Chapter 16 – Finally Touched the Thigh

As soon as the filming started, Guan Lan was hit with the maliciousness of variety shows head-on.

He thought he would be able to have a proper dinner, take a hot shower, and rest well in a clean room at the resort. He was too naive.

The accommodation standards were divided into three tiers: wooden cabins, tents, and very small tents.

Only by working hard to win the competition could one earn a slightly more comfortable place to stay.

The competition event was a three-legged obstacle race.

Guan Lan: “Wait, don’t rush, don’t push. Let’s chant, one-two, one-two, and follow the rhythm to move our legs.”

Chen Jin: “One-two, one-two is easy to mess up. How about left-right, left-right?”

Guan Lan: “… My left is your right. Are you stupid?”

Chen Jin: “Oh, oh, then I’ll listen to you.”

Guan Lan suspected that Chen Jin had an IQ switch in his brain that turned off as soon as the camera started rolling. He acted dumb in a natural and seamless way, as if he had been born that way and wasn’t putting on an act at all.

He felt like these three days were going to be tough for him.

They were preparing at the starting line.

Guan Lan: “Come on, hold tight.”

Chen Jin reached out and wrapped his arm around Guan Lan’s waist.

Guan Lan shuddered all over: “Don’t touch my waist! Shoulder, shoulder!”

Chen Jin moved his arm to Guan Lan’s shoulder and, away from the camera, gave him a teasing smile: “Oh, so sensitive, huh?”

Zhuang Lin, who was standing nearby, looked a bit green.

He turned and walked away, dragging Li Yanyao, who had already tied their legs together, causing him to stumble.

Li Yanyao: “What are you doing? The competition is about to start!”

Zhuang Lin: “Stay away from those two lovebirds.”

Guan Lan didn’t expect that when it came to the actual competition, he would be the one holding them back.

He was out of shape and lacked coordination. This kind of physical activity was really not his forte compared to Chen Jin, who had been rolling around in variety shows for years. In the end, they barely managed to secure second-to-last place, only slightly better than a pair of middle-aged partners. They didn’t even outperform the two girls. Although they didn’t come in last, they still had to stay in the small tent.

The group went to check out their accommodations. The young girl Liang Yanyan exclaimed repeatedly: “Oh my, this is way too small. How can two grown men fit in here? It must be so cramped. Why don’t we switch? We two girls can make do with this, and it’ll be a bit more spacious for you.”

Zhuang Lin snorted inwardly. You think it’s cramped, but maybe those two find it cozy and intimate, and are even happy about it.

Guan Lan: “How can we bully you girls? You rest well. It’s just one night, we’ll manage.”

Zhuang Lin and Li Yanyao, as well as Fang Long and Ning Xun, were both pairs of young, long-legged guys who exercised regularly. Unsurprisingly, they secured the best accommodations.

Although four people were sharing a room, it was spacious and tidy, with pillows, mattresses, and even a private bathroom. Compared to Guan Lan and Chen Jin, who had to sleep in sleeping bags, it was a luxurious treatment.

Fang Long, who had worked with Chen Jin on many shows, joked without hesitation: “How about you come stay here tonight, Chen Jin? I’ll let you sleep on the floor beside my bed. Don’t crowd Teacher Guan.”

Ning Xun: “Teacher Guan can also stay here. You can sleep on my bed, and I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Zhuang Lin: !!!

He didn’t know Ning Xun, so he had no idea that there was actually one of Guan Lan’s “harem” members lurking here!

Chen Jin glanced at Zhuang Lin’s expression and started stirring the pot: “I think the bed is quite big. We’re both slim, so two people can definitely fit! How about you and Little Ning squeeze together, and make room for me and Guan Lan?”

Fang Long: “No, no, I toss and turn a lot when I sleep. If I kick Ning Xun off the bed at night, his fans will come after me.”

Chen Jin: “I sleep soundly. I’ll stay with Little Ning. Guan Lan, you can… make do with Zhuang Lin?”

Zhuang Lin: “I don’t have a problem, but I’m afraid Teacher Guan might find me unworthy.”

Guan Lan couldn’t tell if Chen Jin was doing this for the sake of the show or simply causing trouble. He just wanted to end this conversation as quickly as possible: “Alright, alright, we lost fair and square. Squeezing for one night won’t kill us. Chen Jin, you’re coming with me to the tent.”

That night, Zhuang Lin took out his phone. First, he searched for “Ning Xun,” then “NEXT,” and finally “NEXT Guan Lan.” After half an hour of reading gossip, he was fuming.

Ning Xun, completely unaware, came over to chat with Zhuang Lin.

Zhuang Lin: “You’re quite close with Teacher Guan, huh?”

Ning Xun: “Not particularly close. He produced our debut album last year. You’ve signed with Teacher Guan too, right? He’s very strict professionally, but he’s really nice in private. You’ll see.”

Zhuang Lin slowly said, “So, do you and the others have a lot of private interactions with him? You’re not even from the same company.”

Ning Xun: “He’s very supportive of younger artists. He’s quite close with a lot of young singers.”

Zhuang Lin looked at this seemingly innocent young man, suddenly leaned in, and whispered, “I just returned to the country, so I’m not very familiar with the local scene. I heard that Teacher Guan has been with a lot of young singers… I’m a bit nervous, so I wanted to ask you, is it true?”

Ning Xun was visibly uncomfortable when he brought this up: “I’m not really sure. What I’ve heard is just rumors circulating in the industry.”

Zhuang Lin: “Hmm, I don’t know about others, but your group is clean, right?”

Ning Xun: “Yeah, at least I’m clear of that.”

Zhuang Lin keenly caught the difference between “we” and “I”: “I’ve long heard your group has a strong moral compass and doesn’t go in for that kind of shady behavior.”

Ning Xun: “Yeah, I personally don’t approve of such things.”

Another “I,” not “we.”

Zhuang Lin had just been fishing, and sure enough, he caught something!

In fact, within the NEXT group, there was a delicate chain of suspicion regarding their relationship with Guan Lan: I know I haven’t slept with Teacher Guan, but I’m not sure about my teammates. If he slept with everyone else but not me, does that mean he thinks highly of me or looks down on me? If he only slept with one person, and that person wasn’t me, it seems fine, but why do I feel like I’ve lost somehow?

As a result, all four members of the group maintained a mysterious and evasive attitude, trying to create the illusion that they might or might not have slept with Guan Lan. They were all trapped in a massive black box of suspicion, with no one knowing who Teacher Guan had actually slept with.

This intricate backstory was something Zhuang Lin couldn’t possibly imagine. He stayed up half the night, imagining what Guan Lan and Chen Jin might be doing in that tiny tent, while researching the members of NEXT, trying to guess which one was Guan Lan’s type.

————————————————————————

Guan Lan experienced the worst night of sleep in his life.

That night, it was so cramped that even turning over was difficult, and breathing felt like a challenge. This episode of the show truly lived up to its “friendship special” theme. The fact that neither he nor Chen Jin tried to kill the other in their sleep was a testament to the power of friendship.

The day’s series of tasks involved finding a magical flowerpot, obtaining magical seeds, and fetching magical spring water. With these, they could acquire the magical Seven-Colored Flower, which would provide a clue to the final mission location. The first team to reach the location and complete the task would win.

Without hesitation, Guan Lan assigned the physically demanding flowerpot task to Chen Jin, while he took on the seemingly more mentally challenging spring water task.

The spring water task required first completing a 3D puzzle to obtain a crystal cup, then fetching water from the mountain spring and crossing a rope bridge with it to succeed.

Guan Lan discovered that the 3D puzzle didn’t require brains—it required manual dexterity.

Guan Lan, who had never received an “A” in art class even in elementary school, was under immense pressure.

The middle-aged actor who had come in last in yesterday’s competition finally had a chance to redeem himself. He said he often played this game with his son at home, and sure enough, he quickly assembled a miniature Forbidden City with flying fingers and rushed off to the next task.

Guan Lan, sweating profusely, came in second-to-last again—third-to-last was Zhuang Lin, who seemed to have intentionally timed it to finish just half a minute before him.

The two of them went to fetch the spring water together and prepared to cross the rope bridge, only to be met with another twist from the production team.

They weren’t allowed to wear their own shoes to cross the bridge; they had to choose from the shoes provided by the production team.

The more normal options, like sneakers, rubber-soled cloth shoes, and knee-high boots, had already been taken by those who went before them.

What remained were three pairs: a pair of flip-flops with holes, a pair of pointed stiletto heels, and a pair of makeshift flip-flops made of cardboard and duct tape.

Zhuang Lin glanced at Guan Lan and took the cardboard flip-flops.

He decided to show some consideration for the physically inept elder and left the most comfortable flip-flops for Guan Lan.

Guan Lan sighed and chose the stiletto heels.

Guan Lan: “Liang Yanyan is still behind us. Let’s, as men, take on the hardship and not make it difficult for the girls.”

Zhuang Lin felt a pang of frustration and started changing his shoes.

Fine, fine. You’re such a gentleman, so chivalrous. I really shouldn’t have bothered to look out for you!

The high heels were quite large, and a man’s feet could fit into them.

Guan Lan finally understood the struggles of women. The heels weren’t even that high, but standing steadily on flat ground was already a challenge, let alone crossing a rope bridge while holding a cup of water. The water sloshed out several times, and he never made it more than a quarter of the way across. Guan Lan was utterly despairing.

Zhuang Lin wasn’t having an easy time either. The cardboard shoes were not only ill-fitting but also lacked any grip, causing him to slip with every step. In the middle of the bridge, he fell flat on his backside, and the cup in his hand flew into the river.

Zhuang Lin got a new cup from the production team and went to fetch water again. Seeing Guan Lan still struggling with the high heels on the shore, he had an idea.

Zhuang Lin: “Teacher Guan, let’s work together.”

Guan Lan, in despair, felt as if Zhuang Lin had grown wings and was glowing with a halo.

Zhuang Lin: “I’ll carry you on my back, and you can hold onto the railing and carry the cup.”

Guan Lan immediately thought this was a great idea, but a shred of masculine pride remained in him: “How can I let you carry me? It’s not appropriate.”

Zhuang Lin: “Do you have any other ideas?”

Guan Lan: “…”

Zhuang Lin turned around, bent down, and hoisted Guan Lan onto his back.

Guan Lan let out a soft gasp, feeling a bit awkward: “Cough, am I heavy?”

Zhuang Lin, feeling Guan Lan’s heartbeat against his back, held onto Guan Lan’s thighs: “Yeah, a bit.”

Guan Lan felt that throughout this entire episode, he had been constantly humiliating himself, with only this last moment showing a hint of coolness.

Before entering the final mission, they had to complete a task: write a sentence of at least 15 words, with proper grammar and only one tone throughout the entire sentence.

Guan Lan didn’t even think. He picked up the pen and wrote on the board:

“Garfield flew to Suzhou today to see cherry blossoms and was very happy.”

Guan Lan: “Exactly 15 words.”

Chen Jin: “…You’re amazing.”

Guan Lan: “I write lyrics. This is child’s play.”

Then he took Zhuang Lin’s board and wrote:

“Ultraman went to the art class to do homework but fell asleep during the lesson.”

The two girls who arrived later looked at the boards and giggled, covering their mouths: “So cute! These sentences are adorable, Teacher Guan.”

Liang Yanyan: “Teacher Guan, Teacher Guan, can you write one for us too?”

Guan Lan: “Girls, you have to complete tasks on your own, you know.”

Liang Yanyan: “Eh? Then why did you help Zhuang Lin and the others?”

Guan Lan handed the board to Zhuang Lin and smiled at him: “Consider it payback.”

Zhuang Lin was momentarily dazzled by that smile.