SLC 47

 “Seongha. What are you doing? We have to go now.”

The mother, who had been looking for her child, found him hiding under the desk and her eyes widened in surprise.

“Why are you staying in there?”

“…I don’t want to go.”

“Why?”

“I think my stomach hurts.”

“Your stomach hurts? Suddenly?”

The boy clutched his stomach and bowed his head in response to the mother’s question.

“Would you like to come out for a moment?”

The child sluggishly crawled out from under the desk.

The mother rubbed the child’s stomach with her hand.

“Does it still hurt?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then shall we lie down for a bit?”

The child nodded his head.

Even after lying on the bed, the child fidgeted under the covers while stealing glances at his mother’s expression.

“How is your stomachache?”

“…I think it hurts.”

“I see.”

Even though she knew he was faking it, his mother smiled, pretending not to notice. She sat at the bedside for a long time, stroking the child’s forehead.

“Do you not want to go?”

The child honestly nodded. It was because he believed that his mother would seriously consider whatever opinion he had.

“Why don’t you want to go?”

“…Because I’m scared.”

So far, he had only seen photos or heard his voice over the phone, and today was the first time seeing his maternal grandfather. But every time they spoke on the phone, his grandfather was always angry.

“Grandfather? Ahahaha.”

His mother laughed out loud. The child looked up at her with a confused face.

“Grandfather isn’t scary at all. He just has a loud voice.”

“…I heard Father is scared of him, too.”

“Your father is even scared of me.”

That was true.

If it was something his mother said, his father never overlooked even a single word muttered in passing. If she told him to roll, he rolled; if she told him to prostrate himself, he did. To his father, his mother’s word was law.

He was much taller and bigger, and several times stronger than his mother. He even could change form. While his father was fascinating, it wasn’t that he didn’t understand. His mother was the kindest person in the world, but when she was angry, she was scarier than anyone else.

“But you know your father likes me best, right?”

“I like you best.”

The child said as he snuggled into his mother’s arms, whining.

“I like our Seongha best, too.”

“What about me?”

His father, who had entered the room at some point, asked.

“I’ll have to think about it.”

“Think about it well. You are always number one to me.”

The mother laughed. She was a person who laughed often. She would burst into loud laughter even at the smallest things. Whenever his mother laughed, the child felt good. It was the same for his father.

His father always looked at his mother as she laughed. Sometimes he even looked like he was angry.

Once, the child had asked why his father didn’t laugh with her.

‘Me?’

‘Yes. It would be better if we laughed together.’

His father burst into laughter in response to the child’s words.

‘I suppose so. I hadn’t thought of that. Because I was looking at your mother’s laughing face.’

At that time, he didn’t understand what those words meant.

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“Seongha. Mok Seongha!”

The child raised his head when he heard his father’s voice urgently calling his name. It was strange. The world was hanging upside down.

The smell of oil. The smell of something burning. The fishy smell of raw meat….

“Seongha. Can you hear me? Seongha!”

He felt like he had to say something, but he couldn’t speak. His tongue wouldn’t move, and his mouth, as if it had forgotten human speech, only produced small whimpers.

“Listen carefully.”

Golden eyes were staring at him. His father occasionally changed his appearance. Usually, his eyes were black, but when his form changed, his eyes were also stained gold.

“You have to get out of here.”

His father undid the seatbelt with his sharp teeth.

“Go quickly. Dad has to stay by Mom’s side.”

Me? Then whose side should I stay by?

“Go, quickly.”

He crawled out from under the car.

“Seongha.”

His father called his name.

“…I’m sorry.”

He ran out from the car just like that. He hid as his father had instructed. His drenched body trembled.

‘…I’m sorry.’

What did the words his father said to him mean? What was he sorry for? When would his father and mother come?

He hid in the corner of a greenhouse for a long time. How many nights had passed, and how many days had come? Waiting for a long time, he pondered the significance of what his father had said.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry…. I’m sorry. Why did his father say such a thing? He was hungry. All he could do was lick the rainwater that had collected on the floor the previous evening.

He wanted to eat something, but he couldn’t.

Food given by others is dangerous.

You must only follow your family. No one else. It’s dangerous. Don’t eat food given by another person, absolutely not. Only family, only family….

How much time had passed? Looking at the ants crawling on the floor, he accepted the fact that his father and mother would not come looking for him anymore.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Because I can no longer be your family.

He came to know the meaning of the apology his father had given him. If so, whom should he follow? A person who knows his name. A new family…. how should he make that happen?

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“From today, you are living with me.”

The old man said so. He had eyes that resembled his mother’s. It sounded a bit kinder than the angry voice over the phone.

“He isn’t eating. What should we do?”

“Then prepare something else. You have to find something he can eat.”

“…That, well. He won’t even drink water.”

The old man came to find him.

“Why are you staying like that without even drinking water?”

The old man said while looking at him curled up in a corner of the room. He pricked up his ears and raised his head. The moment their eyes met, he could tell.

The old man didn’t like him very much.

…What should I do? Now that person is the only family I have left.

“Here, drink. You have to drink to live.”

The old man handed him a water bowl. He gulped down the water and looked up at the old man.

“Will you drink more?”

He nodded. He emptied the bowl every time it was filled. He was at the point of dying from thirst and hunger. After thinking for a moment, the old man personally brought a bowl containing meat.

“This too….”

He finished the food with his nose buried in the plate. Except for when he coughed because it got stuck in his throat from swallowing without time to chew, he ate the food without even breathing.

“Do you dislike food given by other people?”

He nodded in response to the old man’s question.

Food given by others is dangerous. Never, no matter what happens, you must not eat it. You must only follow family, a person you can trust.

“Yes. I understand. From now on, I will take care of your meals.”

He nodded.

“You do not have to eat food given by other people. Instead, food made by a person who has received my permission is okay.”

Is it okay?

“It’s okay. Because that person makes the food I will eat too.”

Food that the family eats.

He slowly nodded. Since that day, the old man always personally took care of his meals. Meals given by family were safe. He survived.

However, the old man still did not like him. Even so, the old man was now the entirety of his world.

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He felt his body was strange all of a sudden one day.

“Chai-Chairman!”

The man who always called him Young Master ran out in a fright. He was anxious. He had to return quickly. When he curled his body in the corner, he regained his original comfortable form. The old man, who rushed into the room and discovered him, scolded the man.

“No. It’s true. He really transformed. It wasn’t that I saw a hallucination….”

In response to the man’s words, the old man closed his mouth with a ‘hm.’

“Seongha. Is that true?”

It was the name he had called out at the top of his lungs when searching for him in the greenhouse. Since coming to this house, he had never called him like that even once.

“You are Seongha, right? You can transform into Seongha? Do it again quickly. Hurry.”

The old man held onto him and said so. But the transformation was not something that happened according to his will. The old man looked at him expressionlessly and put him back down on the floor. He never held him.

We are family. If we are family, we should always be together.

After that, his appearance changed often. Every time he stood on two feet, the old man would be very pleased and come to him, saying:

“Seongha. You are Seongha, right?”

He nodded.

“I am your grandfather. This is our home.”

The old man introduced himself and this house as if he were someone seeing him for the first time.

I’ve been here the whole time.

“Do you know who I am?”

“I know. Maternal grandfather. Choi Dojung.”

“Yes. I am your grandfather.”

The old man shed tears of joy.

“Your mother told you. Your mother was….”

The moment he tried to say the next words, his body lowered again. He cannot forget that moment. He couldn’t forget the emotion in the gaze looking down at him.

Disappointment and loathing.

He turned around and left the room. When he was in human form, he treated him like his own kin, but when he was in his original form, he turned his head away.

“It’s okay. It’s because he’s still young. He’ll get better when he grows up later.”

That day, he maintained his human form for an unusually long time, and the old man could not hide his joy. It was a hot summer day. Because of the sweat, he took a shower wanting to wash, but he ended up returning to his original form again. The old man said so.

It’s okay. It’s because he’s still young. He’ll get better when he grows up later, he said.

Then is his current form bad?

He reflected his image here and there in the mirror. The jet-black body did not look good. He wanted to hide somewhere. He blindly ran outside and hid himself.

“Young Master! Young Master!”

He heard the voice calling him, but he didn’t move. Lying on the ground, he watched the ants passing by. The wind blew. The smell of flowers was strong. He felt at peace. As if this had been his place from the beginning.

Whenever something happened, he would lie flat in the flower bed and close his eyes. Doing so, he felt like someone would come looking for him. Someone who would become his family.

And the old man did come looking for him.

“Seongha. Where is this fellow?”

Even while he was annoyed, every time. He liked that. Even though he knew that he didn’t like him, every time he came looking for him, it felt like they were becoming family.

But rainy days were a little different. On rainy days, he would go into his room and not come out.

“Young Master. The Chairman is busy, so please eat first.”

He came to know after not long that the meaning of being ‘busy’ was that he did not want to see him. On rainy days, the old man suffered when he saw him.

When it rained, he naturally went outside. As the days spent outside all night increased, the old man had people build a large glass house. The inside was filled with all sorts of flowers.

“These are the flowers your mother liked.”

The old man told him so every time he planted a flower.

“The flowers out there, your mother planted them. That child sowed the seeds and gave them water with those small hands.”

Whenever he spoke stories of his mother, the old man’s eyes welled up with tears. He seemed to love her very much.

“This is a gift that child is giving to you.”

The old man said so while looking at the flowers.

The gift my mother gave me. The flowers she planted for me. For me….

He tried to recall that day, but strangely, as time passed, the memory only became increasingly blurred.

The smell of wet soil, grass, and rain. And what other smell was there?

I’m sorry.

Someone said that to him. Who was it? Why did they say such a thing?

Seongha.

I like our Seongha best.

A kind voice, he didn’t know whose. A smell. The person who used to gently stroke his belly…. That day, even if he hadn’t faked being sick, he wouldn’t have lost….

His eyes flew open. It was raining. His head throbbed and his stomach churned. He had to find his family. Because other people are dangerous. But when it rained, the old man regarded him as an even more uncomfortable existence.

So he also found rainy days scary and difficult. But from a certain point, lying in the flower bed and listening to the sound of rain made him feel at peace. Contradictory emotions intersected.

He believed that someone would definitely come looking for him when the rain stopped, and he wished the rain would fall forever so he could remain in his place.

Seongha.

When he heard the sound of his grandfather coming to call him, he felt relief and sadness at the same time. It felt like realizing every time that he could not be family unless he was in a good form.

‘Then it would be nice if the rain continued to fall.’

He said so while smiling. It sounded like he meant it was okay even if he was in a form that wasn’t good.

‘I like both, but….’

That kind voice that told him so.

He felt that whatever form he was in, it would be okay in front of him. In that moment, the anxiety vanished.

Do you like me? Me? Is it okay for you to like me? Because of me, because I was dawdling, both my parents became like that….

Screeeeeech.

In that moment, an ear-splitting roar rang out.

“……!”

Even after opening his eyes, he had to gasp for breath for a long while, thinking about where this place was, who he was, and such. Cold sweat ran down his back. A rough sound of breathing escaped through his throat.

Occasionally, his form changed while he was sleeping. Unusually, in that moment, the confusion lasted for a long time. The anxiety and tension of not knowing where he belonged right now choked him.

A dark and narrow room. There was a smell of water. And a slightly sweet apple scent….

“…Are you awake?”

He heard someone’s voice. An arm reaching out from under the covers hugged his back. A heartbeat pulsed against his chest.

“Is it raining….”

The voice murmuring from below was pleasant to hear. Naturally, his gaze moved toward the window. Through the window so small it was sorry to be called a window, the sound of rain was heard.

“Sleep more. It’s still dawn.”

The murmuring voice was full of sleepiness. And then he mumbled.

“I guess you should stay like this for another day.”

A pretty hand patted his back.

I guess you should stay like this for another day.

As if those words were a permission that it was okay to be like this. The tension and anxiety that had been pulling at his spine vanished.

The hand patted him a few more times, urging sleep. The sound of the heartbeat rang in his ears. A rhythmic and regular resonance.

A moment later, the sound of breathing became slower. Now he could know where he was.

Beside Kim Jinkyung.

He closed his eyes again.