IOB Ch 27

It was the day of a funeral where I couldn’t for the life of me tell if I should laugh or cry.

President Choi was dead.

The founder of Jaeyu Group, my biological father, and the man I had despised my entire life, Choi Byeong-gwan, had finally breathed his last.

I heard the news of his death around 6:20 in the morning. Before it was announced to the media, I received a call directly from my eldest brother. Still half-asleep, I think I dazedly asked back a couple of times. What? Who died? When? Right now?

—Come and hear the details. Don’t lose your composure. There are many eyes watching.

After hanging up, I couldn’t move my body for a moment. It felt as if my limbs were stiffening from the tips, as if the blood had stopped flowing. How did this happen……. No, first, I need to get ready to go out. For a long while, I foolishly just clutched the rustling blanket, breathing unevenly. My chest hurt.

Woo Seonrim was lying next to me. When I slightly drew back the blackout curtains, sunlight seeped in. The light grazed Woo Seonrim’s eyelashes, creating a shadow. As I looked at his deeply asleep face, not moving a muscle, my churning stomach settled a little.

I gathered strength into my trembling fingertips and shook Woo Seonrim’s shoulder to wake him. To Woo Seonrim, who had slowly opened his eyes into slits, I blurted out the words abruptly.

“President Choi… is dead, they say.”

“…What?”

Woo Seonrim’s voice was low and heavy with sleep. A look of bewilderment spread across his groggy, not-yet-fully-awake face. If even Woo Seonrim, who had no relationship with President Choi, was this surprised, how must I be feeling? From the moment I received the call from my eldest brother until now, I felt as if I were trapped in a dream.

“It’s absurd, isn’t it.”

“……”

“I’m also fucking flabbergasted….”

Woo Seonrim threw off the blanket and sat up. After sweeping back his messy hair, he looked at me. The sleepiness had already vanished from Woo Seonrim’s eyes.

“Do we have to go to the funeral hall?”

The voice that vibrated through the air was as calm as usual. A gentle, drawn-out pronunciation and a tone without clear highs or lows. Talking to Woo Seonrim made the current situation feel like nothing. As always, Woo Seonrim gave me a deflating sense of stability. Thanks to him, I slowly came to my senses.

“Yeah… I have to get ready and go.”

Woo Seonrim gave a slight nod and immediately got out of bed to prepare. I shook my head, which felt as dazed as if it were filled with thick fog. By the time I splashed cold water on my face, changed my clothes, and went down to the parking garage, my mind was more or less functioning as usual. Though my fingertips were still cold and stiff.

As I drove toward the funeral hall, I calmly sorted through my thoughts.

This is an unexpected situation. President Choi was supposed to be killed by me.

My mission was to extract evidence of my stepmother’s corruption from that old man, and then, under my eldest brother’s orders, to dispose of him at a time that would cause the least damage to the company. To achieve this goal, I had endured daily nausea and even flattered President Choi.

Before I could even do anything, the target had disappeared.

According to my eldest brother, the cause of death was shock due to a sudden drop in blood sugar. He already had both liver cancer and diabetes, which made his treatment difficult to begin with, and considering he was a man who had lived with terrible lifestyle habits for nearly 80 years, dying like this wasn’t entirely strange.

But a sinister sense of unease lingered. Because it was the exact same method of death I had planned to fake after killing President Choi.

A plausible, ordinary, believable cause of death that wouldn’t arouse suspicion. That’s what made it even more strange.

I had intended to secretly inject an overdose of insulin into the IV solution President Choi was receiving at the right time. My eldest brother had said he could cover up something like that without any trouble.

…Did President Choi really die on his own?

I don’t know if I should be happy about this situation. Should I be relieved that heaven took care of a terrible deed for me? But if this is the case, it means I ultimately failed to fulfill my deal with my eldest brother. The thought also occurred to me that my eldest brother might have hired someone else to kill him because he didn’t trust me.

…No, that can’t be right. An acquisition and merger deal was in its final stages, so he would have been reluctant to announce the death of the group’s chairman right now. He already seemed worried about the severe stock price fluctuations. This is also far from the way my eldest brother wanted things to go.

I was immersed in my confusion on the way to the funeral hall. Just then, Woo Seonrim, who had been sitting silently in the passenger seat without asking me anything, opened his mouth.

“Director-nim, I think an article is up.”

“…Is it the official announcement?”

“Yes.”

While stopped at a traffic light, I glanced to the side, and the bold headline of the article caught my eye first.

<‘The Legend of a Self-Made Man’ Chairman Choi Byeong-gwan Passes Away… at Age 79>

I swallowed dryly and turned my gaze forward again.

“Read it to me.”

Then, a monotonous voice, like a machine, dryly recited the article.

“Choi Byeong-gwan, chairman of Jaeyu Group, passed away from illness at his home in Gyeonggi Province around 5 o’clock this morning. He was 79 years old. Chairman Choi had been receiving treatment since being diagnosed with liver cancer last year. However, as diabetes complications overlapped, the chemotherapy process was proceeding slowly….”

I listened silently without interrupting a single word.

“…Jaeyu conveyed the news of Chairman Choi’s death and announced that the funeral, in accordance with the wishes of the bereaved family, will be held simply as a private family service.”

It’s neat and tidy, without any extraneous details. Nothing to pick apart.

But another thought was swirling in my head. Is it because I had harbored the intent to kill President Choi? To say a thief has a guilty conscience, I haven’t even properly stolen anything yet.

What if President Choi was murdered? This hypothesis kept coming to mind. If so, that means someone else cut in line before I could kill him. Who on earth could it be?

The number of people who could come and go from that villa without surveillance could be counted on one hand. Among them, the one who would kill President Choi… was honestly just me. That’s why my eldest brother entrusted the job to me. It wasn’t easy for anyone else to get through the security guards who were completely loyal to President Choi and approach him secretly.

Let’s assume the article is all true. That, like any old man, his condition suddenly worsened in the early morning and he died before anyone could do anything. That in itself is a problem. He died too comfortably, that fucking bastard.

“Director-nim, your hands are shaking.”

A low voice came from my side. I gripped the steering wheel tightly and muttered some unrelated nonsense. I didn’t want to show my inner turmoil.

“Hey, uh, I’ll get you a room at a nearby hotel. Stay there for a bit. I’ll… go there when the situation is somewhat sorted out.”

I felt a gaze persistently scanning the side of my face. When I glanced over, my eyes met Woo Seonrim’s. A strange chill ran down my spine.

“…Aren’t you happy?”

“What?”

“You hated your father. Am I wrong?”

“I don’t know. My head is just a bit of a mess.”

Woo Seonrim took hold of my hand, which was clenched tightly. For once, Woo Seonrim’s skin was warm.

I suddenly worried about what my face looked like right now. Probably an anxious face, neither happy nor sad. I was trying to act nonchalant in my own way, but I probably looked strange. It was only natural that Woo Seonrim, who knew nothing, was staring at me and observing me intently.

I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want to drag Woo Seonrim into Jaeyu Group’s affairs for no reason. I also didn’t want to reveal the dirty state of my family. I just wanted Woo Seonrim to focus on his music as he was doing now.

I was deeply regretting having taken Woo Seonrim to that shamanistic ritual when my heart was weak. It was a mistake to be confident that I could control Woo Seonrim’s actions. The fact that Woo Seonrim had gotten involved in the ritual and come face-to-face with President Choi still gave me goosebumps. That fucking old man’s face… Woo Seonrim’s eyes might have rotted. He deserved to see only good things.

It’s the same now. Although President Choi’s death felt somewhat unsettling and suspicious, I wanted Woo Seonrim to know nothing. I cleared my throat a couple of times and spoke as nonchalantly as possible.

“Come to think of it, I just woke you up and brought you here all of a sudden. It’s not like you can even be in the funeral hall with me anyway. Do you just want to go back home? Yes, rather than a hotel… that would be better.”

“No. I’ll be nearby, so come to me when you want to rest.”

“But your album release is just around the corner….”

“What kind of work can I do on a day like this?”

“He’s not your father.”

“It’s more of a problem because he’s your father, Director-nim.”

“……”

“Do you want to pull over on the shoulder for a moment? I’ll drive.”

“Do you have a license?”

“No, but I can sort of drive.”

“…Hey, just lean against the window and go to sleep.”

“I’m serious.”

He said it so confidently that I was surprised, thinking he might have gotten his license in the meantime. I let out a hollow laugh at the absurdity. Thanks to that, some of my tension eased, and we arrived safely at the funeral hall.

I parked the car in the hospital’s parking lot and took a moment to catch my breath. Since it was a private family funeral, the press couldn’t swarm in, but I still had to see many relatives and board members. The stress was already making my forehead feel hot.

I also couldn’t believe that President Choi’s body was laid to rest right here. Life is always sudden, but death is even more so. My mother also left without any warning, just like that.

Huu, huu, I took deep breaths. If I don’t want to make a strange scene at the wake, I need to calm down as much as possible in the car. Just imagining making eye contact with President Choi’s memorial portrait was already giving me goosebumps all over my body.

“Do you need the inhaler?”

Woo Seonrim, who had been just watching me for a while, asked. His tone suggested he wasn’t surprised, having seen me in this state once before. It really feels like I show Woo Seonrim every single one of my worst sides, all the way to rock bottom. I don’t mean to, but it happens every time.

“Director-nim.”

“…I’m fine.”

It wasn’t a bluff; I wasn’t hyperventilating like I usually do.

“Choi Byeong-gwan… he was a bad person, wasn’t he? Isn’t it okay to be happy? You look like you’re about to cry.”

I lifted my head and met Woo Seonrim’s eyes. I saw a face filled with bewilderment.

“I’m not crying.”

“It wouldn’t matter if you did. It’s just a little strange.”

“……”

“Because I was happy.”

“What?”

“When my teacher died.”

As expected, it seemed that whatever Daebumcheonwang was, he was like a father figure to Woo Seonrim. Seeing as his story comes up at a time like this.

“I don’t dislike it either. It’s just, something feels strange. And a bit unfair.”

“Why?”

“Well. If it was going to be like this, I should have just……”

Killed him myself. I swallowed the words that were about to slip out carelessly. Following my train of thought, a sense of injustice welled up. What would that crazy old man have looked like as he drew his last breath? I should have at least poured out all the curses I had held back to his face. I absolutely had to see it.

“Director-nim, there is no need for you to dirty your hands because of such an insignificant being.”

“……”

“It would only make your heart heavier.”

Woo Seonrim spoke softly, then wrapped his hand around the nape of my neck and pulled me closer. He then even began to stroke my back with his hand. I was naturally leaning my face on Woo Seonrim’s shoulder, but then I started to feel a little embarrassed.

“……Look at this, acting like a grown-up.”

“But I am a grown-up. I’m twenty-six.”

“Don’t try to act cool. It’s annoying……”

“It is not that I am trying to act cool, but that you see me as cool, Director-nim. Because you like me.”

To Woo Seonrim’s words, which flowed out so eloquently, I couldn’t bring myself to argue back. I just stayed still. Until my breathing completely stabilized in Woo Seonrim’s arms.

۶ৎ

Condolence wreaths arrived endlessly in front of the wake. Even though it was a private family funeral, it was hectic with relatives and the company’s presidents coming and going. If there had been mourners and reporters on top of this……. It would have been truly awful.

Even after arriving at the wake, confirming the memorial portrait, and hearing various words of condolence, the death of President Choi still did not feel real to me.

Did he really die? Isn’t he alive? He dies this easily? Could it be that this is all just a play orchestrated by my eldest brother?

I just waited for an opportunity to speak with my eldest brother alone. Though the timing to grab the chief mourner, who was being called away without rest, did not come easily.

My eldest brother, with his usual expressionless face, was greeting the presidents with his wife. At least his wife was pretending to be grieving. The second son, Choi Geonyeong, was in a corner just drinking with his lackeys. My stepmother was sticking close to the third son, Choi Dowon, and dealing with the relatives.

I was mostly sitting in front of the condolence money box. I handed pens to people coming and going, received newly arrived condolence wreaths, and did my part appropriately. Since people weren’t constantly flooding in, there were many empty moments in between. At those times, I would blankly think about this and that. Thoughts like, I wonder what the other people are thinking.

Is the inheritance matter settled cleanly? I was also curious about what my eldest brother and stepmother were feeling. It seemed like they were doing various things under the surface. Did things become ambiguous because the old man died? I checked the stock prices on the sly in the middle of it, and the stock market is a mess. In many ways, everyone must have a headache.

One thing was for certain, there was no one among them who was genuinely mourning President Choi. The relatives all seemed to be interested only in the spoils. No one was sad. They might be bewildered, but not sad.

Just for this moment, I wanted to believe in the existence of ghosts. President Choi needed to be watching all of this. I wanted him to know that no one had loved him. Though he would deny it until the very end.

It wasn’t until the ambiguous afternoon hours that I finally got a chance to talk with my eldest brother. I fiddled with the mourner’s armband on my shoulder and approached him.

“Want to go for a smoke?”

I asked even though I knew my eldest brother had quit smoking. He gave a short nod and came out of the wake without another word. I followed behind him. There were many things I wanted to ask. I needed a place where there were no listening ears.

“Let’s go to the car for a moment, hyung.”

“No, let’s talk here.”

“……Here?”

It was in front of a beverage vending machine that my eldest brother would never even touch. I spoke in bewilderment.

“What in the world happened?”

“It’s exactly as I said on the phone this morning. If you forgot, read the article.”

No matter how I look at it, the attitude of my eldest brother as he answered is strange. He furrowed his brow slightly and slammed his palm against the vending machine.

“What are you doing?”

“I don’t have any coins.”

“……They all take cards these days.”

“Ah.”

What’s wrong with him. Has that man lost his mind? As I watched my eldest brother chug down not a Coke Zero, but a regular Coke, I had a gut feeling. This situation, as I suspected, is not what hyung wanted either.

After downing a can of Coke in one go, I was certain when I saw him pick out a can of chocolate latte that looked like it would taste distinctly unhealthy. Choi Jaeyoung is not in his right mind right now.

“……That looks really sweet.”

“Yeah, it is sweet.”

Except for when we were very young, I had never seen my eldest brother lose his composure like this. I felt a strange sense of pleasure.

“Hyung, you need to manage your blood sugar too. There is such a thing as a family history.”

“Fuck……”

He unconsciously spat out a curse, as if chewing on the word. Wow, so that man also swears like that in such an open space. It feels like I’m seeing many new sides of him today. The Choi Jaeyoung in my head was always a person who just wielded power over others with an expressionless face. A day like this would be rare, so I kept wanting to provoke him more.

“Something went wrong, didn’t it?”

“Be quiet, Choi Yisak.”

“That’s why I said we should go to my car.”

“Do I look like a joke to you?”

“How could that be……”

Every time I uttered a word, Choi Jaeyoung became greatly agitated. Normally, around this point, he would have glared at me with murderous eyes and tried to make me submit. The eldest son of Jaeyu Group certainly had the power to do so.

But right now, Choi Jaeyoung’s reaction was half-hearted. It felt like he knew I was subtly prodding him but was holding back his anger. He seemed out of it in the first place. To others, Choi Jaeyoung might look as perfect as usual, but I could feel that something was wrong with him. Even though we were born of different mothers and Choi Jaeyoung might consider me no more than a dog he was raising, we were brothers who shared half our blood.

Our heir is clearly in some kind of trouble. Being a perfectionist, he particularly couldn’t stand it when his plans went awry. He’s the type who usually gets the situation under control quickly and puts his plans back on their original track. But it seemed that even that was not easy for him in this situation.

“Hyung, is there anything I can do to help?”

Choi Jaeyoung glared at me and said in a low voice.

“Don’t do anything.”

“But there was something you specifically asked me to look into.”

“Just……!”

Choi Jaeyoung was about to yell but barely managed to calm his breath midway. I could see the nape of his neck flush red in an instant.

“Just, shit, don’t do anything. Live your own life, Choi Yisak.”

Anger was laced in the voice he spat out with a clenched jaw. He is trying his best to hold back his anger. Not just anyone, but Choi Jaeyoung, the eldest son of Jaeyu Group. He was allowed to get angry at anyone he pleased, except for President Choi. He had lived in that position from birth until now, and he thoroughly enjoyed that power.

…But why is he holding it in? To Choi Jaeyoung, I was someone he could treat however he wanted. He could just crush me as he always had, yelling that he and I were different by birth. I don’t understand. Although it is extremely satisfying and interesting.

A kind of incomprehensible and chaotic happiness, perhaps. I had been in this state all morning. I’d feel good then anxious, relieved then bewildered. But after seeing Choi Jaeyoung’s reaction, my heart is leaning toward the joy I stumbled upon. Would this be the feeling if a lottery ticket I picked up off the street turned out to be a winner? It felt as if a stroke of luck that wasn’t mine had suddenly fallen into my arms.

To put it more trivially and mundanely, it felt like I had solved a problem without lifting a finger. President Choi died on his own, and my eldest brother, who used to boss me around as he pleased, is suddenly acting meek in front of me.

As I continued to stare blankly, Choi Jaeyoung said with irritation.

“I won’t care what you do with that bastard Woo Seonrim, so just live your own life.”

“……Why all of a sudden?”

“Take a decent share of the inheritance and get lost. Don’t hover around me. Got it?”

“Well, if you want me to, I can do that all too well.”

It’s what I wanted. But he’s giving me an inheritance? To me, too? I do have the right to inherit, but I thought my eldest brother would find some way to snatch it all away.

My eldest brother threw the empty chocolate latte can into the trash. A few people looked this way at the sound of the can hitting other cans. It was an act unbecoming of my eldest brother, who always tried to maintain his dignity in front of others.

“Hyung, get a grip.”

“……Get lost.”

I said it out of genuine concern, but he glares at me as if he wants to kill me. Choi Jaeyoung shoved my shoulder hard and walked past me. I didn’t bother to trail after him. Well, since that man told me not to anymore.

I stared blankly at the beverage vending machine for a long while before buying and drinking a can of a drink with a strong pine needle scent. The nausea that had been rising up all the while I was at the wake subsided.

It was truly a funeral day where everything was strange.

۶ৎ

The funeral procedures were all rushed. The encoffining ceremony, which would usually be held on the second day of a three-day funeral, was held right on the first day. All immediate family members were required to attend. It was a ritual to honor the deceased and console those left behind, but to me, everything felt futile. I was just tired.

The immediate family surrounded the deceased, and each person was given time to offer their final words in turn. The eldest, Choi Jaeyoung, commemorated his father with a flawless procession of eloquent phrases, while the second, Choi Geonyeong, simply said, “Father, goodbye,” and then turned his head away. The third, Choi Dowon, just whined and cried from the beginning to the end of the ceremony and couldn’t manage to say much.

“Heuk, heuk……”

Listening to Choi Dowon’s phony crying next to me felt like I was going to lose my mind. I was standing there blankly with my eyes intentionally unfocused when my stepmother nudged me from the side. It was suddenly my turn to offer my condolences.

“Ah.”

Only then did I lower my tilted head and look at President Choi. His face had been treated so he wouldn’t look like a dead person. His eyes were gently closed. He looked just like someone sleeping. To the point where I had the fantasy that he might just sit up and come back to life.

“Youngest son, please hold our father’s hand and say a few words……”

The director presiding over the encoffining ceremony said to me. I wrapped my hand around the corpse’s wrist. The skin was completely cold and hard. I couldn’t feel a pulse at all.

“……You’re really dead.”

I muttered without realizing it. I still harbored a slight suspicion that this might all be a fabricated, fake death. That’s how unrealistic and sudden President Choi’s death felt.

But now I had no choice but to accept it. The corpse lying before me was undoubtedly Choi Byeong-gwan. Choi Byeong-gwan was dead. That damn old man had really died.

The family members who heard my muttering glanced at me with bewildered eyes. Among them, my stepmother spoke as if to gently scold me.

“Yisak.”

“……”

“You have to send your father off properly.”

I tried to leave my last words for President Choi, but my mind was blank. I knew I had to recite a plausible word of condolence like the rest of the family, but my lips just wouldn’t part. My stomach churned, and a surge of hot breath made my throat ache.

The more I looked at President Choi, the angrier I became. This crazy old man, he seems to have died far too comfortably. In my mind, my mother kept coming up helplessly. The face, made up with thick powder so it wouldn’t be too gruesome on her final journey. But it was not enough to completely erase the marks of death on her neck. It was obvious that she had died by hanging.

When my mother died, there was no respectful encoffining ceremony like this. It was all they did, as if doing me a favor, to let me see my mother for a brief moment at the end. There was no time for people to surround the deceased and shed even forced tears. My mother was not part of President Choi’s family or anything. Even in death, she was treated the same way she had been in life.

I no longer wanted to say a single nice word to President Choi. The situation felt absurd. You want me to mourn Choi Byeong-gwan? I would rather be strangled to death right here and lie next to President Choi.

Squeeze, without realizing it, my grip on President Choi’s hand tightened more and more. I felt like I could crush President Choi’s hand if I put my mind to it.

“Uh, you shouldn’t grip so strongly.”

It felt like someone was warning me, but it sounded like an echo from far away. For a moment, my vision blurred. As my body trembled, I squeezed out a mumble from my burning throat.

“Why……”

“Son, if you apply so much force, it will be difficult……”

Why did you do it. Why did you live so fucking horribly.

Why did you so casually torment, beat, and trample on people weaker than you. Why was I, of all people, born as your son.

“Get a hold of yourself, Choi Yisak.”

“No, I think he’s gone crazy.”

Why do I have to live with these terrible memories that I will never forget for the rest of my life. What did I do wrong. Other than being born, what did I do so…….

“Hey, this won’t do. Pull Yisak away.”

“Heueup, euk.”

“Quick, grab him from both sides.”

My breathing became increasingly ragged, and my vision blurred. Standing before the dead, I thought about wanting to revive him and kill him again. That’s how much I hated my biological father.

۶ৎ

I think I completely lost my mind somewhere in the middle. Was I kicked out of the encoffining ceremony? My memory is patchy. I sat still in a chair until the fog that filled my head cleared to some extent. I was in the middle of a hospital corridor on a floor I had never been to before.

Then, funnily enough, in the midst of it all, I felt a pang of hunger. Hunger made me move again. I stood up from the chair, stumbling, and left the hospital. I walked without any particular destination in mind. My stomach, which had been empty all day, rumbled. I’m exhausted, tired, and hungry. At this moment, only one face came to mind.

I took out my phone and made a call.

—Director-nim.

A voice answered as if it had been waiting. It was Woo Seonrim.

“Where are you.”

—In the hotel room you got for me.

“Let’s eat. Come out.”

—Yes. Where should I go?

“Here, um.”

I stopped my aimless steps. I was on an unfamiliar street. Looking around, the first thing that caught my eye was a convenience store parasol.

“I’m near a convenience store. Come here.”

—I’ll be right there. Please text me the name of the branch.

Even though I was calling him to a convenience store out of the blue, Woo Seonrim raised no objections. He just silently followed my words. Why has he been so obedient lately? The days when I was frustrated to death because of Woo Seonrim felt so distant.

I hung up and went inside the convenience store. Recalling the time I ate ramen with Woo Seonrim at the Han River, I swept up whatever convenience store food I could get my hands on. The part-time worker at the register seemed to be looking at me strangely. Has he never seen someone binge-eating before…….

I came outside with a bag full of miscellaneous things in my arms. I poured out the instant food onto the table in front of the convenience store. Come to think of it, this is my first meal of the day. I plopped down onto the plastic chair.

The end of summer. The sun is setting in the sky. It was a suitable day to eat cup ramen outside. I leaned back on the chair, which seemed perpetually unbalanced, and stared into space. I waited for Woo Seonrim to arrive, ignoring my churning, empty stomach.

In the meantime, the gazes of people passing by from time to time brushed past me. I was used to attracting others’ attention, so at first, I didn’t think much of it, but from the middle of it, I realized they weren’t just staring because I was handsome.

It was because I looked, to anyone, like a person who had just suffered a loss. I had been wearing the hemp armband on my left arm the whole time, and my hair, which I hadn’t been able to style, was a mess. A man in such a state, with a mountain of food piled up in front of a convenience store, sitting blankly without touching any of it, couldn’t help but draw glances from everyone.

While I understood it with my head, a rebellious feeling suddenly surged in my heart. What are you looking at, you fuckers. Have you all never seen a bastard who was about to commit patricide but got cut off by some unknown entity before……. I was muttering to myself, glaring with the whites of my eyes showing. Tap, tap. I heard the sound of neat footsteps gradually approaching me. I knew who the owner of the footsteps was without even needing to lift my head to check.

Woo Seonrim walked slowly up to me and stopped. A long shadow stretched over me, and a gentle voice was heard.

“Director-nim, you look tired.”

Only then did I raise my gaze and look at Woo Seonrim. Woo Seonrim looked exactly the same as when I saw him in the morning. Facing that nonchalant face made today feel like just another ordinary weekday. It felt as if no sudden events had occurred and all the terrible feelings I had experienced were just a mirage.

“You got here fast.”

“Because you called me, Director-nim.”

“……”

“You also come right away when I call you, Director-nim.”

I was suddenly reminded of the sunset I had watched with Woo Seonrim at the Han River.

“I did. That’s right.”

Woo Seonrim curled the corners of his mouth slightly and sat down in the chair opposite me, staring intently at me.

“But if you were hungry, why didn’t you eat anything?”

“……Now that I’ve bought it, I’ve lost my appetite.”

My capriciousness is a bitch. But really, right up until I paid, I had intended to devour all of this. I was that captivated by a strong hunger. A few minutes later, just looking at the lid of the cup ramen makes me feel nauseous.

“Did you have lunch?”

“No.”

“Oh my. You can’t be on an empty stomach.”

A hollow laugh escaped me at his coaxing tone.

“Look at this one, always trying to treat me like a child. When you’re all skin and bones yourself.”

“That’s why. Since you’ve built up your body, Director-nim, it’s only right that you eat more.”

It’s doubly annoying because he’s speaking nothing but the truth.

“Ah, I get it. Stop nagging.”

“Well, if you don’t have an appetite, you don’t have to force yourself to eat.”

“For now, I’ll just drink an electrolyte drink. You eat the rest.”

“Okay. I don’t think I can eat it all, though.”

Woo Seonrim nodded obediently without any fuss. I reached for the plastic bottle beaded with water droplets and paused. Why is he so obedient? Is this really the same Woo Seonrim who wouldn’t listen to a word I said at first? A strange tingling sensation spread up from my fingertips.

Woo Seonrim picked up a sandwich and slowly began to peel off the packaging, one layer at a time. It’s a talent to make such a listless face in front of food. I felt bad, like I was force-feeding him.

“Why are you so obedient to me these days?”

Woo Seonrim, who was about to take a bite of his sandwich, froze and looked at me.

“You used to say it was annoying because I never listen to you.”

“There were times like that. But you’re the one who changed.”

“You don’t like it? Do you prefer rebellious people.”

“That’s not it, but.”

“I’ll do whatever you tell me to do, Director-nim.”

“Anything?”

“Yes. Is there anything I particularly can’t do?”

Woo Seonrim answered without a hint of hesitation. It really seemed like he would jump into the road in front of us right now if I told him to. The way he looked straight at me was clearly not normal. I even felt a sense of dread. I couldn’t tell if that was obsession or love. A third party might tell me to run away immediately.

Of course, I was the one who put a location tracker in Woo Seonrim’s shoe, but that was purely because I was worried about Woo Seonrim’s safety. It wasn’t an action based on any kind of selfish motive.

I took two or three sips of the electrolyte drink and slightly avoided Woo Seonrim’s gaze. For some reason, I felt shy.

“Mr. Seonrim… you like me too much.”

“You’re suddenly speaking as if you’re being shy with a stranger.”

“……”

“It’s an obvious thing, is there any need to be embarrassed? It’s not like you didn’t know.”

“You, you seem a little crazy.”

“But you like it, don’t you?”

Woo Seonrim said in a tone full of conviction. How arrogant…….

“You like that I’m this kind of person.”

“……”

“I love you. We suit each other quite well, Director-nim.”

“Shut your mouth and just eat your sandwich.”

“How can I eat food with my mouth shut.”

“You little brat. Don’t talk back.”

“Yes.”

The sunset is gradually deepening. I slowly sipped my drink, matching Woo Seonrim’s pace until he finished one sandwich. Woo Seonrim chewed quietly, bite by bite, without getting a single speck of sauce on his mouth. I’ve more or less gotten used to his slow eating now.

The conversation ceased for a moment, and only the white noise of the street filled the surroundings. As I blankly stared at the red sun disappearing between the buildings, I felt my body lose strength and go limp. After finishing my drink, I crushed the empty plastic bottle and spun it around and around in my hand.

In a daze, I muttered unintentionally.

“My luck is strangely too good today. It sucks.”

“……”

Woo Seonrim gazed at me for a moment, then swallowed a piece of sandwich and spoke.

“If your luck is good, why does it suck?”

“I don’t know. That’s why it feels so strange.”

“Don’t think about it so complicatedly.”

“……That old man really died.”

I mumbled, rubbing the crushed plastic bottle with my fingertips.

“I saw the body, too. It was real.”

“Was it definitely Choi Byeong-gwan?”

“Yeah, it was definitely that old man.”

“It makes sense that you would feel strange after seeing the body.”

“I thought I would feel relieved. But it’s not entirely like that.”

“I wonder why.”

“Something… I don’t know. Maybe my hatred for President Choi was just too big.”

The man I had cursed and hated so much has disappeared. That hatred must have been big enough to consume me whole. When President Choi was suddenly gone from my life, I felt as if I myself had become empty. Hatred was an emotion with a strong driving force. It makes one grit their teeth and endure life, even if reluctantly. I have lived almost my entire life hating someone.

“What do I live for now……”

A monologue drenched in emptiness slipped out of me without my realizing it. Tap. Woo Seonrim tapped the table with his fingertip to focus my attention on him, then spoke.

“What are you talking about? You have to live with me.”

“……”

“And listen to my music by my side for the rest of your life.”

“That one is a bit tempting……”

Woo Seonrim rattled off embarrassing words with an unfazed expression. At first, I thought he was just a crazy guy who had lost his mind, but I think he might actually be a romanticist. Seeing as my heart fluttered at what he just said. Or maybe not? Am I just a crazy person too, so we’re on the same wavelength? I felt like it didn’t matter either way. My heart is pounding.

Tap, tap. Woo Seonrim tapped his fingers on the table and said.

“I’m thinking of studying abroad.”

“Studying abroad?”

“Once my debut song is finished. I think I’ll need a proper academic background. That way, I’ll get credit, and it will help with making music. Right?”

How could he say such a praiseworthy thing with his own mouth first……. It was surprising. Is this really the same Woo Seonrim who used to avoid the stage?

After I learned about Woo Seonrim’s past, I no longer wanted to push him hard to get on stage. If he said he wanted to run away from the public, I was even prepared to follow his wishes, even if it would make me feel extremely disappointed, sad, and despairing. Of course, I would have still kept him by my side.

I spoke with a trembling voice.

“You… why are you being so diligent.”

“You don’t like it?”

“No, I’m moved. You’ve finally decided to take responsibility for your talent, you son of a bitch……”

“That’s not it. I’m trying to take responsibility for you, Director-nim.”

“What are you talking about.”

“I told you just now. That I would do whatever you want.”

“……”

“Because you want my music, Director-nim. And I like you a whole lot.”

“You keep… you keep saying things like this, uh, with that face.”

“What?”

“Why… why are you doing that……”

I mumbled my words vaguely and avoided Woo Seonrim’s gaze. The back of my neck was hot. Son of a bitch. My heart is beating too fast. Woo Seonrim delivered overly sweet and dramatic words plainly, without a trace of agitation. It seems I’m the only one who feels embarrassed listening to it.

Woo Seonrim stared at me persistently and said.

“Director-nim, you’ll send me to study abroad, right.”

“……”

“Of course, I can’t go alone.”

“How much do you think tuition is, what’s with the confidence. Look at this brat’s skill in extorting money. Am I your money source? Hurry up and pass your GED and then we’ll talk.”

Even as I grumbled as if I were scolding him, in my head, I was already thinking about which music conservatory would be good to send Woo Seonrim to. In any case, Woo Seonrim was the type of person who wouldn’t care what I said.

“For your information, I’m pretty good at English.”

“……”

“I know you’re already planning where to send me.”

Did he open up my head and look inside? I flinched and looked at Woo Seonrim.

“Director-nim, let’s go together.”

To be honest, I did feel a desperate urge to get out of Korea, even for a short while. I needed to clear my head completely.

I briefly pictured the future that Woo Seonrim had proposed for us. Woo Seonrim diligently learns composition, and I delve deeper into arts management and also act as Woo Seonrim’s manager. For a few years like that, in a place where no one knows us…….

What would the days be like, preparing for a new life, free from everything that tied us down? Would I be happy? Was I even a human being capable of enjoying the emotion of happiness? A mix of anticipation and excitement churned in my stomach.

I was immersed in a soft, fuzzy emotion, which was rare for me. Without giving me a moment to savor the mood, Woo Seonrim said something that shattered it.

“Oh right. You said no sex until I hold a solo concert.”

“……Is that what you bring up here?”

This kind of atmosphere does suit us better.

“It would probably take a few more years to finish studying and hold a solo concert. Ah.”

“……”

“But it’s okay. I’ll try to endure it.”

It was absurd to see him vowing with a serious face full of resolution. In truth, things like the contract had stopped mattering a long time ago. He’s going to endure for a few more years from now? That crazy bastard. That in itself would be an eccentricity, like a perversion on another level. We haven’t had intercourse, but we’ve already done all sorts of other things…….

Is he trying to get a definitive answer from my own mouth? What, the fuck. Do I have to shout something like, “I’m Choi Yisak and I like you. Let’s have sex”? No, how much more obvious can I be here? At this point, I’ve sufficiently shouted with my entire body that I like Woo Seonrim.