LDR Ch 4

At those words, Leo furrowed his brow. Why? No, really, why? Leo carefully examined Harrison. Was this perhaps a different person? No. It could not be. The brown hair, the round head, the distinct brow bone and the piercing above that eyebrow, the soft brown eyes, the sharp bridge of the nose connected to the straight brow bone, the healthy-complected cheeks, and the wide set of his mouth, it was all Harrison.

Of course, it was true that there had been an event that could have made Harrison change his mind. It was his first time getting a concussion, and he surely had no idea it would be that agonizing. On top of that, Harrison had repeatedly said he could not understand at all why he had gotten a concussion. He said it was strange that a concussion he did not get even when he slammed straight into a wall without a buffer zone had come from just the car overturning.

Moreover, now that he was in his right mind, he seemed to be deeply regretting having worried Leo, but Harrison was not the kind of person to say he would change his driving style just because of that. Was this really Harrison Turner?

“As an affiliate of my main sponsor and an affiliate of the team-owning company, what do you think about me changing my driving style?”

“Even if it’s not, exactly the same. If it’s about overtaking cautiously, instead of forcing your way through, then, yes, it would be good, you’d wreck the car less.”

Leo spoke haltingly while scrutinizing every part of Harrison’s face. Harrison had never, not once, said he would be safer. He had never said he would be careful next time, nor that there would be nothing to worry about next time; he had never said any of those obvious things. Not just to Leo, but also to his own parents.

So it might be too late to say it now after having put him through so much grief, but the reality was, he had never even expected to hear it from Harrison in this lifetime.

So Leo.

“And speaking as your boyfriend.”

He fell for it again.

“If you don’t want to kill me before you die, then please, change.”

He knew he should not believe it. But this statement was different. Harrison had never once said such a thing, not just to him, but also to his own parents. He probably had never even said it to himself. But this time, he had said it himself. So this statement was different.

Above all, Leo wanted to believe. He knew he should not, but still, he had said it himself. On top of that, there had been an event that could have made him change his mind.

While knowing these words would likely mean nothing, he also wondered if maybe this intense denial was just a form of self-defense for a potential future, and if so, then wasn’t it right to trust Harrison for now?

“Please.”

In fact, putting everything aside, Leo needed those words.

Leo also knew how important, how much of a hindrance, a loved one could be on the track. Leo’s father seemed supportive until he was karting, but once he started participating in one or two competitions, he learned of the dangers and became increasingly reluctant for Leo to be in that world. And Leo’s mother, though she had supported him from the time he moved up to F2, had actually disliked it even from when Leo started karting.

So when Leo stepped onto the track, he did not think of the people he loved the most, the ones who had made it possible for him to be in that position. Because if he recalled their worries, he would not be able to drive.

Leo did not want to be that kind of lover. He knew Harrison had the mental strength to win the F2 championship even after experiencing his brother’s accident. He also knew that he focused to an extreme degree during the racing season. But still, he did not want to show his worry and disturb his concentration even a little. Because he wanted to help Harrison focus only on the race.

“I’m anxious too.”

But naturally, he was anxious and worried when he saw Harrison drive.

“Alright. I’ll try.”

And at those words that followed, Leo grabbed him by the collar without realizing it. To think he was only saying now what he should have said all along. And yet, he ended up pulling that collar toward him. Invading the familiarly and naturally parted mouth, mixing their tongues, Leo urgently undid Harrison’s shirt buttons, placed a hand on his chest, and gently stroked the skin. He could now feel the ink on that skin without even looking. The tattoo engraved near his heart, the one named after Leo.

“I know what you meant.”

A slightly hoarse voice flowed out from between their pressed lips, as if in a whisper. When he looked at Harrison, Harrison, looking embarrassed, lightly rubbed the area around his pierced eyebrow with his finger.

“Doing this at my boyfriend’s house with his family here, it feels like I’m doing something bad.”

Even though he had become a man who suited a neatly swept-back hairstyle and a tailored suit so well, his abashed voice and awkward expression immediately turned Harrison back into the boy he was back then, whose hair would poof up messily when he took off his helmet.

“If I touch you here, I’m really going to be hated by your dad. He already dislikes me for putting you through a hard time.”

Leo finally burst out laughing, unable to hold it in. It seemed Harrison was also aware that he was giving Leo a hard time.

And yet, as he smiled and gently rubbed his lips against his, Harrison, still with a slightly embarrassed and somehow apologetic expression, finally followed Leo’s lead and hung a smile on his face, a boyish, unadorned smile.

After wondering where to spend the rest of their vacation, they came to Nerja, Spain, a place they had often visited in the past. Of course, the boyfriend who was supposed to only look at me flew away this summer too. Leo looked at Harrison concentrating on the screen, then turned his own gaze to the screen as well.

On it, Lorenzo’s onboard footage from last year’s Spa-Francorchamps circuit was playing. Harrison always reviewed his own and a few other drivers’ footage separately even after the debriefing. After that, he would check how other drivers had done at that circuit the previous year to prepare for the next Grand Prix.

On top of that, Harrison did not just analyze it once and be done; he would keep it playing as background noise afterward, which was torturous for anyone with him. The engine noise was not pleasant to listen to, and the occasional radio messages were either boring or laced with profanity.

He thought he had left his phone in the bedroom and went to get it for a moment, and by the time he returned, Lorenzo’s video was finally over. Even so, it would probably just switch to another driver’s video now. As Leo sat back down on the sofa without much reaction, Harrison suddenly looked at Leo.

“What?”

“Should we watch something else?”

“Since when were you so considerate?”

When he held out his cup, meaning to just pour more tea, Harrison turned off the video even as he poured the tea. Leo drank his tea, vaguely aware that Harrison was searching for something on the television. But when he lifted his head again to look at the front, he saw a somehow familiar car. And a helmet too.

“Why are you watching mine?”

It was an overtaking scene of Leo’s from a race in F2.

“You did well.”

Leo immediately tried to snatch the remote, but Harrison dodged it nonchalantly. Then, a voice flowed through the speaker.

—What is he doing over there?

Perhaps because it had already been nine years, or perhaps because it was through the radio, even though the screen said it was Leo’s radio, it did not sound like his voice at all.

— I heard on their team radio that they have an engine problem.

— Then why isn’t the beep turning off, what are they doing?

“Your voice is really young.”

Following Harrison’s out-of-the-blue remark, the car of the Leo on screen turned a corner while stuck to the outside of the car in front, which was driven by a driver whose name he could not remember exactly, maybe it was Paul. The cars, one trying to overtake and the other trying not to be overtaken, ran so close that their wheels almost touched until the next corner.

— Good job, Leo.

At the race engineer’s voice that came out when Leo’s car finally pulled ahead to the inside at the next corner and overtook, Leo found himself looking at the screen a little more closely. It was a scene he must have watched countless times back then, but seeing it again now, it felt beyond new, it felt unfamiliar.

“See, you’re good.”

With those words, Harrison turned off the video, but Leo, noticing the video’s title was F2 Dutch Grand Prix Race Highlights, turned the video back on. This time, Harrison’s car appeared. And the one in front was probably Lorenzo.

— Beep that beep beep.

At the radio message, which was left with only one article after being censored, he turned his head to look at Harrison, but the culprit himself could not say a word. Then, looking back at the screen, Harrison’s car was stuck right behind Lorenzo’s, as if looking for a gap to dive into anywhere.

— What the, beep, he’s being too beep!

— Harry, you can do it.

It was a different person now, but then as now, Harrison’s race engineer always had a hard time. He did not know it at the time, but seeing it like this now, he felt a sense of kinship and looked at the source of that hardship, and Harrison tried to snatch the remote from Leo.

“Let’s stop watching.”

“No.”

On the screen, Lorenzo, who was in front, had stuck close to Harrison, who had dived to the inside to overtake him, not wanting to give him space, but at the moment they passed the corner with their wheels almost touching, his wheels locked up and he went straight across the corner instead of turning.

— Why aren’t you moving aside?

— You’ll get a penalty.

As he said, Lorenzo should have turned the corner but had gone straight through it, so a request to move aside for Harrison who was behind him must have been issued, but the two continued to run stuck to each other, one in front of the other. Leo knew what would happen next, but the Lorenzo and Harry on screen, who did not know it yet, were furiously getting angry.

A rapid-fire of radio messages poured out, with Lorenzo yelling why he had to move aside, Lorenzo’s engineer saying he had to, Harrison yelling why he was not moving aside, and Harrison’s engineer saying he would move aside now, as the drivers got angry and the race engineers soothed their respective drivers.

— Renzo, you have to move aside.

— Beep beep I don’t want to! Beep.

— Let Harry pass.

— Why!

— It’s better than a penalty.

Then there was a moment of silence, and finally, a voice saying he understood came out. Then, he did slow down to signal an overtake, but because he had decelerated in a narrow corner, Harry, who was following closely behind, could not avoid him in time and ended up ramming into Lorenzo. Following that, the two cars tumbled off the track haphazardly.

— Beep I moved aside because you told me to, beep what’s the beep problem!

— Is that beep out of his mind? At the corner, beep he definitely did it on purpose, beep!

After the first and second place drivers retired together like that, the scene of an unfortunate driver, whose name he could not remember but who was running in third, hitting the wall after a tire burst on the debris was shown, and as a result, Leo, who had been running in fourth and then won, was shown on the podium lifting the trophy.

“I deserved to win that one.”

Thanks to that win, Leo finished the F2 season in third place overall. They both should have been less temperamental, or they should have looked at the bigger picture. Lorenzo and Harrison did make up for it later, finishing the overall standings in first and second place respectively, but the fact that they had both been driven mad by their competitiveness and brought despair to their teams did not become something that had not happened.

“Have you watched my videos before?”

He was 17, so he was actually young, but his own face looked so young that it felt unfamiliar, so he quickly turned off the video and asked, and Harrison nodded. It seemed odd that in a video that contained the highlights of an entire race, he had played only Leo’s part and then turned it off.

“I listened to it whenever I wanted to hear your voice, so now I’ve memorized everything you say. A good bit of that is you cursing me out.”

At his words spoken with a leisurely smile, Leo smiled back.

“As much as you?”

Just looking at the video from a moment ago proved it. Besides, if he wanted to hear his voice, he could have just called, so why did he bother watching that? As he himself said, there must have been many radio messages of him being cursed out.

“I wasn’t serious. When you sit in the cockpit and wear a helmet, your field of vision is restricted. All you see is the guy who won’t move aside when you’re trying to overtake, and the guy who is trying to overtake. On top of that, you get excited, and when that happens, you just automatically think it’s the other person’s fault.”

You know, right? The unsaid words did not need to be conveyed through voice. Of course, since Leo also knew.

“I was mostly serious. Because you deserved to be cursed at.”

Still, when Leo and Harrison clashed, it was mostly Harrison’s fault. To be honest, he had attached the word ‘mostly’ with a loving heart now, but if the past had not been beautified, it would not be an exaggeration to say it was all your fault.

When he looked at him with a nine-year-old reprimand, Harrison, knowing he had also been at fault, made a momentarily awkward face, and then he smiled naturally.

“You love me like that too, don’t you?”

Leo let out a hollow laugh. It was absurd. So Leo kissed Harrison right then and there. Because Harrison’s words were right.

“Want to see the one I’ve watched the most?”

At the words that came out from between their lips after they parted, wondering what he was going to analyze this time, he nodded his head, and Harrison immediately searched for something on the monitor. Then, letters were gradually typed on the monitor. F2 Monaco collision Leo. At his name appearing at the very end of the short string of words, Leo immediately tried to snatch the remote, but Harrison got up from the sofa altogether and defended the remote. Then, as soon as he pressed play, a video started on the monitor.

“I’m really not going to let you get away with this.”

When he grabbed Harrison and made him fall back onto the sofa, Harrison threw the remote somewhere far away, and instead pulled Leo, made him fall on top of his body, and then wrapped his arms and legs around him as if to trap him, forcing him to watch the monitor.

“Why. Thanks to you, I’m so careful in Monaco.”

As he said, Monaco is a circuit where you have to be careful. It is a street circuit where public roads are also used for racing, so the track is narrow and has many corners, making overtaking impossible, and although the average speed is low, it has a structure where a small mistake can easily lead to hitting a wall.

And that was no different for Leo, and Leo’s car, which was passing through Monaco’s notoriously difficult corners, slammed right into the wall.

“I think of you every time I go. If it weren’t for you, I would have definitely crashed at least once too.”

Leo wanted to say, ‘didn’t you too,’ but in reality, Harrison, who was so good at causing and getting involved in accidents, had never had an accident in Monaco until now.

“You lucky bastard.”

At Leo’s words, Harrison let go of Leo for a moment as he laughed. Leo used that opportunity to escape from his embrace. Then, quickly finding the remote that was rolling on the floor, this time he himself typed words into the search bar. Then Harrison, who had been teasing Leo and laughing until just a moment ago, urgently called out to Leo.

“Leo!”

Leo paid no mind and immediately pressed play. Then, the F1 opening video played on the monitor without a moment to spare, and Harrison squeezed his eyes shut.

“Why. You worked hard to film it.”

As he fast-forwarded through the parts where the drivers came out two by two from their teams, linking arms, looking down at the camera, smiling confidently, or striking a pose, and then kept replaying the part where Harrison came out, Harrison buried his head in his hands as if he wanted to disappear somewhere.

“Filming the opening is the thing I hate most in the world.”

He had a lot of things he hated most in the world. When he was second for three years, he said he hated being second most in the world; then, the very year after he became champion, after ruining the season with drastically changed regulations, he said he hated regulation changes most in the world; and after seeing a photo of himself as a brand model hanging on a building, he said he hated seeing his picture hung up most in the world.

Still, he thought he should at least watch the video he had worked hard to film as the photographer had instructed him to do various things, and as he approached to lift that head, Harrison swiftly made Leo fall onto the sofa and snatched the remote.

“Hey, don’t, not that!”

And as he blatantly took his revenge and played the F2 opening video, this time Leo squeezed his eyes shut. Even the background music playing in that video gave him goosebumps. As Leo, with his eyes closed, followed Harrison’s presence and grabbed his arm, Harrison spoke as if to make peace now.

“Alright.”

Then, the truly terrible intro background music was no longer audible. Leo opened his eyes, flinched at the sight of the monitor paused right on his part, and closed his eyes again. He thought he would be less startled if a horror movie were playing instead.

“I’m really not going to let you get away with this.”

As he spoke through gritted teeth, this time Harrison kissed Leo’s hair.

“You can really open your eyes now. I turned it off.”

Thinking he surely would not be tricked, he carefully opened his eyes, and this time, on the screen, he saw Leo and Harrison, and Diego, who was Harrison’s teammate at the time, sitting in the lineup of a common F2 interview. Wondering what kind of trick this was this time, he looked suspiciously, and Harrison, as if pleading his innocence, patted his chest once and played the video.

— This time, I’d like to ask a question to Harry. First of all, Harry, what does it feel like to be the most handsome driver in the paddock?

Just from the voice and the opening line of the interview, he could vaguely recall the reporter’s face.

— In that case, I’ll have to pass the question opportunity over to Leo, the prettiest in the world of motor racing.