RB 117

Yeorok was engulfed in a profound sense of despair. He silently closed his eyes and then opened them again.

“…….”

The person before him was indeed Sim Eunho, the very being he had so desperately longed to reclaim.

Yet this reaction was entirely unforeseen. He had anticipated that upon regaining his full faculties, Eunho would unleash all his accumulated resentment upon him. Yeorok had steeled himself to accept it all, to soothe those wounds with unwavering resolve.

But reality was unfolding far differently from what he had envisioned. At this moment, Eunho appeared calmer than ever, devoid of any agitation. He carried himself like someone who had long since sorted through his emotions, as if deeming Choi Yeorok unworthy of even his anger.

What Yeorok faced was a serene fury, cold as ice and untouchable. Cold sweat broke out on his forehead, and his hands trembled pathetically. He clenched his quivering fists tightly.

“…Please, give me just one chance.”

“…….”

“We need to clear up the misunderstandings, right?”

At that, Eunho let out a wry laugh.

“What misunderstandings? It’s simply that all your lies have been exposed.”

Yeorok remained silent. Facing his unyielding stance, Eunho brushed back his hair with an air of irritation. A long sigh escaped his lips.

“If you have something to say, go ahead.”

Yeorok rubbed his pallid face roughly. He forced out the words that refused to come.

“When… did your memories return?”

“Does that even matter?”

Yeorok shook his head. Then, he chose his words with care. Where to begin? The tangled threads had become so knotted that he couldn’t grasp where to start unraveling them.

Slowly, he lifted his gaze. Meeting the real Sim Eunho’s eyes, his vision blurred. Yet, out of habit, he cleared the haze and feigned calm as if nothing were amiss.

“Your forced hospitalization… was my mistake.”

He began slowly but clearly, offering an uncalculated, honest confession.

“I imagine you were shocked. The sense of betrayal must have been overwhelming. You probably thought I had abandoned you.”

“…….”

“To explain—”

“I know. It was Seo Taehwa who proceeded without authorization. The doctor explained it to me earlier.”

Eunho cut him off. His face still appeared calm. Confronted with this unflappable demeanor, Yeorok found himself at a loss for words. His scalp was drenched in cold sweat.

Eunho offered a weak smile. With his gaze fixed on the tip of Yeorok’s chin, he continued.

“But I saw it all. Your name was on the admission documents. The application for forced hospitalization had been submitted quite some time ago. You intended to confine me in the hospital from the start, and you simply turned a blind eye all along. Just planning to use me and discard me.”

Eunho’s eyes slowly rose to meet Yeorok’s directly. Those brown eyes, which had always conveyed a fragile impression, now pierced into his depths.

“Can you explain this too?”

For a moment, Yeorok’s tongue froze. It felt as if the root of it had curled up, blocking his throat entirely. He flexed and clenched his fisted hand. His palm was slick with sweat.

“Yes. That’s right.”

He admitted it candidly. Now, it was Yeorok’s gaze that dropped downward. He couldn’t bear to look at Eunho’s face.

“I had invested considerable time in scheming to lock Choi Yoonho away in the hospital. I just wanted him out of my sight.”

With his head bowed, Yeorok began what resembled a confessional.

“I don’t know how this will sound to you… but it seemed like the same method could conveniently dispose of you as well. In my mind, it was the simplest and cleanest approach.”

“…….”

“Falling for you, Sim Eunho, was never part of my plan.”

Uncharacteristically, his voice was trembling. Yeorok gripped his fist harder.

“I acknowledge that I’ve deceived and manipulated you all this time. It’s all my fault.”

“…….”

“I want to undo everything. I don’t care what else I lose, but I can’t bear to lose you.”

He pleaded earnestly. And silence descended.

The minutes passed with only their breaths filling the air, each one feeling unbearably oppressive.

“When I first arrived at the hospital…”

Eunho spoke, rubbing his forehead.

“The realization that you had abandoned me filled me with such betrayal. I had begged you not to discard me… You acted as if we’d be together forever, only to stab me in the back. I couldn’t believe it.”

Recalling those days, Eunho’s brow furrowed slightly. A bitter smile played on his lips.

“Once I learned the full story later, the betrayal felt like nothing. The real shock was discovering you’d planned to use and discard me from the beginning. How could you treat me so kindly, smile at me, hold me, all while feeling no guilt?”

“…….”

“But then I thought about it, and it made sense for you. I know you’re someone who doesn’t feel emotions. Without even a shred of conscience, you could act so shamelessly. I’m trying to understand that.”

Yeorok lifted his ashen face. Eunho continued in a measured tone. It wasn’t accusatory, which made it all the more chilling.

“Don’t ask for my forgiveness. That would be too shameless.”

“Sim Eunho.”

“Your claims of affection feel like lies, and seeing you bow your head doesn’t move me. Everything seems fake now.”

“…I’m sincere. What can I do to make you believe me?”

“Why should I believe you?”

Yeorok had no response. His throat constricted, silencing him. He could feel with his entire being that Eunho’s heart had completely detached from him. This was all self-inflicted. With nothing he could do, it felt as if his blood were draining away.

“There’s no need to force anything. We can just part ways. You can return to your life as before, and I’ll go my own path.”

“What I want is to be with you.”

Haa, Eunho exhaled a sigh laced with exasperation. His expression conveyed weariness of the conversation. Massaging his brow bone, he muttered as if he were talking to himself.

“Always thinking only of yourself, right to the end.”

“I can’t end things like this.”

Even if called selfish, he had no other recourse. No, he had always been a self-centered person. Yeorok stared at Eunho, conveying his unwavering intent not to let go.

He was willing to hold onto Sim Eunho and accept any punishment from him. Just looking at Eunho, who seemed disillusioned with him, already felt like the onset of retribution.

“You’re selfish to the very end.”

Suddenly, Eunho’s brow creased.

“You have no right to act this way, Choi Yeorok. You’re the one who ruined me. How can you ask to stay by my side?”

“…….”

“In your eyes… do I seem fine? Because I’m smiling and speaking normally, does it look like I’m really okay?”

Even now, inside Eunho’s mind, Choi Yoonho’s voice whispered incessantly.

You got caught again. Why couldn’t you do better? Can’t even handle a simple revenge? If you’re going to mimic me, do it properly.

On the surface, he feigned rationality and normalcy, but inwardly, the two voices mingled into a chaotic mire. Hearing Choi Yeorok’s pleas only intensified it.

His voice, squeezed out with great effort, gradually mingled with ragged breaths. Those once gentle eyes now brimmed with resentment.

“I’m… haa, holding on with every ounce of strength I have. I’m offering to forget it all and just leave… Why must you cling to your greed?”

“…It may take time, but I’ll make things right.”

“No, I can’t do that with you around. If you’d just let me go, then… I might be able to live a little.”

“…….”

“Please, let me breathe. Is that so hard? How long do you plan to torment me before you’re satisfied!?”

His voice tore through the space between them like a rift. Eunho’s chest heaved as he glared at Yeorok with eyes sharpened by ferocity.

In that instant, Yeorok straightened his posture. Something about Eunho’s state seemed off.

“Then what should I do?”

“Sim Eunho.”

“If I die like Choi Yoonho, can I finally leave?”

In that moment, as if possessed, Eunho approached the desk. He picked up the placed fountain pen and flicked off the cap. Without a trace of hesitation, he thrust the sharp nib toward his own neck.

No pain registered. Instead, a large, cold palm pressed against the nape of his neck.

“Eunho.”

Yeorok said, his voice trembling. His pupils were dilated in shock. Even though the pen’s nib had pierced his own hand, he paid it no mind, focusing solely on shielding Eunho’s neck.

Yeorok had hoped Eunho would vent all his rage. He had deluded himself into thinking he could bear it. But now, he realized how foolish he had been.

This deviated far from any scenario he had imagined. The anger Eunho had been desperately suppressing ran so deep that he would risk his own life.

“I… I was wrong.”

“Move your hand.”

“Eunho, please.”

Eunho thrust the pen’s nib again. “Hurry and let go,” he muttered with red eyes. His swinging hand was charged with force.

The sharp metal stabbed repeatedly into Yeorok’s hand. It tore through the smooth flesh, mangling it brutally. Black ink seeped into the long gashes. Even as the inky hue mingled with the shredded tissue like death itself, Eunho didn’t hesitate.

The more he did so, the more firmly Yeorok covered Eunho’s neck. If he withdrew even slightly, Eunho’s throat might be shredded to pieces. The trembling wouldn’t cease. Some liquid, cold sweat or something else, trailed down his cheek.

“Why are you crying? Is it because it hurts?”

Eunho murmured, genuinely confused. Only then did Yeorok realize his own state. Tears were flowing silently.

“Yes, it hurts.”

His chest ached with a numbing throb. Watching Eunho harm himself was horrifying. He recognized, in despair, that this was fear, and regret.

But voicing it wouldn’t earn belief. To Eunho, he was already an emotionless shell. Everything about him would seem hypocritical.

With his shaking hand, Yeorok pried the fountain pen from Eunho’s grasp. Clutching the bloodied pen, he wrapped his other arm tightly around him.

This was the end. He had to relinquish his greed.

He couldn’t ruin Eunho any further. He needed to accept the reality that his very presence was destroying him.

“I’m sorry, Sim Eunho.”

Eunho remained still in his embrace, merely blinking. His gaze drifted down. Yeorok’s hand, always so straight and elegant, was now smeared with black ink and blood.

“…….”

He felt no remorse. Nor any satisfaction.

It was as if all emotions had been severed entirely.

With a choked voice, Yeorok whispered softly.

“I’ll let you go. I’ll do as you wish. So… please, don’t do this.”

It doesn’t suit you…

Eunho murmured, exhaling a weary breath. Choi Yeorok, uncharacteristically shedding tears, while he himself had withered to a husk.

Just as Choi Yeorok had ruined him, he had, in turn, ruined Choi Yeorok. They couldn’t be together. They would only devour each other.