ITDW 29

Jaeri was punished by being confined to his room, but it couldn’t be called a punishment. He didn’t mind just being in his room. He had wanted to spend time alone in his room anyway. This was because he needed to organize the many events and progress of the day. Jaeri seriously recalled his hyung’s expression, words, and actions.

His hyung had once again guaranteed a stable relationship and accepted him for who he was. He said that liking someone was not a bad thing, even though the person he liked was him. He even accepted his kiss. Although it would be more accurate to say he gave him one rather than accepted it.

So, why did his hyung kiss him so actively?

And it became clear that the reason he had been cold to him all this time was not because he was gay. It seemed that, as an older brother, he had been deeply worried because he knew well the nature of the animal called man. And perhaps he was angry because… he was out of his control? His hyung had said the problem was that he was in heat for anyone, but he still couldn’t understand why he thought that. It could be that he was angry at his own repeated misunderstandings and spoke harshly. Also, Mr. Han Yeongsik had apparently warned him to keep sexual matters in check.

As he was organizing the day’s events like this, one of his remarks flashed through his mind. He had said, ‘My lovely Jaeri.’

Suddenly, his heart started to flutter, beating lightly and quickly. Jaeri shot up from his desk, went to the bed, and flopped face down. He pressed his nose into the pillow, making it hard to breathe. His breathing was getting faster, and he felt he had to calm himself down by suppressing it like that.

“Lovely, my, Jaeri… Oh, I can’t breathe.”

Jaeri mumbled. His lips were mashed against the pillowcase, making his pronunciation slurred.

In fact, what he had said was exactly, “My lovely Jaeri, I didn’t, realize, you were such a son of a bitch, huh?” Jaeri didn’t remember the words that followed. The latter part of that sentence was his misunderstanding anyway, so it was a part he didn’t need to care about. The important thing was that he usually thought of him as ‘my lovely Jaeri’.

That evening, Jungyoon let Jaeri out of his room. He didn’t say a word during dinner. Jaeri also didn’t dare to strike up a conversation. The atmosphere was so awkward that he couldn’t eat well.

Jungyoon had skipped lunch and was holed up in the vice president’s office, reading a report on the plant project commissioned from Dubai for several hours. It was a voluminous report that covered everything from the political situation of neighboring countries to the recent affairs of the royal family, the trends and outlook of international and Dubai oil prices. Jungyoon wasn’t directly involved in the construction side, but he needed to be aware of the progress of a project of this scale.

Sitting at his desk for a long time made his body feel grimy. He usually did various exercises whenever he had time, but he hadn’t been able to work out for the past three days. It seemed that when he had time, he was just busy monitoring Jaeri. Jungyoon put down his fountain pen. He held his head in his hands for a moment.

Eventually, he got up from his desk and watched the twilight begin to seep in between the buildings.

He consciously tried to clear his head, but he could no longer postpone a thought he had once put off, telling himself not to think too deeply about it.

To be sure, Jaeri is his cute, kind, and lovely younger brother, and since he has raised him, cherishing and tending to him himself, it’s natural to feel a certain degree of possessiveness and to be overanxious.

But, what if that love and concern for his younger brother is excessive? To what extent is it excessive?

Was it excessive love and concern to toss the ‘Hypomania Utilization Plan,’ which was written in code, to Chief Gu, saying, “Try to solve the puzzle”?

When an unknown heterosexual man appeared in that puzzle, why did he get so angry? Why did he make him cut his handsome curly hair?

What kind of feelings did he have while giving Jaeri sex education…? At that time, he had certainly thought that if any bastard hurt Jaeri, he would bury him.

No, rather than that, he had hoped Jaeri would be smart enough to fend off bad men in advance. He had hoped Jaeri would meet a man who was right for him.

No, actually, it seems he had hoped he wouldn’t meet… anyone…

Jungyoon had never measured where the line he shouldn’t cross was as he reflected on himself. His life was one where he could just do as he thought and willed. Until now.

But now he was starting to think about his line. It was the moment he clearly recognized that the brotherly love was crossing a certain line and shifting into something else.

Considering only the depth of their intimacy, Jungyoon and Jaeri were not ordinary brothers. And the magnitude of that extraordinary affection had now grown even larger, as if it were changing into an ordinary romantic relationship.

When he had held onto Jaeri, who was clumsily kissing him, and played with the inside of that mouth, he should have immediately recognized the magnitude of that deeply rooted affection. That affection, which was not simply a feeling for a younger brother.

“Ah…”

He remembers that he was very much in his right mind then. The feeling from that time was vividly replaying inside him. It wasn’t even some kind of impulse.

He had felt it was perfectly natural to wrap himself around those pressing lips. He had deluded himself into thinking he was some kind of special person to Jaeri. But he is still just Jaeri’s hyung.

That delusion must have stemmed from a possessiveness as deep as an abyss.

Once his thoughts reached this point, he soon came to a clear answer. The choice was one of two. Either become someone who can kiss Jaeri, or admit it was a mistake and never do such a thing again.

The time spent with Jaeri was somewhat unique. If general emotions go through a process of birth, maturation, and extinction, the feelings for Jaeri only piled up one by one, swelling in size. It was a repetition of birth, maturation, birth, maturation. Affection and possessiveness were examples of those feelings.

In that natural flow of time, he had stepped on the line, and crossed it. Should he not have crossed it?

Jungyoon, as if by habit, began to organize his thoughts to fit a certain standard.

Like a function, it was a process of substituting an ‘event’ into ‘reality’ and then systematically organizing the ‘result.’ The ‘event’ was the relationship between himself and Jaeri, and the ‘result’ was the things that were logically expected to happen in the future.

Jungyoon arranged those future events in chronological order.

In that way, he organized his thoughts and weighed the pros and cons. The content he filled in to fit the standard was thoroughly self-centered. In this aspect, Jungyoon greatly resembled Madam Gye.

After organizing his thoughts to some extent, Jungyoon returned to his desk and fixed his gaze on the bottom-most monitor. Just as he was thinking that Jaeri seemed to be sleeping a lot today, his expression grew heavy. According to the report he received, Jaeri had skipped lunch.

Jungyoon picked up his phone. Looking at the screen, Jaeri couldn’t seem to open his eyes properly even though his phone was ringing. After a while, Jaeri came down from the bed as if falling, crawled on the floor, found the phone in his bag, and answered it.

— Hello…

A voice thick with sleep. Jaeri put the phone on speaker mode, just as he did in front of him, without even checking the caller ID, and went back up on the bed, curling up.

“Jaeri.”

— …Hyung.

Jaeri shot up into a sitting position on the bed. His voice was very hoarse.

“What were you doing?”

— I was sleeping.

“I see. Did you eat lunch?”

— …I didn’t.

“Why.”

— …

“Yes?”

— …I’ll, eat now.

“And?”

— Should I film myself eating and send it to you…?

“Yes.”

Jaeri’s lips moved as if he wanted to say something, but he seemed to give up and closed his mouth.

“I’m going to be a little late today. You can eat dinner by yourself, right?”

Of all days, there was a dinner meeting with political figures that Chief Gu had arranged. It was an event he couldn’t miss. On the screen, Jaeri flopped down as if collapsing sideways.

— Yes.

Jaeri answered while lying on his side, looking towards the phone. Just like the way he used to lie on his side facing him when he sometimes slept with him as a child, with the same face that looked only at him.

He asked with a bitter face.

“Jaeri, how are you feeling right now?”

— …

Jaeri stared blankly at the sudden question, then covered his eyes with both hands. Jungyoon waited until Jaeri spoke.

— …Hyung.

Jaeri said, still not removing his hands from his eyes.

“Yes.”

— …I’m, …sorry, that my illness isn’t getting better.

“…It’s not your fault.”

After ending the call with Jaeri, Jungyoon, feeling disheartened, immediately contacted Seonyeong.

— Yes. Mr. Vice President.

“Could you go and stay with Jaeri right now?”

— Ah…

“He’s transitioned to depression.”

The very moment hypomania transitions to depression is the most difficult and dangerous time for a bipolar patient. This period is precisely why bipolar disorder is more dangerous than depression.

If general depression makes one feel the pain of falling down while walking, the depression in bipolar disorder makes one feel a sense of falling as if one were walking on a beautiful flower path and suddenly fell off a deep cliff. The emotional drop is much deeper.

— I understand.

“Even if Jaeri tells you to leave or just says he’s going to sleep, stay by his side.”

— Yes, Mr. Vice President.

“Don’t talk to him too much. He finds it bothersome to talk.”

Jungyoon gave a few words of caution. Although Jaeri feels a sense of fellowship with Seonyeong, if she pesters him, he would try to cut ties with her without any lingering attachment.

Seonyeong was able to remain Jaeri’s friend because she did not bother him.

Also, paradoxically, Seonyeong did not bother Jaeri because she did not see him as a friend. Seonyeong wanted nothing from Jaeri.

At first, Jaeri and Seonyeong met as pure friends. And when Seonyeong began to feel skeptical about her friendship with Jaeri, he received a personal call from Jungyoon. If it hadn’t been for Jungyoon’s offer, Jaeri would have no friends left now.

For Seonyeong, the time spent with Jaeri is a part-time job. What Seonyeong wants is not friendship, but the welfare and money provided by the Vice President of Hanyoung.

— Yes. I’ll report back after checking on Jaeri’s condition. Should I go now?

“I’ll send a car, so be ready right away.”

— Thank you.

“Of course. Are your parents well?”

— Yes, they are doing well thanks to your concern, Mr. Vice President. Thank you.

There was a hidden meaning in Jungyoon’s last words. You’d better do a good job acting as a good friend on your own without me having to order you on every single thing.

Yoonjae was at the Haesung office, reviewing materials related to Hanyoung Corporation. Since it would take some time to complete the acquisition of treasury stock, she had to prepare for the squeeze-out in advance to ensure there were no setbacks in the future schedule. She had to prepare materials to verify the location of minority shareholders, the details of notifications, and the business purpose, and Yoonjae personally reviewed each of those materials to see if there were any problems. A team related to this matter was formed at Haesung Law Firm. She hadn’t slept for more than three hours for several days, but she felt a certain thrill while working.

It was undeniable that she had felt a momentary sense of pride when Jungyoon had said, “Help me out a bit,” hinting that he might bring her into the company. So she had said something that sounded like an agreement in the heat of the moment, but she hadn’t fully prepared her heart yet. In the first place, that issue wasn’t something to be decided so instantly.

Yoonjae thought that if she finished this job perfectly, she might be able to negotiate with her oppa from a more superior position. As she was thinking this, she got a call from Jungyoon.

“Oh, oppa.”

— Yoonjae. You have too much work, don’t you?

“Yeah, well, it’s manageable. I have a team, too.”