Chapter 31 – The Road (Not) Taken

Fang Xiao’s newly rented apartment didn’t come with a parking space, so he rented a monthly spot nearby. The parking lot was a short distance from home, requiring a walk through a commercial street. As Fang Xiao got out of the car, he noticed a discreet orange-lit signboard across the street and suddenly remembered something. He turned to ask Gu Yiming, “Do you want to do it?”

Gu Yiming looked confused. “What?”

Fang Xiao patiently repeated, “Tonight, do you want to do it?”

Gu Yiming still didn’t catch on. “Do what?”

“…What do you think?” Fang Xiao was amused and didn’t explain further. “It’s been a while for me, and I don’t have anything prepared at home. If we’re doing it, we’ll have to buy supplies now.”

Gu Yiming’s face flushed instantly. The neon lights of the commercial street shone brightly, casting colorful reflections on his face, making his expression all the more vivid.

“You haven’t thought about it, have you?” Fang Xiao asked skeptically. It suddenly occurred to him that Gu Yiming might be the type so pure he didn’t even have sexual fantasies. Though he had gotten hard during their morning run confrontation, maybe that was just a one-time thing.

“I… have thought about it. It just felt blasphemous, so I didn’t dwell on it too much…” Gu Yiming was clearly uncomfortable with the topic, lowering his head as he spoke. “The time before last when you kissed me, and last time when you told me to ask for what I wanted directly. You asked so seriously, but all I wanted was you—so badly…”

Gu Yiming nearly buried his face in his chest. “I’ve also done my homework.”

Fang Xiao raised an eyebrow in surprise. He had initially planned to discuss the details of this “homework,” but seeing Gu Yiming so flustered, he mercifully let it go. Unsure of what mental preparations Gu Yiming had made and wanting to avoid misunderstandings, Fang Xiao clarified upfront, “I’m not a pure bottom.”

“Huh? Oh… I understand.” Gu Yiming blinked in confusion for a second before nodding quickly, though it was unclear whether he was unbothered or simply hadn’t grasped the meaning.

Fang Xiao smiled and hooked his keyring around Gu Yiming’s pinky. “You go ahead home. I’ll stop by the store.”

Fang Xiao returned with a bag of intimate supplies and immediately got a firsthand demonstration of Gu Yiming’s “homework” before he could even ask. Gu Yiming didn’t give him time to take off his shoes—he wrapped an arm around Fang Xiao’s waist and pinned him against the wall for a kiss. The paper bag slipped from Fang Xiao’s hand the moment the door closed, plastic packages clattering onto the tiled floor.

Gu Yiming’s kiss was passionate but utterly chaotic. Fang Xiao, caught off guard, was kissed into a daze. His vision and thoughts narrowed to Gu Yiming alone, his breath filled with Gu Yiming’s scent, his mind a tangled mess. Yet Gu Yiming, relying on his superior lung capacity, refused to let up. Fang Xiao heard heavy panting and rapid heartbeats—only belatedly realizing the latter was his own, pounding as if harboring an immense longing.

Fang Xiao’s shirt was crumpled, half-hanging off his arms, while his T-shirt was pushed up, Gu Yiming’s right hand slipping underneath to trace the dip of his waist. Their chests pressed tightly together, sweat trickling down necks and into collars, indistinguishable as to whose it was.

Only in such firm contact and entanglement did Gu Yiming reveal the ferocity he displayed on the shooting range to Fang Xiao’s eyes. He was naive, fragile, stubborn, resilient, ignorant, stumbling, yet possessing everything, bearing immense weight. All these contradictory traits formed this dazzling soul.

This realization instantly transformed into an overwhelming surge of emotion, flooding Fang Xiao’s willpower. Despite being the more experienced one, he was the one who ended up more disheveled. Control was swept away by fervent desire, the shame of losing composure nearly unbearable. Fang Xiao’s fingers clung desperately to Gu Yiming’s shoulders, twisting the collar of his T-shirt. Between kisses, he gasped, “Xiao Gu…” His voice was hoarse, saturated with desire that seeped from his very soul.

Gu Yiming hummed in response. Slowly withdrawing from Fang Xiao’s lips, saliva stretched into a thin strand before he licked it away. His lips hovered over Fang Xiao’s cheek without touching, tracing contours like he had learned from Fang Xiao’s own teasing techniques.

Fang Xiao felt Gu Yiming’s right hand slide down to his ass. He tensed instinctively, clenching through the fabric, his spine stiffening. Gu Yiming paused at his reaction before suddenly giving a firm squeeze, startling a small noise out of Fang Xiao.

“Is this okay…? Will it hurt?” Gu Yiming’s question was sticky between wet sounds. Fang Xiao shut his eyes, unwilling to face such unnecessary inquiries.

Gu Yiming began licking him. His damp tongue traced Fang Xiao’s cheek, his already-hardened lower half pressing insistently against Fang Xiao’s, the heat palpable even through fabric. Fang Xiao couldn’t suppress his panting. Pressing a hand against Gu Yiming’s chest, he gasped, “W-Wait…”

His voice fractured under ragged breaths.

With the arrow already nocked, Fang Xiao didn’t expect Gu Yiming to actually stop—but he did. Gu Yiming only held him tighter, lips pressing against the shell of Fang Xiao’s ear. Fang Xiao leaned against his shoulder, eyes closed as he slowly steadied his breathing.

“…I want to keep going.”

Gu Yiming’s voice was almost plaintive. A teenager barely twenty, his yearning for sex was practically innate. Fang Xiao wrapped his arms around Gu Yiming’s waist, feeling his body stiffen momentarily, his erection growing even more pronounced.

Fang Xiao tried to speak but choked, coughing awkwardly before managing, “Hold on… let me take off my shoes… and get the lube and condoms…” He knew it killed the mood, but whose fault was it that Gu Yiming had kissed him senseless the moment they stepped inside?

Gu Yiming didn’t move away. Instead, he knelt to untie Fang Xiao’s shoelaces. The scene was mundane yet made Fang Xiao burn with embarrassment down to his ears. He draped an arm over his eyes, knees weak, barely staying upright against the wall.

Once the laces were undone, Gu Yiming picked up the scattered packages while Fang Xiao kicked off his shoes. Too unsteady to stand, he crouched barefoot on the floor, a hand resting on Gu Yiming’s shoulder. Gu Yiming looked at him questioningly, and Fang Xiao sighed, “My legs are weak. Give me a second.”

“I’ll carry you.”

Gu Yiming carried Fang Xiao to the bed. As expected, Fang Xiao was light—hardly the weight of a grown man in his arms. The secret longing he’d harbored since that night banquet in Qinghai was finally satisfied, the tenderness making him reluctant to let go.

They kissed, embraced, clumsily or skillfully exploring each other’s bodies and souls. Gu Yiming’s “homework” was far from thorough, forcing Fang Xiao to give extensive on-the-spot lessons—each one feeling more like digging his own grave. Gu Yiming’s stamina and energy were overwhelming, a wildfire of youth blazing across open fields, threatening to consume the world.

At first, Fang Xiao bit back his moans, trying to retain some dignity in this battle of desire, but soon he was thoroughly defeated. The sounds spilled out uncontrollably, as if gaining life and free will, swaying wantonly in the room. Shame lingered like an echo in Fang Xiao’s ears until Gu Yiming suddenly kissed him again.

This kiss was gentle yet unyielding, Fang Xiao’s moans instantly turning into muffled whimpers, his breath hitching from exertion. He pushed frantically against Gu Yiming, the moment stretching into what felt like a lifetime before he was freed. Gasping for air like a man saved from drowning, he rasped, “What are you doing…?”

“I didn’t want you to strain your voice. You still need to sing.” Gu Yiming answered earnestly. Fang Xiao flushed crimson. He stared at Gu Yiming for a long moment before sighing in defeat. “You’re really asking to get hit, you know…”

Gu Yiming knew he’d messed up. Taking Fang Xiao’s hand, he placed it against his own throat, surrendering to his mercy. Fang Xiao’s fingers trailed over his Adam’s apple, a light, threatening graze, before sliding to the back of his neck, pulling him into another kiss.

A young man’s passion was the hardest to resist. Fang Xiao indulged him, yielding to everything that followed. The filthy, uncontrolled desires belonged to their shared complicity—they sought each other tirelessly until, finally satisfied, they became each other’s answer in that moment.

Fang Xiao slowly returned to himself from a long daze. Blinking blankly, he realized he’d been placed on the still-folded sofa while Gu Yiming changed the bedsheets. Both were naked. Gu Yiming’s youthful body bent in graceful lines.

“Xiao Gu…”

Fang Xiao called softly. Gu Yiming turned, but Fang Xiao had nothing to say. After a pause, Gu Yiming walked back, slipping one arm under Fang Xiao’s shoulders and the other beneath his knees, lifting him bridal-style.

“I want to hold you more,” Gu Yiming said. “You’re as light as a rose.”

Fang Xiao laughed. “Since when did you learn to act cute?”

“Fang Xiao, do you know the most common occupational hazard for shooters?” Gu Yiming asked. “Aside from nearsightedness and tinnitus, it’s back injuries.”

He hugged Fang Xiao tighter. “While I can still carry you, I want to do it as much as possible.”

Fang Xiao nestled obediently in Gu Yiming’s arms as he was placed onto freshly changed sheets. The bed he’d personally arranged carried the warmth of sunlight. Gu Yiming unfolded a blanket, draping it over him. Accustomed to dorm life, he handled the task deftly—Fang Xiao felt enveloped in a soft cloud.

“My pajamas—” Fang Xiao started.

Gu Yiming cut in, “No pajamas. Is that okay?”

His tone was reasonable. He always respected Fang Xiao’s opinions, discussing any ideas with him.

Fang Xiao shivered under the blanket.

Gu Yiming turned off the light and slipped under the covers, wrapping an arm around Fang Xiao’s waist in the dark. The position was stifling for an early summer night, but Fang Xiao didn’t want to move. Hazily, he thought about switching to a thinner blanket tomorrow. There wasn’t one at home—he’d have to buy one. It’d be useful long-term, an essential addition to his belongings for future moves. What a hassle.

Suddenly having another person in his life made every simple thing complicated. Carefully planned optimal solutions no longer applied—like a meticulously crafted song nearing completion, only to be scrapped and restarted from scratch. These were the troubles and risks Fang Xiao had long weighed on the scales. They were so heavy, not even love could easily tip the balance.

But what could he do? No amount of deliberation could have prepared Fang Xiao for this. He hadn’t expected fleeting, reckless affection to settle before summer winds could carry it away. He hadn’t expected an incomplete heart to grow and mend itself for another incomplete heart. A seed took root on the other side of the scales—insignificant, yet tilting time itself in its favor. Fang Xiao had no more excuses. He’d chosen a life with Gu Yiming. And he was content.

Fang Xiao buried his face in the crook of Gu Yiming’s shoulder. “Xiao Gu, come with me tomorrow to…” To buy what? He was too drowsy to remember, murmuring indistinctly before sinking into sleep.

Gu Yiming hummed in acknowledgment, fingers threading through Fang Xiao’s short hair, secretly winding a strand around his pinky.