Chapter 16 – Li Zeng

83

Mother said that starting from July 1st, the house received daily calls asking if Xiang Lei had returned. At this moment, Xiang Lei felt slightly uneasy but then realized it couldn’t be Shao Yiming, and it certainly couldn’t be Xu Menghu.

Mother handed over a phonebook, saying someone had left a number.

It was a mobile number. When Xiang Lei called, the other party answered and immediately asked, “When did you get back?”

Xiang Lei recognized Pei Yong’s voice.

Pei Yong had already started working at the criminal police squad, though it was a temporary position with a meager salary of four to five hundred yuan, always under the threat of being laid off.

The day after Xiang Lei returned home, Pei Yong and his colleague drove a police car to Xiang Lei’s house to pick him up. The neighbors, thinking something had happened to Xiang Lei, gathered to watch. Pei Yong and his colleague exchanged glances and played along, each gripping one of Xiang Lei’s arms as they escorted him into the police car. Xiang Lei’s mother stood at the doorway laughing, while the neighbors looked at each other in confusion.

As usual, they found a small restaurant to drink and chat.

During the meal, Pei Yong received a call that sounded like it was from his girlfriend. Xiang Lei initially felt nothing, but Pei Yong kept glancing at his expression. Finally, Pei Yong said, “Don’t come!” and hung up, then looked at Xiang Lei again.

Xiang Lei suddenly realized many things had changed. For example, in the past, they never worried about time when hanging out in the county—there was always the school dormitory, and Pei Yong’s home was practically a second home. But now, Xiang Lei had to consider getting home before dark. Another example: in the past, Pei Yong would never let Xiang Lei drink or smoke with him, but now, Pei Yong actively poured drinks for Xiang Lei and repeatedly offered him cigarettes.

Xiang Lei also noticed that he wasn’t as sentimental as before. Facing these changes, he remained largely calm.

Around seven in the evening, the group at the table still seemed far from done. Xiang Lei couldn’t help but tell Pei Yong that he should go home. Pei Yong said, “You’re not leaving today,” and continued drinking with a buddy. Xiang Lei stood up, saying, “I’d better go home,” but Pei Yong just frowned and stared at him silently for a while. Xiang Lei obediently sat back down.

“Where are we staying tonight?” Xiang Lei couldn’t help but ask.

“Don’t worry about that. I’ve got a place for you,” Pei Yong replied.

After the gathering ended, Pei Yong called to say he wouldn’t be coming home that night, then handed his phone to Xiang Lei to call his own family. Afterward, the group drove to a karaoke bar.

When Xiang Lei pointed out that the driver had run a red light, everyone in the car burst out laughing.

Only then did Xiang Lei remember he was in a police car.

They continued drinking. Seeing Pei Yong was nearly drunk, Xiang Lei stepped in to drink for him. Xiang Lei didn’t know how to play drinking games, so they settled on guessing odds or evens. Surprisingly, Xiang Lei seemed to have a knack for it and hardly lost. Pei Yong half-lay beside him, his eyes hazy as he watched Xiang Lei with a faintly proud smile.

By the time everything wrapped up, it was already midnight. Pei Yong, reeking of alcohol, took Xiang Lei to a hotel. Instead of checking in at the front desk, he directly opened a room’s door—apparently, he had planned this in advance.

From the moment they stepped into the room, Xiang Lei became restless, his mind a mess.

Pei Yong, on the other hand, collapsed onto the bed as soon as he entered, panting heavily before quickly falling asleep.

Xiang Lei watched TV for a while, finally calming down. Out of habit, he walked over to Pei Yong, took off his shoes, and was about to turn him over to remove his clothes when Pei Yong woke up.

“How did I fall asleep? What time is it?” Pei Yong sat up and asked.

Xiang Lei glanced at the clock on the phone. “One o’clock.”

Pei Yong put his shoes back on and said, “I’m hungry. I’m going out to eat something.”

“You’re this drunk. I’ll go buy something for you,” Xiang Lei said, standing up to leave.

Before Pei Yong could finish putting on his shoes, he stood and blocked Xiang Lei, pushing him back to sit on the bed.

“Stay put. If you’re sleepy, sleep. I’ll go and come back myself.”

It wasn’t until a heavily made-up woman in denim hot pants walked into the room on her own that Xiang Lei realized what Pei Yong had been planning.

Xiang Lei was too busy mocking his earlier nervousness to react when the woman wordlessly approached and started unbuckling his belt.

She gently pushed him onto the bed and began removing his pants.

“Who sent you?” Xiang Lei grabbed his waistband, asking despite already knowing the answer.

The woman paused and smirked. “Did I walk into the wrong room?”

“Get out,” Xiang Lei said, turning his face away.

“You’re joking, right, kid?” The woman tilted her head, leaning closer.

Xiang Lei noticed her lipstick-coated lips and wondered how anyone could kiss lips like that.

He tightened his belt, got out of bed, and saw Pei Yong’s cigarettes on the bedside table. He took one, lit it, and started smoking, ignoring the woman entirely.

One person’s well-intentioned efforts might be another’s absurd joke.

—So far, this statement seemed to hold true both ways.

When Xiang Lei left the hotel, he immediately spotted Pei Yong. He was crouched on the side of the deserted street a hundred steps away, vomiting violently.

Xiang Lei felt he should go over and pat his back, but for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to take a step forward. A rare cool breeze blew through the July midnight, and Xiang Lei realized tears were streaming down his face.

Pei Yong vomited for a while, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, then shook it off with apparent disgust. The motion was too forceful—he lost his balance and fell onto his backside. Resigned, he propped himself up with his hands behind him and let his head droop limply to one side.

Only after Xiang Lei was sure he had stopped crying did he walk over.

Hearing footsteps, Pei Yong groggily opened his eyes and saw Xiang Lei squatting in front of him. A look of utter despair quickly spread across his face.

Xiang Lei reached out, straightened Pei Yong up, and draped one of Pei Yong’s arms over his own shoulders. Just as he was about to stand, Pei Yong yanked his arm back.

“Fuck off!” Pei Yong roared at Xiang Lei.

So, Xiang Lei started crying like a woman again. Tears streaming down his face, he kept reaching for Pei Yong’s arm. Each time Pei Yong pulled away, Xiang Lei grabbed again, the two of them locked in a stubborn tug-of-war.

Except, aside from the lingering disappointment on his face, Pei Yong didn’t shout at Xiang Lei again.

Finally, Pei Yong seemed to run out of energy—his arm stayed in Xiang Lei’s grasp.

Once Xiang Lei helped him up, Pei Yong nearly collapsed onto him. Suddenly, Xiang Lei remembered the first time he had gotten drunk at dusk. Damn time never cared about anyone’s dreams—it felt like just a turn away, and everyone had changed beyond recognition.

Xiang Lei laid Pei Yong on the bed, took off his shoes and clothes, wiped his face with a towel, and brought him a glass of warm water. He helped Pei Yong sit up and fed him a sip.

“Rinse your mouth,” Xiang Lei said, but Pei Yong had already gulped it down.

“I said rinse your mouth,” Xiang Lei suddenly laughed.

“I’m thirsty,” Pei Yong mumbled before grabbing the glass and draining it, then flopping back down heavily.

Xiang Lei couldn’t help but gaze intently at Pei Yong—this Pei Yong who had been hysterically disappointed earlier but was now finally calm. He smacked his lips, breathing evenly like a baby in deep sleep.

When Xiang Lei opened his eyes the next morning, Pei Yong was gone.

He pulled back the curtains—the sunlight was blinding.

Pei Yong must have woken up and been disappointed all over again. The thought made Xiang Lei feel a pang of frustration.

Fine, then. Pei Yong, what can I do when I’m powerless to give you what you want?

---

84

Xiang Lei deliberated for days before finally reaching out to Li Zeng.

After a few trivial exchanges, the topic quickly turned to meeting up. Xiang Lei asked when Li Zeng was free, and Li Zeng almost eagerly replied, “Come over right now!”

Xiang Lei hesitated briefly before seeming just as eager. He tidied up a bit and headed to the bus station.

After circling the unfamiliar residential alleys of the county town several times, Xiang Lei finally found the blue transformer Li Zeng had mentioned. The sun was scorching, and Xiang Lei figured standing in the nearby building’s shadow might make him less visible, so he stayed out in the blazing sunlight, intently watching the opposite alley.

Soon, Li Zeng appeared in the distance, shuffling in flip-flops, wearing knee-length shorts, a powder-blue T-shirt casually draped over his bare shoulders. As Xiang Lei approached, he kept his eyes on his own shoes until Li Zeng asked, “Hot, huh?” Only then did he look up with a smile.

Aside from Xiang Lei’s reserve, everything felt natural, as if the two had known each other for years.

They passed through an old-fashioned wooden gate into a slightly cramped courtyard. A two-story building stood there, three rooms on each floor. A single-story annex on the east side bordered a small vegetable garden filled with all kinds of produce. A staircase by the garden led to the second floor. Li Zeng took Xiang Lei to the east room upstairs, where foam mats covered the floor, requiring them to remove their shoes. Li Zeng adjusted the AC, cut up a watermelon, and told Xiang Lei to pick music he liked from the computer.

Then, the two chatted about music as they ate watermelon.

Li Zeng lay on the bed while Xiang Lei sat at the computer. Before long, the conversation turned to Xiao Guang. Li Zeng asked if Xiang Lei wanted to see photos of him and pulled out an album.

In the pictures, Xiao Guang looked like he was still in technical school. Though he sported a faint mustache, his youthful face was unmistakable. Xiang Lei thought most people would find this boy unremarkable, but once you’d heard about him, his small eyes, little mustache, and faintly smirking lips made you think, This guy is adorable.

“Sometimes I kinda hate him,” Li Zeng murmured, staring blankly at the ceiling as if talking to himself. “I always thought it was justified for me to be harsh on him, but not the other way around… Am I just selfish?”

Perhaps he really wasn’t asking Xiang Lei, because he continued in the same slow tone, “Actually, six months later, he sent a letter. At first, I thought he missed me—I was overjoyed when I opened it. But he wrote, ‘Are you still thinking that one day I might come back to you? For old times’ sake, I’m writing to tell you—absolutely not! I’ve found someone who loves me now, and we’ll be together forever! If this letter is unnecessary, just consider me presumptuous.’ No address, no phone number, even the postmark was smudged…”

Li Zeng’s voice grew quieter, the last words almost inaudible. Even though it had nothing to do with him, Xiang Lei felt deeply moved. After a long pause, he carefully asked, “Did you ever think about looking for him?”

“Afraid… afraid he’d refuse to acknowledge me. That’d hurt even more than now.”

Li Zeng’s sharply defined features bore a faint resemblance to Pei Yong’s.

A face like that—when happy, it made you happy too; when upset, it left you at a loss. Xiang Lei had rarely seen such sorrow on Pei Yong’s face. Now he realized that when such a face showed sadness, it could make you just as sad.

“Lie next to me for a bit, okay?” Li Zeng suddenly said.

Xiang Lei hesitated for a moment before walking over and carefully lying down beside Li Zeng. After a brief silence, Li Zeng turned and embraced him. The silent hug lasted long enough that Xiang Lei drifted into a hazy sleep.

Like fragments of a broken film reel, Xiang Lei dreamed in scattered pieces. In the dream, the scene of Li Zeng walking toward him in knee-length shorts with a T-shirt draped over his bare shoulders repeated over and over. Xiang Lei felt no hesitation—he happily went to meet him.

The last time this scene played out, something changed. The other person called out to Xiang Lei from a distance, and Xiang Lei, as usual, happily walked over, calling out the other’s name as he went. But the name he shouted was: Xu Menghu.

The moment Xiang Lei called that name, he woke up. The images vanished instantly, leaving him with a sudden sense of loss. He didn’t think an online romance could leave such a deep imprint—he thought the name he called out should have at least been Pei Yong.

By chance, Xiang Lei noticed a large photo on the opposite wall. It was of a handsome, sunny young man wearing a trendy blue-and-white striped T-shirt.

Li Zeng, lying beside him, said, “That’s the first online friend I ever met. He’s from a neighboring county, works in the provincial capital. We never got the chance to meet in person.” Then Li Zeng hugged Xiang Lei again and added, “No matter what, I’ll probably meet him sooner or later. After all, we’ve been talking for so long, and I don’t really have any other close friends…”

Xiang Lei roughly understood the meaning behind Li Zeng’s words. It sounded like a tone of negotiation, as if Xiang Lei were already his lover. Xiang Lei couldn’t help but feel a little abrupt—shouldn’t something like this require some careful consideration?

But by bedtime that night, Xiang Lei no longer had time to consider.

Li Zeng kissed him, and then, the two of them couldn’t resist physical contact. The whole thing felt natural, as if the feelings of love had smoothly followed suit.

After falling asleep, Xiang Lei had another series of chaotic dreams. In them, Pei Yong, He Fei, Shao Yiming, and others appeared one after another, all seemingly dissatisfied with Xiang Lei—though the reasons for their dissatisfaction were never made clear.

In the dream, Xiang Lei was heartbroken, wandering alone on a bustling street.

Amid the surging crowd, someone called out “Xu Menghu!” Xiang Lei followed the voice, then followed the person who had called that name until he found Xu Menghu in the crowd.

Xu Menghu was standing among the people, loudly discussing something. His hair was short—so short it was about the length of Xiang Lei’s week-old stubble. He wore a beige shirt, not bothering to button a single one, leaving his chest and abdomen exposed. When the person who had called his name reached him in the crowd, Xu Menghu greeted him with delight.

Xiang Lei suddenly burst into tears. He pushed his way to the center of the crowd, grabbed Xu Menghu’s shirt, and called his name. Xu Menghu looked shocked, pulling away from Xiang Lei’s grip while loudly demanding, “Who are you?” Xiang Lei hurriedly replied, “It’s me, Xiang Lei!” He even managed a teary smile, almost anticipating Xu Menghu’s joy in the next second. But Xu Menghu only gave a faint “Oh,” coldly shook off Xiang Lei’s hand, and turned to leave without looking back.

Like an abandoned child, Xiang Lei broke into loud sobs, chasing after Xu Menghu while crying and calling his name. Xu Menghu walked far ahead but couldn’t shake off this crying, clinging child. Seeming utterly exasperated, he stopped, turned, and said to Xiang Lei, “I’m Xiao A. Look, Xiao B is back. I never knew you in the first place.”

With that, Xu Menghu turned again and walked away.

Xiang Lei collapsed onto the asphalt road, surrounded by the bustling crowd, standing out in his loneliness.

Luckily, Xiang Lei woke up in time—otherwise, the despair might have made him die of grief in the dream, never waking again. He realized his pillow was damp near his temples, his eyes were genuinely wet with tears, and his heart was pounding violently and irregularly—just like the times he’d woken from nightmares of being chased or haunted by monsters.

The night around him was pitch-black, stretching endlessly beyond the window.

The chirping of crickets was unrelenting. Xiang Lei listened carefully and finally distinguished the steady breathing of the person beside him.

“That wasn’t Xu Menghu,” Xiang Lei thought with a touch of disappointment. “But he’s going to be my boyfriend.”

---

85

When Xiang Lei told Li Zeng the next day that he needed to go home, Li Zeng said, “Tomorrow.” On the third day, Li Zeng still said, “Tomorrow.” In the end, Xiang Lei stayed at Li Zeng’s place for five full days.

During those five days, Li Zeng introduced Xiang Lei to each of his sworn brothers. Without exception, they all looked at Xiang Lei with an indescribably complicated gaze. Li Zeng said they all knew Xiao Guang’s thoughts, so they might not immediately accept Xiang Lei’s sudden appearance.

Xiao Guang had said he’d found someone who loved him deeply and that they would be together forever. Xiang Lei couldn’t help but feel Xiao Guang was like a character from a fairy tale—things like deep love and forever probably only existed so simply in fairy tales.

“I keep feeling like Xiao Guang will come back one day…” Xiang Lei couldn’t resist saying to Li Zeng.

Li Zeng froze for a moment, then pulled Xiang Lei into a tight embrace. “Don’t be silly,” he murmured. “That’s impossible.”

On the second night, Li Zeng tried to go all the way with Xiang Lei, but ultimately failed. Even with the AC set to 20 degrees, Xiang Lei was drenched in sweat. Li Zeng was patient and careful, but Xiang Lei’s face still twisted in pain. After struggling for a long time, Li Zeng realized they couldn’t continue and gave up, lying down to sleep.

On the third night, Li Zeng wanted to try again, but the moment he started, Xiang Lei cried out in pain. Li Zeng laughed. “Is it really that bad?” Xiang Lei said it felt like an old wound being torn open—no gradual progression, just instant, unbearable pain. So Li Zeng gave up again, turning to hold Xiang Lei and soothing him until he relaxed.

On the fourth night, as soon as Li Zeng climbed on top of him, Xiang Lei nervously and guiltily said, “Li Zeng, I don’t think I can.” Li Zeng looked torn between laughter and frustration. Without responding, he lowered his head and began kissing Xiang Lei carefully.

Afterward, Li Zeng said with a smile, “We don’t seem very compatible.”

Xiang Lei couldn’t quite put his finger on what he was feeling—it was like an instinctive resistance, psychological rather than physical. The physical pain seemed amplified by the tension from this subconscious resistance. Xiang Lei secretly resolved to try to conquer this instinct—if they had time.

The next morning, after Li Zeng left for work, Xiang Lei planned to go back to sleep. Unexpectedly, Li Zeng’s mother came upstairs with breakfast. Xiang Lei scrambled up, feeling as guilty as a thief.

When Li Zeng returned, his mother came upstairs again and called him into the next room.

Xiang Lei faintly heard Li Zeng’s mother say in a hushed voice, “Listen, Xiao Zeng, this kid seems pretty decent. Don’t mess around again, you hear?” Then he heard Li Zeng reply impatiently, “Yeah, yeah, stop worrying so much!”

Every day, Li Zeng would check in at work, then take Xiang Lei around the county on his motorcycle. Occasionally, they’d see teenagers fighting in the street, and Li Zeng would step in to break it up.

Once, Li Zeng took Xiang Lei to a wide road on the outskirts of the county. He grabbed Xiang Lei’s hands and wrapped them around his waist, then accelerated recklessly. Xiang Lei felt both terrified and exhilarated, pressing his face against Li Zeng’s wind-filled police uniform, greedily inhaling his scent. It was intoxicating.

If Xiang Lei closed his eyes for more than three seconds, he could almost convince himself that the person taking him on this wild ride was Pei Yong.

Back when Xiang Lei was in his second year of high school, during Pei Yong’s leave, he’d also taken Xiang Lei on rides around the city.

On a whim, Pei Yong had insisted on teaching Xiang Lei to ride a motorcycle. Xiang Lei had never been interested—he preferred sitting behind Pei Yong, letting Pei Yong’s scent rush toward him with the wind.

“It’s easy. I guarantee you’ll get the hang of it right away!” Pei Yong kept saying.

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to control it and crash,” Xiang Lei said.

“What’s there to be afraid of? If anything happens, I’ll take responsibility!” Pei Yong replied.

“How would you take responsibility?” Xiang Lei pressed with a smile.

“Fuck it. Worst case, I’ll take care of you for the rest of your life…” Pei Yong said without thinking, his voice low.

Maybe those words had been filled with an ambiguity beyond friendship, but they had made Xiang Lei happy for a long time.

When Li Zeng turned onto a tree-lined road, he slowed down and turned his head, gesturing for a kiss. Xiang Lei couldn’t focus, managing only a brief peck before urging Li Zeng to watch the road. Dissatisfied, Li Zeng kept turning back for more.

After returning home, Xiang Lei kept replaying that scene in his mind—three times on the first day, double that the next, and by the third day, he felt like he was going crazy, thinking about Li Zeng constantly.

Xiang Lei realized: he was really in love.

---

86

Xiang Lei called Li Zeng every day when convenient but told him not to call his home number. On the fourth day after parting, Li Zeng called anyway, saying he was at the asphalt intersection on the way to Xiang Lei’s house. Overjoyed, Xiang Lei hung up and rode his bike to meet him.

They couldn’t wait to get home. Finding a secluded spot under a small bridge, they embraced before even steadying themselves. Kiss after kiss, greed upon greed. Xiang Lei thought Li Zeng must have lost his mind—he even tried to pull down Xiang Lei’s pants under that bridge. Xiang Lei gripped his hand tightly but kept kissing him deeply. Li Zeng pressed against him so hard it felt like they were trying to fuse into one.

There was no moon that night, but the sky was filled with stars.

Xiang Lei and Li Zeng slept on the roof of a neighbor’s house, gazing up at the starry sky. The boundless night around them made it feel like the whole world consisted of just the two of them.

Li Zeng climbed on top of Xiang Lei, ready to make another attempt. Xiang Lei suggested postponing, but Li Zeng said, “This really can’t go on. How about… you try me instead?”

This was something Xiang Lei had never considered.

Xiang Lei always instinctively imagined the pain he himself had experienced, so every time he reached the edge, he lost his composure. Li Zeng laughed shamelessly beneath him, which only fueled Xiang Lei’s determination.

With each small step, Xiang Lei asked how Li Zeng felt. Panting heavily, Li Zeng kept saying it was fine, no problem—until the very end. Surprisingly, Xiang Lei felt guilty—his first emotion after entering someone else for the first time.

With that feeling, Xiang Lei suddenly thought: This must be love.

And in the next moment, he felt he had fallen in love with Li Zeng.

---

87

Li Zeng took time off and stayed at Xiang Lei’s house for four days.

Three days after Li Zeng left, he called again, asking Xiang Lei to visit him. After another separation of three or four days, Li Zeng came to see Xiang Lei. That was how Xiang Lei spent nearly two months of his summer vacation.

Most of the time, they could only manage small gestures of intimacy. Occasionally, Li Zeng wanted more, but for some reason, Xiang Lei always felt it wasn’t the right time.

Once, Li Zeng grew so frustrated he said, “If this keeps up, we can’t be together.” As you’d expect, Xiang Lei’s face fell at this, and whenever Li Zeng saw that expression, he would immediately try to make it up to him—explaining that he’d just been talking nonsense—and then teasingly say, “How about you take the lead this time, baby?”

Li Zeng started calling Xiang Lei “baby.” To be honest, Xiang Lei wasn’t used to it—partly because it was cheesy, partly because it was risky. Once, at Xiang Lei’s family dinner table, Li Zeng nearly slipped up and called him that in front of his parents.

Also, the term inevitably reminded Xiang Lei of Wu Liang.

Interestingly, not being used to it didn’t mean he disliked it. Xiang Lei probably liked being called that—otherwise, nothing would explain why hearing that word always perked him right up.

---

88

Pei Yong called a few times, always just brief, mundane greetings. Only during the last call did he invite Xiang Lei to hang out in the county again—he knew Xiang Lei had only a week left before returning to school.

“You’re not going to…” Xiang Lei hesitated, unable to find the right words.

Pei Yong chuckled awkwardly. “Relax, even I cringe thinking about that now. It’s just—you—” Like Xiang Lei, Pei Yong stumbled over his words.

“Yeah?”

“I mean, do you have someone steady? This kind of thing… seems pretty risky…”

“Yeah.”

“We’ll talk when we meet. Should I pick you up?”

“Sure! And this time, you can apologize to the neighbors in person and announce that you arrested the wrong guy last time.”

“You little—”

This time, Pei Yong brought his girlfriend along. The first thing Xiang Lei noticed was the girl’s bright red lips, and the same old question—How do you kiss lips like that?—crossed his mind again.

She was what you’d call a trendy girl. She had a delicate, pretty face, fair and smooth skin, straightened hair with streaks of bright yellow, and ears lined with silver earrings from top to bottom. Her fingernails and toenails were painted in various colors, and she wore bracelets and anklets covered in tiny bells, so every move she made was both colorful and jingly.

Pei Yong had once said he’d written to this girl asking if she’d be his girlfriend, and she’d agreed without hesitation. Now that Xiang Lei had met her, she matched his mental image pretty well.

Pei Yong had said they’d talk in person, but the topic from the phone call never came up.

“You didn’t tell her about me, did you?” Xiang Lei asked when the girl went to the bathroom.

“Even if she were my wife, what’s the point of telling her about my buddies’ business?”

The moment Pei Yong said that, Xiang Lei felt his feelings for him had changed—fundamentally. It was like… an elevation. Before, it had been narrow desire; now, it was broad love. It had almost nothing to do with possession. So when Xiang Lei saw the girl casually take a cigarette and lighter from Pei Yong’s pocket to light one for him, he felt a purely bystander’s warmth.

---

89

On the day Xiang Lei returned to school, Li Zeng insisted on seeing him off. Reluctantly, Xiang Lei had to turn down Pei Yong, even though Pei Yong had offered first. Pei Yong thought Xiang Lei was starting to keep him at arm’s length and cursed angrily.

“He insisted on seeing me to the bus. I couldn’t talk him out of it,” Xiang Lei explained.

When Pei Yong heard that “he,” he fell silent for a moment before accepting it without further comment.

A long-distance relationship wasn’t a big deal for Xiang Lei, but Li Zeng seemed hung up on it. He tirelessly reminded Xiang Lei to think of him often, focus on his studies, and absolutely not meet any other online friends. He said this circle was messy and ultimately pointless. He even joked that he might show up in Beijing unannounced one day for a surprise inspection.

As Li Zeng said these things, Xiang Lei’s nose tingled with emotion. He wanted nothing more than to kiss Li Zeng right then and there, and he secretly resolved that the next time they met, he wouldn’t let Li Zeng feel they were “incompatible” anymore.

Before this, Xiang Lei had actually questioned the necessity of that “compatibility.”

He used to think that as long as their intimate moments brought mutual pleasure, that was compatibility enough. But now, he began to feel that if his psychological resistance made him see what Li Zeng called “compatibility” as a form of giving, then—given his feelings—that giving itself should also be pleasurable.

Especially since Li Zeng had already “given” so many times.