Chapter 7 – I Just Love Comedians

Zhuang Lin was furious.

He was angry at himself for being careless and easily falling into the enemy’s trap.

Yes, this entire situation was a complete setup!

What should he do now? Could he back out? It hadn’t even been half a month since the one-month deadline, and he had already lost the city gates. Although the enemy’s firepower was too strong, his own combat ability was truly pathetic!

Right now, he was hoping that Guan Lan would suddenly make some unreasonable demand for a quid pro quo arrangement, so he could righteously take the moral high ground: “Sorry, teacher, I really wanted to cooperate with you, but I never expected you to be this kind of person. I can’t agree to your demands no matter what. Let’s not meet again in the future.”

He seemed to have forgotten his initial plan of firmly rejecting Guan Lan. In less than two weeks, the draft of his response had become over eight hundred times milder than the original version.

But he knew deep down that such a situation wouldn’t happen. He had already figured out that Guan Lan wasn’t the straightforward, physical type; he wasn’t exactly the emotional type either. He was more of a master of strategy. This man was a true player. He would never make a move until he was absolutely certain, and once he did, you wouldn’t have a chance to refuse.

Much, much, much later, Zhuang Lin shared this tumultuous journey of his heart with Guan Lan. Guan Lan’s response: “You really have too much internal drama.”

Guan Lan was feeling quite embarrassed now.

He felt that, as a grown man who had been in this industry for almost ten years, he still couldn’t control his mouth like a fresh graduate. He had poured out so much negativity to a young kid, which was really immature.

But the good thing was, Zhuang Lin’s record contract was practically secured.

Zhuang Lin was easier to win over than he had imagined.

Thinking of this, his mood finally improved a bit.

Then he went to find Chen Jin.

At first, Chen Jin couldn’t figure it out. He and Guan Lan had only recorded a show together, spending half a day together. After it ended, the “let’s keep in touch” they exchanged seemed like a polite gesture to everyone, yet this person actually started keeping in touch regularly. Why?

Being a straightforward person, Chen Jin decided to ask directly.

Guan Lan answered him like this: “The position of my best friend is currently vacant. I’m arranging interviews.”

Chen Jin thought Guan Lan was messing with him, but his expression was very serious. When he said “best friend,” his tone was like that of an elementary school student, so serious it was almost funny, making Chen Jin feel like he was telling the truth.

Chen Jin: “What happened to your previous best friend?”

Guan Lan waved his hand: “It’s a long story. I’ll tell you after you pass the interview.”

Chen Jin still found the whole thing amusing and couldn’t help but joke: “Teacher, you’re not interested in me and want to keep me, are you?”

Guan Lan stared at him for a while, then let out a long sigh.

Guan Lan: “Jin, in the past, when young masters kept performers, there were those who kept movie stars, Peking opera singers, and drum singers. Have you ever heard of a warlord who kept a comedian?”

Chen Jin: ……

Some friendships take a lifetime to form, while others click instantly. Sometimes, within thirty seconds of meeting someone, you can tell if you’ll get along.

Guan Lan wasn’t the reclusive artist type who avoided social interactions. He needed a lot of socializing and a lot of friends.

Especially one closest friend with whom he could talk about anything without reservation.

Ever since that position became vacant, his life had been quite difficult.

Later, Chen Jin approached him: “I accept your offer, but you’ll have to help me with something first.”

Guan Lan reminded him: “You’re still in the interview stage. It’s not time for an offer yet.”

Chen Jin: “Alright, but job hunting is a two-way street. For such an important position, you can’t just interview me. I need to interview you too.”

Guan Lan: “Fine. What do you want me to do?”

It was a very cliché task.

Pretend to be the current boyfriend and show off in front of the scummy ex.

…Guan Lan felt that this kind of behavior was on par with a kindergarten dropout.

But to show his sincerity, he agreed.

It was just a lunch, after all.

He went home, changed out of his sportswear, dressed up carefully, and drove to Chen Jin’s place.

Chen Jin: “Wow, a Cayenne.”

Guan Lan: “Borrowed.”

Chen Jin: “…”

Guan Lan: “I’m a salaried worker. How could I afford a Cayenne? I borrowed it to save face for you.”

Chen Jin: “Good, that’s the attitude! When we get there, keep it up. Don’t let it slip that you’re a poor guy who can’t even afford a Cayenne!”

Guan Lan: “…Wait, who’s your ex?”

Chen Jin: “You’ll know when we get there.”

Guan Lan had a very bad feeling about this.

When he saw the person, Guan Lan had only one thought:

Chen Jin thinking that as the current boyfriend he could humiliate this ex was really overestimating himself.

Guan Lan: “Hello, Director Yang.”

Yang Peiqing sneered: “So it’s Director Guan.” He then turned to Chen Jin: “Are you planning to make a comeback in the music industry?”

Guan Lan, as if he didn’t hear the sarcasm, replied calmly: “Jin Jin has always wanted this. Of course, I have to help him achieve it.”

Chen Jin was internally cringing at the pet name but smiled sweetly on the surface.

Yang Peiqing glared at them fiercely for a while.

Chen Jin looked at the big-eyed boy beside Yang Peiqing: “Who’s this? Aren’t you going to introduce us, Director Yang?”

Guan Lan didn’t watch much TV, but the boy looked familiar. He guessed the boy was at least a third-tier idol.

Yang Peiqing: “This is Xu Ying, my boyfriend.”

He emphasized the word “boyfriend” heavily.

After they sat down, the two excused themselves to go to the restroom and had a quick meeting.

Guan Lan: “You’re going to get me killed. Why didn’t you tell me it was him?”

Chen Jin: “What, are you scared of him?”

Guan Lan: “It’s not about being scared… He’s from the same company as me. We see each other in weekly meetings. This is so awkward.”

Chen Jin: “Why should you be awkward? He’s the ex. He’s the one who should be awkward.”

Guan Lan: “And you don’t really think my status is comparable to his, do you?”

Chen Jin: “Why not? You’re both department heads. He’s in artist management, and you’re in music. Aren’t you equals?”

Guan Lan: “First, while we’re equals, my department can’t compare to his in terms of profit or scale. Second, he’s richer than me, about ten times richer, and the gap is widening. Third, the big boss is his older brother. He’s practically the second-in-command in the company and the future boss. In ten years, he’ll be my direct superior. How can we compare?”

Chen Jin: “What does that matter? He’s not as famous as you! Besides, our main strategy is to show off our relationship, not to flaunt wealth.”

Guan Lan: “Sigh, alright.”

Guan Lan: “I admit I was ignorant. I now believe there really are warlords who like to keep comedians.”

Chen Jin: …

During the meal, Guan Lan dutifully played the role of a caring boyfriend. He was gentle, attentive, and affectionate; he poured tea, served food, and even shared meaningful glances, as if they were truly a loving couple.

The ex was so angry he couldn’t eat, just glaring at them.

His little actor boyfriend, however, was unfazed, silently eating his food.

Yang Peiqing: “The two of you are really happy together.”

Guan Lan: “We’re in the honeymoon phase. Director Yang, you’re too kind.”

Chen Jin: “Now that I’m with Lan Lan, I’ve realized being the top is pretty great too.”

Yang Peiqing: “What?!!”

Guan Lan: EXCUSE ME?

He stiffened for a moment before forcing a smile: “Jin Jin, don’t talk about such things in front of Director Yang. How am I supposed to face him in the future?”

Then he tried to salvage the situation: “We take turns. He’s on top on odd days, and I’m on top on even days.”

Finally, he couldn’t resist adding: “What can I do? How could I refuse Jin Jin’s requests?”

Yang Peiqing’s voice was icy: “Is that why you broke up with me?”

Chen Jin: “What’s the point of bringing up the past? It’s such a downer. Here, Lan Lan, have some food~”

The meal passed in a competition of “let’s see who can gross out whom,” with neither of them eating much. The only one who ate a lot was Yang Peiqing’s little boyfriend.

Guan Lan went all out, discreetly stepping out halfway through the meal to pay the bill, exuding the perfect boyfriend vibe.

On the way home after the meal.

Chen Jin: “Give me your account number later. I’ll transfer the money for the meal.”

Guan Lan pretended to be polite: “No need, right?”

Chen Jin: “I’m the one who asked you for this favor. There’s no reason for you to pay.”

Guan Lan: “Alright then. Your ex has high standards. That meal wasn’t cheap.”

Chen Jin: “He’s just into showing off.”

Guan Lan: “And you—I haven’t settled the score with you yet. Why did you tell him I’m a bottom?”

Chen Jin: “Stop pretending. Aren’t you a bottom?”

Guan Lan was a bit embarrassed and didn’t respond.

Chen Jin: “How could you not know? How can you not know something like that?”

Guan Lan looked up at the sky in silence.

Chen Jin realized something and widened his eyes in disbelief: “You! Don’t tell me you’re…”

Guan Lan quickly interrupted him: “Alright, alright, don’t shout it out. Just keep it to yourself.”

Chen Jin was still in shock.

Heaven help us, the man who had supposedly slept with half the Chinese music industry was actually a virgin. Could this be one of the top ten scandals of the year?

After a certain age, innocence was no longer something to boast about.

Chen Jin: “Well, now that I know your big secret, I guess I have to be your best friend. Otherwise, you’d probably silence me, right?”

Guan Lan: “Do you think you’re safe now? Do you know how my last best friend died?”

His tone was eerily calm, sending a shiver down Chen Jin’s spine.

Chen Jin: “Don’t scare me like that!”

Guan Lan: “Just kidding.”

Chen Jin: “It’s only a joke if you’re laughing!”

Guan Lan: “Alright. Now I can tell you what happened to my last best friend.”

Guan Lan: “It’s not that complicated. I just found out he had feelings for me.”