Chapter 36 – Eager to Learn

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For several weekends in a row, He Fei would go home on Saturday and Sunday mornings and return to the place he rented with Xiang Lei before dinner. He Fei would pull all sorts of snacks from his backpack and toss them to Xiang Lei.

Xiang Lei said, “Are you crazy? Only girls like eating this kind of stuff!”

He Fei laughed and replied, “Exactly. These were originally meant for my mom to give to her daughter-in-law. Before I left, she even specifically switched the plain yogurt for strawberry-flavored because she firmly believes girls prefer fruity yogurt. And here, I’ve got some leek dumplings too—still warm! My mom made them herself.”

“What exactly did you tell your mom?” Xiang Lei asked, torn between laughter and exasperation.

“Nothing much! They kept asking why I wasn’t living at home anymore, so I told them I’m seeing someone and we’re in the middle of a passionate phase. If I don’t see them for a few hours, I start missing them like crazy. Then my mom gave me this long lecture about how I’m not a kid anymore and should start taking responsibility, blah blah blah—basically told me not to ruin your life…”

“You mean, not to ruin your wife’s life?” Xiang Lei interrupted.

“Aren’t you my wife?” He Fei sat cross-legged on their puzzle-patterned floor, tilting his head up, smirking, and squinting at Xiang Lei.

“Fuck!” Xiang Lei cursed but seemed unable to come up with a proper rebuttal.

He Fei chuckled and said, “Come here.”

Xiang Lei didn’t move.

“You hear me? Come here!” He Fei raised his voice.

“What do you want?” Xiang Lei grumbled but walked over anyway, sitting down beside He Fei.

He Fei wrapped an arm around Xiang Lei’s neck and pinched his ear—he always did this. Xiang Lei reflexively turned his head away.

“What’s for dinner? Not noodles again, right?” He Fei asked.

“Bingo. But no prize.”

“Fuck! I’ll endure it!” He Fei groaned.

Xiang Lei lit a cigarette and lay down on the floor. He Fei reached for the pack—it was empty.

Xiang Lei took two drags before handing the cigarette to He Fei. He Fei glanced at it but didn’t take it. Instead, he looked at Xiang Lei and said, “Try feeding it to me.”

So Xiang Lei took a drag, sat up, turned He Fei’s head toward him, and kissed him.

After inhaling the smoke, He Fei thought for a moment, then took the cigarette back from Xiang Lei, took a deep drag, and puffed out his cheeks, making muffled sounds while nodding for Xiang Lei to come closer. Xiang Lei leaned in for another kiss.

Unlike Xiang Lei, who exhaled the smoke slowly, He Fei blew it all into Xiang Lei’s mouth at once, making him cough until tears streamed down his face, one hand clutching his chest. Between coughs, Xiang Lei gasped, “I should’ve known you were up to no good!” Meanwhile, He Fei was rolling on the floor laughing.

He Fei wanted to learn how to actively kiss someone he liked and find joy in it. Did that count?

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Truthfully, He Fei secretly felt that two men living together wasn’t exactly harmonious.

Take sex, for example. Between a man and a woman, once the guy finishes, it’s basically over. But with two men, the one who hasn’t climaxed is like a kid begging for snacks, staring pitifully at the one who’s already done. It’s a reminder that in gay relationships, finishing once doesn’t mean you’re done.

He Fei had never been a good student, and no matter how patiently Xiang Lei taught him, it was all wasted effort. He Fei once tried to imitate what he’d seen, with the mouth, but the moment he got into position—before even doing anything—he nearly threw up his dinner. In the end, the task fell to his hands. He Fei felt like even playing basketball all day wouldn’t make his wrists as sore as this did.

“Fuck! Isn’t there an easier way?” He Fei asked Xiang Lei.

“There is,” Xiang Lei said.

“Then why didn’t you say so earlier?” He Fei sighed in relief.

Then, Xiang Lei flipped He Fei over onto his stomach.

He Fei jolted. “What the hell are you doing?”

Xiang Lei replied, “What do you think?”

“Are you out of your mind?” He Fei lightly smacked Xiang Lei’s forehead and quickly rolled back onto his back.

In any case, as time passed, this matter became an increasingly tangled knot in He Fei’s heart. On one hand, he thought it didn’t really matter. On the other, he couldn’t stop thinking about how to untangle it.

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Regarding sex, He Fei had once guessed that no matter how unimaginable it seemed at first, once it happened once, the second and third times within a certain period would become easier to accept. Maybe it wasn’t a physiological desire driven by psychological impulses, but when it came to bed-related matters, having a conditioned reflex seemed enough.

They lay in bed watching Man and Nature. The scene showed two lions mating, with Zhao Zhongxiang’s narration explaining their mating season.

He Fei pointed at the screen and asked Xiang Lei, “Do you think they do this because of some human-projected animal consciousness, or is it just instinct—just to feel good?”

Xiang Lei burst out laughing. He looked at He Fei incredulously, unsure how to respond.

He Fei continued, “Is their intention purely reproduction? I doubt it.”

He Fei’s thought was that reproduction was probably an unconscious act—more accurately, a result. It was something animals inadvertently achieved while fulfilling their bodily instincts. Humans, in the beginning, might not have been much different. Then, as civilization advanced, humans developed an active consciousness centered on reproduction. Later, in modern times, many people believed reproduction should be a necessary purpose for existence, which was why heterosexual relations seemed more natural compared to same-sex ones.

If reproduction wasn’t the goal, what was the fundamental difference between a man and a woman going at it through a barrier and two men or two women satisfying their instincts?

No difference. That was He Fei’s conclusion.

“What the hell goes on in that head of yours all day?” Xiang Lei asked, staring at him.

“Fuck! You really wanna know?”

He Fei couldn’t even be bothered to get out of bed. He stubbed out his cigarette on the edge of the desk next to the bed, then crawled to the foot of the bed, grabbed Xiang Lei’s ankle, and yanked hard. Xiang Lei, who had been leaning against the headboard, was now flat on his back.

He Fei pinned him down roughly, saying, “I’ll show you right now.”

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Rock-paper-scissors. He Fei lost.

After stalling for a while and seeing Xiang Lei wouldn’t budge, He Fei reluctantly went downstairs to buy vegetables and noodles.

By the time He Fei climbed back up to the sixth floor, Xiang Lei was on the phone, grinning at He Fei while complaining into the receiver, “Why didn’t you say so earlier? This guy’s definitely gonna lose it in a second.”

After hanging up, He Fei asked who it was. Xiang Lei said Wei Tong’s boyfriend had invited them to dinner.

Living on the sixth floor meant that once you went up, you didn’t want to come back down, and once you went down, you didn’t want to go back up. Hearing Xiang Lei’s words and seeing his smug grin, He Fei really did lose it.

Finally, they met Wei Tong’s boyfriend.

The man smiled gently at He Fei and Xiang Lei—a kind of gentleness that seemed like something only someone in their thirties could truly embody. His physical appearance and the aura he gave off didn’t quite match. He was tall, broad-shouldered, and slightly plump, but his eyes were filled with melancholy.

He Fei thought that if this man wasn’t gay—and not just gay, but a gay man already married to a woman—then he shouldn’t have eyes like that.

“My ‘friend,’ Zhang Haiqiang,” Wei Tong introduced the man, then pointed at He Fei and paused, probably swallowing the title “Xiang Lei’s ‘friend'” before saying, “This is He Fei.”

Zhang Haiqiang extended his hand, and He Fei shook it perfunctorily. Neither of them bothered with pleasantries.

Zhang Haiqiang rubbed his hands together and said, “It’s pretty cold! Let’s go for hot pot. No point standing around here.”

They ordered beer with dinner, but unlike Shi Zhuo, Zhang Haiqiang didn’t pressure them to drink. He just clinked glasses with He Fei and Xiang Lei occasionally, each sipping at their own pace.

He didn’t seem like much of a talker either, only asking a few random questions about school.

He Fei actually wanted to ask him how it felt to be married with kids, but he knew the question was too blunt. Besides, this kind of reserved person would definitely be embarrassed by it.

He Fei secretly suspected that the melancholy in this man’s eyes was inextricably linked to his marriage and family.

No matter how composed a married man with an affair might seem, he would always be at a moral disadvantage—especially when his affair was with a younger man. He Fei found himself vaguely sympathizing with the man’s situation.

Wei Tong said to He Fei, “It’s always you guys coming to my place. Today, I want to visit yours.” He Fei said no problem. So after dinner, the four of them went to He Fei and Xiang Lei’s little home.

When they saw the puzzle-patterned floor in the bedroom, they reacted just like Yang Lin and Zhang Wenwen had, exclaiming, “This is really nice!” Wei Tong grabbed Zhang Haiqiang’s arm and said, “How about we get this tomorrow?” Zhang Haiqiang replied, “Sure.”

They took off their shoes and sat on the floor in the bedroom. He Fei habitually turned on the CD player.

During a cha-cha song, Wei Tong pulled Zhang Haiqiang up, and the two of them started dancing barefoot on Xiang Lei’s puzzle floor. He Fei and Xiang Lei hastily retreated to the other side of the bed.

Wei Tong’s movements were smooth and graceful, while Zhang Haiqiang was slightly clumsy. Their version completely lacked the passionate, wild core of Latin dance, instead looking tender and gentle.

Maybe it was because they were in a more private setting, or maybe Zhang Haiqiang just couldn’t hold his liquor, but He Fei noticed him gradually loosening up. The way he gazed at Wei Tong was so affectionate it bordered on brazen, as if the two of them were the only ones in the room.

Seeing that look in Zhang Haiqiang’s eyes, He Fei suddenly felt moved.

It occurred to He Fei that he rarely looked at Xiang Lei like that—the only time might have been the day Zhang Wenwen showed up uninvited. Most of the time, in He Fei’s subconscious, Xiang Lei still felt like his best bro rather than his absolute lover—just with an intense emotional and physical connection layered on top.

Xiang Lei had never seemed to expect such a gaze. Because of that, He Fei suddenly felt a twinge of guilt.

Wei Tong beckoned Xiang Lei to join them. Xiang Lei, clearly already infected by their energy, didn’t hesitate before stepping forward. He picked it up quickly—his steps were messy at first, but he soon got the hang of it.

He Fei actually wanted to join in too, but the thought of four men dancing together struck him as both cringey and hilarious, so he just walked over, set the CD player to loop the song, and stepped back. Occasionally, He Fei would call out, “Xiang Lei, you’re stepping wrong—Wei Tong’s leading with his left foot…”

After Wei Tong and Zhang Haiqiang left, He Fei pestered Xiang Lei to teach him.

After a few tries, Xiang Lei couldn’t stop laughing at He Fei’s penguin-like clumsiness, clutching his stomach in pain. He Fei quickly realized he had no talent for this and soon lost interest.

He Fei switched to slower music, stepped forward, and wrapped his arms around Xiang Lei’s waist. Mimicking Zhang Haiqiang’s gaze, he stared intently at Xiang Lei while swaying to the music. Xiang Lei quickly grew shy under He Fei’s gaze, turning his face away and resting his chin on He Fei’s shoulder.

He Fei suddenly found his own tendency to imitate others ridiculous and couldn’t help laughing. No matter how Xiang Lei pressed him, he couldn’t come up with a reasonable explanation for why it was so funny.

Xiang Lei must have thought He Fei was laughing at him. Unable to get an answer, he pushed He Fei away in mock indignation and went to the bathroom to wash up.

He’s so cute, He Fei thought, watching Xiang Lei’s retreating back.