PHUW 147

When Haeri declared before everyone that he would take responsibility and live with Jeong Mok no matter what, the frozen atmosphere melted in an instant.

The Hyeonsan family, who had looked stern at the thought of their carefully raised child being devoured by a scoundrel unwilling to take responsibility, loosened their hard expressions in satisfaction. The Chairwoman, laying down the weapon in her heart, said that such a joyful day could not go without a drink. The Professor then mentioned a chrysanthemum wine he had received from a traditional brewer and had a staff member bring it out.

As the fragrant liquor was poured and laughter bloomed, the only one half out of his wits was Haeri. Jeong Mok, who had been crying moments ago, now wore a faint smile as he downed the congratulatory drink the Chairwoman offered. Haeri also took a cup. He couldn’t have stayed sane without drinking.

At long last, the dinner ended. With an infant in the house, Choi Jieon and Baek Seunghyeon were the first to leave.

“Let’s have a drink together,” the Chairwoman suggested to the Professor. The two took the remaining chrysanthemum wine and went to a private room.

Up until then Jeong Mok had remained calm, but as soon as they were alone he suddenly stood with an icy air.

“Let’s go to the room and talk.”

His voice was so frigid it chilled Haeri to the bone.

“Hyung?”

Haeri, thinking things had softened after the declaration, stared wide-eyed at him. Standing tall, Jeong Mok did not turn his head, only lowered his gaze slightly to look at Haeri. His face was utterly serious.

Haeri’s heart sank. Oh, fuck. Just that brief look felt like a knife pressed to his throat. He hastily lowered his eyes.

‘That smile earlier wasn’t real. He was holding it in.’

He followed behind Jeong Mok. It felt like walking to an execution ground. Fear, dread, misery, the urge to run, the urge to vomit, the plain fear of pissing himself, he felt all of it.

As soon as they entered the room guided by the household staff, Jeong Mok carefully closed the door. His sigh seemed to drop the temperature of the room straight below freezing.

“Ahn Haeri.”

The moment his full name left Jeong Mok’s lips, Haeri collapsed without hesitation. Like a wind-up doll with its cord yanked out, he sprawled flat on the floor.

“I have committed a mortal sin. Please just spare me.”

“……”

Whenever Haeri had apologized before, Jeong Mok had always said, what fault is yours, that he himself was to blame for creating such situations, that Haeri had no fault at all. But now, his silence was cold.

Even if the mistake had been big, when someone begged forgiveness like this, wasn’t it cruel to just watch?

Haeri raised his forehead slightly from the floor. Jeong Mok showed no sign of helping him up. He trembled nervously like a frog under a snake, then strained to turn his head just enough, keeping his nose nearly on the floor, eyes straining sideways.

Finally, his gaze met Jeong Mok’s. Jeong Mok’s head was held high, his eyes coldly cast down. Nothing had changed from at the table.

He’s furious. Yes, he really is… I’m going to die here today. Gom-i, this is how your hyung goes.

The solemn dread was chilling to the spine.

What to do? Should he launch himself bodily? But if that backfired, it would be impossible to salvage.

“I’m really, truly, sincerely sorry.”

After letting out nothing but sighs, Jeong Mok finally spoke.

“Forget the rest. Just answer me one thing.”

“…Yes.”

Haeri straightened his torso to listen, ending up kneeling upright.

“Tell me honestly. That’s all I want.”

He was forcing himself to be calm, and that made it worse. What was he about to ask?

Haeri was terrified. Terrified enough to feel like he would piss himself. He clenched tight below to hold it, which only made his nose sting. He couldn’t cry here. If he did, he’d really be a whimpering pup. He sniffled as a thin trickle of clear snot escaped, and nodded.

“What is it?”

“Do you want to make it as if nothing ever happened between us?”

Startled, Haeri’s head jerked up.

“Huh? No!”

“Answer exactly. Did it happen, or didn’t it?”

Jeong Mok’s face was like a steel mannequin. Haeri hadn’t planned on breaking up. He’d only worried it might somehow come to that. That was completely different.

“Absolutely it did!”

“Then why did you act like that earlier? About the memorandum. Was it half a joke like the Chairwoman said?”

“I just… ah, no. It was never a joke. I was serious at the time.”

“So now you’re not serious?”

“That’s not it!”

Haeri couldn’t stand sitting any longer. He tried to jump up but failed because his legs were numb. Instead, he plopped sideways to the floor like a tragic hero. He was in a hurry, and here he was doing slapstick. Jeong Mok, meanwhile, didn’t budge and kept his stern face. It was embarrassing.

“I’m the idiot here. I didn’t think deeply about what contract memorandum meant.”

“So you mean it was a joke.”

Already upset, Jeong Mok asked as if he was deliberately nitpicking.

“No, not that.”

“Then what?”

“Th… that is… I just… I didn’t connect it to m-marriage.”

Was the word “marriage” really so embarrassing? Haeri rubbed his flushed face with both hands. But once it was out, he felt the same relief as passing the first blocked shit after days of constipation.

“Honestly, I didn’t know you were so serious about us. I thought maybe someday your feelings might change.”

The words poured out like a clean bowel movement. It was the truth, yet Jeong Mok’s expression didn’t ease.

“Why did you think that?”

“Come on. Objectively.”

“Objectively, I don’t see that at all.”

But his tone was less cold now. A sign he was softening. Haeri felt relieved.

Having passed that hump, tears pricked at him. He scrubbed his face with his palms.

“It’s because I’m lacking in a lot of ways. Honestly, isn’t that true? You say I have nothing to be ashamed of, but that’s just because you’re blinded. Normally people say they’re not average, but in the end they are. And do you know how hard it is to just be average? My social studies teacher… no, not anymore. I’m off topic. Anyway. Before your feelings fade, you’d give everything, even your guts and liver. Even slice up your own sundae for them. When you’re in love, you find it cute to watch them sweating, gulping down hot blood soup with chili, and you even pick the pepper flakes off their teeth. But once your feelings fade, even dressed in a tux cutting steak gracefully, you find the sight disgusting. Isn’t that how people are? And you already have a record. So how am I supposed to trust you? I can’t. I won’t. That’s why I was scared. I thought if your feelings died, at least the contract would give me some way to survive…”

As he spilled it out, the emotions of that day came flooding back. When everything was crumbling and he thought at least the ground under his feet was solid rock, only to find it was a boulder known for rolling over on its own. Who could understand the terror and shock of realizing the whole world could shake apart?

It overwhelmed him.

“Since I’ve started, I’ll say it all. I didn’t know it actually had legal force. In my head, I thought, if you ever said let’s break up, then I’d use it to cling to you and drag it out. Don’t couples write those kinds of memos sometimes? Right? It was strange having lawyers notarize it.”

“Are you finished?”

“Not yet.”

Jeong Mok shut his mouth again. But in truth Haeri had nothing left to say. He opened and closed his mouth, then just sniffled.

“Yes, I’m finished.”

“Haeri. I kept telling you. I can’t live a day without you.”

That was what Jeong Mok had answered before their very first time together, when Haeri had confessed. Back then, the reply was so flat it hadn’t touched him. It was the same now.

“That’s just something people say.”

“It’s not. I meant it.”

Slowly bending forward, Jeong Mok pulled Haeri up by the arm. Then he gripped Haeri’s shoulders with both hands.

“Haeri, listen carefully.”

“Yes.”

“Nothing I say to you is just empty words.”

“……”

“Sometimes I may say things lightly, even like a joke. I won’t always be solemn. But in whatever form, I will never break a promise I’ve made to you.”

Not even the cool executives in dramas would speak like this. For Haeri, who was too stained by the grime of the world to blindly believe ik such unconditional devotion felt too unrealistic.

“Except when you’re in danger.”

Of course. Realism required a condition like that, shifting to fit circumstance.

“Got it. From now on I’ll take everything you say that way.”

He was able to answer with a somewhat lighter heart.