MY 14

“…Don’t I have a say in this?”

“No, you don’t. It’s the cat’s choice.”

At Lee Narin’s words, Han Seolwoo looked down at the brown-furred cat. For a moment, he imagined picking it up and taking it home, but it was impossible. To say nothing of his parents, he would surely be scolded by his sister.

To think it chose him, of all people. Even though he knew her words were a joke, he felt a pang of pity for the cat’s situation.

“Get home safely.”

Standing at the bus stop, Han Seolwoo waved. Lee Narin, who had lined up and boarded the bus steps, waved back energetically.

“Yeah, today was fun!”

“Me too.”

“I’ll call you!”

“Yeah, bye.”

Vroom. The bus left the stop. It was now ten-thirty. It was later than he had anticipated. Han Seolwoo boarded the bus going toward Unil-dong. Normally he would have taken a taxi, but because his mind felt strangely restless, he wanted to be outside a little longer.

Sitting by the window, he leaned his head against the glass. The events of the day passed by like a kaleidoscope. The meeting with Lee Narin had been comfortable and nice, but even so, he didn’t feel like making plans for a next time.

Why was that? Narin was pretty and had a kind personality. She smiled a lot and spoke well. Unlike someone else, she didn’t live with curses in her mouth, didn’t wear a fierce expression, wasn’t overbearing, and didn’t get annoyed over useless things.

Han Seolwoo dropped his head and let out a sigh, casting his eyes downward.

I miss Won Wooje. I want to hang out with Won Wooje. Even though he only acts excessively sly and cracks unfunny jokes, Seolwoo couldn’t deny that he was happiest when he was with him.

Was it because they had been attached for too long? Perhaps because he had spent his entire life being close only with Won Wooje, he was suffering from the side effect of losing interest in everyone else. Being toyed with in the palm of Won Wooje’s hand might have done something to his brain.

…Won Wooje will be angry if he finds out.

A pointless sense of guilt set in. He felt like he was returning from doing something bad that he shouldn’t have done, a deviation from his daily routine. He felt like a child who had done something wrong and was afraid because he knew he would be scolded.

During the bus ride, Han Seolwoo grew anxious as he traced the source of this nonsensical emotion. This isn’t right, this isn’t right. Without even knowing what exactly wasn’t right, he just kept repeating to himself that this wasn’t right.

His heart felt heavy and gloomily listless. He had wanted a change of pace, but instead, he felt like he had come back only having realized something he shouldn’t have felt.

Beep, thud. The door of the bus stopped at the Unil-dong stop closed. Getting off the bus, Han Seolwoo trudged along the silent roadside. Buzz. A message notification rang. It was obvious who would be contacting him, but he didn’t want to look. That was true whether it was Lee Narin or Won Wooje.

Exhaling a deep sigh, Han Seolwoo brushed his hair back. His head throbbed with a dull ache. Trudge, trudge. The sound of his walking under the streetlight stretched out. Soon, it was time to pass the last alley before the main gate of River Castle.

“Was it good?”

At the familiar voice, Han Seolwoo’s steps halted. His heart dropped with a thud.

Han Seolwoo slowly raised his eyes toward the source of the sound. A black shadow that had been crouching stood up slowly with a rustle. He felt as if he had suddenly made eye contact with a ghost.

“You have the face of someone who saw something they weren’t supposed to see.”

Won Wooje immediately read his mind.

Approaching Han Seolwoo slowly, he came to a dead stop right in front of him. His pitch-black face, which had been in the shadows, was revealed under the orange streetlight.

“Babe, why can’t you speak? You motherfucker.”

Won Wooje tilted his chin at an angle. Then, he pulled up the corners of his mouth and smirked.

I’m screwed.

Frozen stiff, Han Seolwoo couldn’t say a word. It was because he realized that everything had already been exposed from the start. The contradictory sentence where “babe” and “motherfucker” coexisted at the same time made him feel even more intimidated.

His spine went rigid. He hadn’t expected to run into Won Wooje right here, not even for a moment. He was in a total muddle over where to start making excuses.

“…Just.”

He cleared his voice as if coughing. Tilting his chin up slightly, he intentionally spread his shoulders wider.

“It was fun.”

Han Seolwoo spoke while looking Won Wooje straight in the eye. A fight was all about momentum. Since things were already ruined, let whatever happens happen. He knew he had done something wrong, but if he showed too much of a losing hand from the beginning, it was certain that the other would run wild even more aggressively. If he were to be pedantic, he also had plenty to say.

“Aha…”

“…”

“It was just fun?”

He mimicked Han Seolwoo’s words in a voice laced with laughter. Even though he was clearly smiling, goosebumps rose. It was enough to make his spine chill. Forget trying to look unfazed; even the sound of his breathing was on the verge of trembling.

“Fun? Just how fun was it? Did you go somewhere and have a fun roll in the hay?”

Won Wooje sneered. At the excessive words, Han Seolwoo’s brow furrowed.

“…What are you saying.”

“No, fuck…”

A coarse curse cut him off.

“I mean, it’s strange that you went around hiding things so tightly like a rat just to do something so great. Hmm? Isn’t it?”

“…”

“Look here. Try to say something that makes sense, something convincing.”

A fierce gaze that sapped a person’s spirit poured down. With one hand shoved in his pants pocket, he began to push Han Seolwoo repeatedly with his index finger.

Thrust by the strong force, Han Seolwoo’s upper body leaned back slightly. Han Seolwoo tried his best to hold his ground by putting strength in his legs. At this moment, he thought it was a relief that he was about 4 centimeters taller than the other. If he weren’t, he felt he would have been completely suppressed by that momentum and blurted out an apology without any pride.

“Did you come back with glue smeared on your mouth…”

Won Wooje snidely remarked at the continuing silence. With his fierce gaze and crooked smile, he looked exactly like a street thug. He really looked like a hoodlum. He looked like a total low-life bully. Seolwoo was so sick of this attitude, the kind he hated most.

“…Did you smoke?”

At the smell that suddenly hit him as unfamiliar, Han Seolwoo knitted his brows.

“Why do you smell so much like cigarettes.”

“Since I’m coming back from a place that smells like it, of course it would smell.”

“I told you not to smoke.”

“Again.”

“…”

“Agaiiiin.”

Won Wooje drawled the end of his word as if prodding. Han Seolwoo, not understanding, kept his mouth tightly shut.

“Are you done with the bullshit?”

“…What.”

“Ah, I’m really… about to get pissed off.”

He let out a dry laugh. Han Seolwoo, who had been keeping his mouth shut, turned his head and brushed back his hair. The change of subject was a failure. Now, there was no backing down in any direction.

“…I just went to a cafe, walked a bit, and came back. I didn’t do anything. I just came back after talking.”

Han Seolwoo confessed. Won Wooje, watching him quietly, tilted his chin. A sharp light flashed in his eyes.

“That’s it?”

“…What.”

“I’m asking if that’s all you have to say to me.”

Han Seolwoo silently looked at his angry face.

“…I had a parfait and cake. …She drank lemonade.”

He muttered in a voice that was gradually shrinking. Accordingly, Won Wooje’s gaze became even sharper.

Actually, he had a lot to say. He wanted to say that he wouldn’t do this kind of thing anymore. It wasn’t fun and he didn’t enjoy it much. Rather, the time he spent contacting her while avoiding Won Wooje’s eyes and deceiving him felt harder and more difficult. Feeling this kind of lingering unpleasantness was also something he shouldn’t do to the other person. He, too, didn’t want to experiment with himself anymore.

“This is shitty…”

However, Won Wooje’s curse was one step faster than Han Seolwoo’s apology. At the annoying profanity, Han Seolwoo’s eyes hardened.

He hated Won Wooje’s savage gaze that felt like it was strangling his neck. He felt a sense of repulsion toward the cold eyes and tightly set mouth that were excessively angry over such a thing, and toward the low-quality curses. A sudden spark of defiance surged up his throat.

“…Then what.”

“…”

“What more do I have to say? Just say the answer you want.”

He tried to force down the breath rising hotly within him. To put it bluntly, it wasn’t like he had committed a mortal sin, so he couldn’t understand why the other had to interrogate and corner him to this extent. Moreover, what was more annoying than that was himself, feeling small in front of a guy like this.

Ha. Won Wooje let out an incredulous breath. His black pupils grew even darker in the pitch-black darkness.

“Just how long were you planning to hide it from me?”

Only then did he bring out the main point, which was laced with anger.

“Do you think this makes sense right now? I have to hear news about you from those kinds of bastards?”

“…”

“Fuck, everyone and their dog knew except me. All those sons of bitches knew and I was the only one who didn’t. Did you really make up your mind to go somewhere and lose your virginity? Did you hide it and go around struggling because you were afraid you’d get cursed at for acting like a dog in heat!”

Won Wooje’s intonation became violent. At the remarks that clearly crossed the line, Han Seolwoo balled his hands into fists.

Here we go again. Losing control without any limit when angry. Even though he knew what answer the other wanted, he didn’t want to give it to him. He didn’t want to grovel before a guy who belittled someone in that manner just because he was a bit angry.