MY 20

A tear fell with a plop. Won Wooje, taking a breath, muttered a curse, “Crazy… .” The fact that he didn’t know what to do could be felt even in his voice.

What have I done. What do I do now? Why on earth did those words jump out at a moment like this, of all times? Why did I, toward Won Wooje of all people, do such a nonsensical thing… .

The sorrowful Han Seolwoo furrowed his brows. Tears fell again, pit-a-pat. Simultaneously, Won Wooje’s face stiffened hard.

“Why… . Ah why, why! What!”

He raised his voice as if making a threat. It was a voice laced with irritation, beyond mere bewilderment.

Won Wooje, who had shouted without realizing it, let out a sigh with a “ha” and pulled his arms away. He placed his hands on his hips and touched his forehead as if restless, then lowered his head.

“So… . That you like, like me. That. Fuck, it’s natural in a way, but… .”

Won Wooje stammered. It seemed he couldn’t organize his thoughts even while speaking.

“The liking, that liking. That, sexually? Is that how I should understand it? Is that why you’re doing this bullshit—no—acting like this?”

“…I don’t know.”

“What?”

Han Seolwoo slowly raised his head. His wet eyes sparkled like jewels. Closing his lips tightly, he exhaled another trembling breath.

“…I don’t know either.”

“… .”

“I feel like I’m going crazy because I don’t know. Me too.”

He swallowed another sob. Then he turned his gaze and stared at the messily scattered blanket.

“Fuck, but you… .”

Then he inhaled a breath, puffing out his chest. He didn’t understand a single thing. Not why Won Wooje threw such fits only at him, nor why he had ended up liking such a Won Wooje after all. One thing that was accurate was that everything was because of Won Wooje.

“How do you have so many noonas you know. Fuck, inviting one to the house at this hour, making her wear your clothes, rolling around with the blanket spread out, fuck, why do you keep making me so heated. I only did one thing, but how many things are you doing, fuck. How the fuck can a human being, fuck, do that!”

Han Seolwoo, having spat out “fuck” five times in a single sentence, panted with ragged breaths. Won Wooje, who had been looking at Han Seolwoo blankly as if dazed, blinked. He fell into thought for a moment as if retracing the context of what Han Seolwoo had said.

“…No, fuck. What are you talking about.”

“… .”

“I told you I’m into premarital chastity?”

All at once, Won Wooje’s brow furrowed violently.

“Are you acting like this because you thought I did something with that noona here just now? I’m sorry, but you’ve got it way the hell wrong.”

He looked at Han Seolwoo with an incredulous face. Soon he let out a sharp breath of disbelief.

“…Until just a moment ago, I was at the park in front of here with all the hyungs. I spilled something on that noona’s clothes and said I’d bring her something to wear, and she just followed me all the way here.”

“… .”

“It’s not what you think. How do your thoughts jump that way? This guy has been influenced by something really strange somewhere.”

Won Wooje had narrowed eyes. Seeing Han Seolwoo still staring at the scattered blanket, he burst into another hollow gasp.

“I slept here yesterday too. I just went out this morning without straightening up the blanket after sleeping. When have you ever seen me fold and organize things like this?”

“… .”

“To put it bluntly, if I liked her or wanted to try something, would I have brought her here? To such a pathetic, shabby place? My first experience is going to be in a place with a damn good atmosphere, okay? Not in a single-room unit like this.”

Won Wooje scratched his forehead with a frowning face. He let out an annoyed sigh and fell into thought again. He glanced up once more.

“You’re not going to answer?”

At the coaxing words, Han Seolwoo clenched his fists tightly. Even with the clear answer, his heart didn’t feel like it was going to clear up. Rather, hot emotions boiled up from deep within his chest.

Large teardrops fell down Han Seolwoo’s cheeks again, plop, plop, sorrowfully.

“You… .”

He bit his trembling lip hard.

“You always have a reason for everything. I’m always the only one doing something wrong.”

Won Wooje furrowed his brow at the protesting words. As the other cleared up his misunderstandings one by one, Han Seolwoo became even more aggrieved. Irritation surged at what on earth he had been so anxious about. He felt like his head was going to explode.

However, he had no words to argue back with. He had nothing to say. According to his words, Won Wooje was also not at fault. But there was no way to know how to resolve this sensation that seemed to tightly squeeze his head and heart, or the sorrow and anxiety that had visited him so strangely.

“It’s annoying… .”

At the low-muttered words, Won Wooje burst into a hollow breath. He placed his hands on his hips. He looked at Han Seolwoo with a crooked posture.

“Did I say something that wasn’t true?”

His mid-to-low toned voice echoed out.

“And honestly, you’re not exactly in a position to be annoyed right now, are you?”

Han Seolwoo did not give any answer while keeping his lips tightly shut. Won Wooje, who had been staring at him intently, let out a low sigh. Soon he turned his head and roughly brushed his hair back. After glaring into the air with a face as if lost in thought, he looked at Han Seolwoo again.

A single tear that hadn’t quite fallen from Han Seolwoo’s damp eyes slid down. Won Wooje’s brow narrowed.

“Ah, alright.”

“… .”

“I said alright.”

He trudged over. Grabbing Han Seolwoo’s cheeks, he began to wipe away the tears with his thumbs.

“I get it, so don’t cry.”

Han Seolwoo looked down at his calm expression. It was a cool face that appeared profound even for a moment, but his touch was kind and warm. Han Seolwoo lowered his gaze slightly and slowly closed his eyes. He entrusted his face to his touch.

“I guess I, well, did something wrong. Yeah.”

Won Wooje, having muttered that, reached out. He patted Han Seolwoo’s back. At the insincere-looking touch, he felt as if something knotted up was being untied.

“Anyway, it’s a misunderstanding. Okay? A misunderstanding. Did you understand what I said?”

His unnecessarily good voice echoed throughout the room. Han Seolwoo, who had been quietly feeling his touch, only then nodded his head.

Hearing it, it seemed he might have made a too-hasty misunderstanding. The situation had lined up a bit, but according to his words, it was a possibility. He was still hurt, but now he felt he could understand him a little. The anger that had overtaken his whole body melted away bit by bit.

Han Seolwoo, having returned to his senses a little, glanced at Won Wooje’s mood. His heart thudded wildly at the gaze of Won Wooje, who was staring intently at him. If he could, he wanted to run away from Won Wooje’s gaze.

Won Wooje, who had let out a deep sigh, approached again and gulped down the water he had set on the sink until it was empty. After being lost in deep thought for a long time, he finally raised his head.

“So.”

“… .”

“So what do you want to do.”

Won Wooje asked. The flustered Han Seolwoo blinked his eyes.

“What do you mean… .”

Won Wooje let out a dry laugh at the small, crawling voice.

“…You said you like me. That you like me so much you could die.”

At the sudden words, Han Seolwoo narrowed his eyes. He reflexively stepped back and covered his mouth with the back of his arm. The revealed upper part of his eyes was flushed bright red.

“When did I say I like you so much I could die… .”

“Alright. You said you’re so damn worried and jealous you feel like you’re going crazy. That you like me enough to come to my house at twelve o’clock at night and blubber.”

“… .”

“So I’m asking what the hell you want me to do.”

Han Seolwoo was struck dumb by the calmly returned words. It was because of the other’s attitude, which was too calm while his own heart was burning up.

What, do what about what? Is he seriously crazy?

“I’m tired, so say it quickly.”

Won Wooje muttered lowly. He had a somewhat fatigued face. Still, it wasn’t an atmosphere of irritation or sharp edges.

“…What are you saying. Do you even know what kind of words you’re, you’re saying right now?”

“Why, are you afraid I can’t even speak Korean?”

Won Wooje raised his eyebrows.

“I’m not that much of a blockhead.”

He acted sly again, turning up one corner of his mouth. The flustered Han Seolwoo furrowed his brows.

“What… .”

Han Seolwoo felt aggrieved. Who was the one who made him misunderstand. The culprit of all these events originated from Won Wooje.

“I mea-n, you said you like me. That you threw that fit because of it. If you said it with your own mouth, shouldn’t you take responsibility.”

“That’s why I’m saying responsibility—no, I haven’t thought that far… .”

“Fine, then.”

Won Wooje, suddenly lifting his chin at an angle, crossed his arms.

“I like women, and I have no intention of doing that with you, so I reject your confession.”

Han Seolwoo’s heart dropped with a thud. He felt as if his heart were being squeezed by the knife-like rejection.

“If I do this.”

Won Wooje, furrowing his brows, rubbed half of his face with one hand. It was a voice mixed with a sigh.

“Han Seolwoo, you’ll dig a damn hole and avoid me, right? You’ll keep your distance while thinking about drifting apart, right? Or you’ll pretend like hell that you’re not, but live your life showing how damn uncomfortable you are.”

Han Seolwoo had startled eyes at Won Wooje’s rapid flow of thought. When on earth did he think of all that in such a short interval. He had made a fuss saying that even if his IQ was low, his JQ was high, and it seemed it was true.

Won Wooje, who had been looking at him for a moment, let out a deep sigh and turned his head.

“But I don’t want to drift apart from you.”

“… .”