Chapter 34

The next morning, when Chen Ang woke up, Chen Jing was in his kitchen making breakfast. It smelled pretty good.

Chen Ang reached for his phone, opened WeChat, and found that the chat with Xu Heng still only had that one line of poetry from him, sitting there all alone.

He slumped onto the sofa, hugging a pillow, and grumbled, “You planning to just live here now?”

“Just two days,” Chen Jing replied as she flipped an egg in the pan, her hair tied up. She turned to look at him and frowned. “What’s with your face? You look like a ghost.”

Chen Ang figured he might be coming down with something. His head still ached, and his body felt weak.

Chen Jing said, “Eat something first, then take your medicine.”

Chen Ang forced down a few bites, then changed clothes to head out. A few friends had planned a get-together earlier, but when He An left, he had been in such a bad mood that he bailed. This time, he was determined to show up. Sitting around at home wasn’t helping. The place they were meeting happened to be close to Xu Heng’s, so maybe, just maybe, he would run into him.

Xu Heng had left home early. The heater at home had broken again. The air conditioner only cooled, not heated. He called to schedule a repair, but the technician said they could only come the next day. The house felt like a freezer. Xu Heng couldn’t take it, so he bundled up and went out to a street-side café. He ordered something hot and reviewed his Japanese lessons.

He sat down and opened his chat with Chen Ang. His eyes lingered on that random, unexplained message. One hand held a pen as he copied the line of poetry into his notebook. He wrote it a few times, wondering how to reply, yet not knowing what to say. The café was quiet, with no other customers around. He sighed, pulled off his thick scarf, and rested his head on it, feeling weighed down by all his thoughts.

What was happening between them felt like a knot that couldn’t be untied, no matter how hard they tried to find the end of the thread.

Suddenly, someone knocked on the window next to him. Xu Heng turned and met eyes with Chen Ang through the glass.

Chen Ang was wearing a black turtleneck and a khaki coat. One hand was tucked into his pocket, and the other was raised, fingers still curved mid-knock against the glass. His face was a little pale. His lips parted as if he was about to speak, but his breath fogged the glass, blurring his expression.

Xu Heng shot to his feet.

“You…”

He only got a word out before remembering that Chen Ang couldn’t hear him through the glass.

Not far behind Chen Ang, a few others were waiting, watching them with curious expressions. Chen Ang turned to gesture something to them. They left. Then he pushed open the door and came inside.

Xu Heng felt like a schoolkid being scolded in public. Embarrassed, he sat back down quickly. Chen Ang walked over, pulled out the chair across from him, and sat down.

“You…”

“You…”

“You go first,” Chen Ang said.

Xu Heng rubbed his fingers together. “It’s cold today.”

Chen Ang looked at him and said, “I miss you. Can you stay with me today?”

That direct confession left Xu Heng stunned. Even if he had been hurting, tangled up, unsure of what they were anymore, his heart still reacted. It started pounding.

He said, “Don’t you still have friends waiting? And I still have to review a bit more before this afternoon’s class.”

Chen Ang stared at him without looking away. “We’ll wrap up soon. Will you still be studying long?”

With that look, Xu Heng couldn’t bring himself to say no. He mumbled, “Just for a bit.”

“Alright.” A smile appeared on Chen Ang’s face. Now that he had lost a bit of weight, his features looked sharper. His brow bone stood out, his jaw more defined. “You can call me when you’re done, or just come over. We’re right across the street, third floor of the clubhouse, room 305.”

Xu Heng nodded and replied softly, “Okay.”

But after that, he couldn’t focus on his textbook at all. Every time he opened it, his eyes landed on that line of poetry he had written down. He sat in the café for nearly another half hour, pretending to study but getting nowhere. Eventually, he packed up his things and called Chen Ang, but every time he dialed, the line was busy.

“I’m coming to find you.”

That was the message he sent on WeChat before slinging his backpack over his shoulder and heading out.

The place where Chen Ang was meeting his friends turned out to be a wine lounge. When Xu Heng walked in, he was stopped at the entrance. After explaining the situation and giving Chen Ang’s name, the receptionist finally smiled politely and offered to escort him upstairs. Xu Heng wasn’t used to that kind of service and politely declined.

“I can go up on my own, thank you.”

He carefully checked the room number, triple-checked it just to be sure, then raised his hand and knocked on the door. No one answered.

Cautiously, he pushed the door open and peeked inside. It was a suite. A wine rack stood directly across from the door, acting as a divider. From behind it, voices could be heard chatting.

Xu Heng was just about to speak when he heard someone inside mention Chen Ang’s name.

“Chen Ang’s birthday is at the end of the year, right? What should we get him this time?”

Someone joked, “Send him a beauty straight to his bed.”

Another voice quickly cut in, “Let’s not. Didn’t you see that one we passed earlier? Old Chen couldn’t take his eyes off him.”

“No way. You think it’s serious? I heard he just got promoted to the city bureau. He’s on a good track now. Getting involved like that could really mess things up.”

“He knows the limits. It’s probably just a fling. But if he ends up with someone clingy, good luck getting out of that. Did you hear about what happened in the provincial office? One guy was playing around with a young celebrity. When he tried to break things off, she cried and threw a fit. Almost took it all the way to his family. In the end, he had to give her a car and an apartment just to make a clean break.”

Everyone in the room laughed and joked.

“Better remind Chen Ang to start saving up for breakup compensation. Paying to ward off disaster.”

Xu Heng couldn’t listen anymore. He quietly backed out, gently closed the door behind him, and stood in the hallway, a dull ache spreading in his chest.

Being with Chen Ang had gradually made him forget the gap between them. When people are in love, they are stripped bare, heart to heart, beyond appearances and status. But his insecurity was like a hangnail. Small and hidden, yet unbearably painful whenever it was touched.

That was why he cared so much about his Japanese class. It was the one place where he felt like he was moving forward every day. It sounded silly, but with each step of progress, he felt just a little closer to Chen Ang, like the distance between them was shrinking.

Dragging his feet, Xu Heng walked away. He ignored the receptionist’s inquiries as he left the lounge. He wanted to go home, but after a moment of hesitation, he couldn’t bring himself to leave just yet.

He ended up standing by the roadside, the heel of his boots tapping lightly against the curb, half his face buried in his scarf. He stared at the passing cars and started counting them to pass the time. After a while, his legs tired, so he sat down on the edge of the sidewalk.

Chen Ang was on the phone with his mother. She reminded him that his birthday was coming up at the end of the year, which fell on a weekend. She suggested they take a family trip to Macau, rent a suite, and watch the New Year fireworks together. She also wanted to invite Lu Yiran along.

Chen Ang had been hoping to spend his birthday with Xu Heng, so he quickly tried to deflect. But He Wan didn’t care, and her nagging went on and on.

“Xiao Ang, listen to your mother. You’re not getting any younger. You should be more serious with Yiran. Look at your sister, she and Cheng’an only dated for a year before getting married. You’ll be at that age next year too.”

Chen Ang didn’t respond. He just held the phone away from his ear while her voice droned on in the background, muffled and distant. His head continued to throb.

It had always been like this growing up. He Wan lived entirely in her own world, never truly listening to what her children wanted. The treehouse from his childhood had been built on her orders. Later, when Chen Zhengde wanted to tear it down, Chen Ang refused to eat in protest. That was how she had tried to comfort him back then too.

“Xiao Ang, listen to your father. Study hard. Don’t worry about little things like this. It’s no big deal. Mommy will buy you a new model airplane this weekend.”

When he finally ended the call, he saw the message Xu Heng had sent earlier. Alarmed, he rushed back to the private room. But Xu Heng was gone. None of the others had even seen him come in.

Panic rose in his chest. He assumed Xu Heng had come by, didn’t find him, and left. He hurried out, pulling out his phone to call him as he went.

The moment he stepped outside, he saw Xu Heng sitting on the curb, mumbling something to himself.

Chen Ang rushed over in long strides and wrapped his arms around him from behind, startling Xu Heng.

It had been nothing just moments ago. But now, seeing him again, Xu Heng felt a wave of emotion rising inside. He said in a small voice, “I counted a hundred and nine cars already. I was going to leave once I hit two hundred.”

Chen Ang pulled him up from the ground, opened his coat, and wrapped it around Xu Heng.

“I missed you so much.”

Xu Heng took a deep breath and caught that familiar faint scent of cologne from Chen Ang’s body.

“You’re so warm,” he said.

He looked up and reached out to touch Chen Ang’s forehead.

“You’re burning up. You have a fever.”