ITDW 22

Min Moonah is said to have had a brief acting career in the United States. After a series of minor roles, she met Chairman Kim, who would become a solid stepping stone for her, just when she was about to start over as an actress in Korea.

Coincidentally, she became pregnant with Chairman Kim’s child before she could even make her debut in Korea. While she was young and agonizing alone over whether to have an abortion or raise the child by herself, she met Gye Sookyeong.

The tense atmosphere was as she had expected, but the flow of the conversation completely deviated from her expectations.

‘That I’m someone who can do something about you, Ms. Min Moonah—even if you don’t know it now, you’ll gradually come to realize it as you live in Korea.’

The words that dripped with coldness came from the woman who exuded a refined air. She had come prepared to have cold water thrown in her face, but it was thrown inside her head instead.

‘Yes… Madam.’

‘Let’s get straight to the point. Live with Chairman Kim. I’ll permit it.’

‘…Pardon?’

‘Have the baby and live with him. I just can’t give you a divorce.’

‘…That is.’

‘Do I have to persuade you right now, Ms. Min Moonah? Are you in a position for that, Ms. Min Moonah?’

Madam Gye persuaded and threatened Min Moonah, who refused the proposal, in various ways. At that time, Madam Gye already had a lover with whom she had a deep relationship. She had already decided to live with him for the rest of her life.

Therefore, she planned to establish her husband’s affair as a fact to reverse the sequence of events in her and her husband’s mutual infidelity case. If Chairman Kim became the spouse at fault first, it would be difficult for him to dare to demand a divorce unless he had a plausible justification.

Min Moonah, pregnant and all, was the key to protecting Gye Sookyeong’s own love.

Madam Gye began to ‘officially’ live with that man two months after Min Moonah moved into Chairman Kim’s house. He was a fellow law professor and is still by Madam Gye’s side even now.

It is unknown when Ms. Min’s bipolar disorder began. However, Jungyoon, who was a doctor, saw that there was something wrong with her behavior for it to be considered normal. This was especially true of her attitude toward her child. On the condition that it be done in secret, Yeongsik made a house call and she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Just three months after treatment began, Ms. Min, while drunk, drove her car, crashed into a guardrail, and plunged into the sea. A suicide note was found on her person. The handwriting was shaky and the content illogical, so it didn’t seem to have been written in a sound state of mind, but it was clear that she had at least driven the car with the intention of taking her own life.

It was a side effect of the interaction between bipolar medication and alcohol. An impulsive suicide.

It was reported to the public as a traffic accident. The youngest child, who was still young, was also told it was a traffic accident.

Looking at the calendar, Jaeri felt a bit frustrated at the fact that January 1st was still far away.

Yesterday, he had sat at his brother’s feet for over thirty minutes until his hyung told him to go in and sleep now. For what could be a long time, his hyung had stroked Jaeri with a ticklish touch. Sometimes he would touch his ear. While even touching his earlobe or behind his ear, he said in a languid voice, “You washed here well, too,” and Jaeri felt embarrassed for no reason. It was as if his hyung was checking and praising every single spot he had washed.

After such words, he would fall silent again, merely looking down and stroking his hair. Even being made to feel embarrassed was nice during the time his hyung paid attention to him. His hyung smiled from time to time. When Jaeri looked up, it was a genuine smile with eyes full of affection. Every time that happened, he didn’t know how to react, so he just lowered his head and nuzzled under his hyung’s hand as if asking to be petted more.

Once he was in his room, he touched his penis, which had been hard for a long time as blood rushed to it. As he did, he thought about how he wanted to try the dildo soon.

When his hyung had stirred inside him with the thermometer, it was painful, strange, and shameful, but there was also a pleasure he had never felt before. He didn’t like the feeling of that thin, unpleasant thing stirring recklessly, but he thought that if he used a thick dildo, there would be a heavy ache, but the penetrating sensation would be much better. If he imagined his hyung’s while using it.

January 1st was ages away. Lately, Jaeri’s 24 hours felt about three times longer than a 24-hour period during his depression. He had that many different thoughts and created things to do.

His buttocks were bruised blue. It was a bruise that would disappear in a day or two, but it still gave him a dull ache whenever he sat down, constantly reminding him of yesterday’s events.

It wasn’t that he was recalling specific things, like how his hyung must have looked at his buttocks in great detail, or how he must have felt the texture by rubbing his buttocks hard.

He had asked if Jaeri thought he was all grown up now, and if that was why he wasn’t listening. Those words sounded as if he was worried that the all-grown-up version of Jaeri would slip out of his grasp. And then, for him to punish Jaeri in a way that was different from before… it might have been a misconception, but it seemed like an expression of his possessiveness. It felt like he was showing off his influence by hitting bare skin with his bare hands.

‘Who else but me could do this to you?’

Jaeri had been almost naked in front of him, unable to move, held captive. And his hyung, who exuded an excessively sharp scent. Jaeri had painfully received his hyung’s impatience, which was packaged as strictness, with his bare body. It was different from the usual him, who pressured Jaeri with a sense of weightiness. It was like a precariousness of being suspended in mid-air, yet a sense of stability from being tied down tightly. That disharmony. Jaeri could feel it.

That disharmony made his heart stir. It felt as if a dull ache was spreading in the place where the disharmony had moved. Because disharmony does not know how to seep in quietly. Jaeri hoped that this feeling of his was not his alone. Then, he told himself to get a grip.

He banged his head on the desk. Get a grip, please.

What was he expecting from this heterosexual man? Besides, he was his hyung, and to him, he was his mother and father. As he let out a sigh and shifted his buttocks, the hit spot was stimulated again, and he shook his head while it was still on the desk. No, you idiot. That’s not it.

Jaeri went out to the living room, thinking he should drink something and clear his head.

“Ah… it’s the first snow.”

Excluding the sleet, it was the first snow. The gray sky, which had spread like a drop of black ink thrown into water, dropped fluffy snowflakes, which the dark black Han River swallowed. On the road in front of the Han River, cars were trampling the snow, changing the unique, calm shades of gray of the road into something slushy.

Only the roofs of the cars preserved the white appearance of the freshly fallen snow. Only those roofs of the cars.

He admired the falling snow for a moment. Looking out from this spot, even the flowing river and the moving cars seemed to be standing still. It was always a landscape that was nothing special. Right now, only the snow was fluttering and moving. Like a cat that had spotted a flying insect, Jaeri preciously followed each and every snowflake with his eyes.

He thought of Christmas. Gingerbread cookies, and Christmas presents. His father gave stocks or money as Christmas presents, and his noona gave things that were necessary for daily life.

His hyung bought him toys. Even though he wasn’t a child, he gave him Lego blocks, model cars, cookie houses, and teddy bears as gifts. But he had never received such things from his parents, so he liked it every time his hyung gave them to him.

Jaeri, rather impulsively, called his hyung who was at the company. He almost never called when his hyung was at the company without any particular reason. But because of the first snow over there, and because of the pain in his buttocks that kept reminding him of his hyung.

— Jaeri.

“Yes, hyung, is it… okay to talk?”

Jaeri felt his own breath catching and calmed himself down. Breathe, properly, Kim Jaeri.

— Yes.

“Um. Ah, the… the first snow, it’s falling.”

— I see.

“Yes.”

— And?

“…The first snow is, pretty.”

— …….

The sound of papers being turned could be heard. That rustling sound was quite hurried, so Jaeri felt a bit intimidated.

“…I’m sorry for taking up your time when you’re busy. It’s just that the first snow is pretty… and I thought maybe you hadn’t seen it, hyung. It might not be important… so… I’ll see you later.”

Jaeri barely managed to continue speaking in a voice that grew quieter and quieter. He regretted calling. Without even deciding what to say.

— Should we go on a trip for Christmas?

“…Yes, what? Yes, hyung.”

— To Chuncheon.

Jaeri couldn’t hide his excitement. Chuncheon…!

“I’d love that. I’d love that, hyung.”

— If you don’t cause any trouble, listen well, and behave yourself until then.

“Yes.”

His insides swelled up tight. He had only expected to hear his hyung’s voice on the phone, a little lower than in person, using the first snow as an excuse.

Hyung must have seen the snow and thought of Christmas too. Even though the first snow wasn’t even pretty.

— Have you thought of a Christmas present?

“No.”

This time too, he just wanted to receive whatever toy his hyung gave him.

— You remember your hospital appointment at three, right? Driver Yoon will take you, I can’t go, so you go alone and do well, Jaeri.

“Yes.”

— Lunch.

“I was about to eat now.”

— Eat before it’s too late.

“Yes.”

After going to the hospital, he was scheduled to meet Seonyeong. Jaeri realized something new. When Seonyeong asked about his Christmas plans, he had actually wanted to brag about some Christmas plan of his own, just like Seonyeong. He seemed to have been sullen to Seonyeong for no reason because he had nothing to say. He resolved to be kind to Seonyeong when he met her today.

The new doctor was surprisingly to his liking. They could communicate, and he was a man. He even told the doctor that he wished the hypomania would last for a long time.

“So, could I stop taking the mood stabilizer, or some medicine that alleviates hypomania? I’m in a good mood these days.”

“Well, it’s a bit difficult to stop the mood stabilizer completely, should we try reducing the lithium a bit?”

“Really?”

“We can try taking it out for now, and then readjust after about a week.”

“Please explain it well to my hyung. I get scolded if I change my medication without my hyung’s permission.”

“Alright. I’ll try speaking with your guardian.”

It had been a really long time since he had a doctor he could communicate with like this.

“Thank you. But, I have a question. Mood stabilizers do have the effect of alleviating hypomania to some extent, right?”

“That depends on the severity of the hypomania. If the hypomania is a bit severe and close to mania, then a mood stabilizer can alleviate those symptoms. Usually, it’s taken to prevent a sudden drop from hypomania to depression.”

Jaeri thought that he would have to secretly stop taking the mood stabilizer someday.

He met Seonyeong at the place Driver Yoon dropped him off. Seonyeong was already waiting at the Korean formal restaurant, which was their meeting place. A meal for two was already set up in the private room. As soon as Jaeri met his welcome friend, he bragged about his Christmas plans.

“Hey, Ye Seonyeong, I’m going to Chuncheon for Christmas, with my hyung.”

“Chuncheon?”

“Yeah.”

“Is there anything to see in Chuncheon?”

Seonyeong asked deliberately, knowing Jaeri would have a lot to say. Jaeri is not usually talkative.

“Our house where I lived with my hyung is still there, just as it was, you know? There’s a big lake in front of our house too. When it freezes, you can go and drill a hole to fish. I haven’t tried it, but a lot of people come in the winter. The little kids go sledding. You should go with Minuk-hyung too. If you cook and eat ramen and stuff there, it’s really delicious, you know? I’ve only eaten it once though. But my hyung said I couldn’t do that too, but I cried saying I wanted to try it just once, so my hyung bought it for me. I went to elementary school and middle school there, too.”

Jaeri’s words were unusually long. His eyes looked as if they were dreaming. They were the eyes of someone verbalizing exactly what they were watching being played in the movie theater of memories in their head. Seonyeong felt a bit unfamiliar, as if she had never seen such eyes on Jaeri before.

“Ah, but that… the thing you asked me to proxy buy for you.”

“Ah, the—dildo?”

Jaeri mouthed the word without making a sound. His dreaming eyes changed back to his awake ones.

“Yeah, that. I think I can get it before January 1st.”

“Really? How?”

“Well, it’s just… there’s this hyung I know, and he said he’d buy it for me.”

“What? Did you tell that hyung about me?”

“N-no, I said I wanted to use it… that hyung is a bit of a, pervert.”