Chapter 40

In February, Tokyo still lacked the hint of spring.

Xu Heng felt like a fish suddenly pulled out of a tank and thrown into the sea, disoriented and lost. His Japanese had been good enough at the language school, but it was far from fluent. Plus, he hadn’t studied for long, so he always felt a bit behind when communicating with others, processing information slower than everyone else.

The pace of Tokyo was fast. Every second, people rushed by, jostling each other. Even crossing the street felt like a mass migration of animals across the African savannah. That half-beat of delay was enough to make him feel out of sync.

The training program Xu Heng was attending had rented space at a university in Tokyo, where classes were held every day. Because of the rental fees, his place was far from the school, and he had to take a thirty-minute train ride each way. His makeup skills were self-taught, without formal training, so the daily lessons were packed with information, and the language barrier made things even more difficult. When he couldn’t understand something, he just tried to remember as much as he could, and when he got home, he would research and slowly digest the material.

Because he had to move around the university campus every day, and since he was still young, he felt like a student himself, hurrying through the campus. Though he was exhausted, he felt fulfilled, knowing he was making progress.

But there was still something missing.

Every day, after class, when he sat on the train heading home through the brightly lit city, that missing piece became especially clear. Xu Heng always liked to sit by the window. Next to him were high school girls heading home, chatting with their boyfriends on the phone. Their voices were soft, occasionally interrupted by laughter, and they shyly covered their mouths.

He exhaled deeply, unable to avoid thinking of Chen Ang. He wondered what Chen Ang was doing, if he had read the words he had written in the calendar.

It didn’t seem significant when he wrote them. He just wrote whatever came to mind.

But now, thinking about it, he couldn’t help but imagine Chen Ang sitting there, reading every word. His face growing warm, his heart pounding, his ears burning. He quickly removed his knitted gloves and used his cold hands to warm his flushed ears. From the corner of his eye, he saw the girl beside him put down her phone. Her face was red, and she mimicked his gesture, covering her ears.

Their eyes met for a moment. The girl smiled shyly at him and then got off the train.

Xu Heng, wrapped in his red scarf, leaned his forehead against the cool glass. Outside, the bustling Tokyo night unfolded. The neon lights from the billboards flashed in all colors, swiftly passing over his face.

Xu Heng had made a friend, a younger one, from the same city. His name was Zou He. He was a few years younger than him, childlike in his manner. His hair was dyed a pale pinkish-gray, and he had several piercings in his ears. The first thing he said to Xu Heng was about his tattoo, as if he had found a new toy.

“Wow, your whale tattoo, where did you get it? It’s so cool.”

Xu Heng was busy taking notes. The teacher was speaking quickly, and Xu Heng didn’t have time to respond. His pen moved swiftly across the paper as he absentmindedly replied, “Back home.”

Zou He wisely kept quiet, leaning on the desk and playing with his phone, his bright pink hair standing out boldly.

During the break, Xu Heng put down his pen and stretched his wrist, which had gotten sore from writing. The teacher was chatting with the student sitting in the front row, and Xu Heng listened casually, treating it as a listening practice.

Teacher: “…You guys go to the gay center often?”

Xu Heng was taken aback, sitting up straight like a startled meerkat.

Classmate: “Hahaha, yeah, do you go, teacher?”

Teacher: “When I was young, I used to skip class and go.”

Xu Heng was thoroughly shocked. He turned to look at Zou He, who had also heard, and found him leaning on his hand, looking at him with an amused grin. Zou He asked, “You too, right?”

Xu Heng was confused: “What?”

Zou He: “Gay.”

Xu Heng: “…”

Zou He grabbed Xu Heng’s notebook and wrote two lines of Japanese on the blank page: “You misheard, didn’t you? You probably confused ‘ゲームセンター’ (game center) with ‘ゲイセンター’ (gay center).”

Xu Heng glanced at it, cleared his throat to cover up his embarrassment, and tried to steer the conversation elsewhere: “No, I didn’t…”

Zou He bit the pen cap, happily tapping the desk: “Let’s go play after class.”

Zou He was a lively, energetic kid, more fluent in Japanese than Xu Heng. It was clear he came from a privileged background and was just here to learn makeup, almost like a little game for him. Zou He would drag him around, one hand holding a can of beer, walking along the roadside while a stray cat meowed and disappeared into the bushes.

In the distance, the Ferris wheel at Kasai Rinkai Park was slowly turning. The neon lights on the observation cars changed with time.

Xu Heng took out his phone and snapped a photo of the Ferris wheel in the distance.

Zou He exhaled a puff of white air and said, “Do you want to ride it? But the Ferris wheel should be ridden with someone you like…”

Xu Heng looked at him in surprise, not expecting someone who seemed so carefree like Zou He to say such a pure thing. Zou He blushed and said, “What are you looking at?”

Xu Heng removed his gloves and posted a picture of the Ferris wheel on his Moments.

Zou He leaned next to him, nudging him with his shoulder and raising his eyebrows as he asked, “Do you have a significant other?”

Xu Heng ignored him, continuing to walk ahead. He jumped up onto a narrow strip of green space by the sidewalk, balancing himself like walking on a beam.

When Chen Ang saw Xu Heng’s Moments, he had just walked out of Chen Jing’s house. Chen Jing and her husband, Zhou Cheng’an, had separated and Zhou Cheng’an had moved out. At first, he hadn’t wanted to leave, but the apartment had been bought outright by Chen Jing with her savings. Zhou Cheng’an had only contributed to the renovation. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t stay there and refuse to leave with any justification.

A couple of days ago, Chen Ang had just sold his car. He had been taking the bus and subway for the past few days. The money from the car sale, combined with his savings, was enough to pay off the remaining mortgage in one go. Once the mortgage was cleared, he planned to sell the apartment as well. It was a prime location for a single apartment, and many people at Chen Jing’s television station were interested. He could easily sell it for a good price.

He had contacted He An, who had to think for a while before remembering about the gallery. He passed on the contact details of his friend and joked a little, “Planning to leave the civil service and go into business?”

“Yes, yes,” Chen Ang casually responded, “I’m preparing to go public. Make sure to plug me in when it’s time.”

After getting in touch with He An’s friend, Chen Ang realized that things were more complicated than he expected. He An’s friend was named Li Wei, and he had some connections with artists. Li Wei had opened a high-end gallery in a quiet but prime location in the city’s CBD. The decoration was all top-notch, but unfortunately, the gallery had struggled. Despite being open for several months, it had not turned a profit.

When Chen Ang was studying abroad, in addition to making extra money through stock trading, he had also dabbled in gallery investments. However, the art scenes at home and abroad were quite different. It was clear that Li Wei, like He An, was the type of person who had a lot of money but not much sense. He had already lost most of his investment, and before Chen Ang could lay out his plans, Li Wei quickly became overly familiar, almost desperate. He confessed that if business didn’t improve, he wouldn’t be able to pay next month’s rent, and the paintings would have to be sold off at a loss.

Chen Ang spent the afternoon talking with him and was able to figure out all of Li Wei’s situation. Later, he moved his furniture into his new place. He tracked down the landlord of the apartment where Xu Heng had lived before and rented it for the next several months. The landlord was happy to sublet it to him.

On the first day Chen Ang walked into the apartment, he was momentarily dazed. The landlord hadn’t cleaned the place yet, and Xu Heng had left some things behind. The dried wedding bouquet Chen Ang had given him remained on the shelf. The air still carried a slight dustiness from being closed up for so long, but there was a faint trace of Xu Heng’s scent lingering.

Xu Heng didn’t wear perfume, and that faint scent was hard to describe.

That day, Chen Ang didn’t move anything. He lay on the bed where Xu Heng hadn’t slept for over a month and spent the night dreaming.