Chapter 29 – Rainy Night Chaos

153

After the school lifted the lockdown, He Fei wasn’t in a hurry to move back home.

Getting used to living in the dorm wasn’t easy, but once he had, He Fei found himself reluctant to change his routine. At the very least, he no longer had to wake up early to catch the bus every morning, and he could even sleep in occasionally.

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154

In the dorm, after dinner.

He Fei said to Liu Chong beside him, “No idea where the hell Xiang Lei ran off to. Haven’t seen him since class ended.”

Liu Chong smirked mysteriously. “Xiang Lei went to meet someone from online—dude’s been pent up for almost two months!”

He Fei immediately left the dorm and called Xiang Lei from the dormitory entrance.

“Where are you?”

“What’s up?”

“I asked where you are.”

“Peking University.”

“What time are you coming back?”

“Around eight. What’s the matter? Is something wrong?”

“No.”

He Fei hung up and returned to the dorm. Zheng Dongming invited everyone to play Shengji, but He Fei waved him off, saying he wasn’t in the mood. Then, through a mix of soft persuasion and force, he kicked Liu Chong off the computer and took over to play some games.

At 8:15, He Fei stepped out of the dorm again and called Xiang Lei from the entrance.

“Where are you?”

“Still at Peking University.”

“When are you coming back?”

“Ran into a hometown friend. Might be a bit later.”

“What time?”

“Nine, probably.”

“Fine.”

He Fei started walking from the construction site of the new sports field toward the campus lake.

The June weather was already sweltering, but tonight felt even hotter than usual. Watching the couples cuddling by the lake, He Fei couldn’t help but feel drenched in sweat on their behalf.

Waiting in one spot was always exhausting. It was better to keep something in mind while wandering around, then rush over at the right moment to witness what was happening. Claiming this didn’t count as waiting might be self-deception, but the important thing was that this self-deception could perfectly salvage one’s mood.

He Fei deliberately dragged it out until 9:30 before heading back to the dorm.

But by then, Xiang Lei still wasn’t there. He Fei checked the bathroom and toilets—no sign of him. Suppressing the fire in his chest, He Fei called Xiang Lei’s phone again.

“Where are you?”

“I was just about to call you. Still at Peking University. My hometown friend insisted on dragging me to eat barbecue and drink beer. I really couldn’t refuse.”

“What time are you actually coming back?”

“I can’t say for sure right now. What’s the matter?”

“Nothing!”

He Fei felt like he was losing control of his emotions, so he simply hung up. But five minutes later, as if another version of himself had taken over, he dialed again.

“You done yet? There won’t be any buses soon! The dorm gates will be locked too!”

“Uh… my friend said it’s going to rain later and told me not to go back. Said I could crash in their dorm for the night…”

“Is this your ‘hometown friend’ or Tao Zhuwen?”

“……”

“What time are you coming back? I have something to tell you!”

“What is it?”

“Can’t explain over the phone. Tell you when you’re back.”

“Fine… probably another twenty minutes…”

Half an hour later.

“You back yet? Where are you?”

“Just finished up. My friend’s walking me to the bus stop now.”

“Will there still be buses?”

“We’ll see.”

Ten minutes later, heavy rain poured down. Standing in the dormitory entrance hall, He Fei received a call from Xiang Lei.

“No buses. Plenty of taxis passed by, but none were available…”

“You’re fucking doing this on purpose, aren’t you? I told you I had something to say!”

“What is it? Just tell me!”

“I already said I can’t explain over the phone!”

“But I can’t get a taxi.”

“Stay there. I’ll call a cab to pick you up! Which gate are you at?”

“Forget it. We’ll wait a bit longer.”

Five minutes later, He Fei called again. This time, the sound of rain was gone from the other end.

“Got a taxi?”

“No.”

“Then where are you?”

“At my friend’s dorm.”

“When are you coming back?”

“Forget it. I’m not coming back tonight.”

“Are you with that Tao Zhuwen guy? In a hotel? How many stars?”

“Since you’ve already guessed, you should know it’s not a good time for me to talk on the phone right now.”

Xiang Lei hung up immediately.

He Fei felt like he was about to explode.

He threw his phone violently onto the floor, then turned and stormed back into the dorm. The dorm supervisor picked up the shattered phone and followed him, pushing open the door to say, “See if it can still be fixed.”

He Fei took the phone, removed the SIM card, and tossed the device into the trash. The supervisor muttered, “This kid’s so wasteful,” as he fished the phone out of the bin and left the room.

After lights-out, He Fei borrowed Liu Chong’s phone.

Unable to find Liu Chong’s contacts list, he dialed the number directly using the keypad.

Only then did he realize—he actually remembered Xiang Lei’s number.

He Fei only remembered the landline number at home and his grandpa’s mobile number. Sometimes, when he called the dorm from the landline, he still had to look up the number in his phone contacts. He didn’t remember his parents’ numbers, Zhang Wenwen’s number, or the numbers of any relatives or friends. But he remembered Xiang Lei’s.

He Fei had once engraved Xiao Er’s home phone number in the most accessible part of his memory—until now. Except that, from a certain day onward, that number had forever lost its original meaning.

His tone when he picked up the call was downright hostile.

“What do you want?”

“……”

“He Fei?”

“Come back, alright?”

“It’s so late… I really can’t get a taxi.”

“That’s because you don’t want to.”

“Whatever. I’m not arguing with you. You always think you’re right—no matter what I say, you won’t believe me.”

“Fine, do whatever you want, Xiang Lei. If you don’t come back tonight, then from now on, whoever tries to buddy up with you is a fucking grandson!”

First time ever!

Whether it was back with Xiao Er or now with Xiang Lei, this was the first time He Fei had ever said something like this. He used to despise people who threw around this kind of ultimatum, but now he realized—it felt fucking amazing to say it!

He Fei hung up right after, returned the phone to Liu Chong, then went downstairs and told the dorm supervisor he had urgent business and needed to leave. The supervisor, probably judging from the innocent phone’s fate that whatever was happening must be incredibly important to He Fei, didn’t make him sign out and just opened the door for him. After a moment’s thought, He Fei turned back and added, “Lock the door. I’m not coming back tonight.”

Truth was, He Fei hadn’t made any decisions about this night. Even if Xiang Lei came back, he didn’t think there’d be anything to feel good about. And if Xiang Lei didn’t come back at all, then by now, any disappointment he could’ve felt had already been felt.

Either way, this night was bound to be extraordinary, and on an extraordinary night, something extraordinary should happen to match the mood. Going back to the dorm to sleep was way too ordinary—completely out of place for a night like this.

Would he come back?

If not, He Fei felt like he wouldn’t even be able to justify it to himself.

Satisfying lines were like satisfying drugs—once the high wore off, they became mundane, and what followed was always the price of that high.

The rain began to drizzle, lukewarm and half-hearted, like the night sky was constipated.

A hint of chill crept into the air, and He Fei even shivered slightly.

The darkness was thick. He Fei imagined himself stepping out of his own body—that version of him probably couldn’t make out a single expression on the face of the He Fei still standing there. In that case, the real him, fitting this scene, became unreal.

Why unreal?

Because both his expression and his mood had blurred beyond recognition.

He Fei couldn’t be sure what he’d say or do if Xiang Lei really came back. Beat him up as a lesson? Or take him to a hotel, try his damnedest to go through with a “gay hookup,” and see if he could actually get used to it?

If it were the latter, the next time something like this happened, He Fei would pretty much have every reason to kill him, right?

He Fei stopped at the intersection leading back to Building 19 and lit a cigarette under the eaves of Teaching Building No. 5.

He really came back.

The figure hunched against the drizzle, picking his way around puddles, grew closer. He clearly hadn’t noticed He Fei and walked straight toward the dorm.

“Hey—” He Fei called out.

He hesitated, then walked over, forcing casualness. “What are you doing here? Let’s go back to the dorm.”

Leaning against a pillar, He Fei took a few drags before replying, “Not planning to.”

“Seriously? Then where? I’m fucking soaked!” His tone was full of reproach.

“Did I ruin your fun? Make you waste someone’s good intentions? How hateful of me.”

“Stop being so fucking unreasonable!”

“Thinking about it, it’s fucking pathetic! Booked a room just to end up alone!”

His chest heaved for a long moment before he turned decisively to leave.

He Fei caught up in a few quick strides, yanking him back and shoving him against another pillar.

“Are you even fully cured? I looked it up—that thing can relapse within a year. Does Tao Zhuwen know? If he did, would he think you’re trying to fuck him over?”

“Fuck off!” He slapped He Fei’s hand away hard and tried to leave.

He Fei reacted fast, gripping his arm tightly again.

A smirk tugged at He Fei’s lips. Imagining the humiliation and fury on Xiang Lei’s face in the dim light gave him an inexplicable thrill.

“What? Am I wrong? You should know better than me, right?”

Xiang Lei relaxed, no longer struggling, and let out a bitter laugh. “You’re right. I’m trash.”

Just like that, He Fei lost his aggressive momentum.

“What the hell do you mean? Spit it out—what the hell do you mean?” He Fei shoved Xiang Lei’s arm and started yelling.

“Mean what?”

“Didn’t we agree? Just like this! Didn’t we fucking agree?”

“I was humoring you, you dumbass! You actually believed me? You’re ridiculous!” His voice cracked. “No one does this! Stop tying me down, I’m begging you! I can’t take it—just fucking stay away from me!”

“It’s been fine all this time! Why the sudden tantrum?”

“That’s just you convincing yourself it’s been fine! You’re the one suddenly losing it!”

“Yeah. I get it.” He Fei let go and stepped back. “I get it. You’re not him after all. He never went on gay websites, never looked for a boyfriend. If he were alive now, he still wouldn’t touch any of that. We’d still be hanging out every day. I’d have a girlfriend, and so would he. Later, I’d get married, and so would he. We’d always be brothers, inseparable, even when we’re too old to walk. But you—you’re not him.”

A sound escaped Xiang Lei. He Fei couldn’t tell if it was a scornful laugh or a stifled sob.

“Xiang Lei, even if I fucking admit I’m gay and agree to be your boyfriend, even live with you for years, decades, or a lifetime—you should know, you’d just be his stand-in. Because if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have wanted to protect you from the start, and I wouldn’t be standing here now wasting my breath! And you’re not him. You’re nowhere near as clean as he was.”

He Fei didn’t know why he said these things—there’d been no warning, no deliberation. The words just spilled out, and with them, his mood plummeted into bleakness.

It had been a long time since he’d thought about Xiao Er. This time, the memory came under these circumstances.

Xiang Lei walked away. For a moment, He Fei forgot to reach out and stop him. Or maybe he didn’t forget—maybe, having said those things, he’d already given up any chance of keeping him.

Like a scene from a movie, thunder rolled in, and the rain grew heavier.

For a second, He Fei thought this was some meticulously arranged artificial rain, staged to match the moment. Just like his lines, it came without warning, as if the moment Xiang Lei’s figure vanished into the rainy night, it decided its entrance was perfectly timed.

Thinking about it, those humiliating words were just his way of proving his unspoken hurt and care. But to the other person, the result was clearly the exact opposite.

A complete mess.

Both the rainy night and He Fei’s mood.

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155

He Fei went to an internet café and stayed all night for the first time.

He played every game on the computer but found them all dull. On some inexplicable impulse, he registered a new account and logged into the gay forum Xiang Lei used to frequent. The place was practically abandoned, overgrown with weeds.

It felt like returning to those days of sneaking around online, yet also like he’d completely forgotten everything that had happened that night. Calmly, He Fei clicked on Xiang Lei’s account and saw his last login was right after the semester started.

He then browsed the school BBS and dug up the collaborative novel Sword of Sorrow that Xiang Lei and his two friends had written. That legendary utopia of chivalry, martial arts, and fantasy had long been abandoned by its creators. No one could deny the fiery passion of anyone’s growth process just because of an unexpected outcome, but such things often anchored themselves in the appropriate years. Later, you could only look back by chance and remember that brief encounter.

As for growth—sometimes it takes decades, sometimes just over ten years. Other times, only a few months, or days. Or even just a few fleeting moments.

Thinking about it, He Fei realized Xiang Lei had actually changed quite a bit. It was just the natural course of growing up.

He logged into QQ and double-clicked his only friend, opening the chat history to find it blank. Only then did he remember—he was in an internet café.

Staring at the empty chat log, He Fei zoned out for a long time.

Maybe he was right.

He Fei often took it for granted in his heart that “what I give isn’t much, but it’s my all,” using that as leverage to demand and possess while excusing the “not much” with the “all.” He never once asked if it was enough for the other person. Maybe he shouldn’t be like this. Maybe he really should stay away. Maybe Xiang Lei was just afraid of sinking too deep. Maybe he truly couldn’t control his feelings. Maybe he simply couldn’t live up to the future He Fei had unilaterally envisioned for them.

Maybe if things kept going like this, he’d still end up hurt in the end.

Maybe their future would be like that blank chat history—empty once the time and place changed.

He Fei carefully examined himself but couldn’t find any reason why he deserved to be given another Xiao Er.

Just like with Xu Menghu back then, watching from afar was enough. Maybe Xiang Lei really would find someone who couldn’t bear to hurt him, someone who could stay by his side more naturally than He Fei ever could.

But if… if the next one was another Wu Liang or Li Zeng—fuck! Even the mouse and keyboard knew what He Fei would do.

Was that idiot still out in the rain?

Probably not that stupid. That scene had already been cut.

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156

Pulling an all-nighter was awful!

After experiencing it, He Fei had newfound respect for the guys who could do it for days on end. Slumped over the keyboard, drifting in and out of sleep, he barely made it to 6 a.m. before rushing back to the dorm.

Close to noon, someone shook him awake. He Fei opened his eyes—the room was packed. Unusually, the only one missing was Xiang Lei. Everyone else stood around in a daze, no computers, no card games, no banter.

He Fei found it strange but didn’t bother asking. He turned over to go back to sleep when the class rep shook his shoulder again. “Get up, He Fei. The homeroom teacher is coming soon.”

He Fei’s head buzzed. His first thought was of Xiang Lei, and he shot upright.

“What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Nothing major. Xiang Lei’s running a high fever, and since he went to Peking University recently, the school’s panicking, worried it might be SARS. The teacher’s coming to ask some questions…”

“Where is he?”

“On his way. He’ll be here soon. Hurry up and get dressed!”

“I mean Xiang Lei! Where is he?”

“School clinic! They said he needs to be quarantined.”

“Wasn’t this shit under control? Didn’t the school lift the lockdown because it was safe outside?” He Fei shouted.

“Now even a sore throat gets you a temperature check and blood work. The school’s just being cautious,” the class rep said.

The homeroom teacher and the school doctor, both wearing masks, knocked and entered, nervously asking a bunch of questions.

Xiang Lei had eaten at a small restaurant near campus before going to Peking University, but after returning, he hadn’t come back to the dorm. So the others were only told to limit their movements for a week. The teacher said they didn’t have to attend classes until finals week—the class rep would relay the material.

Then the doctor asked if anyone had been in closer contact with Xiang Lei. Everyone’s eyes turned to He Fei. Without thinking, He Fei said, “Me!” So the doctor emphasized the others’ limited movement even more and took He Fei alone to the clinic.

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157

Under the doctor’s guidance, He Fei went through a routine checkup and was told he’d need at least three days of quarantine observation.

Though He Fei thought it was overkill, the doctor’s grave expression made him a little nervous too. Thinking about it, He Fei realized Xiang Lei really never seemed to catch a break.

The observation room was just a repurposed space—a few merged examination rooms with four bunk beds, a bedside table, and an ancient TV. Next door was a rec room with a ping-pong table in the middle and four connected chairs on either side. That was it.

He Fei’s room already had one occupant. The lower bunk by the window was strewn with clothes, books, and a shoulder bag that looked vaguely familiar.

The doctor assigned He Fei the diagonal bunk and warned him not to share personal items with the other student. He Fei agreed but privately wondered—This counts as quarantine?

Before leaving, the doctor asked if He Fei needed anything from the dorm. He Fei borrowed the doctor’s phone to call Liu Chong, asking him to bring his CD player and borrow a few novels from the library.

After the doctor left, He Fei turned on the TV, already dreading how to pass the next three miserable days.

The door creaked open—and in walked Wei Tong.

Both were startled, then asked simultaneously, “What are you doing here?”

Wei Tong said Xiang Lei had called him at 6 a.m., waking him up before the dorm supervisor unlocked the doors.

When Wei Tong saw Xiang Lei outside the dorm, he was shocked.

“His eyes were bloodshot, and his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. When I asked what was wrong, he said he was freezing. So I touched his forehead—”

“God! It was burning up enough to fry pancakes! I asked why he hadn’t gone to the clinic. He said he’d dropped his wallet in the taxi last night—cash, ID, bank cards, student card, all gone. The dorm was locked, so he just stayed outside in the rain all night.”

Looking at Xiang Lei’s clothes, mostly dried by his own body heat, Wei Tong blurted, “You’re insane!” He asked why Xiang Lei hadn’t called him last night… then told He Fei to guess what Xiang Lei said.

For a moment, it felt like a swarm of bloodthirsty ants had burrowed into He Fei’s chest. He clenched his jaw against the biting pain, too distracted to answer Wei Tong.

“He said, ‘If I could’ve called you, I could’ve called He Fei to get the dorm supervisor to let me in.’ The guy’s actually sick! I don’t get how, dripping wet, he still worried about ‘could or couldn’t’!”

“We rushed to the clinic, but the night shift doctor had left, and the day shift hadn’t arrived. The nurse on duty yawned and impatiently told us to wait while taking his temperature. When she saw it—39.8°C!—even she was shocked. That guy can endure anything!”

He Fei pulled out a cigarette, stuck it between his lips, then fumbled for his lighter. His hand shook slightly, so he hesitated, keeping it hidden in his pocket, not daring to light up in front of Wei Tong.

“The nurse made a quick call, handed us three masks, and led us to the fever isolation ward. She told Xiang Lei to rest in bed and put me in the next room, saying I couldn’t leave yet. Soon the doctor arrived, checked Xiang Lei, then told me I’d need at least three days of quarantine too. —Wait, why are you here? Did someone else in your dorm get sick?”

“Uh… yeah. I’m stuck here for a few days too,” He Fei mumbled.

He Fei realized he didn’t understand Xiang Lei at all. Not even a little.

“Xiang Lei’s upstairs, but we can’t visit during quarantine,” Wei Tong said.

“Did he say where he was last night?” He Fei couldn’t help asking.

“He said he sat on the stairs in Teaching Building No. 3 all night. It’s the only building that’s never locked.”

He Fei stood abruptly, telling Wei Tong he was going to the bathroom.

At the bathroom window, he finally lit the cigarette he’d been holding.

Looking up, he saw the corner of Teaching Building No. 3.

“Fuck fuck fuck!” He Fei cursed under his breath.

He wished he could redo last night.

If only he’d taken Xiang Lei to Zixuan instead. After that, none of this would’ve happened. Right now, He Fei was certain—if things had gone differently, Xiang Lei would never have gone looking for those other guys again. Never.

“What the hell did I say yesterday?” He Fei pressed the hand holding the cigarette to his forehead. “I actually told him he was nowhere near as clean as Xiao Er!” His hand dragged through his hair and stopped at the back of his head. “Why did that come to mind? Why did I say it?”

He closed his eyes, trying to recall the night before.

“Student, no smoking here! Put it out!” A sharp voice barked from behind. He Fei turned to see a middle-aged man in a white coat, frowning.

“Right.” He Fei quickly turned on the faucet and drowned the cigarette.

For the first time, He Fei felt flustered under someone else’s scolding.

That idiot’s so stubborn! So damn stupid! He Fei thought.

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158

On the fourth morning, He Fei returned to the dorm from the clinic.

Three whole days of boredom. Occasionally, he and Wei Tong played ping-pong in the rec room—turns out Wei Tong was pretty good, and He Fei was no match.

Sometimes they would chat before bed, but whenever Wei Tong mentioned Xiang Lei, He Fei would steer the conversation elsewhere.

He Fei couldn’t figure himself out. When he realized how little he truly knew Xiang Lei, he didn’t want to learn more through someone else. Yet, thinking back on that rainy night, He Fei felt he might never get the chance to understand Xiang Lei firsthand. And even if he did, it might never feel real again.

Wei Tong seemed to pick up on something and stopped bringing up Xiang Lei casually. But later, He Fei couldn’t help asking Wei Tong to check on Xiang Lei. “You don’t think he actually has SARS, do you?” He Fei said.

During the third day’s routine checkup, Wei Tong asked about Xiang Lei’s condition. The doctor said Xiang Lei’s fever had broken that same day, and SARS was unlikely, but for caution’s sake, he’d remain under observation a while longer.

He Fei sneaked upstairs once but didn’t dare search room by room for Xiang Lei. He lingered at the end of the hallway for a few minutes before a nurse spotted him and shooed him back down without hesitation.

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159

On their last night in the clinic’s observation room, something happened that was hard to define.

While chatting with Wei Tong, He Fei found the diagonal positioning awkward. To be heard without disturbing the room’s quiet, he had to carefully modulate his voice, and to catch Wei Tong’s words, he had to crane his neck and strain his ears.

So He Fei suddenly said, “Come lie here.”

The words slipped out before he could stop them, surprising even himself.

Wei Tong clearly thought he’d misheard. “What?”

He Fei’s mischievous streak flared, so he repeated, “Talking’s inconvenient. Just come over here.”

Wei Tong immediately replied, “No.”

He Fei pressed, “Why not?”

Wei Tong said, “The bed’s too narrow, and the room’s too hot. Two people wouldn’t fit.”

He Fei’s mind burned with impulsiveness. Since I’ve said it, might as well fucking do it! He slid off the bed barefoot and hopped onto Wei Tong’s bunk. Wei Tong nearly yelped, then scooted closer to the wall, turning his back to He Fei.

He Fei smirked, deliberately lying on his side facing Wei Tong’s back.

Every time He Fei accidentally brushed against him, Wei Tong pressed closer to the wall. In reality, he’d left He Fei two-thirds of the space.

Their lively conversation grew sporadic. He Fei yawned a few times and soon fell asleep.

Sometime later, He Fei woke abruptly, thinking it must’ve been a nightmare—except he couldn’t recall dreaming at all. Then he realized he was fully pressed against Wei Tong’s back, his right arm draped over Wei Tong’s chest, his right leg pinning Wei Tong’s, his lower body subtly reacting where it pressed against Wei Tong’s hips. Wei Tong remained motionless, still curled against the wall.

Outside, rain pattered softly against the window.

For some reason, though awake, He Fei didn’t pull away. A fire ignited inside him, growing hotter until his faint arousal swelled into something undeniable.

Maybe it was the night’s influence—a clear mind in the dark stillness couldn’t help but plot mischief.

He Fei knew full well: the person in his arms wasn’t Zhang Wenwen or Xiang Lei. It was Wei Tong, someone who’d never stirred his desires, physically or emotionally. Yet in this moment, everything felt different.

He Fei couldn’t resist rocking his hips slightly.

Wei Tong shouldn’t have slept so stiffly, but he gave no response. He Fei leaned in, lips brushing Wei Tong’s ear and neck like a dragonfly skimming water. Then he slid his hand from Wei Tong’s chest in an arc, landing lightly on the soft curve of his ass, stroking gently.

He Fei knew he didn’t dare venture further—to Wei Tong’s chest or lower. If he did, something he wasn’t ready to face might surface instantly, impossible to hide.

Dazed by the fire inside him, He Fei closed his eyes, letting his lips wander uncharted territory, his nose filled with a faint cologne—clean yet intoxicating, unlike any sweet fragrance he’d known before.

He Fei suddenly wondered: if you stripped away all the civilized morals in people’s minds, the world wouldn’t have labels like “gay” or “straight.” Nothing would be “perverted” or “normal.”

On a night like this, breathing in this scent, lying beside this person, desire shouldn’t be tied to shame—no matter whose desire it was, no matter their gender or age. The only difference might be how they expressed it.

He Fei pushed further.

Finally, Wei Tong reacted.

Without a word, still facing the wall, he drove an elbow hard into He Fei’s chest, shoving until He Fei had no choice but to roll onto his back.

Only then did Wei Tong withdraw his arm, pressing flush against the wall again, motionless.

He Fei opened his eyes, as if keeping them closed had only been to feign sleep.

Instantly, he felt filthy. And instantly, he thought of Xiang Lei. How could anyone be reduced to just desire? Otherwise, all joy would vanish the moment it peaked, leaving nothing to savor.

He Fei chuckled softly—at himself, of course.

Then he returned to his own bed, unable to sleep.

Outside, the rain seemed to grow heavier, drops hitting the windowpanes at irregular intervals.

The sound made He Fei revisit that rainy night all over again.

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160

He Fei stopped at the intersection leading back to Building 19 and lit a cigarette under the eaves of Teaching Building No. 5.

He really came back.

The figure hunched against the drizzle, picking his way around puddles, grew closer. He clearly hadn’t noticed He Fei and walked straight toward the dorm.

“Hey—” He Fei called out.

He hesitated, then walked over, forcing casualness. “What are you doing here? Let’s go back to the dorm.”

Leaning against a pillar, He Fei took a few drags before replying, “Not planning to.”

“Seriously? Then where? I’m fucking soaked!” His tone was full of reproach.

“You brought this on yourself.”

Silence fell between them.

He Fei wrestled all night with whether to take him to Zixuan, agonizing until dawn. Across from him, Xiang Lei’s clothes had dried from his own body heat, but he shivered violently, arms wrapped around himself. He Fei asked why he was shaking. “Don’t know,” Xiang Lei said. “Just so cold.” He Fei almost reached to check his forehead but stopped himself…

Too much posturing. He Fei hated it.

So, take two.

He Fei stopped at the intersection leading back to Building 19 and lit a cigarette under the eaves of Teaching Building No. 5.

He really came back.

The figure hunched against the drizzle, picking his way around puddles, grew closer. He clearly hadn’t noticed He Fei and walked straight toward the dorm.

“Hey—” He Fei called out.

He hesitated, then walked over, forcing casualness. “What are you doing here? Let’s go back to the dorm.”

Leaning against a pillar, He Fei took a few drags before replying, “Not planning to.”

“Seriously? Then where? I’m fucking soaked!” His tone was full of reproach.

He Fei stepped forward, embracing his drenched body, murmuring, “Xiang Lei, stop fucking looking! I’ll be your boyfriend, alright? If you’re patient, we’ll take it slow. Just… slow, okay?”

Then He Fei took Xiang Lei to Zixuan Hotel. They walked single-file, hunched against the drizzle—no need for heavy rain, really none at all.

They lay in separate beds, talking.

He Fei found the distance between the beds maddening, so suddenly, he said, “Come lie here.”

Xiang Lei hesitated, then awkwardly joined him. He Fei made space, slipping an arm beneath Xiang Lei’s pillow, turning to face him as he lay on his back.

In the night, He Fei woke to find himself fully pressed against Xiang Lei’s back, his right arm draped over Xiang Lei’s chest, his right leg pinning Xiang Lei’s, his lower body subtly reacting where it pressed against Xiang Lei’s hips. A fire ignited inside him, growing hotter until his faint arousal swelled into something undeniable.

Maybe it was the night’s influence—a clear mind in the dark stillness couldn’t help but plot mischief.

He Fei couldn’t resist rocking his hips slightly.

Xiang Lei shouldn’t have slept so stiffly, but he gave no response. He Fei leaned in, lips brushing Xiang Lei’s ear and neck like a dragonfly skimming water… Dazed by the fire inside him, He Fei closed his eyes, letting his lips wander uncharted territory… He Fei pushed further. Finally, Xiang Lei reacted.

At that moment, He Fei thought gratefully: This process I’ve been so afraid of—it’s actually way simpler than I imagined!

But his muddled consciousness, as if out of habit, demanded a do-over.

He Fei stopped at the intersection leading back to Building 19 and lit a cigarette under the eaves of Teaching Building No. 5.

He really came back.

The figure hunched against the drizzle, picking his way around puddles, grew closer. He clearly hadn’t noticed He Fei and walked straight toward the dorm.

Then, without warning, time and space lurched violently. That familiar voice wasn’t singing—it was screaming.

He Fei looked up, stunned by the scene: beneath a filthy man, Xiang Lei lay stripped naked, struggling and sobbing. Enraged by his resistance, the man raised a whip, lashing Xiang Lei’s chest—once, twice… Each strike drew another bloodcurdling scream.

Never before had He Fei felt such urgency, such torment, such helplessness.

Cursing wildly, He Fei fought to break free, his own screams raw and ragged. But two burly men pinned his arms, rendering him powerless.

He Fei shut his eyes—but couldn’t cover his ears. Xiang Lei’s shrieks pierced him just the same. Seeing it or not made no difference.

Never had He Fei known such agony. His heart felt flayed, a thousand cuts at once…

---

161

When He Fei woke, his hands still clutched his chest, as if the pain had been real.

He’d never had such an absurd, idiotic dream. The thought almost made him laugh—except it also hurt.

Then sleep deserted him entirely. He lay staring into the darkness.

Outside, the rain had stopped. He Fei suddenly wondered if it had ever rained at all.