Chapter 52 – On the Brink

That voice seemed to reach out with an invisible hand, pulling Jiang Ruo back to this time last year — when Xi Yufeng had rushed over at night, they hugged, kissed, caressed each other, went out for barbecues, watched movies, and did everything lovers would do. Even though they weren’t officially lovers.

At the same time, that single call confirmed that his arrival here today was not an accident, but rather a well-planned operation from the start.

And he, knowing it might be a trap, still came here as if bewitched.

Even more tragically, he realized that even though they had been apart for over half a year, his body seemed to still be stuck in the past, adapting so quickly to the warmth that pressed against him.

So even though he wasn’t resisting, even though the best moment had passed, Jiang Ruo still turned around and extricated himself from Xi Yufeng’s embrace.

The space left for him was not ample; his back pressed against the glass of the floor-to-ceiling window, which suddenly felt cold after the heat, piercing through him with a chill.

It was hard to maintain a smile, and Jiang Ruo asked faintly, “What is Chairman Xi doing?”

Xi Yufeng was taken aback for a moment before quickly reacting, “Did Aunt Fang ask you to come?”

“Wasn’t it Chairman Xi who instructed her?”

“No.”

Jiang Ruo glanced at him, not outright saying he didn’t believe him, but his meaning was clear enough.

Xi Yufeng frowned, seemingly wanting to explain something, but perhaps realizing there was no substantial evidence, he remained silent.

He changed the topic instead. “How have you been recently?”

“Didn’t Chairman Xi see for yourself? I’m doing pretty well.”

“I heard that the rough cut of ‘The Shell’ is out.”

“Is that so? I haven’t received any notification yet.”

“It should be soon.”

“Mm.”

…

As the length of their sentences shortened, the daily conversation faltered under Jiang Ruo’s deliberate resistance.

But he hadn’t forgotten the purpose of his visit. So when Xi Yufeng returned after making a phone call, Jiang Ruo asked bluntly, “About Zhao Yonggang’s imprisonment…”

“Today is your birthday,” said Xi Yufeng. “Why talk about such downers?”

“These things are more important to me than my birthday,” said Jiang Ruo. “If it isn’t convenient for Chairman Xi today, then I’ll visit another day.”

Xi Yufeng looked at him for a while, as if rendered helpless by his stubbornness, and said, “There’s nothing inconvenient.”

As they headed towards the study, they happened to meet Aunt Fang coming out of the kitchen with a fruit platter.

“Why didn’t you sleep a bit longer?” she worriedly looked at Xi Yufeng. “Quickly check your temperature to see if you’re still running a fever.”

“I’m fine now,” said Xi Yufeng as he took the glass bowl. “I need to talk to Jiang Ruo about something.”

“Oh, alright. I’ll stay in the kitchen and won’t disturb the two of you.”

In the study, Xi Yufeng placed the fruit on the edge of the desk. Once Jiang Ruo was seated, he pushed the bowl slightly in his direction.

This reminded Jiang Ruo of how during meals together in the past, Xi Yufeng would silently push the dishes he liked in front of him.

Being reminded of these memories under such circumstances was truly disheartening.

Jiang Ruo looked away, barely managing to detach himself. “Can we talk now?”

Xi Yufeng hummed in agreement.

Then he gave a brief account of what had happened.

Turned out, Zhao Yonggang had never been a law-abiding man since his youth. At home, he dared to molest his stepson, and outside, he couldn’t possibly keep his hands clean.

Everything he had done would leave traces behind. Xi Yufeng had sent people to watch him six months ago and to inquire about his past. When he heard that Zhao Yonggang often volunteered at local welfare institutions in recent years, Xi Yufeng assigned more personnel to that area.

To obtain concrete evidence, he donated money to the welfare institution, gaining the trust of the director and installing cameras in several inconspicuous corners within the facility.

Under such all-encompassing surveillance, Zhao Yonggang soon revealed his true colors.

Hearing this, Jiang Ruo tensed. “What did he do to the children at the welfare institution?”

After a moment of silence, Xi Yufeng said, “The camera caught him putting his hand inside a child’s pants… The director saw the footage and arrived in time, preventing any serious consequences.”

“The welfare institution organized health checks for the children afterward, and I arranged for experts to provide psychological counseling to the children there. I believe it had some effect.”

Silence lingered for two or three minutes before Jiang Ruo found his voice again. “Thank you.”

Seeing that he finally spoke, Xi Yufeng sighed in relief. “You already said that on the phone.”

“No, this time it’s on behalf of the children.”

Jiang Ruo hung his head, his voice low. Xi Yufeng’s heart sank again, wanting to pinch his chin like he used to, to see his expression.

His hand reached out but missed, as if Jiang Ruo had anticipated it and turned away, leaning back. “I’m fine.”

After a brief pause, he repeated, “This time, I’m really grateful to you.”

His tone was sincere to the extreme, but it left Xi Yufeng feeling uncomfortable.

He lowered his raised hand, reaching into his pocket but not finding any cigarettes, and that sense of emptiness that he couldn’t grasp washed over him once again.

Fortunately, Jiang Ruo’s eyes were only slightly red, and he hadn’t cried.

He was actually a very strong person.

Recalling the few times Jiang Ruo had shed tears and what had caused them, Xi Yufeng felt a suffocating tightness in his chest, as if all the oxygen had been drained, making it impossible to breathe.

After finishing the discussion, Jiang Ruo spent some time alone in the study.

When he emerged, he had calmed down considerably. Aunt Fang was setting the dishes on the table and called out to him, “Dinner is ready.”

Before they sat down, there was a knock on the door.

Xi Yufeng went to answer it, and upon seeing the cake box he brought back, Aunt Fang asked in surprise who was having a birthday, to which Xi Yufeng nodded toward Jiang Ruo with his chin.

“Xiao Jiang, why didn’t you tell us earlier it was your birthday…” Aunt Fang lamented, pondering ways to make up for it, then slapped her hand, “I’ll cook you a bowl of noodles!”

Jiang Ruo said it wasn’t necessary, then glanced at Xi Yufeng.

Perhaps Aunt Fang’s call really wasn’t his doing.

The dinner went relatively smoothly.

Mainly because Aunt Fang was present. She hardly touched her food, citing high blood sugar, and instead focused on the two young men, telling Jiang Ruo to eat more meat because he was too skinny, urging Xi Yufeng to rest early after eating since he was still sick.

“I’m fine,” replied Xi Yufeng. “My fever has broken.”

“You saying it’s gone doesn’t count.”

“Who else counts?”

“A thermometer.”

Xi Yufeng’s expression darkened.

Aunt Fang held back her laughter and winked at Jiang Ruo — see, his pride is bigger than the sky, always wanting to appear strong.

Jiang Ruo immediately understood, unable to suppress a curl of his lips.

After dinner, Jiang Ruo wanted to leave early, but Aunt Fang insisted on making him a bowl of longevity noodles, telling him to play outside for a bit while she prepared them quickly.

Jiang Ruo had no choice but to wander around the living room. Not sitting for half an hour after a meal was a habit he had maintained for over a decade as a dancer, but the indoor space was limited, and after a circle, he ended up in front of the dance studio.

Speaking of physical activity, this place was the most suitable.

Behind him, Xi Yufeng asked, “Don’t you want to take a look?”

Jiang Ruo hesitated for a moment, but to appear carefree, he stepped forward and entered.

Xi Yufeng followed closely behind. Seeing Jiang Ruo stop in front of the white monstera plant by the window, he said, “It’s been watered. By me.”

Jiang Ruo didn’t know what to say. If this was in the past, hearing these words akin to surrender, he would have likely thrown himself forward for a kiss.

However, times had changed, and Jiang Ruo could only calmly remind him, “Monstera plants are drought-tolerant but not flood-resistant. Water them only when the soil is completely dry.”

“Mm.”

The dance studio was quiet and spacious, an environment even more suitable for conversation than the study.

Soon, Xi Yufeng spoke again. “This place has been empty.”

He said, “Like me, waiting for you.”

Jiang Ruo experienced a delayed wave of regret. Regret for coming here, regret for entering this room filled with memories.

“Waiting for me, and then what?” Jiang Ruo asked. “Continue ‘helping’ me, making me owe you more and more?”

Xi Yufeng said, “You don’t owe me. I did all these things voluntarily because of you.”

“Then, can you help me for a lifetime?”

“Yes. As long as you need it.”

“But do you know what I need?” Jiang Ruo felt agitated by his overly confident response. “Do I have to accept whatever you give me?”

This time, Xi Yufeng didn’t answer immediately.

He turned around and pulled out a bottle of alcohol from behind the curtain.

The brown bottle had a ring of letters etched into its base, looking familiar.

Jiang Ruo’s breath caught, and for several seconds, he was lost in a daze.

Regaining his senses, he tried to turn and leave but was stopped by Xi Yufeng, who grabbed his arm.

“I found it back,” said Xi Yufeng.

He used the word “find,” as if Jiang Ruo’s genuine feelings hadn’t been given away by him but rather lost.

Now, he had found them back.

But it made Jiang Ruo feel a subtle pain and the humiliation of being the first to say “I love you” and thus losing.

There should have been more and more details drowned in memory, but as time passed, they remained crystal clear and razor-sharp.

“Since you’ve already given it away, why bother getting it back?” Jiang Ruo heard himself ask.

His voice was light, as if he didn’t even want to listen to himself.

But Xi Yufeng heard clearly and said, “I’m going to find it back.”

“Find it back, then confine it, give him all the good things you think he deserves, and make him continue to look up to you, continue — ”

Jiang Ruo spoke hastily, and a sudden intake of air caused him to cough.

Xi Yufeng put down the bottle and gently patted Jiang Ruo’s back. “My marriage with Meng Lan has been canceled.”

His tone was calm and resolute, as if announcing a notice that had been drafted long ago.

Then he looked at him, waiting for a response.

The coughing subsided quickly, but Jiang Ruo wanted to laugh.

It should have been me waiting for the rest of the story.

But Xi Yufeng remained silent, merely staring at him.

Jiang Ruo had to respond to the “notification” he had received. “So, am I supposed to thank you for finding it back and then act as if nothing happened?”

So, am I only allowed to accept everything you give me and return to our previous relationship?

Xi Yufeng seemed to understand the unspoken message in Jiang Ruo’s words and thus furrowed his brows. “No need to thank me.” After a moment, he asked, “Is this bad?”

Going back to the past, filling in the gaps, correcting the mistakes, wasn’t that enough?

Jiang Ruo could also understand his meaning and was stunned, coming to understand something in this brief time.

Why didn’t he say these words on the day of the preview screening, or when they met at Jin Garden, but insist on saving them for today?

Aside from the fact that those places were crowded and noisy, it was also because this was his territory, his home court, where he naturally held the initiative. All he needed to do was reveal his nostalgia for the past and shower a little gentleness, and he could easily gain understanding, making it effortless to achieve any goal.

This person was indeed a thorough businessman, even his charity was casual and arrogant to the extreme.

But Jiang Ruo didn’t want to be humble anymore.

He couldn’t accept the thorn that pierced his heart being so casually removed with a few words, then forgetting the pain and diving in headfirst again.

He couldn’t repeat the same mistake and couldn’t bear the agony of having his heart torn open again.

Jiang Ruo took a deep breath. “Maybe many people think this is great, but I assure you, I am not among them.”

He struggled a little and pulled his arm free from Xi Yufeng’s grip.

“Today is my birthday, so I’ll give you my birthday wish.” Exhaling the turbid air that had been weighing on his chest, Jiang Ruo finally managed to look Xi Yufeng straight in the eye. “I hope you find someone like that soon, someone who won’t be entangled with the past.”

Perhaps sensing the tension between them, Aunt Fang didn’t see Jiang Ruo off to the door when he left.

Xi Yufeng’s fever seemed to have broken, judging by the temperature of his palm.

Although his complexion was still poor, his voice was hoarse with fatigue as he handed a rectangular paper bag to Jiang Ruo. “Birthday gift.”

Jiang Ruo looked down and saw a coin-sized metal cap, seemingly a bottle of alcohol.

“It’s not the one you gave me,” Xi Yufeng added. “It’s new.”

But Jiang Ruo still didn’t intend to accept it.

Never before had he felt so relieved that they were no longer in their original unequal relationship. He could freely say no without worrying about offending his benefactor.

“No need. I don’t drink,” said Jiang Ruo. “I stayed for dinner today because I promised Aunt Fang.”

Not to ask you for gifts.

He stubbornly held it up for a moment, but in the end, Xi Yufeng didn’t insist, putting the bottle of alcohol away and gently placing it on the cabinet in the foyer.

Jiang Ruo couldn’t stand the silence that resembled the calm before a final goodbye, so he tried to sound relaxed. “Anyway, because of these matters, thank you. If you ever need my help in the future, just let me know.”

Even though you probably won’t need it.

Recalling his previous promise, Jiang Ruo continued, “I still owe you a meal. Whenever you have time — ”

As he spoke, Xi Yufeng stepped forward, lifting his arm.

Jiang Ruo instinctively retreated a step, avoiding any boundary-crossing interaction once again.

His heart pounded like a drum, but he knew clearly that it wasn’t due to fear.

“Don’t do this…” Jiang Ruo was somewhat dazed, not knowing what he was saying. “Don’t do this.”

Just a bit slower, and he wouldn’t have been able to escape.

This time, Jiang Ruo’s prediction was correct again.

Xi Yufeng’s pride and manners prevented him from forcing or resorting to violence again.

Thus, Jiang Ruo was able to withdraw completely, winning this war without gunfire.

Although the victory wasn’t particularly satisfying.

On the way back to the production team, Jiang Ruo took the bus for the first time in a long while, resting his head against the window and listening to the fragmented music playing from the car’s speakers, remembering a line from the movie —

See that dilapidated building? That’s our fate, hanging by a thread, not knowing if there’s a tomorrow.

Driven by an inexplicable impulse, Jiang Ruo bent down to touch his left ankle.

There was nothing, just emptiness.

If this hollow loneliness was the price to pay for dignity and freedom, Jiang Ruo thought, there were at least three moments just now when he didn’t know if there was a tomorrow.

Turned out, he wasn’t firm.

He was hanging by a thread.