IOB Ch 25

Not long ago, Choi Jaeyoung contacted me using a burner phone. He did not make any particular demands. It seemed he was probably still contemplating how to make use of me. Then, this afternoon, he suddenly called.

— I heard Yisak followed his father to a gut ritual yesterday.

“Ah, so you heard.”

— So you heard? You should have told me beforehand. That is why I gave you this number.

“Was that the reason?”

My voice came out extremely snidely. I had been in a state of immense anger since yesterday.

Yisak had gone to work in the morning as if nothing had happened, but I had spent the entire dawn with my eyes wide open, unable to stop thinking. I felt like I was going crazy. Just as I was seething with rage, Choi Jaeyoung brought up yesterday’s events as if to prod me with a fire poker.

— Tell me a little about what happened yesterday.

“……”

— When a person speaks, you should answ…….

“I’ve come to want to kill Mr. Choi Byunggwan.”

— What?

“What would you do if I told you I’m on my way to kill your father right now?”

A brief silence followed from the other side of the phone. I paced around in circles in the bathroom, where I had entered to avoid the eyes of the home CCTV.

— ……Did my father do something to Yisak yesterday?

Choi Jaeyoung’s voice was tinged with curiosity.

— What was it like.

“Never mind that. I asked a question first.”

— Where do you get the nerve to be so insolent.

“What would happen if Mr. Choi Byunggwan died?”

Is it because I am short on sleep? My head was spinning, and my reflection in the mirror appeared blurry. I had spent a lot of time surrounded by death, but this was the first time I had ever purely wanted to murder someone myself.

— It would be problematic if my father died now.

Choi Jaeyoung answered slowly. I felt so frustrated I could barely breathe.

— What would happen to our image if the head of the company was suddenly murdered.

“Yes. I suppose so. The stocks would fall too.”

— Right, the stocks would fall too.

I tried to get a grasp of Choi Jaeyoung’s inner thoughts while composing my breath. I felt it was a relief that I was quick on the uptake. It was thanks to having grown up in an environment where one’s life could be forfeit for being even a little slow and clueless.

The situation that could be inferred from the ensuing conversation was as follows.

Choi Jaeyoung is not at all concerned about the well being of his father, Choi Byunggwan. When he speaks of Choi Byunggwan’s death, his voice even rises with a subtle excitement. However, he does not want Choi Byunggwan to die in a situation that he cannot control.

Choi Jaeyoung was a person just as bothersome and irritating as his own father. I bit my lips hard, frowning. What I had seen and heard yesterday, and the conversation with Choi Jaeyoung today. With this, everything became much more certain.

I realized exactly what I had to do for Yisak, and how. All that was left now was to execute the plan.

۶ৎ

Yesterday.

Until the moment I accepted Yisak’s request and left the house with him, I was in a very happy state. No, I was ecstatic. Yisak needed me. Furthermore, Choi Yisak had uttered that fact with his own mouth. I felt like I could probably come by myself two or three times over the next few days just thinking about it.

Yisak drove the car himself, without a chauffeur. After an hour or two, we arrived in front of a house in the suburbs. The villa for convalescence where Chairman Choi was staying. There was nothing around the house, which had a large yard and a splendid exterior. Behind the yard, a low mountain that seemed to be private property rose up.

Yisak pressed his hand firmly against my chest as I sat in the passenger seat and said.

“Stay in the car. Don’t come out. Got it?”

“What? I’m not going with you?”

“Just stay right here.”

“You asked me to be by your side.”

Yisak had told me that he would likely be very stressed today, so I should take care of him. To be precise, he said he needed an outlet for his anger, so I should follow him quietly and serve him like a slave. But I already know that his harsh choice of words is merely a means to cover up his embarrassment.

“I’ll come back to the car from time to time.”

Yisak looked extremely tense and anxious.

“What’s going on?”

“Ah, I don’t know. Just stay here. If I take you with me, I think I’ll get an earful and it will get on my nerves.”

“……Alright.”

He was asking with an unsteady, trembling voice, so there was no reason I could not grant his request. I reassured Yisak that I would stay put. Of course, I had no intention of actually staying put and doing nothing. I just needed to not get on Yisak’s nerves.

After Yisak left the car, I left the window slightly open. I sat with the backrest reclined, focusing on the sounds coming from outside and observing the situation. After thirty or forty minutes, a car approached from the distance. Judging from the exhaust and various noises, it seemed to be a small truck, not a passenger car.

The truck did not enter the mansion’s garage but turned midway. The front wheels were headed toward the mountain behind the villa. I slowly raised myself. It seemed the time to move was at hand.

As I opened the car door and stepped out, the security camera attached to the front door of the house moved to follow me. It was fine even if someone was watching me. I am a person with nothing to hide. Not because I always acted righteously, but because I did not care what punishment I received as a consequence for committing some unsavory act.

I was only worried about Yisak. The look on his face, visibly anxious right before he left the car, kept coming to mind.

As I walked toward the mountain, suppressing my presence, a loud sound, jaeng, grew progressively closer. Dung. Jjaeng. An hourglass drum and a small gong……. It seemed they were holding a gut, a shamanistic ritual, at the mountain’s peak. Was the truck that arrived earlier for carrying the ritual tools?

I already knew from Yisak that Choi Byunggwan was deeply immersed in shamanistic beliefs. He said that Choi Byunggwan had become even more of a devout follower since falling ill, and it seemed he had called a shaman directly to this place to perform a gut.

It was no wonder Yisak would be trembling with stress today. He was someone who loathed this type of religious ceremony. Even his attending church was not of his own will.

In my case, I neither particularly liked nor disliked it. This was so despite having lived in a ‘Practical Religious Community’ for a little less than half of my life. Nothing besides music could elicit any particular emotion from me. Now, in addition to music, an exception named Choi Yisak had been added.

Jjaeng, jjae, aeng, ppiriri.

The clamorous noise grew louder and louder as I climbed the low mountain. At this rate, I might run into someone else.

I looked around and pondered for a moment, then I left the artificially cleared hiking trail and started walking, pushing through the undergrowth. For me, who had lived for several years climbing rugged mountains, a path like this was easy. It was a place that could barely be called a mountain. If I hurried, I felt I could reach the top in under 20 minutes.

As I pushed through a path not frequented by people, large stones occasionally hit my feet. The undergrowth was a tangled mess, and stiff tree branches pricked my skin from time to time.

Jallang, jallang, by the time the sound of bells became clear, I lowered my body and moved slowly. It was so I could watch from a distance where I would not be noticed by others. Through the green leaves, I could see a strip of bright red cloth fluttering.

A middle aged shaman shouted, waving a fan.

“Wicked thoughts have taken hold and it’s causing chaos. Aheoi, ya. This is all misfortune that came from the wife’s family. That family has no roots either.”

People were kneeling, surrounding the shaman. A severed pig’s head. The mix of brightly colored implements and the ear-splittingly harsh sounds.

I feel a sense of displeasure. Choi Byunggwan was sitting in the very center, looking up at the shaman. The corners of his eyes, thoroughly tinged with sickness, were already blackish. But his eyes alone were sparkling, filled with reverence. It was the face of one captivated by an illusion, a face I had seen countless times before.

Thwack, thwack. Choi Byunggwan remained still even as the shaman struck his head with a fan. On the contrary, he accepted the shaman’s scolding with a humble posture and muttered.

“When you say wife’s family, are you referring to my first wife, or…….”

“The first one! The legitimate wife.”

“Ah, ah…….”

I slightly lifted a leaf with my finger and looked for Yisak. Yisak was sitting in a corner, his lips pressed firmly together. His complexion was paler than usual.

“The first mother also died early. No matter how meek the men act and how well they treat their ancestors, resentment will continue to build up like this. There is too much yin energy in the house! Aigo, aigo.”

Yisak’s face contorted more and more. I remained crouched, my gaze fixed on Yisak. An expression of someone deliberately trying to cast their thoughts far away……. I used to be like that during the Teacher’s sermons.

Old memories came to mind. Although the religion and language were different, this place resembled the SuDowon.

The shaman spun in circles to the music, then suddenly stopped and looked at Choi Byunggwan, saying.

“There’s one more mother of a child who died a bad death!”

Choi Byunggwan nodded his head. Aigo, aigo. The shaman wailed by himself for a long time.

“You should have sent her off properly at the time. You didn’t put enough heart into it. Still, this mother is quite commendable. Normally, when one dies like this, they become a vengeful spirit and cling to the household. This mother’s love for her son was so great that she didn’t harbor any wicked thoughts and just lingered nearby.”

“Is that really true?”

“Thanks to her, the first mother couldn’t run wild as she pleased. Because of this baby’s mother.”

“So, what, like a guardian spirit?”

“That’s right. But since she wasn’t treated with respect, the spirit’s power was bound to weaken over time. The more that happened, the more bad energy clung to you, and in the end, your body became sick.”

Choi Byunggwan nodded his head seriously and placed his hands on his knees.

There was a reason that man had become so obsessed with shamanistic beliefs. Yisak had told me before, sighing deeply. He said that the plots of land he bought following the shaman’s advice had all been massive successes. After that, it became a habit for him to visit the shaman whenever he started a new business.

In the event that he neglected his devotion to the gods, his business would take a downturn, but Yisak said that it was all just a coincidence. Saying something along the lines of how humans are animals that view the world in a biased way, according to what they believe.

What could Yisak be thinking about right now. He had his eyes squeezed shut.

The shaman spun in circles again for a long while, then raised his head toward the sky and shouted.

“The baby’s mother’s name is…… her name is, Seonju! It is Seonju.”

In that moment, Yisak’s upper body, which had been kneeling without a stir, wavered slightly. I could see the strength leave his waist and his shoulders slump forward.

“This woman, you must not think of her as just a concubine, you must take proper care of her. This is not the time to only perform a gut for your illness. You cannot overcome the demon of sickness with that alone!”

Seonju. I mulled over the name of Yisak’s mother in my mind. I remember her face clearly.

The shaman forced Choi Byunggwan to his feet, then made him pray, rubbing his hands together ceaselessly.

“Now. While saying, Seonju, Seonju.”

“Seonju, Seonju……”

Choi Byunggwan began a desperate prayer, following the shaman. Yisak’s face turned even whiter.

Rustle, the leaf I was holding in my hand crumpled. I wanted to run out there right this instant. Choi Byunggwan was tormenting Yisak. Each time the name Seonju echoed in the air, Yisak looked more and more tormented.

“Do not cry, do not cry……”

“Do not cry, Seonju. It is all my fault…… I cannot die like this. Please help me……”

Eventually, Yisak rose quietly on his own and tried to leave his spot. It seemed Choi Byunggwan, with his eyes closed and engrossed in prayer, did not notice. The shaman cast a sidelong glance at Yisak, but did not stop him and let him go.

Immediately, a bodyguard attached himself to Yisak’s side. Yisak waved his hand with an air of annoyance and moved his lips.

I’m going to go down.

It seemed he had said something like that. Then, with an ashen face, he staggered away.

I got up, following Yisak with my eyes. I had to get to the car before Yisak did. My legs, which I had been crouching on for a long time, felt stiff. I retraced the terrain I had identified on my way up in my head and moved my feet as quickly as possible.

Like that, I went down via the shortcut and returned to the car. Before getting into the passenger seat, I brushed off the dirt from my shoes and plucked a leaf that was stuck to my shoulder. I wanted to pretend that I had waited quietly without anything happening.

I finished tidying myself up to look almost the same as before I had gotten out of the car. However, even by then, Yisak was still nowhere to be seen.

Why? He should have been all the way down by now. A wave of anxiety suddenly washed over me.

Did he stop midway? Did he go back up?

……Did something happen?

Unable to bear my impatience, I got out of the car and paced around the vicinity. Fortunately, Yisak had not disappeared somewhere. I found him on the path leading to the entrance of the hiking trail. Yisak was crouching on the ground, his shoulders trembling as he dry heaved.

“Director-nim?”

He… looked so much in pain.

In that moment, the world turned to silence. I could not hear any sound, and then tinnitus struck my ears.

I felt a terrible feeling. It felt as if Yisak might die at any second. I had to save him, but he seemed to exist in a distant place, far away where I could not reach. The pain that had overcome him was so intimate and deep that I was afraid I would not be able to pull him out. I felt as if I had to helplessly watch someone sinking into a quagmire.

I moved my legs, which felt heavy as if mired in mud, and approached him. I was so scared. I had never once felt such a chill run through my entire body. Even until I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and helped him up, Yisak did not even perceive me.

“Ha, ha, heoeuk…… euk.”

Yisak’s breathing was ragged. His shoulders trembled uncontrollably, and cold sweat beaded on the nape of his neck. Yisak, who had only just noticed me, blinked slowly. His smooth eyelids twitched.

“Car……”

Then he barely managed to utter one word.

It seemed to mean take him to the car. I urgently scooped Yisak into my arms and ran. The body resting on my shoulder was hot.

I placed Yisak down in the back seat of the car. Yisak, as if he did not even have the strength to sit up straight, collapsed right onto the seat. Then, with his deathly pale hands, he fumbled around, searching for something.

Yisak pulled out a device that had been stuck in the back of the car seat and held it to his nose and mouth. I did not know much about it, but it seemed like a portable respirator. Hwook, seueup, huu, seueup. He struggled to catch his breath, his chest heaving.

I sat down next to him and closed the car door. Looking at Yisak’s reddened eyes, I recalled what Choi Jaeyoung had told me before.

‘Later, try bringing up the fact that his mom committed suicide in front of him. He’ll suddenly have a seizure and faint.’

I felt I understood why Yisak was suffering.

The shaman had spoken of Lee Seonju.

Choi Byunggwan had called that shaman.

Lee Seonju committed suicide because of Choi Byunggwan.

All of these things came together to hurt Yisak. They made it so he could not breathe properly, and made moisture well up in his eyes.

I was unbearably angry. It was the first time in my life I had ever felt such rage. I was born without much emotional fluctuation, and I had even spent the last several years practicing killing my emotions. I had not been this enraged even when I heard the news that Yisak was marrying Han Yeseo.

But now, my head was throbbing from the violently surging emotions. I gently brushed back Yisak’s disheveled bangs and bit my lip.

……What should I do?

Yisak’s cold sweat seeped into my fingertips. The sight of Yisak’s reddened eyes was heartbreaking. When you love someone, you feel pity for them. I learned that for the first time.

The SuDowon was a place where one should not pity anyone. The emotion of pity was unfamiliar. Love was the same. Not anymore. In a space where only Yisak and I existed, I could be angry to my heart’s content and feel sorry for him.

“Heueu……”

Over several minutes, Yisak’s breathing seemed to slowly stabilize. He looked at me blankly with listless eyes, then leaned against me. His upper body collapsed and came to rest on my forearm.

Yisak roughly tossed the respirator onto the floor and spoke in a very hoarse voice.

“Why… did you come out. I told you to stay inside……”

“……”

“Ha, fuck. So uncool. You saw me being pathetic……”

I clasped Yisak’s still trembling shoulder with my hand. His shoulder, encased in solid muscle, felt small right now. Yisak’s misfortune felt painfully like my own. I wanted to eliminate everything that hurt Yisak. There were too many evil spirits around him.

However, I chose my words instead of laying bare my feelings as they were.

“I had a strange feeling for some reason, so I came out. For some reason, I felt like I had to go to you, Director-nim.”

“What are you talking about. You just didn’t listen to me, cough, and wandered around.”

The way he coughed looked painful.

“I’m sorry.”

“……You’re not asking why I’m in this state?”

I could feel Yisak trying his best to act fine. A raspy, metallic sound came from his throat. As the cold sweat cooled, his body temperature was dropping too. I truly wanted to cry. I felt a surge of sorrow. It was the moment I felt the emotion of sorrow most vividly.

I swallowed my dry saliva once and opened my mouth.

“Did someone make things hard for you?”

A brief silence fell in the car. I did not expect Yisak to answer readily. In fact, I was a little surprised that he had just let me stay by his side.

It was proof that Yisak was relying on me. Even if he did not trust me completely or give me his whole heart. I wanted to be of more help to him.

Yisak hesitated for a long while, then opened his mouth.

“My stress just shot up all of a sudden. It’s like this sometimes.”

“……”

“No need to worry. That’s enough…… talk about something else, anything. I feel like I’m going to pass out.”

“What should I talk about.”

“I don’t know. Whatever…… your story. A story about music.”

I nodded my head. Right now, it seemed better to shift the flow to a topic he might like, rather than digging into his condition in more detail.

“……That first original song I played at the Han River.”

“Uh huh.”

“I still haven’t given it a title. I was thinking of asking you to name it from the beginning.”

“I have no naming sense. And nothing really comes to mind. You name it yourself.”

“Yes. I thought you would say that. In that case, can I borrow your name for the title?”

Yisak let out a couple of harsh coughs and said.

“What are you talking about? My name? Are you crazy. I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“It’s weird. Is the song title Yisak? No, it’s weird to anyone. Why the name of the agency’s CEO……”

“Um, I’ll do it in English. I can just say I’m dedicating it to my benefactor.”

“Benefactor? What a cringey word. Forget it. Don’t do it.”

Yisak jabbed my side with his elbow. This kind of reaction was like the usual Yisak. But his fingertips were still trembling finely. I deliberately pretended not to see it and continued to talk to Yisak.

“Why. Please let me use your name.”

“I said no.”

“Just once.”

“I don’t want to.”

“It is the first song I made while thinking of you, Director-nim.”

“……”

“It is deeply meaningful.”

I acted as if I were in a long back and forth with him. I do not remember exactly what I said. It did not matter. Whatever Yisak said, I was planning on putting his name on the song anyway. This kind of conversation was a process I was going through as a matter of courtesy.

How much time passed like that? Yisak’s trembling had completely stopped. I could feel that the air inside the car had become a degree lighter. Yisak also buried himself in the car seat with a much more comfortable expression. A little while ago he was clinging to my body, not wanting to let go. That is a bit of a shame.

Only then did I casually toss him a proper question.

“You hate coming here, so why do you visit so often?”

“Ah, well…… there is also a request from my eldest hyung.”

Yisak noticeably slurred his words. When I tilted my head to try and meet his gaze, he furtively turned his eyes to the side.

“A request?”

“To look after our father, that sort of thing……. That’s enough, it is a family matter.”

So he was forced by Choi Jaeyoung to come and go from the villa and care for him. I only guessed this to myself. I did not bother to say it out loud.

There was no way Choi Jaeyoung did not know that Yisak disliked his father. Knowing that full well, he was pushing Yisak into a pit of suffering. It was probably not simply to torment Yisak. He did not seem like the type of person to expend his energy purely for emotional amusement.

Was it to find out something from Choi Byunggwan through Yisak? There must have been some kind of reason.

Whatever it was, it was easy to predict that it would be of no real help to Yisak. If it were a good thing for Yisak as well, there would be no need to go out of his way to bring me up as a weakness.

Conclusion. Yisak is being sacrificed for Choi Jaeyoung’s selfish desires.

Choi Byunggwan and Choi Jaeyoung are both bad guys. They deserve to die. But if two of them die at the same time, Jaeyu Group would falter greatly. That would also be problematic. Because Yisak quite likes money.

“Director-nim.”

“……Huh?”

“Between your eldest hyung and your father, who do you dislike more?”

Yisak glanced at me with eyes full of bewilderment.

“What is this, out of the blue?”

“I am just curious.”

“I dislike them all.”

“If you had to pick just one.”

“……Why?”

“It is a simple curiosity.”

“……Well, I guess it would be Chairman Choi. I dislike him more.”

Yisak answered without much hesitation.

What a shame. It was because I disliked Choi Jaeyoung more than Choi Byunggwan. Choi Byunggwan was already an old and sick man. Furthermore, his judgment had deteriorated to the point where he relied on a shaman. All in all, it meant he was nothing much.

Choi Jaeyoung is more sinister and annoying than him. But if Choi Jaeyoung were to disappear, one of the remaining incompetent brothers would inherit the group, or people from here and there would rush in and the group would be torn apart. It was obvious it would become a mess in no time. I could not bear to see Yisak get stressed because his family was faltering.

Yisak must be peaceful. Without being entangled in noisy affairs, while maintaining a life that is not much different from the usual. That was the top priority to keep in mind when making a plan.

In many ways, killing Choi Byunggwan would be much more rational, and the difficulty level would likely be lower too. I came to a clean conclusion, and tilted my head towards Yisak. Yisak flinched.

“What?”

“I want to kiss you.”

Yisak did not avoid me. The moment our lips touched, my resolve became even clearer.

I wanted to protect Yisak by any means necessary. There were too many things in the world that were dangerous to Yisak. First, I would have to pull out the biggest weed.

۶ৎ

In the Republic of Korea, one must not commit murder. I too know that this country is a nation of laws. Moreover, murder goes against basic ethics.

However, my world was already far from the word ordinary anyway. Common sense had never properly worked.

The first time I encountered murder was probably when I was about eighteen. It was at a dark reservoir on the outskirts of Gyeonggi Province.

The Teacher said he would test us. He declared that not everyone would become a heavenly being like himself, so he would select only those who showed such qualities. In other words, only the chosen ones could avoid the great calamity.

He said that after selecting the people, we would all leave together for a new land, Choseoncheon. There, if we train hard and become heavenly beings, we would not be affected by the great calamity. Even when the entire world burns and is destroyed, we would not feel the heat of the flames.

The qualification test was simple. All you had to do was kill an evil spirit. Having no hesitation when killing an evil spirit was proof that you yourself were not an evil spirit and were a vessel to become a heavenly being. Such tests were held often.

Do not be seduced by the pleading appeals of the evil spirit. Do not be bewitched by sweet words……. While listening to the Teacher’s admonitions, many people cried out. I remained still. Evil spirits, the end of the world, heavenly beings. These were stories that had nothing to do with me. I was not even curious about whether they were true or not.

I had simply followed my mom, but I ended up trapped there, and escape was impossible. Because the Teacher never let a traitor go.

The evil spirit tied up at the reservoir was also one of the traitors. Just a few months ago, he was a person who sat across from us and ate with us.

“This man was an evil spirit who secretly hid among us.”

The Teacher bound the evil spirit and made him kneel. Everyone had to take turns plunging a knife into his body. It was a ritual to exorcise the evil spirit.

After all 33 knives were embedded in the body, the evil spirit would be annihilated and only the outer shell would remain. At this time, anyone who hesitated even a little would fail the test. More than half were failures. The reasons were quite diverse. There were those who ran away saying they could not bear to watch with their own two eyes, those who fainted, those who lacked the strength to properly plunge the knife into the evil spirit’s body…….

The Teacher showed mercy and allowed the test to be retaken several times. Everyone desperately wanted to board the ship to Choseoncheon. It seemed I was the only one who felt nothing.

I passed the test in one go.

When it was my turn to plunge the knife, the evil spirit had already stopped breathing. It was just a corpse. It was a human who had died of shock from blood loss.

Everyone called him an evil spirit, so I am also referring to him as an evil spirit for convenience, but in my opinion, he was not that bad a person. His only crime was to defy the Teacher and try to run away from us.

Oh, and every practitioner had a partner. If my partner committed a sin, I had to be punished along with them. The traitorous evil spirit’s partner received a harsh punishment. And they were responsible for being the first to stab the knife in the ritual of killing the evil spirit.

If they fail to catch the traitor, the partner dies instead. It was like that. We existed in a network of relationships where we monitored and bound each other. We share the sin and because of that, we become even more bound to the community.

My partner was my mom.

If I had run away. What would happen afterwards was clear. There were only two choices. I would be dragged back there, and my mom would kill me herself. Or my mom would die.

Either way, it was a terrible thing to do to my mom. Actually, I did not care if I died. In the first place, I did not even understand why people feared death. I could not sympathize with the frantic desire to get on the Teacher’s ship out of fear of destruction.

I just wanted to continue with music. I should have gone to more competitions. I had not met him yet. I asked my mom if she remembered that person called Seon-i hyung from back then, but my mom screamed and fainted, so I could not ask any more.

Well…… life does not always go the way I want it to. A realization close to enlightenment came to me quite early on.

I will not be able to get out of here. I will never be able to meet that boy again.

I will die here. So there is no need to struggle so desperately. No need to feel despair or sadness either. I had already fallen into hell.

I had those thoughts around the age of eighteen.

So when the Teacher said he would provide a piano in Choseoncheon as well, and that he would personally teach me music, I think I nodded my head, thinking, ah, it is not as bad as I thought. I did not know if the Teacher was the true Great Brahma Heavenly King, but his music was quite excellent.

۶ৎ

Kung, kung, kung.

Now, the sound of the hourglass drum can be faintly heard even inside the car. It seems the gut ritual is in the midst of reaching a fever pitch.

Yisak, after regaining his composure, seemed to have relaxed, and his body gradually lost its strength. And then, he laid down on the back seat just like that and fell asleep.

I was supporting Yisak’s head on my lap. Occasionally, I would gently smooth Yisak’s fallen hair with my hand.

At that moment, someone approached the vicinity of the car. Before the unwelcome guest could disturb Yisak’s sleep, I slightly lowered the car window and observed the person. He seemed to be one of Choi Byunggwan’s attendants. He looked somewhat flustered when our eyes met through the gap in the car window.

“The Chairman is looking for Director-nim. But who are you…….”

I brought my index finger to my lips.

“Your voice is loud.”

The man’s face became increasingly colored with bewilderment. Whatever. Being careful not to wake Yisak, I inserted a cushion under his head. The lap pillow, it was quite exciting and nice. So much so that the area around my fully erect penis was throbbing. A shame. I will have to try it again when I get home next time…….

I left the soundly sleeping Yisak and got out of the car. The attendant was still sizing me up with a wary gaze.

“Who are you?”

He could not treat me carelessly since I was in Yisak’s car, but he was suspicious. A two sided emotion flickered across the man’s face. I calmly recited the lie I had just thought of. In times like these, brazenness is important.

“I am Director Choi Yisak’s executive assistant. The Director-nim is suddenly feeling unwell. I do not think it will be possible for him to climb the mountain again.”

“You, I have not seen your face before…….”

“If you find me so untrustworthy, then by all means, wake up our Director-nim, who is sleeping as if he has fainted from illness, and then confirm my identity.”

“……”

“I will personally explain the Director-nim’s condition to the Chairman and ask for his understanding.”

“But.”

“He is really not in a state to climb the mountain. I am worried that the Director-nim might collapse if we force him to go.”

The man seemed to somewhat accept my words, as he had personally seen Yisak’s face turn deathly pale. I safely followed the man towards Choi Byunggwan. Like this, a chance to meet and talk with Choi Byunggwan in this unexpected way presented itself.

I am lucky. I do not intend to kill him today, but getting to know him in advance and getting close to him will surely help with the plan. My steps up the mountain were incredibly light. The anger that had been heating up my body also subsided a little.

It felt like the world was helping me. To kill Choi Byunggwan. To kill him cleanly and make Yisak happy.

A short while later, I arrived back at the site where the gut was being held. It seemed they were taking a short break due to an exhausted Choi Byunggwan. Choi Byunggwan was sitting on a plush portable chair that an attendant had brought. He, who had been tilting his neck to the side and letting out a sigh, spoke in an annoyed tone as I approached.

“Hey, what about Yisak…….”

Then, Choi Byunggwan’s face, after checking me out of the corner of his eye, stiffened for a moment. A look of bewilderment crept into his indifferent gaze. Choi Byunggwan, who had been slumped in the chair, straightened up and stared up at me.

“You…… what, what are you?”

He looked as if he had seen a ghost.

“I came at the behest of Director Choi.”

“Huh?”

The wrinkled corners of his eyes twitched. Choi Byunggwan, looking dazed, staggered up from his chair. The attendants rushed to his side and supported him.

“Ah, no. No. No.”

Choi Byunggwan rolled his yellowish eyes this way and that and spoke incoherently. His thick index finger pointed straight at me.

“Y-you look exactly like Seonju’s younger sister!”

“Ah.”

I had a premonition that things would be resolved relatively easily. Because I am acting with the good intention of protecting Yisak, heavenly luck continues to follow me. I felt good. I barely suppressed a burst of laughter and said.

“Do I resemble someone the Chairman knows?”

“Seonju, that, what was it, the picture she always carried around and looked at…… uh, the woman in that picture, you are a dead ringer for her.”

“Are you perhaps referring to Ms. Kim Hwiseon?”

“It seems like it was a name something like that……”

“And she was from an orphanage?”

“Ah, that’s right. That girl Seonju, she had no mother or father. They met at an orphanage, and she said they were like blood sisters……. Not even related by blood, I was wondering if they were really that special a pair.”

I recalled my mom’s face after a long time.

“Creepy, it is creepily identical……. Of all days. What is your relationship with that woman?”

Choi Byunggwan hunched his shoulders and became wary of me.

“Ms. Kim Hwiseon gave birth to me.”

“What?”

“She is my mother.”

My face resembled my mom’s so much that it was hard to doubt these words. Although my mom often found it creepy.

“Why did you come here? W-what are you trying to do. What intentions do you harbor……”

“Actually, aunt Seonju called me to Director Choi’s side.”

“Seonju…… aunt?”

“Ah. She was like an aunt to me.”

Choi Byunggwan looked confused, then dismissed the attendants who were stuck to his side. Then he hastily called only the shaman to his side.

I gazed blankly at the eyes of the shaman, whose makeup was smudged with sweat. Does that woman’s god truly exist? If so, would they see through my lies? Our gazes met in midair. It felt like I was being tested. I was not nervous. I was used to moments like these.

“Bodhisattva-nim. This fellow, what kind of fellow is he? He says he was summoned by Seonju……. His gaze and appearance are very, very unusual.”

Before the shaman could open her mouth, I took a bold step closer to Choi Byunggwan. Recalling the gut ritual I had secretly watched earlier, I recited words similar to what the shaman had said.

“You do not need to be afraid. My aunt no longer holds a grudge against you, Chairman-nim. She just wants her son to be safe.”

“……”

“She wanted someone close to be by Director Choi’s side. Saying that a misfortune would befall him in the relatively near future and the Director-nim would be in danger. I have to grant my aunt’s request. My mother was greatly indebted to her.”

“So you are saying you have seen, Seonju?”

“Sometimes. Her, and other things.”

Choi Byunggwan turned his head to the shaman. It was a look that seemed to ask her to confirm the truth of my words. The shaman stared at me for a long time with her sharp, hawk like eyes. I was curious what she would say, and continued to meet her gaze.

After a moment. Aheo, the shaman let out a breath as if in a sigh and opened her mouth.

“This is a kid who should walk this path. He is quite strong. He would also do very well in the arts.”

“Thank you.”

I feigned a faint smile and bowed my head to the shaman. The world seems funny in many ways. Choi Byunggwan, only now letting go of some of his wariness towards me, said.

“So that’s why Yisak has you working as a secretary? Does Yisak know all about this? He loathes everyone associated with his mother. He faints when his mother is mentioned.”

So he brought him to the gut ritual even though he knew full well about Yisak’s condition. One more reason to get rid of Choi Byunggwan was added.

“Director-nim does not know. If the Chairman-nim helps, I would like to keep it a secret as much as possible. Actually, to be precise, it is not a secretarial position either.”

“Then what is it?”

“At first, I would personally play for the Director-nim and visit him from time to time. I also majored in piano. Then a good opportunity arose and I came to work with the Director-nim’s company…… thanks to that, we grew closer and I also take care of the Director-nim in private, yes. That is what I am doing.”

The shaman, who was standing beside us with her eyes wide open, quickly interjected and muttered.

“Right, I am telling you, if it is not art, it is the fate of a male shaman.”

I gave her a nod. She was directing this play even more splendidly. I was sincerely grateful.

“But where is Yisak now?”

“He is unwell. He is in the car. I came up to inform you of the Director-nim’s condition.”

“How sick is he. Right now his father is sick and holding a gut for his illness. Fuck.”

“Still, I am very happy to have this opportunity to greet you, Chairman-nim. Would it be alright if I prayed in the Director-nim’s place?”

“What’s with the eye smile on a male brat……”

It is easy to win the favor of someone who is lost in blind faith. If I had met Choi Byunggwan on a business matter, he would not have readily placed me by his side.

However, the Choi Byunggwan in this space right now was in a state where his reason was muddled. I had only touched a few buttons that further clouded his reason, but he called me to the spot where Yisak had been sitting earlier.

I knelt down in Yisak’s place. With a joyful heart, I put my palms together and closed my eyes.

It is the season when summer begins. The mountain breeze, laden with moisture, touched the tip of my nose. I could smell the grass. I could hear the sound of leaves rustling against each other. By the time the green of the new leaves fades and the sound of autumn leaves crumbling is heard, Yisak will be able to sleep a little more peacefully. Because one of his nightmares will have disappeared from the world.

۶ৎ

While the gut was in full swing, Yisak reappeared with an ashen face. I had hoped he would sleep more deeply, but it seemed he had come to his senses in the middle of it. I should have given him a sleeping pill.

Yisak, upon discovering me, wore an expression as if he were about to faint. He worries too much. He has his hands full just taking care of himself, yet he tries to protect me. He really does not have to.

Yisak quickly came up next to me and spoke into my ear. His voice flowed in between the loud sounds of the small gong and the flute.

“What are you doing here right now. Are you crazy?”

I just kept my lips sealed and stared blankly at Yisak. Yisak, frustrated, struck his chest, thwack thwack. Cute.

If Yisak finds out that I approached his father to kill him, and that I used his mother as a means to do so, will he despise me? Will he be angry with me? I hope that Choi Byunggwan, as per our promise, will not reveal our conversation to him…….

Actually, it did not matter much even if Yisak found out everything. I did what I had to do. This was the best way. If I had missed the opportunity that luckily came my way today, things would have gotten more complicated. The timing of getting rid of Choi Byunggwan would have been delayed as well.

I would be sad if I were scorned by Yisak, really, so sad I could die……. but rooting out the poisonous weeds growing around Yisak came first. All I could do was hope that he would one day understand my true feelings…….

I must have made a strange expression while imagining things, because Yisak grabbed my shoulders and shook me back and forth.

“What is wrong? What is going on. Fuck, why didn’t you wake me up? Say something, you son of a bitch. He is using the silent treatment again.”

“……Ah. You looked so tired, I did not want to wake you. They said they needed one more person for the gut, so I just came in your place.”

The corners of Yisak’s eyes turned red. His trembling hands told me how angry he was. He should not be this angry already.

“Do you, fuck, not take people’s words seriously? I told you to stay put. Please. I do not know what might happen to you……”

Yisak, after speaking through clenched teeth, finally slumped down next to me as if his strength had given out.

“If there were not other people here, you would have gotten your ass kicked by me.”

“Please hit me when we get home.”