Chapter 9 – Falling into the Single Trap

“I don’t understand you.”

Chen Jin had a dark green face mask smeared across his face, his legs spread apart, the hem of his bathrobe lifted, holding something that looked like a supermarket barcode scanner, swiping it back and forth on his calf.

These past few days, Chen Jin had rapidly revealed his true self in front of Guan Lan, acting all campy in private.

Guan Lan couldn’t help but ask, “What on earth is that thing?”

Chen Jin: “It’s a pulsed light hair remover. Let me tell you, hair removal creams, wax strips, razors—they’re all no good. Once you remove the hair, it grows back darker and thicker. This hair remover works the best and doesn’t harm the skin. I’ve personally tested this one, and it’s great. I’ll send you the link later.”

Guan Lan: “…I don’t shave my leg hair.”

Chen Jin: “How do you live so rough, like a straight guy?”

Guan Lan: “…Do you identify gay men by their leg hair?”

Chen Jin: “Don’t interrupt me! Let me continue. I really don’t get you. If I hadn’t had sex for thirty years… no, wait, that’s impossible! I have to ask you, in the entertainment industry’s gay circle, which is basically the easiest place in the world to hook up, people can go to bed just by shaking hands! Especially someone like you—you don’t even need to shake hands. With just one look from you, people would strip and pose in eighteen different positions on the bed waiting for you! How do you manage it?”

Guan Lan wasn’t quite used to the boldness of his words and awkwardly replied, “It hasn’t been thirty years yet.”

Chen Jin: “Are you really planning to wait until thirty? Will you gain magical powers by then?”

Guan Lan summarized his past life: “The main thing is, I started working too early. I interned at the company when I was nineteen, and every day was a whirlwind of work. I barely had time to think about that kind of thing. My free time was spent catching up on sleep—how could I spare any for dating? By the time I finally got to a point where I didn’t have to work so hard, I was already twenty-six or twenty-seven. That age is just… awkward.”

Guan Lan: “For example, in your early twenties, you’re full of hormones. Whether it’s love or passion, once your brain gets flooded, you just go for it. But if you accidentally miss that age, by the time you’re past twenty-five, you start overthinking everything. I’ve held out for so long. If I just casually gave my first time to some random hookup or one-night stand, I’d feel really unsatisfied.”

Chen Jin: “So you’re saying you need to be in a relationship first to have sex. I get that. But it’s still pretty weird that you haven’t been in a relationship for thirty years!”

Guan Lan sighed: “What can I do? I’m desperate too.”

It’s as if, after a certain age, it becomes harder and harder to fall in love.

If you have even a little unrealistic romantic fantasy about love, you’ll end up being labeled as weird.

Chen Jin: “I understand your problem. You don’t want to date anyone in the industry, but you don’t get to meet anyone outside it either. Want me to introduce you to a few quality guys outside the industry?”

Guan Lan was actually a bit tempted for a moment.

But after thinking about it, he declined: “Forget it. I’ve got a lot going on recently. Even if you introduced someone, I wouldn’t have time to pay attention to them.”

Chen Jin looked at him and sighed.

Chen Jin: “You’ve fallen into the ‘single trap.’ You’ve been single for too long, and you’ve gotten too comfortable being alone. You’ve lost the motivation to get into a relationship. Sure, you feel lonely sometimes, but as soon as the idea of dating comes up, you start finding it a hassle. At this rate, you’re destined to keep your virginity until you’re thirty.”

Guan Lan: “That’s true, but isn’t it possible I’ll meet someone who makes me want to be with them no matter how much trouble it is?”

Chen Jin: “I didn’t expect your brain to be so pink. Are you a middle school girl?”

Guan Lan: “…”

Chen Jin: “Anyway, my advice is, if you want to date, first find someone to lose your virginity to. Otherwise, you’ll always be holding back. Your reputation is so bad, but you’ve actually never slept with anyone. Don’t you feel like you’re losing out?”

Guan Lan had never thought about it before, but now that Chen Jin mentioned it, it did seem like he was missing out.

—

Guan Lan wasn’t a love-struck person. Matters of the heart only occupied a small part of his mind. After venting his frustrations with Chen Jin, he forgot all about it once he got back to work.

Work was already overwhelming enough. During today’s management meeting, Yang Peiqing gave him several dirty looks. Guan Lan pretended not to notice on the surface, but deep down, he was bitter, feeling like he was shouldering too much blame. After the meeting, he had to head to the recording studio to produce the new single for Zhou Junzhuo’s national tour.

Originally, he had picked three great songs that suited Zhou Junzhuo perfectly and asked him to choose. But Zhou Junzhuo didn’t even glance at them and said directly, “I want you to write it.”

Guan Lan was helpless: “You know my current state. What I write might not be better than these three.”

Zhou Junzhuo: “No, this song is going to be the opening track for every show on the tour. I have to sing something you wrote.”

Guan Lan had no choice. Fortunately, after writing songs for Zhou Junzhuo for so many years, he was used to it and managed to finish the song before they entered the studio.

Unexpectedly, the recording process didn’t go smoothly either.

After several hours of struggling, Guan Lan put down the sheet music and said, “If you’re not in the right state today, go rest, and we’ll try again tomorrow.”

Zhou Junzhuo: “Let me drink some water, and we’ll do one last take.”

And somehow, that final take worked.

Guan Lan suspected Zhou Junzhuo had done it on purpose—dragging out a task that should have taken two hours until dinner time.

Sure enough, after wrapping up, Zhou Junzhuo came over and said, as naturally as could be, “Let’s grab a drink.”

Guan Lan: “Just the two of us? That’s no fun. Let me invite a few more people.”

Zhou Junzhuo: “Just the two of us. What’s the problem? How many people do you need to satisfy you?”

Guan Lan pretended not to catch the innuendo: “You’ve kept everyone tied up all afternoon, delaying so much work. They’ll have to come back tonight to finish up. Don’t you think you should treat them to dinner?”

He spoke loudly, and someone passing by chimed in, “Yeah, Brother Jun. I heard the presale tickets for your tour sold out in half an hour. Scalpers are reselling them for thousands online. Shouldn’t you treat us?”

And so, Zhou Junzhuo’s imagined intimate date turned into a large drinking party.

The manager, assistants, band members, sound engineers, and even the intern who ran errands all joined in. Since it was around the time Tianlong employees were getting off work, a few more friends tagged along for the fun.

Zhou Junzhuo was fuming. He vaguely sensed that Guan Lan was deliberately avoiding him.

But he didn’t dare ask.

“From love comes worry, from love comes fear.” Some people grow braver with love, while others grow more timid.

Guan Lan was indeed avoiding him.

Despite being socially adept, he was still a single man in his thirties who had never been in a relationship. He had no idea how to handle romantic issues. All he could do was stall and pray every night that some seductress would come and sweep Zhou Junzhuo off his feet, solving the problem perfectly so they could continue being good friends.

He really couldn’t reciprocate Zhou Junzhuo’s feelings. They had known each other for too long, and their bond was too deep—like brothers. The thought of them being together felt almost incestuous to Guan Lan, making him deeply uncomfortable.

Guan Lan wasn’t a heavy drinker, so he had mastered the art of dodging alcohol at parties to avoid making a fool of himself. Still, he always ended up dizzy and blurry-eyed.

So when the group got hyped up and wanted to move to another venue for the next round, Guan Lan felt that drinking any more would be a bad idea. Summoning the last bit of his clarity, he made his way to his car. He wanted to call a designated driver, but when he pulled out his phone, the words on the screen seemed to dance around, making it impossible to read.

Guan Lan realized his current mental state wasn’t up to the task of searching for a designated driver’s number and making the call.

In the past, his assistant would handle such situations, but his assistant was also inside drinking and probably no more sober than he was.

So he called Chen Jin, hoping he could come pick him up.

He strained his eyes to see the screen, managing not to dial the wrong number.

Chen Jin: “Where are you? Stay put. I’ll come get you now.”

Guan Lan’s brain was sluggish, and it took him three seconds to process the words before he slowly replied, “I’m at the restaurant.”

Chen Jin was amused: “Which restaurant?”

Another three-second pause: “The big restaurant.”

Chen Jin: “Which ring road? Which street? Is it near your company?”

Guan Lan: “…It’s near some bridge… here…”

There were at least hundreds of bridges in Beijing, so Chen Jin knew better than to expect Guan Lan to explain clearly.

Chen Jin: “Can you send me your location on WeChat? Do you know how to share your location?”

Guan Lan thought for three seconds about what WeChat was, then another three seconds about what location sharing meant, before replying, “Oh, okay.”

Chen Jin: “Don’t hang up. Just exit and open WeChat—”

Before he could finish, the line went dead with a series of beeps.

Zhuang Lin was happily eating hotpot and singing at home when he received a location from Guan Lan.

He didn’t know what new scheme Guan Lan was up to, so he ignored it.

But Guan Lan kept sending it over and over again.

Zhuang Lin clicked on the location and saw it was in the underground parking lot of a mall.

His heart tightened: Could he be in danger?

He started imagining Guan Lan negotiating with kidnappers or robbers while secretly sending out a location for help from his pocket.

Zhuang Lin, though (in his own mind) disliking Guan Lan, wasn’t so heartless as to ignore a plea for help. If Guan Lan was really in trouble and he didn’t act, wouldn’t he regret it for the rest of his life?

That absolutely couldn’t happen.

Zhuang Lin really didn’t want to see Guan Lan, but the situation seemed urgent, so he had no choice.

He grabbed his coat and headed out to the location.