LDR Ch 50

At those firm words, Leo remained silent for a moment before finally speaking.

“Even so, whether I sign the contract or not, if you get hurt, I’ll be by your side. No matter how badly. Even if you’re completely unconscious, I’ll stay by your side and watch over you.”

They were obvious words that took no effort to say, but he couldn’t help but feel how horrifying Harrison, on the other end, would find them.

“Harry.”

Leo continued, looking at the clouds outside the window.

“I can endure it.”

Will a day like that ever come? In truth, it didn’t feel real. Maybe such a day would come. Maybe it wouldn’t. But Leo knew that even if that day came, he would be by Harrison’s side.

“Can you?”

There was no answer for a while to the question he’d uttered.

[Leo, just like you said, you’ll have to endure.]

And behind the voice that came, a low tone was added.

[It’s not about being by my side. You’ll be enduring being by my side.]

Leo didn’t give any reply. In the past, he would have been angry, but he wasn’t, really. It wasn’t that he was trying his best to suppress his temper because he had already caught Harrison at a bad time; it didn’t even require any effort.

[Still, if you’re upset, or if you have a complaint, I’m sorry. I was thoughtless too. I should have talked to you about it beforehand.]

Before long, his voice had softened, as if placating, as if offering a truce. The offer of a truce was always his part to play. So, Leo recalled his own resolve. Harrison had tried enough. Now it was his turn.

“Harry, you said you wanted to be my legal guardian, right? It’s the same for me. Whatever agreement we make beforehand, if you get hurt, I’ll be the one who gets the first call. Because I’ll be your official guardian.”

Leo thought about how Harrison had been with him. How he avoided conflict and how he lowered his voice.

“And before that, we’ll be making vows. We’ll answer whether we will stay by each other’s side, unchanging, in times of joy and hardship.”

[I’ll make sure there are no hardships.]

At those words, Leo laughed without realizing it. Not because it was genuinely funny, but because of a new realization. Right, I’ve never met anyone as stubborn as him in my life. He always seemed to give in, but at certain moments, he would never back down. Those certain moments had no clear standard or logic and depended entirely on Harrison, flustering many people, but why did that very trait feel more endearing than frustrating, even now?

“You’re really hopeless.”

[In a bad way?]

“I don’t know.”

At the short answer, a voice that seemed to be drawing out its words flowed from the other end.

[I want to see your face.]

Feeling his heart pound, as if a little excited, Leo uttered the obvious answer.

“Me too.”

And Leo checked his watch. He would be arriving soon.

“I’ll be there soon, so I’ll go straight to the hotel.”

As he tilted his head slightly and rested it against the back of the seat, an infinitely gentle voice flowed into his ear.

[Travel safe. I love you.]

“Okay. I love you too.”

Leo hung up the phone just like that and quietly looked out the window. At least there was no news of rain, and that was enough.

On the day of the race, Harrison was in good condition, just like any other day. Of course, the team atmosphere was quite tense, and the media also fueled the rivalry between the two teams that were currently fighting for 1st and 2nd place in both the team and driver’s championships by a narrow margin. But since there had never been a peaceful period in Harrison’s career, it was a familiar sight. When they were in danger of losing both championship titles, the team had clarified its position, so Nathan also actively helped Harrison, and the tension between the teammates actually eased.

Leo, having sent Harrison off to the track, was now back in the parking lot. Just as he got into the car, and before he even turned on the radio, Leo had a gut feeling that something was wrong.

— The car is in the middle of the track, so we don’t know what will happen. Ah, the red flag is finally up!

Leo quickly checked his phone screen. It seemed an accident had occurred at the start, and the screen showed that three drivers had retired. Harrison was not among them.

Leo quietly gripped his phone and stared at the screen. The colored dots indicating the drivers’ positions disappeared one by one into the pit lane.

Since the red flag was out, all cars had to withdraw from the track, and the race had to be restarted. And while the track was being cleared, the drivers would come into the pit lane, and Leo was currently in the parking lot. There was no way he could get to the garage before Harrison, who had already entered the pit lane.

Leo sighed and leaned his head against the backrest. In truth, there was nothing to worry about. He could just go into the garage and say he had to take an urgent call in the middle of it all.

Though I wonder who would believe that.

Considering the chaotic start, the restarted race proceeded smoothly, to the point where one might even find it boring. Then, around the mid-to-late stage, both of the rival team’s cars seemed to have technical problems and their pace slowed down, and as a result, Harrison and Nate finished 1st and 2nd respectively without much difficulty, giving the team some breathing room. It was a victory due to someone else’s misfortune rather than one won by pure pace, but there was no need to be picky about celebrating a win.

Leo, as was natural, went out to congratulate Harrison on the podium. He doesn’t clearly remember what Harrison’s expression was like when he spotted Leo. They didn’t exchange any words either. In the first place, Harrison was hugged a lot by his teammates before going up on the podium in the designated order, went up on the podium to receive the trophy, sprayed champagne, did an interview, came back for a debriefing, and went to the celebration party, so there was no time for that.

“Are you awake?”

Leo felt one side of the bed he was lying on dip slightly and gently rubbed his head against the warmth that touched his hair.

“Yeah.”

Leo, who had sent Harrison to the party and returned to the hotel first to sleep, vaguely checked the time.

“Why are you here so early?”

It was a time when he should have been at the height of the party. It was even too early to say the party was in full swing. At this rate, it was as if he had just gone to the venue, shown his face, and left.

“You’re leaving the day after tomorrow. We should stay together all day tomorrow, not sleep in late.”

At those words, Leo pulled Harrison closer and buried his face in his stomach.

“I’m going to São Paulo with you.”

He then felt Harrison’s body stiffen, but Leo paid it no mind and just felt the regular proof of life transmitted between their touching bodies.

“Leo.”

At his own name, uttered at last with a subtle intonation at the end, Leo answered slowly and nonchalantly.

“We were already planning to go to Abu Dhabi. Skipping just Brazil is more tiring.”

Just as he said, Leo had always attended the last race of the season. And between Mexico and Abu Dhabi, there was only one Grand Prix. But Harrison didn’t seem very persuaded by Leo’s words and said quite firmly.

“There are still three weeks until Abu Dhabi.”

“It’s been a long time since I went to São Paulo, too.”

Leo continued, still leaning against Harrison.

“Do you not want me to go?”

Then, he could clearly feel the telltale signs of him choosing his words.

“It’s not that, you said you were going to distance yourself from this line of work now.”

“I will next year.”

At those words, Harrison finally gently pulled Leo away from him. Even so, Leo kept his eyes closed for a moment, then sighed and opened them. Harrison, still sitting on the edge of the bed, had his gaze fixed on Leo, as if it had never left him for a second.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

The voice that finally came from Leo was dry, with no trace of sleepiness, even to his own ears.

“How was I looking at you?”

There was not much in the way of curiosity in Harrison’s tone. So Leo stared at Harrison for a moment, then pulled his hand over and gently rested his cheek against it.

“I’m not mad at you. And I’m not going to fight with you.”

The hand his face was resting on was large, firm, and warm. Just as he always remembered, and no different in the future.

“Why?”

At Harrison’s ensuing question, Leo didn’t answer for a moment. He believed that Harrison wouldn’t get hurt. But if that wasn’t the case, he didn’t want the memories that remained to be regrets rather than cherished moments. Many people said to love as if tomorrow were the last day, and it wasn’t a bad saying to abide by, starting now.

“Do I need a reason not to fight? It’s only natural to want to spend the time we have together smiling as much as possible.”

He was repeating the words Harrison had said before, but it was also what he truly felt. For now, Leo understood what those words meant.

“Don’t be mad.”

At the words he then uttered, Harrison finally replied.

“Why would I be mad.”

Leo lifted his head, following the hand that gently raised his face. He couldn’t accurately read the emotion in the face he met again. It was still gentle, his eyes were soft, and his gaze was straight, but in the touch that gently caressed his cheek, there was a certain, slightly more complex roughness that couldn’t be defined simply as affection.

“How could I be mad at you.”

Leo reached his hand toward the face looking down at him.

“Still, don’t.”

The way he was pulled in for a kiss was submissive.

“And they said they sent a list of people who will be in charge of the wedding venue interior design. We have to look at that too.”

When he used his hand to personally pull up the corners of his mouth, Harrison smiled faintly and gave him a short kiss on the tip of his nose.

“What would I know even if I looked.”

Leo agreed, and it was a fact that everyone who knew Harrison knew. In truth, even if he was better than Harrison in that regard, Leo wasn’t significantly different either. So it was obvious they had sent the list just to let them have some fun.

“We just have to pretend to look.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Tomorrow.”

Leo reached his arms out towards Harrison and continued.

“You said you were going to be with me all day.”

“Yeah.”

With that answer, the warmth that embraced him as he bent his body was fleetingly hot.

Instead of going straight to Brazil, they decided to spend some time in the United States. With the constant close battle with the 2nd place team, all the team members were on edge, but Harrison faithfully kept his promise not to think about the race when he was with Leo, and they spent a rather calm and peaceful break together.

So, Leo idly groped the space beside him, and realizing the familiar warmth was gone, he sluggishly got out of bed. He went downstairs, but even at the moment he went down to the living room, the person he was looking for was nowhere to be seen. Only then did Leo check the time. It was the dim dawn before the sun had risen, but perhaps Harrison had gone out for a run.

Leo was about to go back up to the bedroom when he felt a sudden breeze and turned his head. On the terrace sat the figure he had been looking for. At first, he thought he was looking at data or analyzing a race, but there was nothing in front of him. There wasn’t even any particular expression on his face as he looked out at the sea.

The breeze that occasionally touched his messy brown hair might have seemed gentle, but in reality, perhaps because of the dim light, or perhaps because of the static atmosphere, it all looked sharp.

Instead of saying anything, Leo just walked closer, sat down beside him, and rested his head on his shoulder. Then, Harrison naturally wrapped his arm around Leo. As they sat in silence, watching the scenery that was just beginning to brighten as if the sun would rise soon, a low voice suddenly came.

“I’m dull when it comes to emotions.”

In truth, rather than being dull when it comes to emotions, it was more fitting to say that Harrison was consistent. But Leo simply replied.

“Yeah.”

“So, as if my body is trying to tell me what my head can’t realize, when I love something, my fingertips tingle.”

The vibration of his voice could be felt through the body he was leaning on.

“It’s been like that since the first time I rode a kart. My fingertips suddenly started tingling, and I kept thinking about that feeling.”

His voice was quiet, filled with a nostalgia that couldn’t be clearly identified, like the scenery in the short time before waking from sleep.

“It was like that when I first saw you too, but since I was always riding a kart when I was with you, I didn’t know if it was because of you or the kart, but then one day I just knew.”

It was a story he was hearing for the first time, but it also felt like a story he had known for a very long time.

“I was just living like that, and then there was the day you came to the Grand Prix to see me. The day you asked me if I was crazy.”

“The day you told me you loved me.”

It was a confession far from romantic, but he corrected him, thinking it was better than ‘the day you asked me if I was crazy’, and only then did a faint laugh escape from Harrison.

“When I saw you, it wasn’t just my fingertips tingling. Starting from my fingertips, my whole body ached with a numbing pain. As if, this time, it had to let me know, no matter what.”

The rising sun, now reaching the sea, shattered its light.

“That I love you.”

His eyes stung from the scattered light, but he didn’t look away.

“So don’t ever let me go again.”

Leo took Harrison’s hand.

“Is it still like that now?”

Harrison took Leo’s hand and led it to his chest.

“To the point where it hurts.”

At the heartbeat felt under his hand, his own hand felt numb, to the point of aching.

Brazil Grand Prix

José Carlos Pace Circuit

Only two races remained until the end of the season, and just a moment ago, all the practice sessions for the Brazil Grand Prix had ended. All that was left was the qualifying session in a few hours and the main race the next day. The following week, the final race of the season, the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix, would be held.

Fortunately, his pace, which had dropped, had come back up, but it wasn’t as dominant as it had been at the beginning of the season. He was still in 1st place in both the driver and team championships, but the gap was minimal.

Even if ABW took 1st and 2nd this time, the team championship title could only be decided at the last Grand Prix. But Harrison’s driver’s championship was different; depending on the result, he could confirm the title this time. If not, the entire team would have to go to Abu Dhabi praying with empty hands until the very, very end.

In conclusion, the only thing that could reward the entire team in some way at this Grand Prix was Harrison’s driver’s championship title, and naturally, everyone’s hopes were pinned on one person.

Leo, who was sitting alone in a car somewhere in the parking lot thinking about that person, spotted a figure slowly approaching outside the window. Without a single moment of hesitation among the countless cars, as if there was no confusion whatsoever, Harrison approached straight on, opened the door, and sat in the passenger seat.

He didn’t say why Leo, who said he would only come on race days, was here, why he hadn’t come into the garage, or how Harrison had found him. In fact, no words were exchanged at all.

“There are a lot of things I wouldn’t have done if it weren’t for you.”

At the silence that was then broken, Leo naturally looked at Harrison, but Harrison simply continued, still looking out the window.

“There are also a lot of things I did just because I wanted to see you smile.”

He knew that what Harrison said was true. There must have been many things he did just because he wanted to see him smile, with it not mattering at all whether Leo knew or not.

After receiving the proposal, Leo had asked the people around him how they knew Harrison liked him. William, Heather, and Jude said they just knew as a matter of course; Victoria said she knew because Harrison had secretly asked her what scent Leo had; Johan said he knew from watching Harrison always peel oranges for Leo when they ate them together; and his grandmother said she knew from seeing Harrison always carry an outer jacket for Leo, who gets cold easily. There must be many things Leo hadn’t realized, and many he would never know in the future.

“There are also things I avoided just because you hated them.”

He knew that too. He wanted to know just enough to be able to feign ignorance, but he knew it too well to even do that.

“I just wanted to see you smile, and I didn’t like seeing you upset.”

Harrison’s appearance was familiar. His hair was messy from wearing a helmet, he wore the team’s shirt, and his face, no different from before, was beside him, bathed in the midday light. And yet, even with such a familiar appearance, Harrison still kept his head turned towards the window, looking outside as he spoke.

“But now, I’m not so sure.”

His tone, his words, were all unfamiliar, but for some reason, it wasn’t surprising.

“At first, it was just, when you smile, your ears go up with it.”

Those words instantly took Leo back to a night sometime in the past. Sometime when he was nineteen, watching the stars at the villa in Switzerland, talking about this and that, when suddenly, his ears turning red, he met his gaze one day. To that confession, when he asked if he knew his ears went up when he smiled, when he was so shy about such a trivial thing.

“I wanted to tell you that. That there was someone who loved your smile so much, and that’s why there was someone who watched you so closely. I just wanted to let you know that.”