PHUW 15

He fell asleep again.

Ahn Haeri found himself in a different hospital room, once again, a deluxe room. A nurse he was more familiar with than Jeong Mok scolded him, asking how he managed to get hurt again so soon after being discharged. Haeri didn’t feel like explaining, so he just smiled.

Since he couldn’t lie flat, he raised the bed table and lay on it face-down. Around lunchtime, Jeong Mok, who hadn’t been around for a while, appeared holding a bag of medicine and a phone.

“They said you needed your prescribed meds.”

“Thank you.”

Ahn Haeri had just been wondering what to do about his lunch meds.

“What about lunch?”

“It should be here soon.”

“Not yet, right? Then let’s eat together.”

“…Sorry?”

That caught Haeri off guard.

“What? You don’t want to?”

“It’s not that… Are you going to eat the patient meal?”

Naturally, the hospital only served patient meals. And it wasn’t enough for two grown men to share.

“One serving won’t be enough.”

“I’ll order mine separately.”

Jeong Mok said as he checked his phone.

“Can you get deliveries at hospitals?”

“Not delivery. I think I can just request it from the hospital cafeteria.”

“I don’t think that’s possible?”

Their common sense clashed. While they were blinking at each other, the assigned nurse came in with a cold pack.

“If a caregiver meal is requested, it’s served along with the patient meal. If you want something else, contact the hospital cafeteria. For deluxe rooms, the cafeteria delivers it separately.”

“See? I told you.”

Haeri had no idea caregiver meals were a thing. Jeong Mok gave him a smirk. He didn’t seem the type, but he could be subtly embarrassing.

“How would I know if I’ve never had a caregiver?”

“Well, you’ll find out now. I’m your caregiver.”

“…What?”

At that moment, the nurse placed the cold pack on Haeri’s back. It was so cold that his face twisted automatically.

“Keep that on. Caregiver, please keep an eye on it.”

“Understood.”

Even though she knew both Haeri’s story and who Jeong Mok was, the nurse left the room with a straight face after her instructions.

“Since when were you my caregiver?”

“Since always?”

That was so ridiculous Haeri almost laughed.

He held it in with all his might. If he moved wrong, his back would throb badly, and having just barely escaped a near-death state, he’d regret giving into a fleeting impulse.

“‘Since always’? Seriously?”

“If you didn’t like it, you shouldn’t have gotten hit with my crowbar.”

Was that supposed to be a joke? That was low. Low, but accurate.

“You’re kind of different from your first impression.”

“What was my first impression?”

“You seemed like a serious guy.”

Jeong Mok chuckled at his honesty.

“I hear that a lot from other people.”

Ahn Haeri was skeptical.

“Then why act like this around me?”

“Beats me. Maybe because I feel comfortable?”

“It’s not comfort. You just think I’m easy.”

And why wouldn’t I be?

It’s not like Haeri had a small frame that made people treat him delicately, but that only applied when he wasn’t injured.

Haeri didn’t have a support system. He didn’t even have a place to lie down properly, let alone someone to lean on. He didn’t have his memories. Haeri was, by any definition, extremely vulnerable. He was so vulnerable that even a social worker introduced by the detective had tried to sexually harass him.

“Maybe. But you look like someone I want to mess with.”

“….”

That actually stung. The phrase “someone I want to mess with” reminded him of Kim Jeongwook. Jeong Mok probably didn’t mean it that way.

‘And even if he did, what can I do?’

That’s just his reality. If you’re a man born with no home, no roots, then you better be tall and broad, or at least look intimidating. Being average in size with a soft face was just baggage for a sick orphan with nowhere to go.

Suddenly, Haeri felt bitter and depressed.

How did it come to this? What sin did he commit in a past life to end up with a cracked skull, amnesia, and even sexual assault? Life really was fucking miserable.

“What are you thinking to make that face?”

“…Huh?”

While lying face down on the table, Haeri lifted just his head to look at Jeong Mok.

“That expression really gets to me every time you make it.”

Jeong Mok stared intently at Haeri, as if he were genuinely curious.

“What kind of expression am I making?”

“The kind a lonely, pitiful puppy would have, one that got abandoned by its owner, wandered around with nowhere to go, got beaten up by bad kids, and ended up crying alone in a corner of a construction site.”

“…Wow.”

What kind of bullshit was that? Why was the analogy so damn specific? And why such a miserable, gut-punch description, as if he were trying to piss someone off?

“Are you insulting me right now?”

“No.”

“Then why are you treating me like some stray mutt that got dumped and beaten up?”

There’s no upside to being rude to Jeong Mok, and yet, once Haeri’s mouth started running, he couldn’t stop.

“Did you see my parents abandoning me? Did you see it happen?”

“What?”

Lying down made it hard to raise his voice properly, so Ahn Haeri forced himself up despite the pain. The cold pack that had been on his back slid off.

“Just because I’m from an orphanage, does that mean my parents abandoned me? Maybe they died in an accident or something.”

“…”

“Don’t assume just because I lost my memory that my parents didn’t want me. It’s not like I chose to be an orphan. Why do you have to make life harder for someone who’s already struggling? If you’re going to talk like that, then just leave.”

His back, now without the cold pack, burned with heat. But more than the bruised back, it was his eyes that stung. His lips trembled. If this kept going, tears would start to fall, ugly and uncontrollable.

He reached behind him to grab the cold pack, but his arm wouldn’t reach it.

He tried the other arm. The edge of the cold pack barely touched his fingertips, but he didn’t have the strength to pull it closer.

He became frustrated. How did it come to this? Hiding at some construction site late at night, ending up like this? The angrier he got, the more pain he felt. When he gave up on the cold pack, his body sagged forward again. Dampness filled the air around his face, tinged with salt.

Jeong Mok came closer. With his intact limbs, sharp memory, and wealthy parents, he picked up the cold pack Haeri couldn’t even touch with pathetic ease.

“Here.”

“It’s okay.”

Ahn Haeri turned his head away from the pitying hand that felt like it was petting a poor, abandoned puppy.

Fucking Kim Jeongwook. This was all that bastard’s fault. If it weren’t for his disgusting bullshit, Haeri would’ve just stayed at the facility, gotten a part-time job or factory work, and never crossed paths with Jeong Mok again. Then he wouldn’t have had to hear shit like being a discarded mutt.

People with shitty personalities never leave others alone.

Before he could say anything, a large hand reached under his chest and lifted him up. Jeong Mok cupped his tear-streaked face in both hands.

Had he lost his damn mind? Touching someone’s face like that without warning, what a cocky move. Haeri tried to shove the hands away. But he couldn’t even grab Jeong Mok’s wrists.

He wanted to tell him to back off, to get lost. But his damn throat wouldn’t cooperate. All he could do was tremble as the tears streamed onto the back of Jeong Mok’s hand.

The strength drained from his wide-open eyes. His tightly clenched jaw trembled.

He didn’t want to cry out loud. That would really make him feel like a helpless, thrown-away kid. He bit down harder. His chest heaved as he swallowed the sobs. The more he held it in, the more his back burned. The pain was unbearable.

Watching the steady stream of tears, Jeong Mok slowly pulled him into a hug. Ahn Haeri’s face sank into that wide, firm chest. The T-shirt began to soak up the salty moisture.

Jeong Mok’s arms were bizarrely comforting. He might have had his own motives. He couldn’t be trusted completely, nor should he be. But… no one had ever held him like this before.

Someone who snapped at him yet still cared, someone who hurt him yet still tried to soothe him, Haeri found himself wanting to lean on him. He knew he shouldn’t, but his weakened heart kept turning in that direction.

Instead of patting his bruised back, Jeong Mok gently stroked the back of his head, soft and careful like a breeze. Strangely enough, it felt nice.

Was this what it felt like to be held by an older brother?

No… more likely, it was the touch of a rich man pitying a sad little dog. There was no reason for him to keep being stroked like this.

“I’m… not a dog, you know.”

He protested, head still lowered from sheer exhaustion.

“I know.”

“Then why are you petting my head?”

“Don’t like it?”

What kind of stupid question was that? Haeri tried to scoff, but it came out as a sniffle instead.

“Yeah.”

“You’re such a bad liar.”

“…”

Haeri’s lips twisted slightly. But he didn’t try to lie about not lying.

With his face buried in Jeong Mok’s chest, he sniffled quietly for a long while. Jeong Mok didn’t push him away and just kept petting him persistently.

Eventually, the short hair on the back of Haeri’s head flattened, like it’d been given a soft perm.

Clunk, clunk.

The sound of the meal trolley signaled mealtime.

Ahn Haeri slowly lifted his head from Jeong Mok’s chest. Jeong Mok, noticing the dampness of his shirt, tugged it lightly before helping Haeri get comfortable on the bed table again, gently propping up the pillow.

While Ahn Haeri sniffled, a knock came from outside.

Jeong Mok stepped out to receive the food. The assigned nurse hadn’t shown up since earlier. Was she just busy? Or deliberately giving them space?

He placed the meal tray on the table by the sofa.

The delicious aroma stirred Haeri’s appetite. If he could, he would’ve sat up and pushed the pillow aside himself. But he’d used up all his energy. His body didn’t cooperate.

His self-appointed “guardian” didn’t even look back. Instead, he removed the lid from the tray and dunked rice into a bowl of soybean paste soup. He really wanted to make people angry in various ways Ahn Haeri’s ignorant stomach growled loudly in protest. He was just about to turn away in disgust because he didn’t to look at him.

“Here.”

A spoonful of rice soaked in soybean paste soup appeared right in front of his face.