IOB Ch 8

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯

𝘚𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯

𝘖𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘺𝘮𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘻𝘰

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯

𝘖𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥

𝘕𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳

𝘈𝘯 𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦

-𝗘𝘅𝗰𝗲𝗿𝗽𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗮 𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝘆 𝗼𝗻 𝗝𝘂𝗻𝗲 𝟭❟ 𝟮𝟬𝘅𝘅-

۶ৎ

I came to a bookstore for the first time in over ten years. Holding only the single credit card he had given me.

I stood for a moment, breathing in the scent of books lingering in the bookstore. Swish, the sound of a page turning. Beep, the sound of a barcode being scanned at the counter. Rustle, the sound of a book being put into a paper bag. Besides that, the sounds of voices and footsteps filling the various empty spaces…

I soaked in the various noises, 담았다 them in my body. I felt a sense of fullness. I had collected enough sounds, so now it was time to carry out the purpose for which I came here. I slowly looked around and then picked up a book.

『She Already Loves You』

I stared blankly at the book’s title. The cover was distracting. A flashy phrase was written on the pink sash.

<Presenting a miraculous answer to ambiguous relationships! 300,000 Nootube subscribers, the relationship counselor who soothes people’s hearts, ‘Im Yun-i,’ number one relationship book bestseller for three consecutive weeks>

In addition to this, I picked out a few more books and paid for them. After engaging in consumer activity, I felt a pang of hunger and headed to a nearby cafe. The moment of clearly feeling appetite felt awkward. Because it had been a long time since I had.

I had just ordered a drink and dessert, sat down, and flipped through a few pages of the book I had just bought. A text message came from him. I picked up the phone he had bought for me and checked the screen.

[Director Choi Yisak: Are you out? A bookstore of all places?]

[There was something I wanted to look up]

It seemed he had contacted me after seeing the credit card usage history.

[Director Choi Yisak: To study composition? You should have told me]

[Director Choi Yisak: Want me to get you a teacher?]

[It is not like that]

[Just to get some food for thought…]

[Director Choi Yisak: lol; ah]

[When do you get off work?]

[I want to have dinner together]

Every time I make such a request, the speed at which a reply comes from him slows down remarkably. I stared blankly at the phone screen and then sent one more text.

[If you do not want to, that is fine]

[Director Choi Yisak: I will see how things are later and call you]

[Okay]

[Director Choi Yisak: I might have to go to a company dinner]

[Okay…]

[Director Choi Yisak: If I am late, eat first]

[Yep…]

I was tapping my phone feeling bored and was about to look through the book again. Vzzzt. The phone rang. On the vibrating phone screen, the words ‘Director Choi Yisak’ appeared. I stared blankly at the three-character name for a long time before answering the phone.

— What were you doing that you answered so late? It is frustrating.

“Why did you call?”

— You make me worry.

“I do?”

— This is fucking. Never mind then.

“Should I not have asked you to have dinner…”

In the book I bought today, it said not to push yourself on the other person in a burdensome way. What are dating and love. It is difficult.

— Ah, no. It is okay to say that much. We are living together right now anyway…

A while ago, he had gotten me a house. It was a five-minute walk to his officetel. I could not move in right away because of the soundproof booth construction. Instead, it was decided that I would stay at his place for a while until the construction was finished. An order came down from him to practice in the performance room every day during that time.

Pet cams were installed in the living room and the performance room, so if I slacked off even a little, a call would immediately come from him. I would diligently pound the piano until he got off work, greet him, sleep, and then watch him go to work again… A week passed like that.

I never touched him once.

Instead, I masturbated a few times in the performance room while thinking of him. Every time, a call would come from him, and I would get an earful of nagging, asking if I did not know there was a home cam in the room.

‘You son of a bitch. What are you going to do if I save this video and spread it in some weird place, why are you doing that in there? Are you crazy?’

‘I got excited while playing and I could not help it…’

‘Go do it in the bathroom!’

‘Sometimes it is hard to hold it in until I get to the bathroom.’

‘How many minutes does that take. Are you in heat?’

‘Humans are in a state of constant estrus.’

There were these minor quarrels, but still, for a whole week, I obediently watched his mood. I also used the phone and credit card he gave me quite productively. As I gradually became more docile, he subtly began to urge me.

‘Imagine yourself at a concert hall. How about it?’

‘It sounds okay.’

While listening half-heartedly, I imagined fooling around with him in the concert hall. The scene of me pinning him down on the piano keyboard and taking him from behind played back as vividly as if it had already happened.

Just as I was about to fall back into my imagination, his voice came from over the phone.

— Anyway, I might be home a little late. So eat on your own.

“…Yes.”

— Do not use that tone of voice. Why do you sound so down.

My voice had just dropped because I was having lewd thoughts, but his concern was always sweet, so I relaxed my vocal cords even more and said.

“My mind is complicated in many ways. Work hard.”

After hanging up the phone, I continued reading the relationship book. After skimming through several books, I found that all relationship advice had a common denominator. Do not be too dependent or obsessive with the person you like. Have patience and diligently work on yourself. Confess cautiously.

「You should confess when you have flirted as much as you can and it is obvious to anyone that you are on the verge of dating. A lot of people cannot stand this and launch a confession attack, and they get shot down a lot (laughs). Then our subscribers say this. How do I know if we are at the stage right before dating or not?

Okay, this is where it gets important. You have to catch the signals the other person is sending well. You do not have that kind of sense? You do not know how the other person feels? Dating is ultimately an extension of human relationships. Do not think of it too differently. You just have to treat them like you would any person. Universal social skills are a prerequisite.」

An extension of human relationships? Universal social skills? There is no way I would know such things.

A strange child. My mother’s assessment, having seen through me early on, was accurate. I am strange. Everyone thinks I am strange and avoids me.

He is the same. He said he was scared of me.

But even while being scared, he keeps me by his side. That is the difference between him and other people. Strange bastard, crazy bastard. Even while spewing curses at me every day, he does not take his eyes off me. He is disgusted by me yet worries about me, and while saying he does not like me, he looks at me with a gaze mixed with excitement.

He must like me too. It seems he has not yet realized his own feelings, but that was a problem that time would surely solve.

Because we are destiny.

‘Do you like me?’

Actually, until I heard those words from him, I had not thought deeply about my feelings. I had only perceived the phenomenon of being turned on by him and accepted it as a matter of course.

Do I like him? The moment I asked myself that, the answer came quickly.

I have never been in love, nor did I want to be, but if there was an exception, it would be Choi Yisak and only him.

Because we are destiny.

Still, just in case there was a flaw in my logic, I scanned the relationship books more closely. Everything written in the chapters of the books such as ‘Signs You Have Fallen in Love,’ ‘When a Man is in Love’… and so on, applied to me. For over a month since I reunited with him in Korea, I thought of him almost every day. Sometimes when I thought about him, my chest would tighten as if I were having an angina attack.

Ah, I wish he would realize his feelings soon too. While looking at me with those eyes. In the past and now. And at the very distant beginning.

Why does he not know?

That he likes me.

It is no use denying it. He likes me. He will come to like me one way or another. It is a very natural conclusion. There is no need to doubt.

Because he definitely said he liked it back then. You said you liked me. You said you liked me. You said you liked me. You said you liked me. You said you liked me. You said you liked me. You said you liked me…

But it is written in the books that if you throw such words out openly and hastily, you will fail in love. I did not want to mess up the relationship and go around in circles. I will wait.

I was patiently enduring even when I wanted to touch him. If I do that, he will naturally come to my side, and we will make a marriage vow that pledges our entire lives.

As I thought about him, that place naturally swelled up. It is like this all the time these days. I did not know I was such a lustful person. It is surprising.

Even when several people threw themselves at me naked, I felt nothing. In the first place, I did not like the idea of having sex with someone I would not marry. I could never understand their logic. I was an outsider everywhere. It is a natural thing, though. Because I am a strange kid.

…Anyway, I should hurry home and masturbate.

I left the more than half-full drink and got up from my seat. It was uncomfortable to walk because my center was heavy. I moved my steps as slowly as possible.

And today too, someone was following behind me. It was the man who had been watching me from a certain distance at the cafe earlier.

Lately, I had been being tailed. It seemed like two or three people were taking turns watching me. I was not very curious about who had put them there. I had one or two guesses, but it did not matter who among them it was. I had no intention of shaking off the tail either.

Of course, the attention of others is bothersome and annoying. This is why I was reluctant to be exposed to the public. If I debut and even hold a concert, the concentration of annoyance will probably become much thicker.

Still, my heart was leaning toward granting his wish. If I were to get hurt by any chance after debuting… as long as I do not die, it seems like a stroke of luck. He will surely feel guilty. He was a pretty gentle person, unbecoming of his usual speech habits.

There is nothing like guilt for handling people. I know that well.