SLC 39

“Seongha-ssi!”

Mok Seongha slowly opened his eyes. Not knowing where he was, he just stared into empty space for a long while.

“Seongha-ssi. Are you coming to? Are you okay?”

Clear eyes looked at him.

“…Tea…cher.”

Kim Jinkyung burst into tears after hearing the dry, scratchy voice.

“Thank goodness…. I thought something terrible might happen….”

Before tears could even pool, they fell in heavy drops. Kim Jinkyung’s sun-dried scent faded, as if rain was falling off him.

“I’m sorry. Because of me, …I’m so sorry.”

“…Why…?”

He couldn’t understand what was happening. Kim Jinkyung clutched Mok Seongha’s hand and started crying.

“I’m sorry. It might rain, and I should’ve checked things like that….. I won’t make you eat plums anymore. I won’t do anything. I got greedy for no reason…. I’m sorry.”

Kim Jinkyung held onto Mok Seongha’s hand and cried like a child. Mok Seongha, who had been about to wipe away his tears and tell him not to cry, froze and pulled his hand back.

“Why did you….”

Kim Jinkyung’s hands were covered in wounds. No, it wasn’t just his hands. His neck, shoulders, upper arms, and face. There wasn’t a single uninjured spot. It looked as if someone had gone mad, swinging a sharp knife everywhere, leaving cuts all over him.

Mok Seongha looked down at his own hands. They were soaked in blood. It wasn’t hard to guess what had happened.

“Did I …do this?”

Only then did Mok Seongha look around. Not just Kim Jinkyung, but the room itself was a complete mess.

He suddenly remembered something.

About ten years ago, when he’d briefly been in human form, he’d gone out by car. A sudden downpour had fallen, and he had lost consciousness.

That day, two attendants had their arms nearly severed, and Secretary Kang, who had been beside him, was seriously injured as well. He still pointed at the scar near his eye and said it was a badge from back then. After that day, Secretary Kang had repeatedly warned him never to ride in a car when it was raining. Never, no matter what.

He didn’t know exactly what had happened that day. But after that, the chairman had avoided looking at him even more.

“Did I do this to you?”

“No-no. This is just…. It’s fine.”

Kim Jinkyung’s delicate features were also covered in wounds. Near his eyebrow, around his lips, everywhere were torn cuts.

Mok Seongha couldn’t understand it.

“…You didn’t leave….”

“Yes?”

“Why didn’t you leave?!”

Veins bulged on Mok Seongha’s neck. Kim Jinkyung flinched at the startling shout. Seeing that twisted something within Mok Seongha.

“You should’ve left! Why did you stay behind like an idiot! If I had….”

…What if I’d killed you?

His throat burned as he swallowed the words he couldn’t bring himself to say.

You’re weak. Stupid, timid, scared of everything. Who do you think you are?

Mok Seongha bit his lips and looked at Kim Jinkyung. The latter blinked in surprise and opened his mouth.

“…How could I do that?”

“What?”

“How could I leave…someone alone?”

Kim Jinkyung’s eyes reddened. Tears filled his eyes again. He quickly wiped them away and stood up.

“I’ll tell Secretary Kang that you’re awake. He’s on his way here right now….”

Mok Seongha grabbed Kim Jinkyung’s arm. Then he pulled him into an embrace.

The speeding heartbeat, the sound of breathing, the smell of the old motel’s blankets, Kim Jinkyung’s sweat, and the smell of his tears.

It was bizarre. When he held Kim Jinkyung, his acute senses became entwined, and it felt like everything was falling apart. However, he did not despise it. He wanted to keep this ruined world just as it was.

Mok Seongha nuzzled the back of Kim Jinkyung’s neck and slowly breathed in. He could hear the sound of blood flowing through the vessels beneath his skin.

“….Teacher.”

“…Yes?”

“Call my name.”

“Your name…?”

“You called it earlier….”

The voice that had woken his consciousness while his eyes were closed.

At Mok Seongha’s plea, Kim Jinkyung responded softly, “Seongha-ssi.”

“One more time.”

“….Seongha-ssi.”

The person I have to follow. The person who knows me.

“One more….”

“Seongha….”

Mok Seongha moved his lips while holding Kim Jinkyung’s face. When he licked the cut on his cheek, the split flesh closed up. Mok Seongha moved his lips several more times. Starting from his cheek, then his neck, shoulders, upper arms, and arms. He carefully licked every wound he’d left on him.

Each time his tongue touched a wound, Kim Jinkyung held his breath and trembled.

“…..I won’t hurt you.”

“I know.”

Then don’t be afraid of me.

Mok Seongha swallowed the words he wanted to speak before licking the last remaining gash on Kim Jinkyung’s hand.

Is that everything?

When he lifted his head, he saw a very small cut left at the corner of Kim Jinkyung’s mouth. Mok Seongha raised his body and licked Kim Jinkyung’s lips. At the same time, Kim Jinkyung’s face turned bright red.

…Like a perfectly ripe apple.

“Ah, …um, thank you. I won’t tell anyone about this either….”

Mok Seongha licked Kim Jinkyung’s lips once more. Startled, Kim Jinkyung tried to pull his body back. It was just like before. That moment when he’d tried to touch his lips and missed because Kim Jinkyung turned his head away.

It felt like something that belonged to him had been taken.

Mok Seongha moved forward and placed his lips on Kim Jinkyung’s. He licked and sucked as much as he wanted. Mok Seongha knew exactly what he wanted as soon as their lips fully touched.

“Ah…. wait….”

“I want to.”

Mok Seongha clung to Kim Jinkyung’s shoulder, begging for his desire.

“Teacher, I-I want to do this.”

“…….”

“Please.”

From the moment he opened his eyes, from the moment his eyes met the person calling his name, from the moment he realized that this person had stayed by his side knowing he could get hurt. …It felt like he had wanted only this all along.

“…I want to.”

Mok Seongha whispered as he repeatedly kissed Kim Jinkyung’s cheek, his nose, the corner of his mouth.

“I want to be next to you, Teacher.”

Polite kisses ensued, like a beast courting its mate. He could hear a heartbeat. Blood forcefully pulling at muscles and spreading through vessels.

Their lips met briefly. In that tiny gap, the man instinctively realized that Kim Jinkyung had closed his eyes and accepted his demand.

Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around Kim Jinkyung’s waist and continued the kiss. Their tongues entwined and breaths mixed. This was their first kiss.

Kim Jinkyung quickly pushed Mok Seongha away. But he held onto his waist and pressed his lips back onto his.

“…I saw it…”

“Saw what?”

“Earlier, you opened your lips.”

A panther’s eyesight was about eight times better than a human’s. He could see well even in the dark, and his ability to track moving objects was exceptional. There was no way he had seen it wrong. He had definitely seen it. More than anything, Mok Seongha had no intention of letting go of his prey once he’d caught it.

“No. That was just….”

As Kim Jinkyung parted his lips to make an excuse, Mok Seongha pushed his tongue inside. The words he hadn’t been able to say were pushed back by the tongue.

A kiss. An act where people who like each other press their lips together and use their tongues to feel touch.

When Mok Seongha had read about kissing in a book, he had frowned and turned the page. Shoving tongues inside to confirm affection was filthy and completely incomprehensible.

But this…

Mok Seongha grabbed Kim Jinkyung’s waist and the back of his neck, opened his lips, and moved his tongue. He brushed the inside of his mouth, bit and rubbed his lips, and pressed his tongue against his.

That primitive, simple act felt so good it made his head throb. Mok Seongha closed his eyes and moved his tongue. Their teeth bumped several times as he bit and rubbed his lips. It was a very awkward kiss. Finally, both of them pulled back, panting.

“…Haa… haa.”

“Haa….”

Catching his breath, Mok Seongha called out, “Hey,” to Kim Jinkyung. Still short of breath and unfocused, Kim Jinkyung lifted his head and answered, “Yes?”

“Is this… how you’re supposed to do it?”

“W-what?”

“A kiss.”

Kim Jinkyung’s cheeks turned scarlet once more as he heard the word kiss. Mok Seongha was compelled to take a taste. He followed his instinct, opened his mouth wide and swallowed Kim Jinkyung’s lips again.

He chewed on them clumsily, grinding and licking with his tongue. His whole body tingled. Mok Seongha bent down and clung to Kim Jinkyung as he continued kissing him. Their lips eventually parted when he was out of breath.

Kim Jinkyung gasped and raised his palm, saying “Wait,” to block Mok Seongha’s mouth.

“…Stop it.”

“Why?”

“Things like this are….”

Kim Jinkyung lowered his head.

“…Something you do with the person you’re going to marry.”

“You did plenty of it with men you weren’t going to marry.”

“When did I ever…!”

When Kim Jinkyung raised his head, his gaze entwined with Mok Seongha’s. The heat in his eyes seemed like molten gold forged to a sharp blade, cutting into Kim Jinkyung’s heart, he quickly looked away.

“You were promiscuous with other guys, so why won’t you do it with me? Be promiscuous with me too.”

“No.”

“Is it because I’m ugly?”

“That’s not the issue…. Anyway, no.”

“Because I’m a beast.”

“That’s not it…!”

“Then what is it? Why not? You don’t discriminate between this guy and that guy when you’re being promiscuous. You love men so much. If I’m the only one who’s not allowed, …then, then you should’ve left.”

Mok Seongha’s breathing grew uneven, and his pupils constricted slightly. He inhaled and continued.

“…You should’ve left. Earlier, you should’ve just left me behind, and… gone.”

“Do you pity me?”

It was the same question as before. An atmosphere completely unlike the leisurely calm of the amusement park late at night wrapped around them.

“So you feel sorry for me?”

“No. I….”

“Then can’t you keep doing that for me?”

Kim Jinkyung became speechless when confronted with the unexpected question.

“I don’t have parents, and soon I won’t have family either. …All that’s left for me is to be pitied. So keep caring about me.”

He was asking for pity without a trace of shame or hesitation.

But in a proud and beautiful way, befitting a predator.

However, Kim Jinkyung saw something else.

The beast lying alone in the glass garden on a rainy night, staring endlessly at the flowerbed. The man crouched in a cold corridor with nowhere to go. The man of that day, worrying about the workbook he’d left behind while thinking of his grandfather in the intensive care unit….

“…I don’t pity you.”

Pity is a condescending feeling that comes down from above. However, his feelings had never been directed downward. Standing beside him was overwhelming enough.

Even when he looked up at Mok Seongha, his feelings were never condescending.

“I’ve never done that.”

“…….”

As if he thought he’d been rejected, Mok Seongha bit down on his lower lip.

“For that reason, …I don’t kiss. No, I can’t. So, I….”

Kim Jinkyung hesitated, then looked at Mok Seongha in the eye. It was a brief moment. It takes about 0.4 seconds for a person to blink. In a moment even shorter than that, Mok Seongha read the emotion in Kim Jinkyung’s eyes with perfect clarity.

The direction his shaken heart was leaning toward.

Mok Seongha grabbed Kim Jinkyung and kissed him. He slammed into him more fiercely than before. Tongues entwined, and saliva spilled from between their lips. His solid body, bare of any covering, collided against Kim Jinkyung’s. Mok Seongha lifted Kim Jinkyung’s T shirt and slid his arm inside. His arm tightened around him, pulling their bodies together.

Their lips overlapped and layered, and their tongues mixed. It was sloppy kissing, yet it transported two people with no experience to a heaven they’d never imagined. Mok Seongha’s canines, a little sharper than an ordinary person’s, bit down on Kim Jinkyung’s lip and then let go. When a bit of blood welled up, his tongue licked it away and healed the wound. After swallowing the saliva mixed with blood, Mok Seongha continued kissing him.

Unable to withstand the weight of their bodies, they reached the wall. Because of the overwhelming difference in size, Kim Jinkyung was wedged between wall and body. The problem was that the wall in front of him continued rubbing against him, and closing the distance.

It was a suffocating, desperate kiss.

Mok Seongha spread Kim Jinkyung’s thighs and slipped his leg between them. Their bodies were squeezed together, leaving little space between them. Kim Jinkyung’s toes lifted off the floor with each push from the strong thigh.

Mok Seongha grabbed the collar of Kim Jinkyung’s T-shirt and pulled it up. Even as the fabric rolled up, he never stopped kissing him. As if even the brief moment when the shirt covered his face was too much to waste, Mok Seongha rushed in and sucked at his lips.

“Haa….”

Kim Jinkyung’s shirt fell to the floor at his feet. Mok Seongha let out a long breath and bit into Kim Jinkyung’s shoulder. The sudden pressure made Kim Jinkyung flinch and suck in a breath.

“Why do you keep….”

“…Because I want to eat you.”

Mok Seongha muttered while grinding his teeth against his shoulder. Kim Jinkyung could feel the movement of his lips against his skin.

A shiver ran through his body. He couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he might be eaten alive. Nonetheless, he didn’t push the man away. He couldn’t.

It had been like that from the start. He was especially weak to him.

It felt like falling in love was a crime meant for him alone. He was the one at fault.

He liked Mok Seongha. His heart went out to the young beast, who struggled to live in the world, and he eventually came to like him.

Affection and kindness colored his actions with unmistakable longing. Knowing it was a feeling that wouldn’t be returned, he’d tried to draw a line, but in the end he was the one who crossed it.

Just as Mok Seongha said, he should’ve closed the door and left. That was the way to protect both himself and him. But in the end, he couldn’t leave the room.

The moment he saw the man, trembling and whimpering in pain, cramming his body under the bed to hide, he couldn’t do it.

If it had been pity, he would’ve locked him inside and come out, sighing in relief. But the affection he felt for him never stopped there and always took one step further.

‘…Yeah. The answers the teacher gave were always right.’

This time, it definitely wouldn’t be the right answer.

“…Soft.”

Mok Seongha murmured as he placed small kisses along Kim Jinkyung’s shoulder.

Kim Jinkyung knew.

Mok Seongha had never once said that he liked him or loved him. He just wanted to stay beside him, keep the relationship going, and satisfy his desire. It was nothing more than a childlike craving.

A child cornered into a special situation with no family or friends didn’t have many choices. His heat wasn’t directed at a particular person, but was a change brought on by the flow of seasons and time. He just happened to be there at the moment of change.

His own feelings were a deformed fruit. A fruit that should be thinned out. But it still desperately wanted to cling to the tree to the very end.

This unrequited love could never be harmless. The longer it clung on, the apple would never be able to grow properly.

“…Teacher.”

Mok Seongha called Kim Jinkyung. Their eyes met. It felt like standing in the middle of a field of flowers in full bloom.

Kim Jinkyung realized it then.

…Even if he perished in the sea, he would continue to lose his heart all by himself.

Mok Seongha gently held Kim Jinkyung’s lips in his mouth, then let them go.

“What are you thinking about?”

“…Sea.”

Secretary Kang’s voice echoed in his mind, saying that if he wanted to die, all he had to do was decide which sea to fall into.

Mok Seongha raised his eyebrow.

“Who’s that bastard

“Yes?”

“You said you’re thinking about Sea. So which bastard is it this time?”

“…….”

Kim Jinkyung was left speechless. It was his own fault, but he needed to correct the misunderstanding.

“That’s not it. I mean the sea as in the five oceans and six continents.”

“…I haven’t memorized that part yet.”

His voice sounded a little aggrieved. Kim Jinkyung sighed and said he’d teach him later.

“And kissing?”

“Yes?”

“Teach me that too. How you’re supposed to do it? Is this right?”

“…….”

…He wouldn’t know something like that.

It was embarrassing, even at 25, he’d never kissed anyone, never even shared a peck. The moment Mok Seongha had lunged at him like he was going to devour him and smashed their lips together, Kim Jinkyung’s mind had gone completely blank.

It was very different from the first kiss he’d seen in movies or books. It wasn’t the sweet, heart fluttering, beautiful feeling he’d imagined.

The man kissed him like he was really going to eat him. Not as a figure of speech, but literally. Every time Mok Seongha gnawed and sucked at his skin with sharp teeth, it really felt like he was being eaten. When the skin tore and bled, his tongue traced the injury and healed it. All the while, the man held him close, stroking him as he exhaled raggedly. Their teeth collided, and a solid body smashed into him as if he were trying to crush him.

It felt like being thrown into a massive wave. He was suffocating and terrified, like he might die.

But….

“Am I doing it right?”

Mok Seongha clung to him as he demanded an answer.

Every time their lips touched, his heart felt like it was going to burst. The heartbeat and body heat he felt through their entwined bodies made him happy. It felt so good his mind went hazy, and… he just liked it.

“…Yes.”

Unable to show those feelings, Kim Jinkyung answered briefly and nodded. Fallen apples filled the ground at his feet.

Mok Seongha lowered his head and met his eyes.

Without either of them deciding who moved first, the kissing resumed. Mok Seongha lifted Kim Jinkyung into his arms. When he came back to his senses, he was lying on a bed with the headboard broken off.

“Haa….”

“Haa…. haa….”

In the damp room, their breathing entangled. After several tries, Mok Seongha found an angle where their teeth didn’t touch and turned his face slightly.

Kim Jinkyung inhaled slowly through their overlapping lips.

…It felt so good it was killing him.

He hadn’t known that kissing someone you liked could feel this good. He hadn’t even known he might end up kissing someone, and even less that it would be someone he liked.

He’d probably never feel this way again for the rest of his life, not until he died.

With his eyes closed, Kim Jinkyung tightened his arms around Mok Seongha.