Chapter 43 – Bored Out of My Mind

243

When Xiang Lei insisted on starting a club, He Fei reminded him that campus recruitment fairs would be held around New Year’s, and after the Spring Festival, he would need to prepare for his graduation project. But Xiang Lei didn’t listen at all.

In the school dorm, in front of all their brothers, Xiang Lei impatiently said, “Don’t worry about it,” which instantly pissed He Fei off. The two of them were at odds for days over this, but Xiang Lei seemed too preoccupied to even care.

He Fei reflected on it and realized that, at some point, he had become overly sensitive. He couldn’t help but laugh at himself and took the initiative to ask Xiang Lei where they should go during the National Day holiday. Xiang Lei immediately replied, “No can do. No time for fun. The club’s been approved, and we need to recruit new members after the holiday. Seven days might not even be enough to get everything ready.”

Xiang Lei told He Fei that, throughout college, he had never organized any group activities, and now that he was faced with this, he was actually pretty nervous.

He Fei was deeply disappointed. Although Xiang Lei’s tone suggested he was confiding in him, He Fei still couldn’t relate.

On National Day itself, Xiang Lei called He Fei from the dorm phone and said he was designing flyers, with all the brothers pitching in ideas, and that he’d be staying in the dorm that night.

He Fei couldn’t help but snap, “Stop going crazy over this damn thing!”

Xiang Lei didn’t get angry, lowering his voice to reply, “Why don’t you come back and stay in the dorm too?”

He Fei shot back, “Go crazy by yourself,” and irritably hung up.

The next day, Xiang Lei didn’t call at all.

That night, He Fei called the dorm landline. As soon as the call connected, he heard a cacophony of noise on the other end. Zheng Dongming answered but didn’t recognize He Fei’s voice, directly calling for Xiang Lei to pick up.

He Fei asked Xiang Lei, “You still not coming back today?”

Xiang Lei replied, “Not done yet!”

He Fei returned to the dorm twice, but each time, Xiang Lei was feverishly busy with his own affairs, not even sparing a glance at He Fei. Over this, He Fei even grew a little jealous of the trivial things Xiang Lei was occupied with. Even as a casual acquaintance, it would have been normal to ask about his progress, but He Fei had no interest in knowing, so he didn’t bother asking.

He Fei holed up in their little apartment, living nocturnally, surviving on instant noodles. He played online games until he was sick of them, then drowned himself in forum posts. On a whim, he revisited the gay forum where Xiang Lei had once been the super mod. It had undergone a complete overhaul, and none of the top ten active usernames looked familiar anymore. He browsed through old threads and found that all posts from before Spring Festival 2004 had been deleted, including Xiang Lei’s novel.

In the most popular section, many people addressed each other as “sister” or “brother.” He Fei almost thought the forum had changed its theme, but after aimlessly skimming through a few posts, he confirmed that these “sisters” were, biologically speaking, still male.

A post titled “Imperial Concubine Heseri of the Great Qing Proclaims to the World: Today, I Joyfully Welcome Another Daughter” caught his eye. He Fei couldn’t resist clicking in.

It was like an online game of make-believe. A family had recruited a new member and ceremoniously bestowed upon them the title of “Princess Purple Jade of the Great Qing.” Sure enough, a user named “Princess Purple Jade of the Great Qing” replied in the thread: “Mother! Mother! Your daughter pays respects! Recently, I’ve taken a liking to the Fourth Prince of Imperial Concubine Yehenala. Mother, please grant your daughter’s wish!” Following that, “Imperial Concubine Yehenala of the Great Qing” also chimed in, saying that the Fourth Prince was already betrothed…

He Fei nearly died laughing. He started imagining what these people looked like—probably all like Wei Tong, delicate to the point of blurring secondary sex characteristics, or perhaps even more so.

He Fei registered a new account and replied to the thread: “Are you all planning to get sex-change surgeries?” Almost instantly, three users responded in similar fashion, calling him pretentious, telling him to get lost, and daring him to drop the anonymity.

Instead of getting angry, He Fei found it amusing and decided to stick around.

Over the next few days, though those people still regarded He Fei with hostility, they seemed to sense he wasn’t deliberately provoking them. The insults tapered off, and someone even invited He Fei to join their family.

He Fei said he couldn’t be an imperial concubine, madame, or princess, but if there was an opening for the emperor, he might consider it.

This quickly drew scorn from several “high-ranking” figures. The concubines probably felt they’d been grossly taken advantage of, and nearly all of them popped up to tell He Fei to go piss and take a good look at himself. He Fei shot back: “Laozi looks at himself every time he pisses. I’m so damn handsome, I can’t even bring myself to flush!”

Returning to this once-familiar forum, He Fei had become public enemy number one! Even users outside the families started ganging up on him. He Fei posted in confusion, wondering when he’d managed to offend those unrelated to the families.

A user named “Orange Sunshine” sent him a private message, explaining that the family-titled accounts were just official aliases used only for family business. He Fei replied, asking what kind of daily affairs these families had. Orange Sunshine said, “As you’ve seen—recruiting or expelling members, resolving internal conflicts, conferring titles, promotions, demotions, etc.”

He Fei couldn’t help but laugh. These people probably hadn’t long been weaned off their mothers’ milk—their words and thoughts were downright hilarious. But then it occurred to him that maybe they weren’t necessarily immature. Perhaps their obsession with make-believe was just like his inexplicable interest in them—born out of sheer loneliness.

Orange Sunshine sent another message, asking for He Fei’s QQ number. He Fei replied that he didn’t use that. Then the other asked for his phone number.

He Fei wrote back: “Little sister, we barely know each other, no?”

The other countered: “Can’t we get to know each other?”

He Fei replied: “Let’s just get acquainted like this for now.”

Suddenly bored, He Fei closed the browser and flopped straight onto the cold, empty bed.

244

Early in the morning, Xiang Lei got up.

He Fei was woken by rustling sounds and saw Xiang Lei already slinging his backpack over his shoulder, heading for the door.

Half-asleep, He Fei asked, “Where are you going?”

Without turning back, Xiang Lei said, “Elementary school.”

He Fei raised his voice: “I’m out of fucking underwear!”

His shout was drowned out by the sound of the door closing.

It wasn’t until past nine at night that Xiang Lei returned home. He took a shower, turned on the TV, and was about to undress and get into bed when He Fei, sitting at the computer, suddenly said, “I’m starving to death!”

“You didn’t eat dinner?” Xiang Lei paused to ask.

“Nope.” He Fei sounded pitiful.

“Why not go eat?”

“Didn’t feel like going downstairs!”

“Why not call ahead?”

“I was gaming! Lost track of time! Besides, who knew when you’d be back!”

“Hold on, then.” With that, Xiang Lei started bustling around the kitchen.

“I’m begging you, no more noodles!” He Fei shouted toward the bedroom door.

“All we have is greens, eggs, and dried noodles. No rice left…” Xiang Lei replied amid clattering sounds.

“Fuck! Forget it! Not eating!” He Fei fumed.

“All the small shops were closed when I passed by earlier…” Xiang Lei stood at the bedroom door and said.

“I said forget it!” He Fei didn’t even turn his head.

Xiang Lei undressed and got into bed, flipping through TV channels with the remote. He Fei turned off the computer and the overhead light, quickly stripped, snatched the remote from Xiang Lei, and shut off the TV.

Straight to the main event. But He Fei could clearly tell that Xiang Lei was just going through the motions the entire time.

Irritated, He Fei didn’t hold back. What should have been a mutual act became entirely one-sided.

Afterward, He Fei sprawled on the bed, weakly whining, “Fuck, I’m starving! Starving!” Then he rolled over and pushed Xiang Lei: “Fine, noodles. Noodles it is.”

Grudgingly, Xiang Lei got dressed, muttering about how He Fei was such a pain in the ass, then headed to the kitchen to make his never-tiring, never-boring greens-and-egg noodles.

He Fei got up and turned the computer back on.

Xiang Lei brought the bowl of noodles to He Fei’s side. He Fei glanced at it and said, “Chopsticks.”

“Fuck!” Xiang Lei snapped.

He fetched the chopsticks and, on his way back, smacked He Fei hard on the back of the neck. The loud “smack” seemed to surprise even Xiang Lei, who then reached out to rub the spot apologetically.

He Fei grimaced and cursed Xiang Lei for being ruthless. Xiang Lei chuckled and slipped under the covers.

He Fei wolfed down the noodles in a few bites and casually left the bowl and chopsticks on the corner of the table.

“Go wash the damn bowl before you get back to your game!” Xiang Lei said.

“Just sleep. Stop worrying about it!” He Fei shot back.

Xiang Lei turned over and was soon snoring.

He Fei gamed until the early hours. Before bed, he browsed the forum again.

Orange Sunshine had followed up on his earlier message: “Let’s just get acquainted like this for now—but does this even count as getting acquainted?”

He Fei smirked, then instinctively glanced at Xiang Lei’s bare shoulder peeking out from under the blanket. For some reason, he felt a twinge of guilt.

He didn’t reply to Orange Sunshine’s message. After skimming a few more posts, he shut down the computer and climbed into bed.

245

Before even opening his eyes, He Fei caught a whiff of something delicious. Through the bedroom door, he heard the sound of sizzling from the kitchen. Naked, he pushed the door open and saw Xiang Lei stir-frying.

“Oil smoke! Oil smoke!” Xiang Lei waved the spatula, gesturing for He Fei to close the door.

He Fei took a shower, wrapped a towel around his waist, and walked up behind Xiang Lei, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“I’m covered in oil. You just showered—get back in the bedroom!” Xiang Lei said with a sidelong smile.

“No.” He Fei rested his chin on Xiang Lei’s shoulder, nuzzling his neck. “What’s the occasion?—Wait, no. Better question: Why the free time? It’s already noon, and you’re not only still home but cooking up a feast.”

“After we eat, let’s go hiking. We didn’t get to do anything fun over National Day, and I’ve been feeling bad about it.”

“I haven’t been feeling bad about it!” He Fei exclaimed.

“So, are we going or not? Fragrant Hills!”

“No! We’ve been there a hundred times! Elementary school, middle school, college—every damn group outing is at Fragrant Hills. Barely any red leaves, just a sea of black heads!”

“Then where do you suggest? Badaling Great Wall? The Forbidden City? Summer Palace? Yuanmingyuan? Temple of Heaven?”

“Let me think…” He Fei tilted his head. “How about Mang Mountain? A buddy once showed me a hidden path. It’s got its own charm, and who knows—maybe we’ll even feel like a quickie along the way.”

“Your brain’s full of unrecyclable trash!” Xiang Lei scolded.

“Then it’s settled! But we’ve gotta hurry. Mang Mountain’s farther than Fragrant Hills—it’s near the Ming Tombs in Changping!”

Xiang Lei’s cooking skills were still far from impressive, but the meal was decent enough. He Fei figured you couldn’t expect a guy who’d never learned to cook to whip up dishes like a housewife.

After eating, He Fei felt pressed for time and didn’t let Xiang Lei clean up immediately. They packed a few bottles of water and headed straight for the Ming Tombs.

Crossing the Ming Tombs Reservoir, bypassing the main entrance of Mang Mountain, and cutting through a forest to the mountainside, He Fei searched for a while before finally finding that narrow trail. Ascending along this unpaved path, they didn’t encounter a single soul. Though the surrounding flora was largely the same, trekking through this untouched wilderness had its own unique appeal.

At a cliffside, Xiang Lei cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted into the distance. He Fei scanned the area—no one in sight—then pulled Xiang Lei into a dense thicket and kissed him, hands already working to undo Xiang Lei’s pants.

Xiang Lei broke free, laughing as he ran off, calling He Fei crazy over his shoulder.

He Fei found him a total buzzkill and slowed his pace as he followed.

After about a quarter-mile, they met a porter who gave each of them a few odd looks. Xiang Lei watched the man until he was out of sight, then motioned for He Fei to look back. The porter was just passing the thicket they’d been in moments ago.

“See? If someone caught us, you wouldn’t even have time to pull your pants up!” Xiang Lei said.

“Fuck! If that happened, I’d just throw my clothes over your head. How would they know if I was a guy or a girl down there? Who’d stick around to watch that kind of thing anyway?” He Fei retorted, though inwardly, he felt relieved. With that, his irritation at being interrupted faded and soon disappeared entirely.

By the time they glimpsed the mountaintop, they’d pushed past the initial exhaustion and thirst, the mountain breeze leaving them invigorated. The peak wasn’t particularly high, and the unpaved path wasn’t difficult. They barely paused, reaching the summit with plenty of daylight left.

The scenery and the historical lore along the way weren’t especially remarkable. After enjoying the wind at the peak for a while, they descended via the stone steps.