyed.

-No.

“Okay.”

-You didn’t fight with Woo Seonrim, did you? That would be a problem right now.

On the contrary, the problem was that my feelings for Woo Seonrim had become clearer. I felt like Woo Seonrim would recognize and be sure of it the moment he saw me. That I liked him. And that I had finally admitted that fact.

If you ask why that’s a problem, I have nothing to say. I’m just embarrassed. It’s my first love. Facing something at thirty that I hadn’t even experienced during my adolescent years was making me feel like I was going to lose my mind. Fuck, Choi Yisak’s cool is all gone…….

-Settle your lovers’ quarrel on your own. Woo Seonrim has been asking when Mr. Yisak is coming every 10 minutes. What are you two doing.

“Woo Seonrim was looking for me……”

My cheek twitched without me realizing it.

-What’s this? If you’re going to make that face, you should hurry up and come. I guess you didn’t fight?

“U-uh, we didn’t fight.”

-Ah. This feels weirdly bad. Kind of annoying, maybe? I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago, so you two better be careful. I’m hanging up.

It felt like just yesterday that she said she had a younger boyfriend, but she already broke up with him? While I was taken aback, the video call abruptly ended.

It seemed that a romantic relationship was a rather shallow and light social contract. They date, then they break up, and they repeat that. Other people live their lives doing that without a care. But for me, it took a long time and a lot of effort just to admit that I like Woo Seorim. Well, this too is probably because I’m not normal.

I needlessly scratched the back of my neck and got out of the car. My heart pounded like a madman the entire time I was going up to the studio where the shoot was taking place. A cumbersome and unfamiliar feeling that squeezed my heart. I maintained a stoic exterior, but inside, I was in turmoil. I was in a state like an adolescent boy with the face of a clean-cut 30-year-old businessman. Embarrassingly so.

As soon as I entered the studio, I saw Woo Seonrim between people’s shoulders. He was a head taller than others, so it was impossible not to find him at once.

“Ah.”

The crazy bastard…… is so damn handsome…….

His long hair, intentionally tousled. A thin knit made of a material that clung tightly to his body. The lines of Woo Seonrim’s chest and abs were faintly visible. It seemed he had been working out a bit lately; I could see the muscles on his forearms. His shoulders were naturally broad to begin with.

But why is his top so short. When Woo Seonrim struck a pose with his arms raised, his lower abdomen was slightly visible. The light reflected off his pale skin. No, at this rate, his belly button is going to show. Is it okay for a pianist to compete with his body, revealing his bare skin……. Fortunately, Woo Seonrim quickly lowered his arms.

I stayed in the corner as much as possible, hiding myself and composing my expression. I habitually swept my bangs back once and crossed my arms. My arms touched my chest, and I could clearly feel the pounding of my heart.

“Fuck……”

Love seems to be quite a nuisance. Once I became aware of it, emotions rushed in endlessly as if a dam had burst, and they were accelerating. It was an unbearable stimulus. Thanks to that, everything except Woo Seonrim was pushed out and disappeared from my mind. The fact that I had just seen President Choi felt as distant as if it had happened several days ago.

Click, Flash. Woo Seonrim was continuing the shoot without being awkward in front of the camera lens.

“Oh, good. This time, turn to the side. Ooh, that’s good!”

The photographer’s exclamation was filled with sincerity. It wasn’t just a cheer to boost the model’s confidence. Even I, who was secretly watching from the corner, was occasionally impressed. Woo Seonrim changed his posture slightly without any large movements, and the position of his arms, the angle of his chin, and so on were all natural.

“Hey, have you done this kind of work before? It’s so good. Now, this time, sitting down. Ooh, the gaze is great.”

As always, Woo Seonrim acted like a person who didn’t know the meaning of nervousness. He breathed comfortably as if this was not a special situation at all. That strangely listless gesture suited his dreamlike features well.

I stared blankly at the screen where the images appeared in real time every time the photographer pressed the shutter. Woo Seonrim’s face, once filtered through the camera lens, had a certain appeal. Although the photos couldn’t fully capture the atmosphere of his real self.

It was when I took one or two steps forward as if bewitched. Woo Seonrim, who had been standing with a bored expression among the lights, suddenly turned his head. Our eyes met over the shoulders of the staff.

“Eok.”

I was so flustered that a strange sound escaped me without my knowing. I hadn’t wanted to interrupt the shoot. The moment Woo Seonrim spotted me, the flow of the shoot came to an abrupt halt. It was because Woo Seonrim, who had been vacantly relaxed, opened his eyes wide and shouted at me.

“Director.”

The atmosphere of the studio changed, and the heads of the shooting staff turned on their own. Towards where Woo Seonrim’s gaze was directed.

Suddenly, I was standing in the middle of people’s attention. I could die of embarrassment. Regardless, Woo Seonrim didn’t care about his surroundings and tried to walk straight toward me.

“Mr. Seonrim. Continue the shoot, the shoot!”

I quickly opened my mouth. Woo Seonrim sullenly retracted the foot he had extended toward me. His face, which had been slightly suffused with life in his delight, became vacant once again.

Why is he so happy to see me, to the point of being embarrassing……. Is he a puppy or something. Even though his appearance has not a single cute corner. I placed a hand on my pounding chest and leaned my back against the wall again. Heat rose to my face. Hu, hu, I took a deep breath.

The eyes that had sharpened in focus the moment he found me keep coming to mind. And the corners of his mouth that had naturally curved up. No, that bastard…… doesn’t he like me too much? There’s not even a little room for confusion here.

Every now and then, when I realize that Woo Seonrim is younger like this, it feels really strange. The thought that Woo Seonrim is cute would stealthily raise its head, and it was an ordeal to ignore it. He is cute……. No, get a grip. The two minds would clash fiercely. Now, my mind was firmly tilted to one side.

I could no longer deny the fact that Woo Seonrim looked cute. Look at this. Love makes people stupid. I’m ruined.

While I was engulfed in all sorts of anguish, poke. Someone poked my arm from the side. There was only one person here who would do this to me.

“Ms. Yeseo.”

Han Yeseo had come along to the set, volunteering to act as Woo Seonrim’s manager in my place. Seeing a familiar face, my mind calmed down a bit and the tension eased.

“You came after all.”

I nodded to Han Yeseo and said.

“Thank you for coming with Woo Seonrim today.”

“He looked displeased that I came. His expression was sullen too.”

Han Yeseo narrowed her eyes and mimicked Woo Seonrim’s sulky expression. I could immediately imagine what kind of face it was, and a small laugh escaped me.

“That’s his usual face.”

“No, he was really annoyed with me.”

“It’s because you told that strange lie last time. Woo Seonrim suspects something is going on between us.”

Han Yeseo’s eyes widened with curiosity.

“He’s still wary of me? Does he think there’s something between me and Mr. Yisak? But thanks to me, you got the contract signed quickly, didn’t you. Now I think it’ll be fine if you just explain it well, Mr. Yisak.”

“I did, but he doesn’t believe me.”

Han Yeseo spoke in a tone that suggested she wasn’t worried at all.

“Hmm, try to consistently build trust with Mr. Seonrim. Fighting.”

Han Yeseo made fists with both hands and teased me. She is quite annoying. I don’t have a sister so I don’t know for sure, but I wonder if this is what it feels like to have a teasing younger sister. I can’t say anything, this……. As I let out a deep sigh, Han Yeseo pointed over my shoulder with her fingertip.

“Mr. Seonrim is looking this way.”

When I turned my head halfway, Woo Seonrim was staring this way with dog-like eyes. The gloomy aura he had been exuding had vanished without a trace, and Woo Seonrim just shot a fiercely hostile gaze.

Han Yeseo took it a step further and waved her hand at Woo Seonrim. Flustered, I immediately grabbed Han Yeseo’s hand and pulled it down.

“Are you provoking the kid?”

“It is fun to tease him. And there was what he did to me.”

It seemed Han Yeseo still held a grudge against Woo Seonrim for ignoring her calls day in and day out at the very beginning.

“If you do this, that kid Woo Seonrim will get seriously mad.”

“Aish, I get it. I’ll talk to Mr. Seonrim too after the shoot is over. That you and I are nothing now, Mr. Yisak. Just friends, totally friends. Okay?”

“Well, I wonder if Woo Seonrim will understand…….”

He was a guy who was so bad at listening to others that I was worried. The gaze already piercing the back of my head was painfully sharp.

“Well, wouldn’t the rest be Mr. Yisak’s part? Try to soothe and control your lover well.”

“No, in the first place, he’s not even my lover……”

“Hmm? What are you talking about?”

Han Yeseo’s eyes opened strangely. She stared at me with an expression as if observing a rare creature.

“……Why are you looking at me like that.”

“Still not lovers. That’s really strange.”

“Well, it can be like that.”

I retorted shamelessly, but the more Han Yeseo stared at me, the more I felt guilty for some reason and a chill ran down my spine. I slightly avoided Han Yeseo’s gaze and mumbled.

“……Is, it a little weird?”

Han Yeseo nodded her head heavily.

“Not even lovers, but you live together and follow him everywhere. Are you raising a child?”

“It’s a similar…… concept, I guess.”

“You don’t kiss a child.”

I was startled by the word kiss and my heart pounded.

“Fuck, did Woo Seonrim even tell you we kissed?”

“No. I just took a guess and got it right. I knew it. It was just a feeling. You two are too close. There’s not a speck of distance to be found.”

“……”

“But you weren’t in a relationship. I didn’t see you that way, Mr. Yisak. Wow, just playing with a younger guy like that.”

“No, when did I.”

I was had. I belatedly realized I had fallen for Han Yeseo’s trick, and my face flushed. Han Yeseo was clever and knew how to coax people. It meant she had the basic qualities of a businesswoman. She was a perfect person to have as a business partner, but in the private sphere, I felt like I was constantly being swayed by her.

“Mr. Seonrim is a bit of a strange person, but he seems like a surprisingly devoted type. I feel sorry for him.”

“What’s there to feel sorry for that bastard……”

I muttered, resisting feebly. Even so, the person getting his ass penetrated was me anyway. In terms of pitifulness, my side was not to be trifled with either.

“Why don’t you just make him your lover. Are there any marriage talks with other places these days?”

“No.”

“Weren’t you in the middle of matchmaking season.”

“I’m in the middle of rejecting them appropriately. The one with you, Ms. Yeseo, was the last.”

“Then you can date, I guess. If I were you, I’d keep Mr. Seonrim around. He’s admirable and pretty, isn’t he.”

I gave a short nod in agreement. He is pretty. Han Yeseo continued speaking in a rather serious tone.

“Honestly, my standards are pretty high. Besides the entertainment industry, where else can you find a face like that? But I don’t like people in the entertainment industry. Maybe it’s because of all the trouble I had with my mom. What about you, Mr. Yisak?”

Entertainment industry or whatever, I just hated all humans. I thought I would never feel affection or excitement for a human being ever. I figured it was my fate to die alone. How did it end up like this.

My attention is drawn to Woo Seonrim’s gaze that continues to bore into the side of my face, the middle of my palm is itchy, and my heart rate quickens as an automatic reflex just by hearing the word ‘Seonrim’ from someone else’s mouth.

I was dying to see Woo Seonrim striking poses, but I felt like I would faint if I looked too closely, so I forced my gaze elsewhere. I waited like that for Woo Seonrim’s photoshoot to end.

۶ৎ

As soon as the shoot was over, I received a few of the original photo files. When I got home, I held onto my phone and stared endlessly at Woo Seonrim’s pictures. It was because I was disappointed that I couldn’t get a proper look at the studio due to being so nervous.

Woo Seonrim, who had just come out of the shower, stealthily sat down next to me. Poke, poke, poke. He kept poking me here and there without a word. After prodding my side with his elbow for a while, he now started to press against my shin area with the tip of his foot.

“Hey, let me look at the pictures.”

It was getting on my nerves, so I sighed and spoke. When I turned to the side, Woo Seonrim was sitting with his hair completely undried and his lips deathly pale.

“Did you shower with cold water? What’s wrong with you.”

He was a pale guy to begin with, but with blue lips, he looked like a corpse. He looked like he was about to go to the other world at any moment, and my heart sank.

“I had a fever, so I washed with cold water. Otherwise, I felt like steam would come out of the top of my head.”

Woo Seonrim spoke in a small voice, moving his lips minimally.

“What are you talking about? Stop talking nonsense and go dry your hair right now.”

“I don’t want to. You dry it for me, Director.”

“Aish, what’s wrong with you? I told you I’m busy!”

I need to look at your pictures. I barely held back the urge to scream. Woo Seonrim was still glaring at me with a sullen face.

“I’m jealous.”

“What?”

“You didn’t pay any attention to me today, Director.”

“What are you talking about. I’m paying crazy attention to you, aren’t I? I’m looking at your picture right now.”

“That’s the Woo Seonrim in the picture. The real one is right here. And at the studio earlier, you only talked to Han Yeseo. It’s really annoying.”

Woo Seonrim is unusually talkative today. The more he chattered, the more his lower lip protruded. It’s been a while since I’ve seen Woo Seonrim openly whining like a child, so it’s refreshing and cute… but at this rate, he really seemed like he would catch a cold.

“Agh, you’re annoying.”

I put my phone aside and stood up from the sofa. Until I came back with a towel and a hairdryer, Woo Seonrim waited without moving a muscle, with his knees drawn up.

I thought everything with Han Yeseo had been cleared up with our conversation at the studio earlier. But it seems it’s still bothering him. Han Yeseo had explained everything in sufficient detail, and Woo Seonrim had listened quietly.

‘I’m really not in any kind of relationship with Mr. Yisak.’

‘Yes. I understand. Even if you were in some kind of relationship, it wouldn’t be anymore. The Director likes me, you see.’

‘Of course, of course. You worked hard today. Let’s do a great job on the concert we’re preparing for!’

Didn’t they part ways cheering each other on like that? What more is there to do.

I tossed the thick towel at Woo Seonrim.

“Hurry up and dry off the water.”

“……”

“Even though it’s early summer, you’ll catch a cold like this.”

“……”

“Hey, what’s the problem? Say something, say it.”

Woo Seonrim hung the towel over his head and lowered his head deeply. With a listless hand, he just pats his hair, I couldn’t tell if he was drying it or not. I was so frustrated that I grabbed the hairdryer myself. When I brought the hairdryer close, this time, he obediently entrusted his head to me.

“Am I really raising a kid.”

Whooosh. I let my grumbling flow out with the sound of the hairdryer. When his hair seemed about half dry, I put the hairdryer down, and Woo Seonrim slowly turned his head to look at me. His face, touched by the hot air, had more color than before.

“Director…… you’re not delicate.”

This was what he said after a long pause.

“I dried your hair for you. How much more delicate can I be here.”

Woo Seonrim muttered in a gloomy, sunken voice.

“That everything was a misunderstanding and a joke…… Han Yeseo was the one who said not to worry. You were just standing there quietly, Director…… Whatever the relationship between you two is, I don’t need it…… I’m just annoyed. Today too, you were constantly…… stuck together and laughing together. You even held Han Yeseo’s hand earlier.”

“When did I?”

“You did…… I saw it all.”

I couldn’t remember well even after searching my memory. It must have been some insignificant skinship. I must have held her hand only for a moment.

“It’s too much. After coming home, you only look at your phone…… Couldn’t you have at least said one word to me directly…… Like not to worry, or that the person I like is…… you anyway.”

“How can I say something like that. Are you crazy?”

I flinched more than usual. Woo Seonrim abruptly lifted his head and leaned his body toward me. Our bodies pressed together, his cold.

“Even though you like me.”

“T-this bastard is being presumptuous.”

Even after poignantly realizing my feelings today, my mouth was still not honest. Will the day I directly say that I like him ever come? Just imagining it makes my whole body twist and my insides tingle. Woo Seonrim knows it roughly even if I don’t say it. Can’t we just let it slide like this? Lover or whatever, I’m also scared of explicitly defining our relationship.

Woo Seonrim gradually put his weight on me, pressing me down from above. I was half-lying on the sofa, trying to control my quickening breath. It’s not like we haven’t been intimate once or twice, but for some reason, today, my whole body was filled with a sharp tension.

“Shit, if you’ve washed up, go to bed and sleep.”

Harsh words flew out of my mouth reflexively. Ah, fuck. Something’s not working right……. Today, Woo Seonrim felt a sense of disappointment accompanied by jealousy, and it seemed like he wanted some kind of affectionate? sweet? delicate? action that didn’t suit me at all to soothe him. How am I supposed to do something like that.

“It’s not time to sleep yet.”

“Aren’t you tired after the shoot?”

“You’re the one who looks tired, Director.”

“Ah, if you know, then get off.”

“……”

“Get off, and stop looking at me with those dog-like eyes.”

Tuk. Instead of moving away, Woo Seonrim lowered his head and pressed his forehead against mine. At some point, I had been pushed by Woo Seonrim and was lying on the sofa.

“What.”

“Director, did something happen today.”

Woo Seonrim said in a low voice.

“……No? Nothing happened.”

“When our eyes first met at the studio earlier.”

“……”

“It was definitely strange. Your face was different from usual, Director.”

Woo Seonrim’s voice was full of conviction. Even though I had gotten a cross-check from both Driver Kim and Han Yeseo. They both said I looked fine, no different from usual.

“You went to see your father today.”

The memory I had tucked away in a corner of my mind surged up. That’s right. I had gone to see President Choi, only to hear disgusting stories, and then I had gasped for breath and retched pathetically in the car the whole time. I turned my head to the side, avoiding Woo Seonrim’s gaze.

“……What do you want to hear?”

“Just anything.”

“……”

“Just one of your honest emotions, anything is fine. I want to hear something like that.”

“……”

“I say it every day. I say I’m jealous. And I say I love you.”

“You…… say it too much.”

“I’m saying it as much as you don’t, Director. I have nothing to say if you tell me I don’t have the right to do this to you. But you know. I think we’re destined.”

That again, stop with the bullshit, I couldn’t retort as sharply as usual. It was because I thought that maybe, we really were destined.

Woo Seonrim sometimes sees through me presumptuously. He knows me and he understands me. He’s like a person on a similar frequency band that I happened to meet after cutting through the noisy static. Perhaps he’s the only one to whom my cries feel like a decipherable language rather than noise.

So, a weak mumble escaped me without my knowing.

“Well…… it’s just nothing, that old man President Choi pissed me off……”

“……”

“That’s all.”

“……”

“I don’t know. Don’t ask me anymore.”

“Okay.”

Woo Seonrim firmly gripped my face with both his hands. The skin pressed by his hard fingertips stung. Woo Seonrim came closer as if he would kiss me at any moment and said in a whisper.

“Choi Byungkwan is a bad person.”

“Son of a bitch. He deserves to die.”

“……Yeah, that’s right. He should just die quickly. Shall we kiss?”

A kiss at this timing, while talking about such gruesome things. It seemed a bit sudden, but after a moment of hesitation, I quietly closed my eyes.

I didn’t mind the weight of one person pressing down on me from above. No, at some point, I was actually half-aroused. It was a natural reaction when tangled up with someone you like. Still, it was less embarrassing because Woo Seonrim’s member was fully erect.

What a relief. That Woo Seonrim is always a human who is a little more excessive than me.

۶ৎ

Slosh, slosh. A loud noise echoed from the front and back.

“Director, your hips have collapsed.”

“Ah, ugh……”

I feel like I’m going to die from my whole body trembling, but the culprit who made me like this, Woo Seonrim, is muttering calmly and composedly. A few hours ago, I wanted to curse myself for thinking, like a shy adolescent boy, that I definitely liked Woo Seonrim. To fall for a perverted bastard like this. For him to be my first love…….

“You can’t put strength in your hips?”

“You’re, hik, doing this to me…… fuck, do you think I can put strength in…… ah!”

The atmosphere was good up until we were lightly whining and kissing on the sofa. We weren’t in a relationship, but a sort of ticklish, fluffy vibe between lovers was flowing. The atmosphere took a sharp turn when Woo Seonrim suddenly stood up, saying “Just a moment,” and came back from the room with an onahole.

This son of a bitch made me get on all fours like a dog, and then began to stimulate my genitals with the onahole. He stuck to me from behind and ceaselessly moved the onahole up and down. The inside, which was filled with a lot of gel, stuck softly to the shaft of my penis.

It was the first time I had ever used a masturbation device like this myself. I had looked into various ways to resolve my unusual sexual desires, but the option of sticking my penis into an onahole and shaking it by myself was not for me. It lacked any dignity, I really felt like a son of a bitch, and it was extremely shameful.

“Why…… are you, heuk, doing this, you dog, shit……”

It seemed it would be better for Woo Seonrim to just pleasure me with his own hands.

“I was curious what you’d look like when you’re fucking someone else, Director. I’d hate to see it in person, even if it kills me. So I’m getting a rough look this way.”

I had no idea what the pleasure of penetration was. I don’t even know if the sensation of the onahole wrapped around my penis now is similar to the inner walls of a real human. I probably never will. Woo Seonrim will not readily offer his ass to me, I don’t particularly want that bastard’s ass either, and I can’t get turned on by any human other than Woo Seonrim. In conclusion, my front will remain a virgin forever.

“How does it feel?”

“I don’t know…… Nngh, hey, a little slower.”

The gel was a type that got hotter and hotter. I breathed heavily and tensed my inner thighs. I know it’s an unsightly sight, but my upper body kept collapsing helplessly.

My genitals had become too sensitive. Slosh. Every time the onahole moved according to Woo Seonrim’s hand gestures, the urge to ejaculate washed over me. Squeeze. Woo Seonrim squeezed his hand, pressing on my genitals as if wringing them out. The head of my penis throbbed.

“Haeu, heuk……”

My back bent more and more. I couldn’t even imagine what kind of expression Woo Seonrim, who was behind me, was making right now. Is it fun to make someone else do this? Does seeing me like this turn him on? Why?

At that moment, Woo Seonrim took out his own hard-erect penis and began to rub it against my thigh. The shaft of his penis felt as hot as fire.

“Now, would you like to do the front yourself, Director?”

Woo Seonrim handed the sloppy onahole to me. As soon as the stimulation on my genitals stopped, it became agonizing. The shaft of my penis, which hadn’t fully reached its climax, twitched.

“You can lower your upper body now.”

“Nngh, what……”

My body moved as if controlled by his languid voice. Squeeze. Woo Seonrim pressed down between my shoulder blades with his palm. In an instant, I was in a position with my chest and face buried in the sofa cushion, with only my butt raised.

But there was no room to feel ashamed. The front, which had been feeling it for a while and then had the stimulation cut off, throbbed too much. Woo Seonrim seemed to be trying to do something while holding my pelvis, but I was gasping like a person crazy with lust and thrust my penis back into the onahole.

“Heuu……”

Something hot and soft sticks to the shaft. My lips part on their own, and a sigh like an exclamation escapes.

I had lived a celibate and simple life until the age of 30, but after living with Woo Seonrim, I have become strange. The sensations of my body itself have become much more sensitive, and I have even discovered erogenous zones I never knew I had my entire life. I learned for the first time that if you tickle my sides, it feels so thrilling that tears really come to my eyes.

Squlch, squlch. No one told me to, but I moved the onahole up and down on my own. My arm, caught between the sofa and my body, was uncomfortable, but it was more important to reconnect the ambiguously severed sexual sensation first.

Woo Seonrim just held my pelvis with his large hands as if to crush it and remained silent for a while. I felt the sharp gaze from behind looking down on me.

“Ueuk, nngh.”

“Does it feel good?”

“Haah……”

“Which feels better, that thing or my mouth?”

“I don’t know, shit.”

“It’s annoying that you’re so turned on.”

“You, told me to do it……”

“Still.”

It was absurd for the person who had ordered it to be acting like that. I heard Woo Seonrim’s voice, genuinely grumbling.

“I haven’t even been able to put it in yet.”

We witness each other’s ejaculation scenes almost every day, but we haven’t gone all the way yet. We had made a promise in the contract that it would be after his debut. Actually, at this point, the contract seemed to have become useless, but I was too scared to take the initiative myself. I don’t even know what I should say.

……Do you just want to put it in? Should I say it like that? Thanks to Woo Seonrim diligently prodding my rear, the discomfort of feeling it from behind had mostly disappeared. Still, I didn’t want to be the one to tempt him first and urge for penetration. My pride as a man doesn’t allow it. Although I have nothing to say if you ask if I still had any pride left.

“It’s annoying, so I’m going to use your thighs a bit.”

“What?”

“Keep your thighs together.”

“No, nngh, hey……”

A strong force pressed my legs together, inward. And then Woo Seonrim’s penis dug in between my thighs. I could feel the shape of his hot, hard, and swollen penis perfectly. My body stiffened reflexively, and my shoulders hunched inward.

Haah. The long breath Woo Seonrim exhaled flowed down my spine. Goosebumps spread quickly over my skin. A moment later, Woo Seonrim’s pelvis began to move. Swish, swish. As if in the middle of penetration, his penis rubbed between my thighs, moving forward and then pulling back.

“W-what are you doing……”

I knew what this act was. I may not have experience, but I had done enough preliminary study through video materials. I just didn’t know that people who actually do this in real life existed, and that I would be one of them.

Woo Seonrim’s member was long. It pressed against the adductor muscles on the inside of my thighs and dug in, touching my own genitals. I could feel Woo Seonrim’s precum smearing near my perineum and testicles. Then, when Woo Seonrim pulled his penis back, my skin was pulled along, and a stinging frictional heat lingered on my thighs.

The sensation of my skin being rubbed was not pleasant. My thighs were not a major erogenous zone, and there was no way this kind of act would give me pleasure. But my penis didn’t go soft. There was no sign of my arousal subsiding either.

“Haah, ha.”

Was it because I was listening to Woo Seonrim’s breaths from behind? Thwack. A loud sound was made as our buttocks collided. The skin, wet with precum and sweat, stuck together stickily. The strength had drained from my hand that was holding the onahole. The thought of gripping and shaking my penis didn’t even occur to me.

It was because all my senses and nerves were focused on what was behind me. Thwack, thwack. Every time Woo Seonrim moved his hips, my body swayed with him. For a lean body type, he was ridiculously strong. The space between my thighs hurt more and more. I’ve been neglecting my workouts because I’ve been busy with work lately, did my muscles get soft or something. I can’t put any strength in my legs at all.

It felt like I was having sex with Woo Seonrim. Not that what we had done until now couldn’t be called sex, but this…… I mean, it felt really real. If you just listened to the sounds, it was even more so. From the tip of my penis trapped inside the onahole, gush, gush, precum flowed out.

“Heubeup, euk.”

The strength drained from my upper body, and my face was buried right into the sofa, my moans coming out muffled. Even then, Woo Seonrim was just panting and mindlessly moving his hips. Then, he suddenly gripped my butt hard and opened his mouth.

“Director, I’m a good boy, right.”

It was a statement that was completely out of place in this situation. Making a person get on all fours like a dog, and using my thighs like an onahole. As if he knew I would rebuke him, Woo Seonrim continued without giving me a chance to answer.

“I listen well. I worked hard at the magazine interview today too, and I’m working on the songs for the album every day. The urge to fuck your ass right away, I’m enduring that well too.”

“You, shut your mouth……”

Thwack, thwack. Even in the midst of this, the loud sounds of friction echoed ceaselessly. My butt, which was colliding with Woo Seonrim’s groin, was starting to hurt. Woo Seonrim didn’t care and wriggled his long fingers. The place his fingertips were headed was, fuck, my butt crack. Woo Seonrim used both his index fingers to pull apart the flesh around my hole.

In that moment, my whole body trembled. He hadn’t even touched my ass today, but my lower body was burning up. Why on earth……. Just with the slight touch of Woo Seonrim’s fingertips, I could feel my inner walls tingle. It was a baffling pleasure.

“Even just by doing this, your bottom twitches.”

It seemed Woo Seonrim had noticed my state as well. A hint of amusement was laced in his muttering voice.

“Ha, euk…… stop, spreading, you dog bast……”

“I think you would like it even if I just recklessly thrusted into you right now, Director.”

“Shut, up.”

After I managed to answer in a suppressed voice, I suddenly wanted to cry. It’s not because Woo Seonrim was vulgarly teasing me. It’s because I was afraid that everything Woo Seonrim was saying right now was the truth.

“It seems all the effort I’ve put in until now has paid off. Shall I put it in just like this?”

I reflexively shook my head. Woo Seonrim pulled his pelvis forward tightly, leaving no gap between us. Then, in a genuinely pure voice, as if he was truly curious, he said.

“Oh. You really don’t want to?”

It was a tone of disbelief. The moment his long, low-pitched voice echoed in my ear, my lower body became hot and tingly.

Right now, what would it feel like if Woo Seonrim’s fingers pressed against my inner walls like usual. No, what if not two or three fingers, but that entire penis came in……. This kind of perverted thought took possession of me.

Just a few months ago, I didn’t know I would change like this. The human body was this weak and insignificant. I had not only become accustomed to the pleasure I had steadily received from Woo Seonrim, but I had become addicted. At some point, I was wanting Woo Seonrim.

Is it because I’ve come to like him? I don’t know. Separate from feeling embarrassed and nervous, I was curious about sex and it seemed I was even faintly looking forward to it. Although I didn’t want to admit it meekly. No, rather, after becoming aware of my feelings for Woo Seonrim, I wanted to hide the way I trembled at his every gesture.

I muttered with my jaw clenched tight.

“Just…… shut up and stop. My thighs hurt……”

The part about it hurting was true. If I were to hold a mirror to my thighs right now, I would probably be able to see reddened skin.

“Okay. I’ll finish quickly.”

Woo Seonrim’s pelvis, which had paused for a moment, began to move again. His penis moved in and out quickly between my already sensitively swollen thighs. At this rate, will I get a bruise or will my skin get chafed? While I had such thoughts, the pain, accompanied by a feeling of heat, strangely also heightened the pleasure. For it to hurt but feel good. It was a bizarre thing.

“Your bottom is twitching again.”

“Fuck, be quiet……”

“The moment I connect with you, Director, after holding back for so long…… will surely be ecstatic.”

Woo Seonrim didn’t even listen to me and just muttered to himself.

“Ah, when I imagine that sense of liberation, even enduring it, haah, is quite enjoyable.”

“Crazy bastard……”

“When I think of it as savoring your first time as much as possible, hmm, it’s also exciting.”

Every time Woo Seonrim’s voice pierced my ears, my pelvis twisted and my lower body twitched. I barely managed to move my arm to pull my penis out of the onahole and gripped it with my hand. It was somehow unfair that I was just being subjected to Woo Seonrim’s actions one-sidedly. I tried my best to ignore the sensations from behind while masturbating myself. Although it didn’t work well.

When Woo Seonrim ejaculated between my thighs, I came at almost the same time, as if synchronized with him. While a tingling pleasure swept through my entire body, my lower body still felt itchy and empty.

“Shit……”

Feeling a sense of self-loathing, I completely relaxed my body and collapsed onto the sofa. The sofa cushion was completely smeared with sticky liquid. This fucker. How many times a week am I getting the sofa cleaned. Woo Seonrim stuck to my back and pressed me down. Even though he had ejaculated, his still-stiff penis touched my butt crack.

And then, without fail, Woo Seonrim uttered those words again today.

“Director, I love you.”

Even though it was a confession I had heard to the point of being sick and tired of it, my heart pounded.