Chapter 6 – Wu Liang

25

After returning from the computer lab, Xiang Lei stayed by the phone. After a five-minute ambiguous call, he went to take a shower. The call was about their afternoon date. Before dates, Xiang Lei always made sure to shower, fix his hair, and change into fresh clothes. He himself admitted it was to compensate for his deep-rooted lack of confidence.

The person Xiang Lei was meeting was Wu Liang, a freshman at Polytechnic University. For an entire week, Wu Liang had been calling Xiang Lei for two or three hours every day. Two weeks earlier, a friend had given Wu Liang Xiang Lei’s QQ number. Wu Liang added him, and they chatted sporadically, though rarely about anything serious.

“Come on, give this young master some fun,” Wu Liang often said things like this.

Xiang Lei actually liked this kind of flippant way of speaking, but it also made him instinctively give up any hope of deeper communication. Out of a slight desire to show off, Xiang Lei sent Wu Liang the link to his novel and then logged off. The next time he went online, he saw Wu Liang’s offline message: [Give me your phone number.]

Over the phone, Wu Liang was much more serious than online, though he still couldn’t help but slip in a few teasing words. After a few days of phone conversations, Wu Liang messaged Xiang Lei on QQ: “I want to see you.”

Xiang Lei immediately replied, “Forget it. You’ll be disappointed.”

“That doesn’t matter to me anymore! I’m not trying to confirm whether you’re handsome or not!” Wu Liang shot back.

“Many people don’t realize how emotional they are when they’re caught up in fantasies,” Xiang Lei said.

“Fine! I’m willing to wait until the day you believe me!” Wu Liang answered.

Seeing this, Xiang Lei suddenly felt a warmth in his heart. He found the photos he had uploaded online and sent Wu Liang the link. Wu Liang struggled for a long time but couldn’t open them.

“I’m so fucking stupid! I just can’t get them to load!” Wu Liang sent another message.

Xiang Lei imagined Wu Liang frustrated in front of his computer, both touched and amused. He figured it was better to meet and face potential disappointment than to keep living in a fantasy.

“Let’s meet!” Xiang Lei sent the message.

26

December 1st was overcast and bitterly cold. After tidying himself up, Xiang Lei met Wu Liang at Xidan.

Wu Liang wore a red down jacket and stood at the entrance of the Book Building, looking around conspicuously. Xiang Lei spotted him immediately as he turned from the subway exit toward the main entrance but felt too shy to call out from such a distance. Wu Liang soon noticed Xiang Lei too and walked over with a sunny smile.

“Sorry, I’m late,” were Xiang Lei’s first words.

“Haha, I knew you’d be late because you said on the phone you had to shower first,” Wu Liang laughed heartily. His voice was pleasant, and there wasn’t a trace of impatience despite the long wait. The warmth of his smile made Xiang Lei almost doubt whether this boy in front of him was the same person from online who is never serious.

Wu Liang wasn’t the stereotypically handsome type, but he radiated sunshine and energy. This suited Xiang Lei’s preferences. It wasn’t that Xiang Lei disliked handsome guys, but he had always been wary of the dream of dating one.

“It’s so cold—why didn’t you wear gloves?” Wu Liang asked when he noticed Xiang Lei’s reddened hands.

“Forgot.”

Wu Liang immediately took off his own gloves and handed them to Xiang Lei. “Here, put them on!”

“No need,” Xiang Lei declined out of habit.

Wu Liang kept offering, and Xiang Lei kept refusing.

“Fine.” Wu Liang didn’t put his gloves back on. Instead, he stuffed them into his coat pocket.

“What are you doing?” Xiang Lei was puzzled.

“Just tell me—are you going to wear them or not? Your hands are freezing!” Wu Liang was still smiling, but there was a domineering tenderness in his expression. “I’ll try freezing too—seems like it might feel good.”

“But what about you?”

“My hands don’t get cold even without gloves.”

“Then why did you wear them in the first place?”

“For show. Psychological effect. Now put them on!”

Without further argument, Wu Liang handed the gloves over again. This time, Xiang Lei didn’t refuse. The friends Xiang Lei cherished from his high school days had often shown him similar thoughtfulness, and he had once taken it for granted, never feeling the need to thank them. His earlier refusal was only because this boy still felt like a stranger.

Once Xiang Lei put on the gloves, still warm from Wu Liang’s hands, his whole body seemed to warm up. The endlessly smiling boy beside him suddenly felt incredibly familiar.

Xiang Lei and Wu Liang walked and talked—about high school, the college entrance exam, university life, the internet, and Xiang Lei’s novel. They walked from the Book Building to Yangrou Hutong at Xisi, then circled back to Chang’an Avenue and followed it all the way to Dongdan. Neither of them felt tired.

Every time their hands accidentally brushed against each other, they could feel static electricity even through the gloves. Wu Liang tilted his head and looked at Xiang Lei mischievously. “See? I don’t even need my eyes to send sparks your way.” Xiang Lei actually felt a little shy, as if this were his first time meeting an online friend. He lowered his head slightly and smiled unconsciously.

Xiang Lei happened to have a slight cold and coughed intermittently the whole way. Wu Liang urged him to see a doctor as soon as he got back and said he’d bring him some cough medicine the next day—along with a visit to Xiang Lei’s school.

As dusk fell, Xiang Lei said he needed to head back. Wu Liang bought him a burger at KFC and insisted on walking him to the subway station. When Xiang Lei tried to return the gloves, Wu Liang insisted he keep them until he got back to campus.

“Do you think this is my first time going out?” Xiang Lei joked.

Wu Liang laughed happily. “Haha, it’s not that I don’t trust you. Look—I’m two months older, a few centimeters taller, and a few kilos heavier than you. It’s only right that I take care of you a little more.”

Xiang Lei was deeply moved but didn’t know how to respond. The next second, he had already passed through the ticket gate.

When he looked back at Wu Liang, Wu Liang was no longer smiling. His eyes were filled with reluctance. He waved awkwardly at Xiang Lei, then made a phone gesture with his hand. Call me as soon as you get back to your dorm, he mouthed.

27

Back in the dorm, Xiang Lei stretched out the long phone cord, climbed onto his upper bunk, and placed the phone next to his pillow. Thinking Wu Liang might still be on his way, he didn’t call immediately but instead stared blankly at Wu Liang’s gloves. Before he could finish spacing out, Wu Liang called.

…

“Coming tomorrow?”

“We’ll see.”

“You said you were coming earlier, but now you’re not sure?”

“I’ll come, I’ll come—definitely. Okay?”

…

After hanging up, Xiang Lei rushed to the computer lab to update his diary on the forum and do some routine moderation. When he checked back later, Xu Menghu had already replied to his latest diary entry with two crude words: Fuck’s sake!

Xiang Lei stared at those three words for a few seconds, his mood suddenly complicated.

He logged into QQ invisibly. The message alert chimed repeatedly. Clicking it open, the first messages were from Xu Menghu:

“Really happy for you! I thought it’d be another case of online illusion shattering by IRL meeting!”

“I was waiting to read your new diary entry in the tone of a resentful wife! Haha!”

“Fuck’s sake! Looks like it actually worked out—congrats!”

“If he ever wrongs you, I won’t let him off!”

“If he can make you happy, I’ll disappear and envy you from afar.”

“Fuck’s sake! Laozi feels like killing someone today!”

Xiang Lei suddenly felt a pang of sadness, overshadowing the faint flicker of warmth he had felt. In this sadness, he didn’t know how to respond, so he simply clicked on the next string of messages.

They were from Wu Liang—the first was sent before they met, and the rest after their phone call:

“I’m about to meet you soon, and I can’t even describe how excited I am!”

“I think I like you and want to be with you, but I don’t know how you feel.”

“My hands are shaking as I type this—I really want to know your answer but also kind of scared of it!”

“You don’t have to decide right away. I can wait.”

“I sent you a greeting card in your email, hehe.”

Xiang Lei opened his inbox and saw the e-card Wu Liang had sent. A string of flashing characters caught his eye: A cup of hot tea can warm me; a good book can move me to tears; but the only thing that makes my heart race is you. Xiang Lei’s nose tingled with a sudden pang of bitterness, almost like grievance. How cruel of you to find me so late and hide yourself so well, making me search for so long! he thought.

With his nose still stinging, Xiang Lei replied to Wu Liang with the grievance weighing on his heart and added: “Let’s be together. Let’s be together properly!”

Wu Liang’s avatar soon blinked in response.

“Are you really sure?” Wu Liang asked.

“Oh, you’re online! Yes, I’m sure,” Xiang Lei said.

“Wow, I hit the jackpot! So excited! Don’t regret it later!” Wu Liang teased.

“If we treat each other sincerely, why would I regret it?”

“I already missed you a lot, but now I miss you even more.”

“Me too.”

“Are you still coughing? I’ll bring you medicine tomorrow morning. I’ll be there by noon.”

Suddenly, Xiang Lei’s nose wasn’t tingling anymore—tears were rolling down his cheeks instead.

His unrequited straight crush, the online flings, the gossip from classmates, the expectations of family and friends—these weren’t the first time they had all gathered in his mind at once, but it was the first time they chose to descend on him just as he was finding solace in emotional dependence. Before, it had just been faint melancholy, or at most deep wistfulness. But this time, for some reason, the tears fell.

28

We all go online and chat with people, but none of us would ever prioritize an online friend over someone we interact with daily. If someone we actually know has something happen that requires our presence, we can cancel an online friend’s plans without a second thought. So when Xiang Lei decided to stay on campus for Wu Liang and only asked us to bring some fruit and greetings to He Fei in the hospital, we were all shocked. After a few seconds of shock, we responded in unison, just like when we refused to answer roll call for him: Ask someone else—don’t count on us.

Xiang Lei didn’t argue. He set the fruit down and left to meet Wu Liang.

Our homeroom teacher, who had been absent for months after appointing a class rep, called the 208 dorm early in the morning and told the rep that He Fei had been hospitalized the night before. He suggested that each boys’ dorm send a representative to visit, adding that hospitals were quiet places and too many people shouldn’t go. Our dorm unanimously decided we’d all go—except Xiang Lei, whose decision was as unconventional as his sexual orientation. Liu Chong gave a bitter laugh, while Zheng Dongming seethed.

We met up with the girls’ delegation at the school gate, a group of over twenty, quite the crowd. When we found He Fei’s hospital room, we saw his new girlfriend already by his bedside. He Fei was snapping impatiently at her: “I said I don’t want it! You think peeling an apple makes you virtuous?”

Then He Fei noticed us, and his impatience instantly turned into a smile. The girl, who had just huffed “Fine, I’ll eat it myself”, was drowned out by the flood of voices as we poured into the room.

“What happened, He Fei?”

“He Fei! How are you?”

“What kind of weekend is this, stuck in a place like this?”

“Good to see you’re still alive, man.”

He Fei’s condition was much better than we’d imagined. Our teacher’s grave tone had made us think He Fei was in a coma. He Fei told us it was just a few stitches on his head—he’d been kept overnight for observation and needed a few IVs of antibiotics. Nothing worth dragging this whole crowd over.

Everyone wanted to know why He Fei’s head needed stitches. He Fei mumbled something about helping a friend uphold justice but unexpectedly being outnumbered in a fight. He didn’t elaborate.

“Huh, the only one from our dorm who didn’t come is that gay guy!” He Fei suddenly said with a laugh.

Before anyone could answer, the girls started chattering with questions. None of the guys stepped up to explain.

Then Li Minli drew out an “Ohhh”—she’d figured it out.

Obviously, Xiang Lei was the only one from 209 missing.

“Pfft, of course his date with his man is more important!” Zheng Dongming said dismissively.

The girls all gasped in unison, sighing in realization.

I suddenly felt like Xiang Lei’s lack of courtesy could be offset by something. As I pondered this, the hospital room door opened, and the chatter instantly died. Turning around, I saw Xiang Lei walk in.

Xiang Lei didn’t stay long. He set down the fruit he’d brought, exchanged a few polite words about He Fei’s injury, then awkwardly murmured that someone was waiting for him downstairs.

“Got it! Understood! Thanks! Don’t keep them waiting too long!” He Fei said flatly.

Xiang Lei hurried downstairs. Some girls peeked out the window to look, while others outright followed him down. Li Minli and Lu Yan returned arm in arm, exclaiming: “That guy’s pretty handsome! And he doesn’t look gay at all! Maybe he’s just Xiang Lei’s hometown friend.”

The guys burst into laughter, leaving the girls confused.

“If that guy could be gay, then all of you look gay too!” Lu Yan pointed at the laughing guys. This only made them laugh harder.

“Xiang Lei isn’t effeminate either!” Li Minli’s eyes were equally full of bewilderment.

29

Xiang Lei was far removed from those conversations.

After picking up Wu Liang, Xiang Lei took him to the second canteen for lunch, then they went to the hospital together. Wu Liang waited outside while Xiang Lei went upstairs to He Fei’s room.

After leaving the hospital, Xiang Lei and Wu Liang walked side by side down the chilly streets from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m., from Anzhen Bridge to the Asian Games Village. Then they took the bus back to campus, wandering from Teaching Building No. 1 to the new main building, from the gym to the campus lake, then circling the surrounding streets over and over.

The whole time, Xiang Lei clutched the medicine Wu Liang had brought him tightly in his pocket.

“We’ve really done our part in flattening these roads,” Wu Liang said, then burst out laughing.

Wu Liang smoked one cigarette after another. Xiang Lei wanted one too, but Wu Liang refused, citing his cold and cough. When Xiang Lei insisted “one won’t kill me”, Wu Liang handed him one and said, “Smoke shallowly, don’t actually inhale.”

Static electricity made their hands brush and quickly pull apart. After exchanging smiles, Wu Liang always said, “Look at you, tempting me, testing my self-control.”

Xiang Lei played dumb. “What are you holding back?”

Wu Liang just grinned without answering.

Then Wu Liang changed the subject. “I don’t know why, but ever since meeting you, I’ve had this urge to protect you—even though you don’t seem like you need it.”

Xiang Lei’s heart melted, but he lowered his head without speaking.

“I’m planning to take on two more tutoring jobs to save up money, then take you to Beidaihe,” Wu Liang continued.

“I’ll find some too. How do you get them?” Xiang Lei asked.

“No, you’re not allowed to!” Wu Liang said firmly, though still smiling.

“I want to earn money too!”

“Just focus on your studies,” Wu Liang said. “If you need anything, ask me. We’re family now—division of labor is more efficient. I’m older, so listen to me more.”

Xiang Lei had no retort. He just listened dumbly.

“Give me your cigarette,” Wu Liang suddenly said.

Confused, Xiang Lei handed over his half-smoked cigarette when Wu Liang repeated the request. At the same time, Wu Liang handed Xiang Lei his own half-smoked cigarette. Xiang Lei took it, baffled, and looked at Wu Liang questioningly.

“I have to go now. Consider this an indirect kiss.”

Wu Liang stared at his alternating sneakers and murmured.