LDR Ch 29

Leo immediately frowned.

“This is why I hate it.”

At that, Harrison moved closer to Leo. It was obvious he was trying to kiss him, so when Leo pushed his face away with his hand, his lips pressed against his palm instead.

“Don’t.”

“I missed you.”

Leo looked at Harrison seriously. Knowing each other too well was a definite disadvantage. There were too many memories, recollections, and time and emotions between Harrison and Leo to let any one of them slide easily.

They knew each other’s lies too well, felt each other’s emotions more than necessary, and blindly believed that neither wanted the other to be hurt.

“I don’t know how to not make you angry.”

At the sincere voice, tinged with a hint of melancholy and regret, Leo quietly looked at his face.

“You’re worried.”

“Well, there’s really no way around that.”

Leo lightly slapped that handsome face and regretted it. He should have hit him harder.

“Hey, if I hit you, tell me not to hit you. Don’t just take it.”

Despite himself, he was still concerned, and when he said that, Harrison turned his head and gently rubbed his cheek against Leo’s shoulder.

“Okay.”

“And what’s with you saying it’s okay when I ask if I can hit you? You should obviously say no.”

“I understand.”

“I’m still not over my anger.”

At those words, Harrison flinched and raised his head again.

“Aren’t you scared?”

Leo looked at the arm in a cast, unable to even touch it.

“What if it becomes a chronic problem? Have you thought about that?”

Accidents are not always at the extreme. Sometimes they float in the middle. He could get a chronic injury, or his career as a driver could be shortened because of it, even if not right away. Harrison could not possibly be unaware of that.

“Just be honest.”

It was not like he would understand anyway, but he wanted to know the process that led that mind of his to action.

“First, the doctor said it hasn’t gotten worse. And I just, thought that level of risk was worth taking.”

At the sound of Harrison’s voice, who was watching his reaction, Leo could not hold back and stood up. At that, Harrison urgently wrapped his arms around Leo’s waist to hold him back. In a melodramatic situation that seemed like it came straight out of a drama or movie, Leo finally sighed and sat back down.

“If something happens to you, I’m definitely not going to nurse you. I’m going to abandon you.”

“Will you come visit? As a friend or family?”

He really was out of his mind. He should be focusing on the part about being abandoned, is a hospital visit the problem right now?

“You’ll come visit about once every two months, right?”

He became sadder at the hopeless mentality, which he could not tell if it was realistic, positive, or just plain crazy. It was even more so because he knew he was asking sincerely.

“I’ll go see you with my new person.”

When he answered while looking him straight in the face, his expression became bewildered.

“That’s a bit cruel.”

Then his expression slowly hardened.

“Who?”

At the question that was completely misdirected, Leo finally could not hide his bewilderment.

“How would I know that now?”

“But there must be someone who came to mind. Even vaguely. Who is it?”

“No one.”

“Then just tell me if it’s a man or a woman.”

“I’m telling you, it’s really no one.”

He pushed him away as he clung to him, but his hand, undeterred, was soon gently tickling his side.

“Don’t tell me it’s not a Swiss person?”

“Are you crazy?”

When Leo pointed out that he was using both hands with a cast on his arm, Harrison meekly lowered his arm as if he had just realized it.

“But it really doesn’t hurt at all.”

“Did you take painkillers?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s why.”

Leo, unable to help it, looked at Harrison’s arm with an unconcealed look of concern.

“What about during the race? Did it not hurt then?”

“It really didn’t hurt at all then.”

In fact, he had expected that. So much adrenaline is produced that sometimes you don’t even know you’re injured during a race and only find out later. That was by no means a relief, though.

“It didn’t hurt on the podium either, but then when I was meeting the sponsors after all that, it suddenly started hurting when I shook hands.”

Leo very lightly, so carefully as to not actually touch it, brushed the surface of the cast.

“My heart hurts too.”

Then the voice that came out continued slowly.

“Because you weren’t there.”

He knows those words are sincere. He knows what Harrison was looking for as soon as he got out of the car after winning. He remembers the expression that was slowly washed away when he could not find him.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not going to accept it.”

No matter how deep that apology was, it would recur in the same situation, so he could not accept it. Harrison, who would know that, would have expected Leo’s reaction.

“Okay.”

At the neat voice that came out like that, Leo finally raised his head.

“Last summer, when you said you would change your driving style, why did you do that?”

There was no reproach in that question. He knew that such emotions could not change anything. Nevertheless, Harrison remained still and looked at Leo.

“You saw me.”

The voice that followed was dry, and somehow seemed to be unable to grasp itself. As if the very thing was uncomfortable.

“In the hospital, lying on the bed. Injured.”

The abruptly cut-off sentences brought back memories without a chance to refuse. Jude’s accident was major, and his progress was not good. Although he recovered in the end, Jude still gets tired easily, sometimes limps, and cannot do delicate work. But even that was like a miracle, and at the time, no one could even say when Jude would wake up, or if he would wake up at all.

Though the directions were different, the aftermath covered everyone. William cannot watch races, Heather watches all of Harrison’s races, and Jude left Europe and went to America.

“I hated that so much.”

And as for the aftermath on Harrison, in fact, Leo does not know in detail. From the time of Jude’s accident until now, Harrison has never once spoken of it. And Leo has never brought it up first.

“I hated myself. That it was because of me.”

This time. The words that were not spoken were not hidden even without being spoken. After such a long time, the vaguely revealed mark was as faint as the foam left behind by a receding wave. Nevertheless, the trace of how distant and high the wave had been remained.

“So I just, I don’t know. I felt like I had to do something, so. It’s not like I just said it.”

Those words were cut off abruptly. They both knew that the sentence could not be completed.

“Then why did you stop?”

Last season, although it was shallow, he had made a show of trying. This season, there was not even that. At Leo’s question, Harrison quietly looked at Leo.

“I never stopped.”

It was hard to agree with that, but Leo did not offer any rebuttal.

“But I.”

The voice was cut off for a moment, and then fell with a thud.

“I guess I’m not that kind of driver.”

Leo remembered the conversation they had on the private jet returning from Japan to the UK last year. He remembered himself asking when they had ever used the word “effort.” Then he looked at the Harrison in front of him. At that voice, now admitting a lack of ability. The Leo of now could not even know what the him of back then, inside that private jet, had wanted.

After the hair-washing session, which was supposed to be him taking care of his lover but ended up feeling like water torture, Leo, who had finally fallen asleep, suddenly opened his eyes vaguely in the middle of the night, or perhaps in the early morning, in the midst of sleep.

When he naturally looked to his side, Harrison was asleep on his back, just as he had been when he fell asleep. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness and the face became clearer, he reached out his hand, and the soft hair touched his fingertips. He moved his hand, tracing his forehead, eyebrows, the bridge of his nose, and his lips without touching, and even though he was not touching, he felt that subtle warmth.

Leo moved his hand further down, hovering around the neckline, and then placed his hand on the cast resting neatly on his stomach.

“Why are you awake?”

The voice, woken by even that faint touch, blended with the quiet dawn.

“I’ll take it off soon.”

To the voice that would naturally be feeling where Leo’s hand was touching, Leo moved a little closer to his body and answered quietly.

“Okay.”

Leo, who closed his eyes again, felt the body he was touching breathe evenly again and gently stroked the cast. What if it had been his wrist instead of his elbow, what if it had been a bone in his hand. Would that have imposed more restrictions? But even so, he would have taken painkillers and raced.

So Leo just lightly gripped the elbow wrapped in the cast with his hand. He wanted to squeeze harder. If an already injured place were to break again, it would not heal so easily anymore.

Monaco Grand Prix

Monaco Circuit

Harrison’s arm was recovering smoothly. In fact, contrary to the doctor’s initial prediction that he would have to wear a cast for two weeks, his recovery speed was so remarkable that he took the cast off in a week, and he smoothly finished the race that followed, reclaiming the 1st place position. Time passed so amicably, and before he knew it, the Monaco Grand Prix had arrived.

Monaco is an important Grand Prix not only for its tradition and representativeness, but also for business. Many sponsor events were held, and large sums of money were moved. Thanks to that, it is a busy week for the drivers, the team, the sponsors, and all other related parties.

Fittingly, Leo had been so busy dealing with people since arriving in Monaco that he had not even seen Harrison yet. He heard they had a fashion show yesterday, but he could not see that either. If he had gone, he would have been incredibly embarrassed to see Leo, and it was a shame he missed that.

On top of that, today he had originally planned to watch from the 3rd practice session, but he could not make time and finally arrived at the circuit just before the start of qualifying.

“I thought you weren’t coming.”

As soon as he entered the garage, Harrison spotted Leo and approached him.

“If you’re planning to miss qualifying in Monaco, it’s better not to come at all.”

Monaco is a street circuit, and because it is narrow and the corners are tricky, there is almost no overtaking. It was a unique Grand Prix where qualifying felt more like the main race. The main race, on the other hand, if nothing special happened, everyone would just drive in a line and finish in the same order as qualifying.

“And I can’t watch from here anyway.”

With those words, Leo discreetly gestured upwards with his eyes. He had taken time out to come see the team, and he had to watch the race with the sponsors.

“So you came for me.”

At the voice that subtly blocked his path and made him look at him, Leo discreetly glanced over his shoulder.

“And Nate.”

The two of them had already been asked sharp questions in an interview and had given answers that defended themselves and indirectly blamed the other. Considering that, the atmosphere in the garage was not bad. It seemed the team members in charge of Nate and the team members in charge of Harrison were still talking well.

“So you’re not going to kiss me?”

For someone who was about to go into qualifying, it was a rather unprofessional remark, and Leo discreetly looked around.

“That’s for after.”

Even so, Leo discreetly touched the back of his hand.

“If you promise not to diss Nate in the interview.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?”

“That’s also for after.”

“You’re cold.”

Despite that, the voice was tinged with an undisguised softness. If he had known that an office romance was such a terrible thing, if he had known?

Come to think of it, even if he had known, Harrison was needed for the team, so he would have brought him in, and it’s not like they would not have dated, so it would have ended up the same.

“Soothe me.”

So this was just Leo’s sin for overestimating his own self-control.

“I told you I can’t right now.”

Leo, who whispered slightly, inconspicuously checked his surroundings and quickly added.

“If you don’t create a situation where I really need to soothe you, I’ll give you a prize.”

At that, Harrison immediately gestured with his eyes towards the hallway leading to the driver’s room.

“No. After. I’m going to see Nate now.”

With those words, he pushed Harrison aside, and although he obediently moved, he stared intently at Leo.

“What.”

“What?”

At the voice that asked back, Leo also stared intently at that face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

At that, Harrison glanced once in Nathan’s direction and answered.

“You’re going to encourage another man, so how else am I supposed to look?”

It was not worth answering, so he ignored him and started walking, and Nathan, who was surrounded by engineers, saw Leo and smiled.

“Nate, how are you feeling today?”

“Hi, Leo. Everything’s great.”

Considering they had both been asked sharp questions about each other at the press conference and had given uncomfortable answers, the atmosphere between the two drivers now was quite good.

“Your parents?”

Nathan is from France, so he is close to Monaco and had said he would invite his family, but they were not in the garage.

“They’re coming tomorrow.”

At those words, a question automatically came out.

“Tomorrow?”

In Monaco, qualifying is basically the main race, and qualifying was more exciting than the main race. But tomorrow?

“They said they want to watch with a peaceful mind.”

At the understandable reason, Leo laughed with Nathan, and he felt a gaze from somewhere. When he instinctively looked for the source, Harrison, who was with his engineers, was staring intently at Leo. Leo raised an eyebrow as if to give him a warning and looked back at Nathan.

“They just said they’d watch tomorrow because they know you’ll do well. I know you’ll do well too.”

“Thanks.”

Leo patted Nathan’s shoulder once and then turned around, gesturing to Harrison with his eyes. Without even checking if he understood, he entered Harrison’s driver’s room, and Harrison followed right behind him.

“What are you doing coming in right away like this?”

But before he could hear an answer, Harrison pulled Leo in and kissed him. Without any warning, their lips met deeply, and a rich tongue naturally invaded between them. The firm hand that wrapped around his waist moved up a little further and was soon supporting Leo’s back.

“Do you even know what professionalism is?”

Even while saying that, their lips met briefly, and he took his lower lip into his mouth, and as their tongues mixed again, a little impatiently, Harrison led Leo and started walking.

“Say that again.”

With those words, his body was suddenly lifted and he was laid down on the sofa.

“Mr. Bettenberg—Kunz, is it okay for the owner’s representative to be doing this with a driver?”

Unlike the business-like and stiff voice, his hand had already slipped inside Leo’s shirt and was stroking his back widely.

“Being this pretty is distracting.”

At those words, Leo finally could not hold back and laughed, and Harrison rested his forehead on Leo’s neckline and laughed along with him. As the laughter that flowed through their bodies gradually subsided, their eyes met again. This time, more lightly and gently than before, they rubbed the tips of their noses and gently kissed the corners of their mouths. As they kissed various parts of his face, their softly loosened gazes met. As their lips naturally met again, a vibration suddenly went off.

As Leo sighed and leaned back comfortably on the sofa, Harrison searched Leo’s pocket and checked his phone.

“They say you have to go up now.”

With those words, Harrison helped Leo up and straightened the clothes he had messed up. At the same time, Leo also straightened his hair as much as possible.

“I don’t look like I’ve been fooling around with a driver somewhere, do I?”

“A little?”

Leo heartlessly brushed away Harrison’s hand that had playfully risen to his chest.

“Is there no one outside?”

He glanced at the door, and there was no sign of anyone, but he could not be sure.

“I’ll check for you.”

“It’s fine.”

Leo, who refused Harrison’s offer, instead pressed him down onto the sofa by his shoulders, bent over, and gave him a final kiss.

“Be careful.”

As soon as their lips parted, Leo brushed Harrison’s neat eyebrows once with his hand and whispered.

“I love you.”

At that, Harrison naturally pulled Leo in again, kissed him, and answered without hesitation.

“I love you too.”

As he looked at Harrison quietly, a smile appeared on his face.

“And I’ll be careful.”

At those words, Leo also smiled and messed up his hair carelessly.

“See you after.”

“Okay.”

With the reluctant farewell that finally came out, Leo came out of the driver’s room and looked around. Fortunately, there was no one around, so he was able to get out without difficulty.

And yet, as he was worrying about that, it felt as if even though he was 27 now, his actions had not grown out of being 17. In reality, even when he was 17, he had never done something he should not have done in a place he should not have done it and then snuck out secretly.

But the biggest problem is that he does not feel like he should try to hold back.

Monaco is not a fast circuit for F1. It even has a hairpin that is run at 45km/h, the slowest speed of all circuits. But it is also a very tricky and difficult circuit. Because of that, there was no overtaking, and because all the drivers put their lives on the line in qualifying, every year there would be accidents in qualifying even if there were none in the main race.

This time was no different, and there had already been an accident once each in the 1st and 2nd qualifying sessions. But fortunately, it had nothing to do with Harrison or Nathan. ABW’s car had always had good pace on street circuits, so both of them had been leading qualifying in 1st and 2nd place so far.