Chapter 23

In the end, Xu Heng got into Chen Ang’s car. He didn’t have a better option.

He sat in the passenger seat, fastened his seatbelt, and remained completely silent. His eyes and nose were still slightly red as he stared blankly out the window. Seeing that his mood was low, Chen Ang stopped at a gas station before getting on the highway to fill up the tank. He asked, “Want something to eat? You might get hungry later.”

Xu Heng shook his head. “I’ve already eaten. I’m not hungry.”

Chen Ang got out of the car anyway. A short while later, he returned with a bun and a bottle of water.

Xu Heng turned away. “I said I’m not hungry.”

Chen Ang replied, “Well, I am. I haven’t eaten anything since this morning.”

As he spoke, he tore open the packaging and started eating like he really was starving. He winced a little, sucking in air between bites. The cut on his lower lip must have pulled, and his jaw, still red from the punch, ached. Xu Heng felt a bit guilty. He wanted to apologize but couldn’t bring himself to, especially after remembering how irrationally angry Chen Ang had been. The frustration crept back in. He turned away again, staring out the window in a daze.

Chen Ang truly was hungry. He finished the bun in just a few bites and drank half a bottle of water before starting the car and heading onto the highway, following the GPS.

Outside the window, the scenery blurred past. The highway seemed endless. Neither of them spoke. Chen Ang hadn’t slept well the night before and worried he might get drowsy, so he turned on the stereo to play some music.

Two hours passed. Xu Heng started to feel hungry.

His stomach gave a loud growl.

Chen Ang glanced at him sideways. Xu Heng stayed quiet, clearly embarrassed. With one hand on the steering wheel, Chen Ang reached into the console like a magician and pulled out a pineapple bun, handing it to him.

Xu Heng took it, quietly unwrapped it, and ate in small bites. He had a sweet tooth, and the pineapple bun hit the spot. After he finished, Chen Ang naturally took the empty wrapper from him and tossed it into the trash bag. Then he passed him a new bottle of water.

Chen Ang said, “It’s okay. Don’t worry too much.”

“Mm.”

As they neared their destination, the coastline became visible through the car windows. The weather was beautiful. The sea was a deep blue, and foamy white waves crashed onto the shore. This wasn’t a tourist town. The beach was untouched, still wild and natural. A few fishing boats bobbed in the shallows. Seagulls circled the masts.

Chen Ang rolled down the window a little. A cool breeze rushed in, bringing with it the salty, fishy smell of the ocean.

Xu Heng used to hate that scent. His father had always hoped that after graduating high school, Xu Heng would stay and help with the family’s seafood stall. He learn to fish, learn to run the business. There was a time when just smelling the lingering fishiness in the house made him nauseous. He disliked the unpredictability of the sea and the slimy, scaly texture of seafood. Even as a child, he preferred playing with his mother’s only lipstick. It smelled nice and had a bright, beautiful color.

But this time, coming back, he was surprised to feel a sense of familiarity, even a bit of nostalgia.

Following Xu Heng’s directions, Chen Ang parked the car.

Xu Heng said, “Thank you. Really, thank you.”

Chen Ang brushed aside Xu Heng’s bangs and kissed him gently on the forehead. “Good luck.”

Xu Heng walked the road back home. The scenery had changed greatly since he left. Most of the old single-story houses had been torn down and replaced with small buildings. On the way, he passed by his family’s seafood stall, and just as he expected, the shutter was pulled down and locked. No one recognized him. People glanced at him with curious eyes, treating him like an outsider.

He had prepared himself for the possibility of not seeing anyone at home. But when he stepped into the courtyard, he saw his father coming out, carrying a stainless steel thermal container. He looked to be in decent spirits, though his hair had turned completely grey.

Their eyes met suddenly, both of them freezing in place.

Father Xu’s expression darkened as he tried to walk past Xu Heng, pretending not to see him. Xu Heng quickly called out, “Dad, what happened to Mom?”

The courtyard wall wasn’t high. Some neighbors were already peeking in, trying to see what was going on. The two of them stood stiffly, tension rising. With a grim look, Father Xu opened the door wider and gestured for Xu Heng to come in.

Xu Heng repeated, “What happened to Mom?”

“She’s not dying,” Father Xu replied stiffly. “It’s a mild stroke. We caught it early. She’ll be discharged soon.”

Relieved, Xu Heng asked, “Do you need money for anything?”

Father Xu slammed the table. “We won’t use your money. And stop calling me Dad. As long as you stay the way you are, you’re not my son.”

Xu Heng didn’t want to argue over this again. He got up to leave. The hospital wasn’t far, only a few minutes on foot.

“I’m going to see Mom.”

Father Xu blocked his way. “No, you’re not. Haven’t you embarrassed us enough already? Do you want to make your mother even more upset?”

With his hand on the door handle, Xu Heng stood with his back to his father, and to the home where he had lived for eighteen years. His hand trembled slightly.

“Embarrassed? I’m going abroad next year to study. When I come back, I might go into business with some friends. I’ll be able to support myself. And I’m happy. All these years, have you ever asked me what I wanted? Everything I liked was wrong. No matter how well I did, I was still a disgrace to you.”

He sniffled. “I’ll keep sending money. Consider it repayment for raising me. Just don’t let Mom overwork herself.”

With that, he opened the door and left without looking back.

For a moment, he wandered aimlessly. On his left, the ocean stretched out wide. The rhythm of the waves was steady and gentle, an eternal melody. The sea felt vast, and by comparison, human sorrow seemed so small, so insignificant.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed. It was a text from the bank that said money had been withdrawn from his account. The amount wasn’t round which suggested it was a hospital bill.

He let out a long breath, like a burden he’d carried for years had finally been lifted. Holding the phone, he crouched down and wiped his face on his arms. Then he stood back up and kept walking.

Chen Ang’s car was parked just ahead. He was leaning against the car, smoking, and gazing out at the ocean. As if sensing Xu Heng’s approach, he turned his head and smiled.

Even with the cut on his face, he still looked good.

When Xu Heng reached him, Chen Ang stubbed out the cigarette. He reached through the open car window, pulled out two lollipops, unwrapped one, and popped it into Xu Heng’s mouth.

Xu Heng’s cheeks puffed out with the lollipop still in his mouth. He mumbled something, hard to make out.

Chen Ang poked the side of his face, teasing, “What did you just say?”

Xu Heng pulled the candy out and said, “I said you should go ahead. I’m going to check on my mom tonight. Don’t miss work because of me. I’ll buy a ticket home in a couple of days.”

Chen Ang said, “I took tomorrow off.”

Xu Heng sighed. “You really don’t need to delay work for me. I’m fine. I’ll just check on my mom and then head back.”

Chen Ang gave him a pitiful look. “But tomorrow’s my birthday. Keep me company, okay?”

Xu Heng blinked. “What?”

—

They found a place to stay for the night. There were quite a few small inns nearby. Though Xu Heng figured Chen Ang would be picky, he still carefully compared a few before picking one that at least looked clean and bright. They got a twin room. When he pulled open the curtains, the room actually had a view of the ocean.

At the front desk earlier, while checking in, Xu Heng had caught a glimpse of Chen Ang’s ID, and noticed it wasn’t his birthday at all.

Chen Ang explained, “It’s my lunar birthday. Tomorrow’s the lunar date, really.”

Xu Heng didn’t bother arguing. Having someone around at a time like this did make things a little easier. He pushed the window wide open, leaned on the sill, and let the sea breeze wash over him. It felt unreal, being back in the hometown he had left years ago, and with Chen Ang, of all people.

Chen Ang had been driving for several hours and was visibly tired. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, took out his contact lenses, and slipped off his shirt, leaving only his tank top. He flopped onto the bed, muscles relaxed, and mumbled, “I’m going to nap for a bit.”

Xu Heng stretched, carefully stepping around Chen Ang’s long legs that hung off the edge of the bed. He was about to head to the other one when Chen Ang, like a cat pretending to sleep, suddenly sat up and pulled him into his bed. He rolled over and pinned him down.

“Sleep with me.”

The mattress was soft. Xu Heng sank into it like a cloud. He struggled half-heartedly for a moment, then closed his eyes and drifted off.