PHUW 68

“Crazy.”

A suffocating wave of self-contempt wrapped around his whole body. Saying he was simply crazy could not even begin to describe how pathetic and miserable he felt.

At the end of the report on Ahn Haeri he had read before, there had also been material related to [Grace Orphanage].

Alongside the article about sexual assault that he had indirectly heard of through Detective Park Seokgi, there were attached photos of the orphanage director who had been sentenced to prison for sexually assaulting minors, along with the police statements and trial records from the time.

According to the police statements, the perverted director had not cared whether it was a boy or girl, as long as the child was under ten and had a pretty face. The crimes themselves had continued for a long time, until one of the children’s schoolteachers noticed something was wrong and reported it. When he saw the estimated year of the first offense, his blood had run cold. At that time, Ahn Haeri had been under ten years old.

With the anger toward that bastard who deserved to be burned alive came disgust directed at himself, who was no better than that piece of trash.

Ahn Haeri always had nothing, was made to have nothing, or was driven out and robbed. He had never known even a single day of a proper family, and what little he did have, the world took away. In a life filled with loss and deprivation, all he had left was an unusually pretty face and body.

There was no definitive proof. But even when he was a twenty-four-year-old young man, he had experienced something similar at a homeless shelter. There was no way that director bastard, who preyed on far younger preschool children, would have just stood by and watched.

Bang!

Before he even realized it, his fist slammed down on the sofa table. At the same time, Jeong Mok shot up from his seat in fury. Flames surged across his whole body.

Ahn Haeri was a victim of child sexual assault. Now that he knew in full the miserable course of his life, he had indulged in disgusting fantasies and been swept up in vile desire, to the point where the thought that losing his memory might actually have been a blessing for Ahn Haeri crossed his mind.

He needed a cold shower immediately. If not that, then he might as well undergo chemical castration.

During the shower he could not help but resort to physical stimulation. Afterward, he was tormented by even deeper self-loathing. Thanks to that, his desire for sleep and food both disappeared completely.

It was a wretched morning.

***

For two months, Jeong Mok had not contacted him. At first, he thought it would be fine if their contact ended like this, but it was not fine. Every time he looked at his phone, his heart felt heavy. At the very least, he ought to thank him properly for the severance pay.

‘Not just not fine, it’s downright not fine.’

He unblocked him. And that was all.

After blocking him for two months, there was no way the other side would reach out. If he wanted the conversation to continue, he would have to send the first message.

Haeri opened the empty chat window and kept hesitating. He had no idea what to say or how to begin.

How have you been? Saying something so ordinary felt far too rude. And if he replied that he had been doing well, that would sting even more, because Haeri himself had not been doing well.

Sorry I couldn’t reach out? He was not completely unapologetic, but he did not want to lower himself too much before the person who had thrown him out. The resentment had not disappeared completely.

I just checked the severance pay? That would look like he was contacting him just because of money, which would feel insulting. And he hated the thought of looking clingy to death.

“If only I could just cling shamelessly.”
But if he did that, whatever feelings remained between them would vanish.

He let out a long sigh.

On the other hand, even if he did reach out, there was no guarantee the other side would answer. The fact that he had sent the severance pay without a word meant he was clearly trying to cut ties.

“Am I the only one agonizing over this?”

Once he started worrying, he could not muster the courage to send a message. But living the rest of his life without ever talking to him again left him with regret.

Honestly, he wanted to get along with Jeong Mok again. Where would he ever meet someone that kind and admirable again?

Even if they were more distant than before, he wanted at least to greet him warmly when they met and ask how he had been. And sometimes, maybe sit down together for pork belly and soju.

Come to think of it, he had never once drunk alcohol with Jeong Mok. Even though Jeong Mok often drank beer, he always handed him only bottled water or juice.

Treated like a baby. At the time, he thought it was just dismissive. But looking back, it strangely felt like careful consideration, and that made him feel good. But not even offering him coffee was too much. He could drink alcohol, after all.

Suddenly, the perfect line for a message came to mind.

“Hyung-nim, if you have time, would you like to have pork belly and soju with me?”

It was not servile and it did not sound careless either, so it was quite decent. But the prescription medication he was still on was the problem. If it had just been a broken leg, he might have snuck a drink, but this was brain damage. Drinking recklessly, especially when he was not alone, could be dangerous. What would happen to Gom-i then?

“Isn’t there something else?”

It would be good if he had an appropriate excuse. Talking about the dog was the perfect common topic, but of all people, bringing up Gom-i with Jeong Mok would be stupid.

No good line came to mind. It felt like it would be less stressful to just speak face to face than to send a message.

“Ah!”

Haeri suddenly sat up from where he had been lying down. A good idea had come to him.

He grabbed Gom-i’s leash and approached the dog lying on the living room floor. It was still too early for the afternoon walk. But Gom-i wagged his broom-like tail happily.

It was an hour’s walk to the village where Jeong Mok lived. After passing through the cafe district and the path leading toward the campground, a lonely field stretched out.

Gom-i somehow looked to be in a good mood. His heavy body bounced lightly as he moved. Every few steps he stopped to sniff and diligently sprayed. He looked like he was carefully marking his territory.

“Right. You used to live around here.”

Woof!

Gom-i barked cheerfully. Seeing him so excited lightened Haeri’s mood as well.

He was walking along the highway he had ridden with Jeong Mok before, when, in the distance, a large dog and its owner appeared. Like Gom-i, the dog was sniffing around as it came closer, then lifted its head and stared this way. At a glance, it was clearly Janggun and the uncle.

Gom-i also spotted Janggun and stopped. A strange tension spread between the two dogs standing far apart. It felt like the moment to turn back.

Woof, woof!

The loud bark of the big dogs split the sky. At once, Gom-i leapt forward like a racehorse released from the starting gate. With the rebound, Haeri’s upper body was thrown backward, his hand clutching the leash yanked hard.

“Ugh!”

The leash slipped out of his grip and Gom-i shot forward like an arrow. The other dog did the same.

“Good heavens!”

The old man flailed his hands in shock as Janggun ran like a bullet. Haeri, who had fallen backward, scrambled up and ran.

“Stop! Gom-i! Stop!”

“Janggun-a!”

Woof, woof! Woof!

The two overexcited big dogs ignored the panicked humans and rushed at each other.

The distance closed and at last the two collided, springing into the air. Black and golden fur flashed, and vicious fangs cut through the wind.

Woof! Woof, woof!

The black mass and the yellow mass landed after swapping places, then charged each other again. It was the moment just before a bloody, savage dogfight would break out.

“Stop!”

Haeri shouted.

“Oh dear, what do we do now!”

The old man cried out in dismay.

But once again, Gom-i and Janggun failed to bite each other. They collided in the air, tumbled, then fell apart, only to growl and rush each other again. They opened their terrifying jaws wide, only to bite nothing but air, then grappled together and writhed, then broke apart to repeat the same motions.

At first, Haeri thought they were too excited to aim properly. Then he thought maybe they were too skilled, like judo athletes trading harmless moves, only feinting bites.

But watching closely, it was a mistake. They were both doing it on purpose. From a distance they barked as if to kill, but once they rushed in, they opened their mouths toward each other’s throats, only to flinch back in fear when the other growled. Both were cowardly fools, raised by humans until only their size was large.

“What… are you two even doing?”
Haeri stood dumbfounded, watching the stupid circus the two put on.

Drenched in sweat, the old man finally ran up.

“Hahh, hahh… are they okay?”

“Yes. I don’t think they’re really fighting.”

The two dogs only panted with their mouths hanging open, bumping against each other like idiots. They rolled on the ground, then sprang up to spin around in circles as if playing tag, then dashed off madly in opposite directions, only to circle back and sprint full speed at each other again. When they collided and bounced away, it looked like a spinning-top wrestling match in dog form, or just wrestling between overexcited fools.

“So… should we say they get along?”

“It doesn’t look bad to me.”

“Unbelievable. Why bark like that if they were going to do this?”

“That’s what I’d like to know.”

The old man laughed in disbelief.

“They nearly scared me to death.”

“Same here.”

“But what brings you this way, youg man? I tought you’d moved out.” The old man looked at Haeri with a warm smile.

“Yes. I moved in a hurry, I’m sorry I didn’t greet you before leaving.”

“Oh, it happens. So, where did you move? Somewhere nearby?”

“Yes. Near the cafe district.”

“Quite a long way to come for a walk.”

“An hour or two isn’t enough otherwise.”

The old man nodded as if he understood.

“But about Bachelor Jeong Mok. How could he just leave without a word. I was shocked when I saw the news.”

“Excuse me?”

Hearing Jeong Mok’s name suddenly, without warning, startled him. And news? What was he talking about?