SDT 77

Lu Kongyun drove the car toward the direction of Wax Apple Alley in the old district.

The sky darkened, and the light turned dim blue. The rain did not stop. Lu Kongyun had lived in this city his entire life, and he had long grown used to Manjing’s sudden light rain.

He looked at Yu Xiaowen in the passenger seat. Yu Xiaowen was staring out the window, lost in thought. He reached out and pressed his finger against the glass to touch the raindrops through it.

For Yu Xiaowen, this kind of daily life in Manjing felt distant and familiar at the same time.

Yu Xiaowen suddenly straightened a little and looked outside. “Carp Seafood Stall!”

It was the place where the two of them had their first meal together.

Lu Kongyun said, “Do you want to go?”

They arrived early enough and managed to park across the street. They ran through the rain and sat down under a tented table at Carp Seafood Stall.

After they ordered, Yu Xiaowen tried to start a conversation. “Do you remember? That day you asked me what grudge we had. I said, every time I see you, it’s Valentine’s Day.”

Yu Xiaowen’s eyes curved as he smiled.

So even the man he once blackmailed remembered that scene clearly.

“Yeah.” Lu Kongyun looked at him. “I remember.”

After a moment, the crab was served. Lu Kongyun picked up one while it was still hot and broke off a leg.

Yu Xiaowen tapped the table quickly with his fingers one by one. His gaze shifted from the plate to the table, then to Lu Kongyun’s face, then back to the table again.

“What I said to Dai Lanshan earlier…”

Lu Kongyun said, “Do you mean you said that just to deal with him?”

Yu Xiaowen picked up a crab, looked at it for a while, then put it down. “I have something to tell you.”

“Say it.”

Lu Kongyun carefully peeled off the crab shell. The white, fibrous meat stayed intact, steaming slightly, spreading open like a white rose.

Then he handed it to Yu Xiaowen.

“…Thanks.” Yu Xiaowen’s ears turned red as he took it and took a big bite.

He drew in a breath with satisfaction. He could not describe the feeling of eating his first piece of crab peacefully after all the running, hiding, and confinement.

He stayed quiet for a while, moved, and then came back to himself. He looked at the man and said, “I’ve been thinking a lot these days.”

Lu Kongyun broke off another crab leg and worked on it.

Yu Xiaowen said, “I think…”

He only said two words and then stopped for a long time.

This time Lu Kongyun peeled poorly. Much of the meat stuck to the shell and went to waste. After he finished, the crab leg looked as if a dog had chewed it.

So he didn’t hand it to Yu Xiaowen. He ate it himself instead.

Yu Xiaowen also took another bite of the crab leg rose in his hand.

“I wanted to say, earlier in court, Chief Li told me that the bureau is watching this case closely and even sent people to attend the hearing. He said I should soon be reinstated to the city bureau. He also said the Public Security Department plans to recommend me for the Silver Conch Medal. You know the Conch Medal, right? I used to have bronze. I got it the time I was shot. If I receive another commendation this time, I’ll be promoted to silver. Then I’ll be the only active Silver Conch holder in the city bureau. Impressive, right?”

Lu Kongyun ate crab legs for a while.

“That’s what you wanted to tell me?”

Yu Xiaowen said, “…Yeah.”

After a moment.

“Very impressive,” Lu Kongyun said.

Yu Xiaowen studied his face and said, “If I get the medal, I’ll probably get promoted too. Then I’ll earn more money. Since I don’t need medical treatment anymore, I won’t have huge expenses. I can save. I heard in the detention center that Wax Apple Alley will be demolished. If I get the compensation money and add my savings, I might be able to buy a nice big house in a few years. I could live well.”

Lu Kongyun said, “If you just want to live comfortably, I have properties under my name. I don’t use them. If you want, take one.”

Yu Xiaowen said nothing.

After a while, he said, “No, that’s not it. I just wanted to say… cough, I’m not that useless.”

“I know what kind of person you are,” Lu Kongyun said. “You don’t need to explain it by mentioning demolition money.”

Yu Xiaowen covered his face with one hand but peeked through his fingers. “But you’ve done too much for me. I don’t have the ability to repay such a big favor. It makes me feel uneasy.”

Lu Kongyun answered calmly. “You just got out. It’s normal that you can’t do much yet. Whether you can later depends on whether you want to.”

Yu Xiaowen said right away, “Then is there something you want me to do?”

Lu Kongyun looked at him.

“What I need from you depends on what we are,” Lu Kongyun said. “If we’re the kind of friends who just say hello once a year, then there’s nothing you can do.”

Yu Xiaowen said, “Hey… I said that back then because I thought you hated me for pestering you, for blackmailing you. I just wanted to ease your mind. Actually—”

Lu Kongyun looked at him, waiting for the rest. But he didn’t continue.

The dishes arrived quickly. They had sour lemongrass clam soup, baked prawns, cold wasabi snail meat, and assorted fresh fish of the day.

They smelled rich and filled the air with the street stall’s smoky scent.

Yu Xiaowen picked up his chopsticks first.

Lu Kongyun pressed them down. “That topic’s already over?”

Yu Xiaowen looked nervous. “I’m just hungry.”

Lu Kongyun leaned closer to him like he was examining him. Yu Xiaowen leaned back, and the chair made a noise. Lu Kongyun blocked the leg of his chair with his foot. “Why are you dodging?”

Yu Xiaowen looked like he couldn’t stay still anywhere. Lu Kongyun lowered his eyes for a moment, then pulled his foot back. “Sorry.”

Lu Kongyun sat back and said, “You seem to have walked ninety-nine steps toward me, but it feels like you did it on a treadmill.”

“…”

That remark struck perfectly. Yu Xiaowen was always good at confessing and showing affection—when he already believed he couldn’t go further.

He couldn’t find a reply for a while.

Lu Kongyun said, “You said to treat you to seafood, and now you’re really sitting here eating seafood. Do normal people act like that?”

Yu Xiaowen held his chopsticks. “…Then what should I do?”

Lu Kongyun met his eyes for a moment, then gave up. He picked up his own chopsticks.

“Fine.”

The two of them started eating in silence.

After the meal, Lu Kongyun paid. Then they crossed the street again, got in the car one after the other, and drove off without a word. Soon they arrived at their destination and stopped at the entrance of Wax Apple Alley.

Yu Xiaowen unfastened his seatbelt slowly and carefully held his pomelo leaf broom as he got out.

But Lu Kongyun didn’t drive away. He got out too. “You have to sweep yourself before you go in. I won’t walk you in. Doing it here at the alley entrance is fine.”

Lu Kongyun reached out his hand for the broom. “Come here.”

Yu Xiaowen handed it to him.

The two walked to the alley’s entrance and stopped. Lu Kongyun looked at Yu Xiaowen’s face for a while, then lifted the pomelo leaves and brushed gently over his head, then his shoulders, then his chest. As he swept, he muttered, “Everything goes smoothly, bad luck turns to good, long life and peace.”

Then he turned halfway around and went behind him, and he swept the back of his head and his back. “Everything goes smoothly, bad luck turns to good, long life and peace.”

Then he moved to the front again, crouched down, and swept every part of his legs, front and back. “Everything goes smoothly, bad luck turns to good, long life and peace.”

Yu Xiaowen lowered his head and looked down at Lu Kongyun from a rare angle.

The light at the alley entrance was dim. Under his black hair, only his tall nose stood out, while the rest of his face blurred into shadow.

He swung his arm with care and brushed across every part of Yu Xiaowen’s legs.

Yu Xiaowen lifted his hand toward that head, but he suddenly pulled it back. He pressed both palms against his eyes. His palms felt heat and dampness, and then he wiped both hands.

“Doctor Lu.” His voice was hoarse. “Can we try being together?”

The hand on his leg stopped. Then Lu Kongyun stood and looked at him. He said nothing, as if he was thinking.

Yu Xiaowen pressed his fingertips into his palms until crescent marks appeared.

“I’ve always liked you. It never changed. What I said to you before, that kind of thing… I can explain it. Do you want to hear?”

“I thought you should have said something else first.” After a while, Lu Kongyun spoke slowly.

Yu Xiaowen clenched his hands tighter. His throat felt dry. “Said first? What?”

“You should have asked first if I really like you. Then you should have asked why I like you and how much I like you,” Lu Kongyun said. “Then you should have asked what I think about the fact that you can’t be marked. If you’ve thought about this carefully, you must have thought about all those questions. Why didn’t you ask?”

Yu Xiaowen said nothing.

Lu Kongyun stepped closer.

“Is it because you only want to ‘try’?” he said.

“When things are certain, they bring trouble. Since it won’t last, better not think too much while it can still happen. Right?”

Yu Xiaowen’s eyes showed guilt, a flicker that he didn’t hide in time. Lu Kongyun caught it, and his face turned cold.

“I don’t ‘try’ with people. If you want to be with me, you need to be sure.”

Lu Kongyun turned away, as if he meant to leave.

Yu Xiaowen hesitated and reached out one hand, but it didn’t go far.

Lu Kongyun saw the shadow on the ground and turned back toward him.

When their eyes met, Yu Xiaowen had no choice but to speak. His voice broke. “I’m conflicted too. I already decided to stay the same and not try. Because when I think about separating again later, I’m afraid I won’t survive it. But in the end, I got greedy. I’ve dreamed for too long. I wanted to have at least some real memories of being closer to you. That’s why I said that.”

Lu Kongyun stood there looking at Yu Xiaowen. A car drove through the quiet street and broke the frozen air.

He stepped closer again and stood silently for a while before speaking in a low voice. “Do you know how much effort it took to bring you back? I won’t let you die.”

Yu Xiaowen’s lips trembled, and he tensed up.

Lu Kongyun said, “So ask me now.”

Yu Xiaowen said, “Hm?”

Lu Kongyun said, “Do I really like you? Yes.”

It came too suddenly. Yu Xiaowen covered his chest and lost his words.

“As for how much, it’s about like this. When you said you wanted to be friends, I wanted to…” He paused to find the words. “Keep you.”

Lu Kongyun stared at Yu Xiaowen, waiting.

But Yu Xiaowen’s mind was blank, and he only stared at him foolishly.

So Lu Kongyun asked himself again. “Why do I like you?”

Yu Xiaowen came back to his senses and echoed him. “…Why?”

Lu Kongyun said, “You said I make you feel happy.”

Yu Xiaowen said, “Yeah.”

Lu Kongyun lowered his eyes and looked at the ground for a few seconds. “Me too.”

Yu Xiaowen inhaled to take in enough air. He gripped his pants tightly so he could stand steady.

Then he asked on his own this time. “…And about the mark?”

“Then don’t go out of my sight,” Lu Kongyun said quickly. He raised his head and looked at Yu Xiaowen’s face, then corrected himself. “Try not to go out of my sight.”

He thought for a moment and added, “…For too long.”

“How long is too long?” Yu Xiaowen said.

Lu Kongyun thought for a moment and answered, “Any time outside our normal work and sleep.”

Yu Xiaowen said, “…Ah?”

Lu Kongyun studied his face. “Any time outside our normal work and sleep, if we separate, we must tell each other where we are going.”

Yu Xiaowen still looked nervous.

Lu Kongyun said, “You won’t like that?”

Yu Xiaowen immediately shook his head. “I like being with you. But you should know what it means to not be marked. It means I can always be influenced by others. For an Alpha, that’s something hard to accept.”

Lu Kongyun looked at him, and then he raised his hand and touched the strands of hair that stuck up on Yu Xiaowen’s head. After that, he lowered his hand.

“If I can’t accept it, then I can’t let you go either. Isn’t that the logic?”

“…”

“If there’s anything else you want to ask, add it,” Lu Kongyun said. “We should make everything clear.”

Yu Xiaowen hesitated and said, “Do you have anything you want to ask me?”

“Not at the moment.”

The two stood facing each other in silence.

“Um, Lu Kongyun.” Yu Xiaowen fumbled for words. “Then does this mean we’re… already starting?”

When another car passed by, it drowned his voice, and a light breeze came with it. The damp air carried a faint warmth after the rain.

Lu Kongyun seemed to know exactly what he had asked and answered. “Yeah.”

Yu Xiaowen used his most restrained body language to show his courage. “Then it’s still early. Do you want to come to my place? Sit for a while?”

If he saw it right, the other man’s eyes brightened a little in the dark.

“Okay.”

Yu Xiaowen still remembered clearly how his room looked when he left, and every detail came back to him.

He knew the room must have changed. After all, he was a “fugitive.” Whether it was the military department or the city bureau, they must have searched his home. Including that letter Lu Kongyun once mentioned, that man had surely found it too.

Yu Xiaowen thought his home must now look completely different, either piled with things or cleared out.

When he realized this, he suddenly regretted inviting the man upstairs. He should have cleaned up first at least.

Lu Kongyun walked to the door. He used the key directly, and he opened the door. Then he turned on the light. He let Yu Xiaowen enter. Lu Kongyun acted as if he owned the place.

Yu Xiaowen walked inside.

… The table showed no dust. That cheap red lingonberry floral printed cup looked clean. The cup gleamed with a moist luster under the light. A large medical terminology dictionary sat in front of the cup. The positions and arrangement of these items matched exactly how Yu Xiaowen had left them.

Only that postcard of Jiang City, which Yu Xiaowen had originally clipped into a sticky note holder after tearing it from some brochure, now rested inside a wooden picture frame on the table.

“…”

In this mundane and warm setting, Yu Xiaowen felt an untimely shiver course through him.

Yu Xiaowen walked over very slowly. He very slowly looked at these objects. He imagined how they had passed the time during these two years when he stayed away.

“They remain… the same.” Yu Xiaowen choked for a moment. Then he murmured these words in a hoarse voice.

Lu Kongyun swept his hair back. He exposed his forehead and eyebrows.

Yu Xiaowen touched the large dictionary. “This book belongs to you. You once claimed this book went out of print. Yet you failed to store it properly!”

Lu Kongyun unbuckled his military uniform belt. He draped the belt over a nearby stool.

Yu Xiaowen lifted the picture frame again. He examined the Jiang City photo. He caressed it gently. “The frame looks beautiful. You even upgraded this scrap of paper to first class.”

Lu Kongyun removed his jacket. He took off his wristband. He undid several buttons on his shirt.

Yu Xiaowen sighed with emotion. His peripheral vision caught sight of Doctor Lu’s slender fingers pressing down on the table in front of him.

Yu Xiaowen turned his head.

The other man’s eyes curved. Red tinged those eyes. The other man stared at him. But the gaze did not meet his directly. Instead, the eyelids half-covered his sight. The look fell intimately on Yu Xiaowen’s nape. Then the gaze wandered down. No restraint appeared. No hesitation showed. The advance felt as natural as spring arriving and mealtime beginning. The other man entered rut.

Yu Xiaowen jolted. His chest hammered. He nearly ejected his heart straight from his mouth onto the Jiang City photo.

!

What did this mean? Did the relationship start like this? Would talks between two people always unfold this way?

He turned around immediately. He stepped away from the table. He noticed a new item beside the television. The crystal swans.

He froze for a moment. He confirmed that this object cost one hundred seventy-eight thousand. He walked over with large steps.

“… This gift came from me! Why does it sit in my home?”

“Because of the inscription on it.”

“… What?”

The other man followed him. Hands slid up from behind. The hands grasped his waist. Yu Xiaowen felt the other man’s cool lips brush softly against his gland.

“Mm…” His legs weakened. He gripped the other man’s arms for support. Lu Kongyun lifted him just in time.

“May you live happily for a hundred years. May you join hearts and walk together.” The cool lips teased his gland. At the same time, he spoke words that stirred his soul.

“Mm, wait, wait a moment…” Yu Xiaowen took one step forward. But the other man matched his pace. Doctor Lu encircled him. One fingertip pressed against his lower abdomen. The finger inched down bit by bit, it slipped inside the waistband.

“Why evade? Did you not invite me up for a seat?”

Yu Xiaowen felt embarrassed. He considered himself overly fussy. But he sensed something off. He just could not pinpoint it.

“Strange… It feels strange.”

Lu Kongyun asked, “Where does it feel strangelie? Do you dislike it?”

“No, I simply lack…” Yu Xiaowen wanted to explain that he knew nothing about romance. The pace seemed too quick. He feared he could not handle it.

Lu Kongyun seemed to misunderstand. He replied, “I will teach you.”

“Ah!” Yu Xiaowen felt a scorching heat in the cleft of his buttocks. The sensation resembled someone striking a match there.

Lu Kongyun indicated, “I will teach you much in this regard.”

Yu Xiaowen heard these words. A strange impulse seized him. He abandoned restraint. He shed decorum. He asked shamelessly, “… Then, will you teach me how to make you happy?”

“…” The man behind him paused. He seemed to chuckle. He exhaled a short breath.

“Good.”

Doctor Lu released him. He walked to the sofa. He sat down. He leaned against the sofa back. He parted his knees slightly. “Come here.”

Yu Xiaowen walked over.

He approached step by step. Lu Kongyun tracked his figure. Lu Kongyun lifted his head gradually. Lu Kongyun kept his eyes fixed on him. His long legs spread wider. He appeared to reserve a spot for him.

Yu Xiaowen understood perfectly. He knelt down on his own initiative. He placed both hands on the other man’s knees.

He saw the bulge. It seemed to grow even more prominent by the moment.

Lu Kongyun fetched a wet wipe from the coffee table and wiped his hands. He discarded the wipe in the wastebasket. He then used a dry tissue to pat his hands dry. He tossed that into the wastebasket as well.

Then, two long and damp fingers, traced up to Yu Xiaowen’s Adam’s apple. The fingers lifted his chin slowly. They glided to his lips and probed inside. They rubbed his gums. Yu Xiaowen exhaled hot breaths repeatedly. He grew uncomfortable. He extended his tongue voluntarily to lick the fingers. The fingers thrust into his mouth smoothly. They skimmed back and forth over every sensitive spot on his tongue with caresses, pinched, and circled in play. Yu Xiaowen trembled all over. Saliva soon overflowed beyond control. He tried to swallow it down. Yet those two fingertips pressed together against the root of his tongue. The fingertips halted his swallow. The pressure triggered more reflexive secretion. The saliva nearly spilled out.

“Mmph…”

“Do not swallow. Give it to me.”

Doctor Lu leaned forward. He extended his tongue into Yu Xiaowen’s mouth. He sucked and kissed. He left only one finger behind. That finger still hooked and swirled beneath Yu Xiaowen’s tongue.

Yu Xiaowen could scarcely kneel steady. He stifled his breaths and straightened his body. He tilted his face up to receive the kiss.

Then, his strained fingers found themselves captured. Guidance led them forward. It urged him to touch the other man’s Adam’s apple with his fingertips. Yu Xiaowen sensed the delicate object’s up-and-down motion. As it rolled, swallowing sound echoed.

Lu Kongyun squinted his already moist eyes. Amid his arousal, he still observed Yu Xiaowen’s reactions.

“…” Suddenly, tears spilled from Yu Xiaowen’s eyes.

The other man’s actions immediately halted. He displayed a mix of confusion and concern.

“It feels so unreal to me.” Yu Xiaowen said. “Could this be an illusion? When I wake up, will I lie in the dormitory bed in M Country again? Because I wear the wristband you gave me, will I have this dream once more?”

“…”

“You will never return. You will go nowhere.” Doctor Lu answered him in a deep, cold voice. “I refuse to endure the sensation of collar treatment again. I lost you for two years. Even if I descend to hell, I will drag you with me. Do you understand?”

He finished speaking and pressed his lips together. He resumed scrutinizing Yu Xiaowen’s reactions.

Yu Xiaowen heard these words. A fog clouded his mind. He sat in a daze for a while. Then, in a hoarse voice, he replied, “As long as you never release me, I will follow you to hell willingly.”

Lu Kongyun stayed silent. His face showed no emotion. He still stared at him. Yet the fingers that gripped his hand clenched very tight. The grip even caused Yu Xiaowen pain.

The heavy silence made Yu Xiaowen blush once more.

“… What talk of hell. Heh. On my first day in a relationship, I grew incoherent. My apologies.”

Lu Kongyun said, “I spoke of it first.”

“Oh. Right.” Yu Xiaowen said. He scratched his cheek.

A moment passed.

Lu Kongyun said, “You find it unreal. You lack a sense of reality.”

Lu Kongyun said, “I searched for you so long. If I had failed to find you, I would have searched for a lifetime. To bring you back to my side, I would stake my life. Do you believe me?”

“I believe you.” Yu Xiaowen answered immediately. This truth had already unfolded. Any delay, even a microsecond, would disrespect the other man.

“You liked me since middle school. When illness nearly killed you, your dying wish still sought closeness to me. Because you knew I searched for you, you stayed behind. You accepted prison. Is that correct?”

“… Yes.” Yu Xiaowen answered.

“Nothing surpasses the reality of now.” Lu Kongyun said. “In the future, we will never part.”

Yu Xiaowen blinked his stinging eyes.

He rose suddenly. He nipped lightly at the other man’s gland. He yearned to bite hard. He longed to chomp on it and devoure it. He wished to mark with lifelong possession, like an alpha would. … But he lacked the boldness. He restrained the surging desire within him. He merely clamped his teeth on that spot.

Lu Kongyun said, “You can bite.”

“Anything that belongs solely to you from now on, you may do with it as you wish.” He reclined against the sofa. He raised a hand. He swept aside the stray hairs at his brow, which held a flush of desire. Red tinged his cheeks as well.

He slipped his fingers one by one into the gaps between Yu Xiaowen’s fingers. He directed Yu Xiaowen’s hand toward his own belt.

“Feel how real it is.”