Chapter 34 – My Wife Is Such a Scum Gong

Flight tickets can be rescheduled, hotel bookings can be canceled, but the romantic yacht night Guan Lan had meticulously arranged was a one-time opportunity that wouldn’t wait.

Originally, Guan Lan intended for Zhuang Lin to cancel the flight tickets. Neither of them had much free time, and suddenly dropping work to go abroad for fun seemed like a reckless move. But Zhuang Lin insisted that since he had finally cleared his schedule and had already been scolded twice for it, he couldn’t let it go to waste. Besides, he had put a lot of thought into planning the trip, and his efforts shouldn’t be in vain. Guan Lan, the foolish emperor, felt his heart soften in a moment of dizziness and ended up following Zhuang Lin first to a yacht sex party and then to a foreign sex party. By the time they boarded the plane back home, Zhuang Lin saw Guan Lan searching for “iron underwear” on Taobao.

He watched as Guan Lan asked a lingerie store: “Do you have any electric underwear that can shock someone unconscious when they get hard?”

Zhuang Lin felt a chill run through his lower body.

Zhuang Lin: “We’re about to take off, turn off your phone.”

Guan Lan: “Wait, no rush.”

Guan Lan exited the lingerie store and entered a sex toy shop.

Guan Lan: “Do you have any pills that can keep someone from getting hard for ten days or half a month?”

Zhuang Lin couldn’t hold back anymore: “If you keep asking things like that, the store owner might call the police.”

Guan Lan turned to look at him with a haunting gaze: “If our country hadn’t abolished the crime of hooliganism, I would’ve called the police already.”

Zhuang Lin pouted: “Would you be happy if I stopped being a hooligan?”

Guan Lan refused to answer that question. He turned off his phone, put on an eye mask, and leaned back to sleep.

Zhuang Lin looked at the graceful curve from Guan Lan’s jawline to his neck and felt a slight itch in his heart. However, the “electric underwear” was too intimidating, so he didn’t dare act out. Instead, he took Guan Lan’s hand and covered it with his own, using the touch to soothe his itch.

He still couldn’t quite believe this person was his, so he needed physical contact to feel some sense of reality.

Guan Lan flipped his hand over and interlaced their fingers.

Zhuang Lin, overjoyed, leaned in to kiss him.

Guan Lan let go of his hand and pinched his inner thigh.

For the next twelve hours, Zhuang Lin was very quiet.

After returning home, Guan Lan officially banished Chen Jin to the cold palace and welcomed a new resident into the Guan household.

Zhuang Lin didn’t have much luggage. Aside from his musical instruments, he had a set of tools for making soup.

Zhuang Lin: “When I started packing, I realized most of my clothes are already here.”

Guan Lan: “In that case, please wear more clothes when you’re at home.”

Zhuang Lin had a habit of wearing only shorts at home, bare-chested and bare-legged, exposing over 90% of his body, which was utterly uncivilized.

Zhuang Lin: “This is a benefit I’m providing for you! Don’t you find it pleasing to the eye?”

It was indeed pleasing to the eye, but it was too easy for things to escalate. Sometimes, the two of them would just lean against each other playing with their phones, and if Guan Lan accidentally rubbed Zhuang Lin’s muscles a few times, he’d hear Zhuang Lin start breathing heavily. When he looked up, Zhuang Lin’s eyes would already be dark with desire. After a few instances like this, Guan Lan felt the atmosphere at home had become too decadent. They couldn’t get anything productive done, so he decided to establish a new standard of civilized family life, starting with a dress code.

Guan Lan bought him pure cotton short-sleeved loungewear and forced Zhuang Lin to cover up his muscles.

Zhuang Lin reluctantly complied.

Guan Lan also bought him new toiletries and bedding, cleared out half of his wardrobe, bookshelf, and CD rack, and set up a workspace for him in the study with a new desk. After finishing all that, he wondered if there was anything else he hadn’t taken care of, only to see Zhuang Lin browsing condoms and lubricants online.

Guan Lan: “…What kind of boyfriend is this? Can I return him?”

When Zhuang Lin’s new album was released and his popularity skyrocketed, fans noticed that he had disappeared.

There were no schedules, no updates on Weibo—no one knew what he was up to.

A thread started on the fan forum, with everyone discussing: Where did this guy go?

A veteran fan chimed in, saying that everyone should get used to it. This person was notoriously indifferent to promoting his music, adopting an attitude of “take it or leave it.” When his last EP was released, Zhuang Lin had also been MIA, occasionally showing up for promotions but looking completely distracted and unenthusiastic.

New fans began to feel that being a fan of this person was really fucking heartbreaking.

Zhuang Lin… Zhuang Lin was, just like during his last EP release, at home making soup.

The lamb chops, marinated to remove any gaminess, were stewed with white radish until tender, resulting in a rich, milky broth that was fragrant and flavorful.

Zhuang Lin took a sip and thought it was absolutely delicious. He quickly adjusted the lighting, found the right angle, took a photo, and posted it on Weibo with the caption: “My most satisfying work!”

Fans wailed in the comments: This guy disappears after releasing his album, and the reason for his disappearance is just that he’s hiding at home making soup? And the most infuriating part is that his most satisfying work isn’t any of his songs, but a bowl of soup?!

Being a fan of this person is really fucking heartbreaking!

There are no secrets in this industry, and the two of them had been anything but low-key with their yacht trip and Paris getaway. They had been photographed all over the place. Fortunately, Tianlong Entertainment had good media relations, so the photos hadn’t been leaked. However, the news had already spread widely among the higher-ups in the industry.

Many people who were close to him sent him messages, half-teasing and half-probing: “Hey, is it finally time to make it official?”

Guan Lan, of course, couldn’t admit to anything. The waters in this industry were too deep. If you gave someone an opening, who knew if they’d turn around and stab you in the back? He didn’t care about himself, but Zhuang Lin’s career was just starting, and he needed to protect his reputation.

So he just laughed it off and played dumb: What are you talking about? Nothing’s going on. It was just a coincidence, don’t listen to the rumors…

Until his own boss sent him a message teasing him: Is this what you took time off for?

Guan Lan finally couldn’t keep up the act.

Guan Lan: Yes, boss. Can’t you give me a few more days of marriage leave?

Guan Lan felt that his ability to keep a straight face was growing stronger by the day.

Yang Peining: You didn’t plan this with Yang Peiqing, did you? Neither of you is coming to work.

As for Yang Peiqing’s situation, Guan Lan didn’t know… though he could probably guess that it was also marriage leave.

The elderly bachelor Yang Peining kicked over two bowls of dog food in frustration and directly sent a message in the company’s executive group chat: All must attend the meeting next Monday. Those who don’t show up will have their year-end bonuses deducted.

Guan Lan sighed wistfully and sent a screenshot to Zhuang Lin.

Zhuang Lin came running into the room, stomping loudly: “That tyrant, completely heartless! How many years have you been slaving away for the company, how much money have you made for them, and they can’t even give you a few days of marriage leave? It’s just a year-end bonus, we don’t need his dirty money!”

Guan Lan: “Heh, have you calculated how much we spent on this trip?”

Zhuang Lin: “Have you?”

Guan Lan mentioned a number.

Zhuang Lin clutched his chest in pain.

Zhuang Lin: “Sigh, if you ask me, you shouldn’t have gone for the yacht thing. You know I would’ve said yes even if you confessed to me at a Shaxian snack stall.”

Guan Lan: “If you didn’t like it, then why did you enjoy it so much?”

Zhuang Lin thought back to the yacht play that night and felt that the money had actually been well spent.

Guan Lan: “Besides, I still haven’t paid off the mortgage on this house.”

Zhuang Lin: “You still have a mortgage? Didn’t you buy a villa on the North Sixth Ring Road? Why do you still have a mortgage?”

Guan Lan: “I didn’t buy that house. It was part of my year-end bonus one year.”

Zhuang Lin: “…”

Guan Lan: “That was the year my songs were the most popular, and several companies were trying to poach me. The salaries they offered were beyond what you could imagine. One company even parked an unlicensed BMW outside our office building and said that if I agreed to join them, they’d take me to the DMV to get it registered on the spot, and I could drive it home that day. To keep me, Tianlong directly promoted me to the top and gave me a house as my year-end bonus.”

Zhuang Lin: “…That’s impressive.”

Guan Lan: “Looking back now, I hardly ever stay in that house, and Yang Peining didn’t really lose much. The Yang family is in real estate, and the house they gave me was from his older brother’s development. I was too young back then, with narrow horizons. I couldn’t resist the allure of a villa. I should’ve asked for a small duplex near the Second Ring Road. Then I wouldn’t have had to buy a house or take on a mortgage.”

Zhuang Lin: “…”

Guan Lan smiled: “So, now that you know I’m not really rich, do you regret it?”

Zhuang Lin: “I don’t want you to be rich. I want you to be penniless, so every day when I think about having to support you, I’ll have motivation to work.”

As he spoke, Zhuang Lin’s mood lifted again: “I’ll help you pay off the mortgage. That way, the house we live in will be ours, not just yours.”

Guan Lan: “You don’t have to worry about that. You’ll be richer than me sooner or later.”

Zhuang Lin: “When that day comes, will you only write songs for me?”

Guan Lan answered firmly: “No.”

Zhuang Lin said sadly: “I knew you’d say that, but couldn’t you just lie to me?”

Guan Lan: “Sorry, I haven’t practiced that skill.”

Zhuang Lin: “You used to be a top, and you can’t even lie to make someone feel better. You’re such a scum gong.”

Guan Lan: “…”

Zhuang Lin consoled himself: “Forget it, I can’t be that selfish. If you stopped writing songs for others, it would be a loss for the entire music industry.”

Zhuang Lin: “For the development of Chinese music, I’ve sacrificed my wife. I’m so noble.”

Guan Lan: “Heh, your wife bought you new underwear today. Want to try it on?”

Zhuang Lin: My wife always wants to electrocute my dick. What should I do? Waiting online, really urgent.