LDR Ch 32

— Of course, that won’t be the case! Harrison Turner is a driver who never backs down. He will probably try to overtake again a little later, but the team has already instructed them not to fight each other. How will the drivers react? ABW will have a lot to do in the debriefing today.

— What the, bleep I can’t believe this,

— Did you bleep tell him to overtake me?

Then, the broadcast played Harrison’s earlier radio message, which had been censored. However, despite the flimsy effort, his voice, just as it had been uncensored, could not hide its raw emotion.

And finally, they reached the last lap. The race engineers had already tried to tell their respective drivers about the tires, brake temperatures, and the current situation, but were told to leave them alone and were now just watching.

They wished for the race to end quickly, and at the same time, they wished for the race to just stop. Just when the heart-pounding anxiety had filled them to a point where it could not rise any further, Harrison finally closed in on Nathan again.

— Ah! As expected, Harrison Turner never gives up until the very end! Harrison Turner dives to the inside, he had a faster entry. Will he be able to come out ahead, there isn’t much space, will Nathan Morel be able to block his teammate… My goodness!

As the commentator’s voice rose, a gasp of bewilderment erupted inside the garage. Since both were aggressive, it was not an overtake that could be called easy or clean. Harrison’s front wing and Nathan’s wheel might have even touched slightly. But it happened so quickly that no one could tell if there had actually been contact.

— It looks like Harry’s front wing touched Nate’s wheel, and now the winner of the British Grand Prix is coming to the finish line! Harrison Turner!

Normally, they would replay and analyze the scene, but since it was the very last lap, the broadcast showed Harrison crossing the finish line first, followed by Nathan crossing with a very narrow gap, rather than replaying the scene.

With the team’s drivers finishing 1st and 2nd at their home Grand Prix, they should have been happy, but a somewhat chaotic atmosphere lingered in the garage.

— Harry, you’re P1. Congratulations.

— Thanks. This is what you call teamwork, isn’t it?

His voice was full of laughter, befitting his rank, but no one could miss the sarcasm.

— P2, Nate, well done!

— Yeah. Thanks.

Following Nathan’s radio message, since both drivers had finished 1st and 2nd without retiring, the team members ran out to welcome their drivers.

“They touched, right?”

At Caleb’s bewildered question, Leo simply took Caleb and walked over to greet Harrison. At the British Grand Prix, a British team, with a British driver, had won. It was a cause for celebration. Gloriously so.

As it was the British Grand Prix, they had a meal together with their families after the race. After that, the family members left first, leaving the two of them alone. However, the two, who had been laughing and talking well when they were with their families, simply drank in silence once they were alone.

“Are you angry?”

At the voice that finally came, which was not high or low, Leo answered.

“You must be the one who’s angry.”

After the race ended, as soon as Harrison got out of the car, instead of heading towards the team members who were welcoming him, he had gone to Nathan, who got out of his car right behind him. He did not know what they talked about, but it was obvious he had interrogated him about why he had overtaken him.

He had not checked yet, but considering the expressions on the media team members’ faces afterward, they probably did not say nice things about each other in the interviews either.

“Why would I be. I won.”

And at that indifferent voice that followed, Leo also replied.

“Then why would I be.”

I won. There was no need to add those words. In racing, winning is everything, and he had won. So nothing else mattered. If that was true for Harrison, it would be true for Leo too.

“I heard there was a problem with the radio. But even if it had been working, Nate would have done the same thing.”

“He might not have if you hadn’t dived in so deep when you first overtook him.”

“The team didn’t give an order.”

“That’s not an order to crash into each other.”

“Even so, it does mean they’ll handle the consequences.”

Leo quietly looked at Harrison. There was no particular expression on his face. Harrison is the first, and Nathan is the second driver. No matter how much a team says there is no discrimination, no team treats the first and second drivers the same. ABW’s driver priority was somewhat ambiguous, so they did not order Nathan to move aside, but if it had been a team with a clear hierarchy, they would have ordered him to.

“So you’re unhappy about that?”

Then, those eyes looked straight at Leo.

“No. But I don’t think I did anything wrong either.”

Technically, Nathan was at fault, and Harrison was also at fault. But it was pointless to say anything because he would not listen.

“Leo, I don’t want to fight with you.”

And the voice that came out softened slightly.

“It was a mistake to swear when my family was listening.”

“Okay.”

But at Leo’s still dry response to the peace offering, Harrison let out a faint sigh.

“Nothing went wrong. We both finished, in 1st and 2nd, perfectly fine.”

That was the fact and the result. Perhaps the Leo of a year ago would have genuinely congratulated Harrison. Instead of focusing on the details and making the atmosphere heavy like now. Focusing on the brilliant result. But, unfortunately, the current Leo was not in the mood for that.

“Perfectly fine? Can you guarantee you would have finished perfectly fine even if that wasn’t the last lap?”

They had not crashed hard, but Nathan’s wheel and Harrison’s front wing had definitely touched. Since they crossed the finish line right after, no other issues were apparent, but if there had been even one more lap, there was no guarantee what kind of problem might have shown up.

“That’s why it was the last lap.”

“And you, seriously, you say it was a mistake to swear while your family was listening, but you don’t care at all that you almost caused an accident while your family was watching?”

It was not an unavoidable accident either. It was Harrison who had induced an accident that could have easily been avoided. Of course, from Harrison’s perspective, a justification that he had to do it would probably come out.

“I seriously, don’t understand why you’re making such hypotheticals.”

But Harrison, instead of justifying his actions, asked further.

“It didn’t happen, so why do you keep doing this?”

“Because it only matters to you.”

Seeing him unable to understand the hypothetical itself, Leo suppressed the emotions welling up inside him.

“The fact that it didn’t happen, is something that only didn’t happen for you.”

In the first place, if Harrison had made such a hypothetical, if he had felt fear, he would not be able to drive dangerously. He probably would not even be able to get in the car. But for the person watching, it is different.

“For everyone else but you, for the people who love you, it already happened.”

In their minds, they cannot help but constantly replay the danger. If they collide, if they crash, if there is an accident, what the result would be.

“You, remember when Cal, when Lizzie, when Nora, were karting? How scared you were. You didn’t even like them being interested in it.”

All of Leo’s younger siblings had done karting. Harrison had watched the entire process from the sidelines, and even though he knew it was safe, even while not letting them speed, he was still anxious. It is not that Harrison does not know the fear of watching.

“Okay, I’m sorry I wasn’t more considerate.”

At Leo’s sharpened tone, Harrison apologized, but it was more of an evasion than an apology.

“You’re not sorry, you just don’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s already hard for us to be together, I don’t want to spend that time fighting.”

“That’s not it, you just don’t want to think about it. Because you have no intention of changing anyway.”

“That’s not…”

Harrison did not finish his sentence. Then, as if tired, he briefly massaged the area around his eyes. His neat eyebrows were particularly bothersome.

“Why now?”

The question that finally came out was too plain to analyze its meaning.

“You were a driver too, and even if you weren’t, we’ve been dating for 8 years now. So why of all times, now?”

At the following question, Leo’s eyes narrowed slightly, and Harrison continued.

“If you had been like this when we first started dating, I would have thought that even though you were a driver, the feeling of watching from the side must be different. If it was when I was fighting hard with Steve, I would have thought it was natural for you to worry because there was so much going on.”

What he said was true. There are particularly intense seasons, particularly accident-prone seasons, and particularly unlucky seasons.

“But Leo, why now?”

Harrison was asking why now. Not why he was worried, but why now.

“Because until then, you had never once, planted the thought that it was dangerous.”

The face that had been expressionless until now finally hardened slightly.

“Of course I know it’s dangerous. But still, I never seriously thought that you, yourself, were in danger.”

It was a strange thing to say. It sounded strange even to Leo, who was saying it himself. But, perhaps Leo really was like that. Of course, he knew it was dangerous, but he had probably never felt it with his whole being. He was not necessarily thinking about the extent of an injury. It was not that, he was thinking about that attitude.

Harrison always acted as if that accident, that collision, was nothing. In reality, he returned to the track as if it really was nothing, and the collision was only a cause for retirement, holding no other value. It was not something that belonged to Harrison, but just a variable that belonged to that race.

“But you said it after the Hungarian Grand Prix. That you’d be careful.”

At that moment, Harrison had acknowledged for the first time that the injury belonged to him. From then on, Leo also could not deny the realization that the danger did not just affect the race, but left an impact on Harrison himself. That it was dangerous, and he had to be careful.

“You did it. The one who finally made me realize that this is dangerous, that it’s dangerous for you too, that you have to be careful, it was you.”

As if someone had forcibly woken him from sleep, like a sharp alarm bell had rung, as if he could no longer keep his eyes closed.

“But then, after you clearly said you would change, nothing has changed.”

He knows that even talking like this will not change anything. It cannot in the first place. But, nevertheless, that part that does not change, that will not change, kept bothering him. It seemed to get better if he put some distance, but it was only a temporary measure, and it would tighten its grip on his throat again.

“You even went so far as to say you hated showing me that side of you. What you were thinking,”

Leo abruptly stopped talking. I know what you were thinking. I know what you remembered, and I know what you don’t want me to remember, and I know what you don’t want me to go through again. But he did not say it. Perhaps, he could not say it.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise. But like you said, nothing about me has changed.”

Harrison, who must have known all of this, simply reached out his hand calmly and covered Leo’s.

“I’ve always raced on the track, and you love that too. We’ve always been like this, what’s more important than that?”

Leo blurted out a sentence.

“Harry, could you die for me?”

The question, which came out of context, was clear and distinct, even though he himself had not planned it.

“Yes.”

At the equally unhesitating answer, Leo looked at Harrison quietly. He knows he is not just saying it. He knows he would drop everything and run for Leo. He knows that even if it were not just a loud noise, fireworks, or the sound of something dropping, but a truly serious situation, he would be the first to cover Leo with his own body. As he always had.

He had considered that reflexive yet intuitive action as love. He still thinks so now. But, by that same token, Harrison had absolutely no self-preservation. He was so sensitive about the safety of those around him, yet he treated his own body as a tool. For another purpose.

“Even if I didn’t want you to?”

Leo probably, will never be able to understand Harrison’s language in his entire life. If Harrison were to ask the same question, Leo would not have been able to answer easily. Not because he loves him less, but because he loves him.

“Harry, you just don’t want to deal with it.”

Leo would surely, think of the Harrison who would be left behind. Having already experienced that sight, he cannot bear to watch him be left behind again. Even if he could die for you, he knows you would never want that, so he would not be able to choose anything.

“Without a single thought for the person who will be left behind.”

Selfishness is a virtue for a driver. Harrison already knows what will happen to the people around him if he gets into an accident. He has already experienced it through his hyung. The aftermath that most drivers would only vaguely feel, or not even think about, Harrison has experienced deeply. Nevertheless, he chose to ignore it.

“Then you.”

The eyes that had been meeting his without any intention of avoidance, sank.

“Why do you watch my races?”

The end of the sentence dropped off so sharply it could hardly be called a question.

“Because you want to see my accident with your own two eyes?”

The warmth covering his hand was still there, but the voice held a completely different temperature.

“Sorry.”

Following the apology, which was like a mere conjunction, a low voice continued.

“No matter what you say, I’m only going to say I’m sorry. There’s nothing else I can say. So Leo, if you want to have a conversation with me.”

The voice that had been dry became gentle again.

“Let’s talk about something else now.”

Leo never pulled his hand out from under that hand. But he did not hold it back either.

“Harry! Is your family going to the Red Bull Ring with you?”

“How do you feel ahead of the Red Bull Ring!”

“What do you think about William’s documentary filming?”

As soon as he came outside, questions poured in along with cameras. At the same time, Harrison took off his jacket and covered the face of Elizabeth who was next to him. Although they had fought quite seriously, Harrison was, after all, the winner of the home Grand Prix. So he had been invited to an event for his maternal grandmother’s investment firm, and Elizabeth had wanted to come along, so they had come together and were now on their way back.

After transferring teams, he had drawn less attention, but now that he was back in the championship fight and the previous Grand Prix was his home race in Britain, the paparazzi and reporters were more aggressive.

On top of that, William was a five-time MotoGP champion, and his family history had a lot of stories, so there had always been many offers to produce a documentary. But he had always refused. Somehow the story got twisted, and this time it was being treated as a done deal, which made things more annoying. A documentary about William would surely bring up stories about Jude and Harrison, so that combined with the upcoming Red Bull Ring race made it even more bothersome. He told him to go abroad somewhere, anywhere, for this time, but he just would not listen.

“Both of you, get in the back.”

It was a private event, so there was no way the schedule could have been leaked, but he had no idea how they found out and flocked here like this. He regretted not bringing a bodyguard since it was literally a private schedule. After putting the two in the back seat and barely getting into the driver’s seat, it was not easy to move because the cameras were surrounding the car.

“Lizzie, are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

Bewilderment was evident in the voice that came out from under Harrison’s clothes. He had been trying to keep his younger siblings from being exposed to the media, so Elizabeth had never been in a situation like this before. Nevertheless, cameras stuck to the window, seemingly trying to take a picture of Elizabeth’s face, and Harrison eventually got out of the car.

Harrison blocked the window on Elizabeth’s side with his body and said something to the paparazzi. He probably offered to let them take pictures of him instead, because he then waved his hand at the paparazzi. He could not see his expression because his back was turned, but he was probably smiling for them.

“It’s settled for now.”

When Harrison got back into the car, the paparazzi cleared a path in front of the car as if they had made a promise. They could finally move, but one motorcycle stuck to their side and continued to follow them. To be precise, not from behind, but from the side.

It was incredibly annoying how it followed alongside them as if it would cut in front at any moment, and at the same time, the sight of them filming with a phone was extremely dangerous.

“Harry, do you live like this every day?”

At Elizabeth’s voice, which came out while she still had the clothes over her head, Leo finally stopped the car.

“Don’t get out.”

Speaking without looking at Harrison, Leo immediately opened the car door and got out. Then, the paparazzo, still on his motorcycle, filmed Leo with his phone in hand. Leo walked right up to him, grabbed the phone, and stopped the video recording.

“What, what are you doing? My phone,”

“Sue me.”

“That’s my property and you have no right to do that!”

“The kid in there is a minor. I’m her older brother, so I have the right.”