SLC 58

Kim Jinkyung wonder how many people on Earth wake up to a massive panther lying beside them.

He watched the black panther as he slept with his head resting on his tucked paws. His long whiskers moved with every breath. It was an entertaining sight. Do whiskers feel ticklish? Jinkyung reached out and brushed the tip of a whisker with his finger. The panther’s muzzle flinched at the sensation, and he buried his head deeper into his paws.

“I’m going to spoil him with bad habits.”

Jinkyung shook him awake since they could not be late. The panther opened his eyes, looked around, glanced down at his paws, and then simply closed his eyes again.

“Wake up. You have to go to the hospital.”

Jinkyung shook the panther once more. In response, the panther let out a long yawn and stretched his body out.

“You need to shower, too…”

When Jinkyung tried to get up, a large paw hooked around him and pulled him into a hug. Then, the panther shoved his muzzle right in front of Jinkyung’s face.

“You can transform back.”

“…….”

Mok Seongha had definitely shifted into this panther form by his own will yesterday. He should be able to return to human form as well.

“Do it on your own. You need to practice that…ngh.”

The panther climbed on top of Jinkyung as he tried to stand. He growled and thrust his muzzle in front of Jinkyung’s face.

Kiss me! Kiss! I said kiss me! Right now!

Mok Seongha’s screams seemed to echo from every direction. Jinkyung had no choice but to take the panther’s paws in his hands and make a deal.

“…Change back quickly. I will give you a kiss when you return to normal.”

“…….”

Nothing happened. The panther only blinked slowly and stared at Jinkyung.

Where?

The specific demand from those innocent-looking eyes reached him. Jinkyung pointed to his own cheek and lips.

The paw patted Jinkyung’s knee. Then, the panther spread his paws as wide as possible to show his toes.

How many times?

At this point, Jinkyung wondered if he should just major in Panther Linguistics.

“Twice.”

The panther shook his head with a solemn expression.

“…Thrice?”

The tail thwacked against the floor.

“Five times. No more than that. Now, change back quickly.”

As soon as Jinkyung finished his sentence, the man’s face immediately appeared in front of him.

“With your tongue.”

“…I understand.”

“For a long time.”

Mok Seongha spoke as his nose brushed against the tip of Jinkyung’s.

In the end, he only managed to get Mok Seongha out of the house this morning after filling just one of those five promised turns with a long kiss.

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…I’m exhausted.

He massaged the corners of his eyes while reading books at the library. Even though he had received an IV drip and taken medicine, his body felt sluggish all day, perhaps because the indigestion from yesterday still lingered.

Should I just finish up and leave?

Jinkyung checked the amount of work he needed to complete today. He was still a bit short. While he agonized over what to do, someone tapped on the desk with a finger.

“Oh.”

It was Go Jinyoung. Kim Jinkyung quickly greeted him with his eyes.

“Come outside for a moment.”

Go Jinyoung motioned to him. Jinkyung asked, “Right now?” and he nodded.

Jinkyung packed his books for the time being and stood up. Once they were outside the library, Go Jinyoung placed a cigarette in his mouth.

“Didn’t you quit smoking?”

“Yeah. I did.”

He bit the cigarette and lit it. His expression did not look particularly good. Jinkyung waited for his next words with a tense expression.

“Can we talk for a bit?”

“…Yes.”

Jinkyung walked behind him. Go Jinyoung set his bag down on a bench in a secluded spot and began to smoke.

Jinkyung stayed still by his side and waited for him to open his mouth, wondering if he had made some kind of mistake.

“Jinkyung-ah. I don’t know if you realize this, but I’m someone who views the concept of dating very positively.”

“…….”

‘I don’t know if you realize’? Every student in this school probably knows you are a devotee of romance.

Go Jinyoung’s ‘Selling Blood for Romance’ theory was a legend shared every time a freshman entered the school. The general consensus was that he lived for dating, and if he were to die one day, he would die for love, die while dating, or be killed by romance.

“It doesn’t really matter if it’s a man or a woman.”

“Ah, yes..”

When Go Jinyoung first mentioned Mok Seongha, Jinkyung had turned pale. He never imagined that an acquaintance, especially a school senior, would catch him going to a hotel with a man.

However, contrary to his expectations, Go Jinyoung moved past the matter casually. His attitude toward Jinkyung remained the same as before, and he even went so far as to lend him his house.

“I think two is better than one.” Go Jinyoung took a drag of his cigarette and exhaled the smoke.

“…But I don’t think three is right.”

He pulled a photograph out of his pocket and handed it to Jinkyung. The latter reflexively took the photo.

“I wasn’t sure when I first saw him. But that kind of appearance isn’t common, so I figured I didn’t see it wrong.”

Kim Jinkyung looked down at the photo without a word.

“Since it’s a members-only lounge, I know the manager there. I gave them a description and asked them to contact me if they saw him again. I got a call a few days ago.”

Jinkyung toyed with the corner of the photo.

“I took the photo myself just in case. I printed the physical copy and deleted the one on my phone.”

It was exactly as Go Jinyoung said. The man in the photo possessed an appearance that could not be mistaken or commonly found. Jinkyung stared at the photo of Mok Seongha sitting side-by-side with a woman.

“I saw it twice myself. It was a different woman both times.”

“Ah, yes.”

Jinkyung nodded without any particular reaction.

“From what I saw last time, it didn’t seem like you guys had broken up. I felt like I should tell you.”

A past memory flashed through Jinkyung’s mind.

‘Oh, that person from then? Are you still seeing him?’

Go Jinyoung looked suspicious back then.

“Sorry if I’m overstepping.”

Go Jinyoung muttered as he exhaled smoke.

“Not at all. Thank you. This is a difficult thing to bring up. You even took a photo for me.”

“No. It’s a place I go to often for coffee, so I just did it while I was there.”

Kim Jinkyung put the photo in his pocket.

“I’ll buy you a drink later.”

“Forget it. Don’t worry about it for something like this. But call me if you want to drink.”

“Yes. Thank you. I think I should head out first.”

“Yeah, okay. Are you going home?”

“No. I still have some studying left to do.”

“What? You’re going to study before you go?”

“Yes.”

“…Uh, okay.”

Flustered, Go Jinyoung awkwardly stood up.

“I’ll contact you later.”

“Yeah.”

Kim Jinkyung politely bowed and left. He returned to the library and opened his book again. Near midnight, a message arrived.

Mok Seongha

Where are you

It was Mok Seongha.

I am at the school library.

Jinkyung replied briefly.

Are you crazy? Why are you there until now? Come out I’ll go to the front of the school see you in 10 minutes

Jinkyung closed his book and put it in his bag. Even as he walked down the path, messages from Mok Seongha arrived one after another.

Meet me for a bit today

I have something to tell you

And something to show you too

Jinkyung read the messages and replied with a short “Yes.” When he reached the main gate, Mok Seongha was waiting for him.

“Hey.”

Mok Seongha raised a hand to acknowledge him. He had an appearance that stood out anywhere and could never be mistaken for someone else. Jinkyung adjusted his bag strap and quickened his pace.

“Have you been waiting long?”

“No, I just got here.”

“What about the Chairman?”

“He was discharged, so he’s at home now. He started nagging me the moment we got back. I seriously thought I was going to lose my mind.”

Mok Seongha walked with a relaxed smile. Even though they walked down a quiet night street, every single person passing by turned around to look at him. Jinkyung put his hands in his pockets. His fingertips brushed against the photo he had received earlier. His hand felt numb, so he repeatedly clenched and opened his fist.

“Is something wrong?”

Mok Seongha asked as he looked at Jinkyung.

“What?”

“You’re unusually quiet today.”

“…..I’m just a bit tired.”

“Why on earth are you at the library until this hour on a day like today? You should just rest at home.”

“I suppose so.”

When Jinkyung gave a weak response, Mok Seongha came to a sudden halt.

“Are you sick somewhere?”

He placed his hand on Jinkyung’s forehead. A big, cool hand covered his brow.

“Do you want to go to the hospital?”

“No.”

Jinkyung answered as he pushed Mok Seongha’s hand away from his forehead. Mok Seongha suddenly grabbed hid wrist. He looked like he wanted to say something, but then he stared down at Jinkyung’s fingers, pulled him into a building, and led him toward the emergency stairs.

“Why….”

Mok Seongha held Jinkyung’s hand and kissed him. His tongue entered and wrapped softly around Jinkyung’s as the kiss continued. With one hand, he toyed with Jinkyung’s fingers.

Jinkyung watched the face of the man, who was a head taller than him, as he closed his eyes and remained absorbed in the kiss. Then, hr closed his eyes too.

He still could not believe that lips meeting, tongues tangling, and breaths mixing could be this sweet.

When the long kiss finally ended, Mok Seongha hugged Jinkyung. The man leaned down and rested his forehead on Jinkyung’s shoulder while he caught his breath.

“…There are three turns left.”

Mok Seongha heard Jinkyung’s murmur and replied, “No.”

“I was the one who did this just now. This one doesn’t count.”

“How is that fair?”

“It’s here.”

Mok Seongha replied shamelessly and rubbed his forehead against Jinkyung’s shoulder.

“You said you wouldn’t get sick.”

“…I’m not sick.”

“Then why do you seem so listless?”

Mok Seongha whispered as he kissed Jinkyung’s fingers. Jinkyung smiled without saying anything.

“I have to sleep at home today. I can’t sleep at your place.”

“I know.”

“I think it will be like that for a while.”

It was an obvious matter since Chairman Choi had been discharged. Jinkyung quietly nodded.

“Do you want to take a car? Secretary Kang is likely nearby.”

“No. I’ll take the bus.”

“Fine. I’ll walk you home.”

The two of them left the building and walked together. Their hands brushed precariously as they walked. Jinkyung put his hand in his pocket. He felt a stinging sensation in his throat, as if something was stuck in it.

“…Didn’t you say you had something to tell me?”

“Ah, right.”

Jinkyung waited for his words. He hoped the man would speak first, regardless of what he had to say. Mok Seongha pulled something out of his pocket with a triumphant expression.

“Look at this.”

It was a chocolate bar. There were marks where a single bite had been taken.

“What is this?”

“You gave it to me. Don’t you remember?”

“Ah….”

Jinkyung recalled Mok Seongha taking a chocolate bar, one he wouldn’t even eat, at the park near the hospital.

“I took a bite.”

“…….”

Jinkyung did not know how to react, so he looked back and forth between the chocolate bar and Mok Seongha.

“I said I ate it. The one you gave me.”

Mok Seongha held out the chocolate bar with sparkling eyes, like an animal seeking praise.

“…Don’t you usually avoid food given by other people?”

“I don’t eat it.”

Mok Seongha continued.

“Because it’s dangerous.”

Jinkyung found it hard to understand why he considered food from others dangerous, but he simply nodded.

“But I felt like I could eat what you gave me, so I tried it. It was fine.”

Coincidentally, Mok Seongha had suffered right after eating food Jinkyung gave him in the car on a rainy day. Because of that, giving him food was no longer as easy for Jinkyung as it used to be.

“Don’t push yourself too hard.”

“I’m not pushing myself. I can eat what you give me.”

Mok Seongha spoke as if he were making a vow to himself.

“I think I can keep eating it. No matter what it is. So….”

Mok Seongha looked at Jinkyung. His piercing gaze made Jinkyung’s heart race. Jinkyung lowered his head. He felt too happy.

…And that made him feel miserable.

“Help me practice.”

Mok Seongha spoke as they stopped in front of a crosswalk.

“If you keep helping me practice…”

“Seongha-ssi.”

“Yeah.”

Mok Seongha seems very focused on building trust through that chocolate bar.

“Did you go on a blind date?”

Mok Seongha raised his eyes slightly at the sudden question. Then he asked, “Yeah, why?” His voice was calm, as if it were nothing.

“I told you before. I promised my grandfather I would do that.”

“…You did.”

Jinkyung remembered the words he said that night while Seongha waited for him in front of the apartment. Mok Seongha promised his grandfather that he would go on blind dates.

What did I say back then? I think I told him it was a relief he chose the best path for himself. And Mok Seongha said he would do as I said.

Mok Seongha carried out instructions exactly as they were entered. There was no critical thinking or analysis based on internal algorithms. Jinkyung already knew his thought process was broken in some way. He even used that to his advantage while he tutored him. …He already knew this fact.

He dug this grave himself.

“Why so suddenly?”

“…It’s nothing.”

The grave, blocked on all sides, was deep. It felt like his voice would not be heard outside of it, no matter what he said.

‘Nothing changes even if I get married.’

There was a time when he hoped Mok Seongha would live a happy life even if he married someone else. He knew early on that there was no place for him there. But for a very brief moment, he realized he was greedy for it.

The moment he heard Mok Seongha’s words, it felt as though he had discovered his true feelings. He felt like he had been stripped naked and doused with ice water. He tightened his grip on the photo in his hand. The sound of the paper crumpling felt like his own heart, which did not know its place.

“I will continue to…”

The light changed then. Mok Seongha pulled Jinkyung by the hand.

“Let’s go.”

A large hand grabbed Jinkyung’s. He did not care about the eyes of others. He was always bold. He took it for granted that he should take and possess what he wanted.

Jinkyung was located exactly where his hand could reach. He was a necessary existence to Seongha, and so he simply held him in his hand. It was nothing special. He was a means, not an end.

“Come on, let’s go.”

The place where the man’s hand touched felt hot. He liked it. The feeling of love spread everywhere he touched. When he held his hand, it felt as though he stood in the middle of a flower garden. Every sense Jinkyung possessed directed itself toward him. His feelings for him grew heavier with every step. It felt as if a weight hung on the axis of time, warping space and making time flow slowly.

His feelings flowed into those dense gaps of time.

In that brief moment of holding hands, he could realize just how much he liked this man. It was a painful and miserable feeling.

Jinkyung let go of Mok Seongha’s hand.

“What are you…”

“..I can’t do this.”

“What?”

“Practice with someone else. I… can’t anymore.”

His voice trembled. Jinkyung tightened his grip on the photo inside his pocket.

“What are you talking about?”

Mok Seongha tried to pull Jinkyung’s hand. The traffic light flickered as the numbers counted down.

“Why… fine. I get it, so let’s just cross the street first…”

Mok Seongha pulled Jinkyung. The latter shook off his hand. He did not want to be touched. Because he knew how weak he was for him, he did not want to touch his warmth even a little bit.

“Hey!”

Mok Seongha shouted. Cars began to move on the road as the light turned red. Jinkyung walked toward the opposite side.

The sound of a horn blared. In that instant, Mok Seongha snatched Jinkyung up, and they tumbled into the pedestrian waiting area.

“Are you insane! Fuck, you almost…”

A car that narrowly passed Jinkyung drove away while it honked repeatedly in irritation. Cold sweat trickled down Mok Seongha’s forehead. His pupils constricted, and his breath became ragged.

He held Jinkyung with trembling fingertips. He could see Secretary Kang running out from a black car parked over there.

Jinkyung stood up from his spot.

“I don’t want to be by your side.”

“What? You…”

Jinkyung took off the jacket he was wearing and draped it over the man’s head.

“Don’t contact me.”

Jinkyung crossed the street even though the light was red. A voice called out “Hey!” from behind, but he ran without looking back.

The cat in the box was alive. However, he was not the owner of the cat.