SYU 19. What He Really Wanted

The next day, Wu Jinshan woke up late. He didn’t run into Chen Xiucheng and had no idea what time he’d come back last night. His sleep had been restless, and he vaguely remembered hearing some noise, but his head was too foggy to wake up properly.

The shattered mug in the hallway had already been cleaned up, but Wu Jinshan’s mood was still foul. The spot where he’d hit the back of his head still throbbed. When he touched it, it felt a little swollen, but he brushed it off. A bump like that should heal in a couple of days.

Maybe it was the chaos Chen Xiucheng had stirred up in his head, but Wu Jinshan couldn’t focus at all that morning. Even in the lab, his mind kept drifting. Whenever he had a moment, he would check the class group chat to see if Chen Xiucheng was active, but Chen didn’t message him directly.

Even during lunch in the cafeteria, Chen Xiucheng was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t even ask for his usual Coke. Everything felt off. Wu Jinshan finally pulled out his phone, stared at the chat window, agonized over what to say, and sent a message: “Did you take good care of Chengcheng?”

He stared at the screen, counting the seconds. No reply.

He typed again: “Make sure to feed him. Don’t let him go hungry.”

Then another: “And give him a bath tonight.”

After that barrage of messages, Chen Xiucheng finally responded: “Who the hell is Chengcheng?”

Wu Jinshan: “The frog plushie ball I bought last night.”

Chen Xiucheng: “… It’s your frog. Take care of it yourself.”

Wu Jinshan: “What the hell? You said you’d take care of it. Now you’re backing out after agreeing? Little Froggy will be heartbroken.”

He said it with a straight face, like it was completely serious. Chen Xiucheng was speechless. He remembered now—last night, when they were walking back after buying the frog, Wu Jinshan had said something like that.

Still, he couldn’t accept that Wu Jinshan had named the plushie “Chengcheng.”

Chen Xiucheng tried to correct him. After scrolling through ten pages of messages back and forth, he realized there was no arguing with Wu Jinshan. He got so annoyed he didn’t even want to look at his phone anymore.

From that point on, every few hours, Wu Jinshan would message him again to ask if he was taking proper care of the frog.

Back when Chen Xiucheng had injured his foot, Wu Jinshan had memorized his entire daily class schedule. Now he used that knowledge to time his messages perfectly for when classes ended, making sure not to interrupt during lectures.

At first, Chen Xiucheng peeked at the messages and found them amusing. He even played along and replied a few times. But when the exchange dragged on into the night, he lost interest. Wu Jinshan was starting to feel clingy and childish, like his little nephew.

He had no interest in playing house with Wu Jinshan, taking care of some stuffed frog. It made him wonder if Wu Jinshan had gotten addicted to looking after people, or if he just hadn’t moved on from that caretaker mode yet.

Anyway, the break was coming up. Chen Xiucheng packed a few dirty shirts and smelly socks and slipped out of the dorm before Wu Jinshan came back.

His home wasn’t far from campus. By bus, it took at most two hours. Wu Jinshan, on the other hand, had to drive four hours on the highway to reach his family’s ranch.

Even so, Chen Xiucheng usually chose to stay in the dorm. And the reason was simple. The supreme authority at home, Professor Lin, happened to be a faculty member at Qinhai University. Faced with a mother who taught at his own college and disciplined him like a drill sergeant, he’d rather live on campus.

But this time was different. He found Wu Jinshan even more difficult to deal with than Professor Lin.

In truth, even Chen Xiucheng didn’t know what he was trying to avoid. Whenever he couldn’t make sense of something, his instinct was to run, just like he had after they came back from that hotel.

Wu Jinshan didn’t find out until after 10 p.m. that night. When Chen Xiucheng still hadn’t come back, he asked Zhuang Ming and learned that the guy had left without saying anything.

He stared at the frog plushie sitting all alone on Chen Xiucheng’s pillow and suddenly found himself without a reason to keep messaging him.

A few days later, the school football friendship match was coming up. After a team discussion, Wu Jinshan was assigned to play forward.

Forwards usually needed to be fast and agile, and Wu Jinshan’s height didn’t make him a natural fit. But aside from the captain and him, no one else on the medical department team could actually play. They needed at least one striker who could charge ahead and score.

After all, this was a med school team, not a sports academy. Captain Zhong Lei had pieced together the whole team through sheer connections, dragging in just enough guys to make a full eleven. Recruiting Wu Jinshan this year had been part of fulfilling his long-held dream.

Without Wu Jinshan, Zhong Lei alone couldn’t carry the entire match.

But right now, Wu Jinshan didn’t even have the energy for practice. When Zhong Lei asked if he was sick, all he got was a quiet “just a bit tired.”

Wu Jinshan had always been the silent type. If he didn’t want to talk, no one could tell what was going on. Zhong Lei assumed the upcoming match was stressing him out and did his best to offer some words of encouragement.

Wu Jinshan didn’t care much about the match. But he truly wasn’t in a good state. Ever since that fight with Chen Xiucheng, he’d been having dizzy spells on and off.

Other people got dizzy from lack of oxygen or blood. How come for him, it was from a lack of Chen Xiucheng?

The night before the match, Wu Jinshan stared at the chat screen that still showed no replies. After hesitating a while, he decided to call Chen Xiucheng.

Chen Xiucheng picked up. But once the line connected, Wu Jinshan didn’t know what to say. He had so many things he wanted to ask, so many things he wanted to say, but the moment the call went through, his thoughts dissolved like a cloud scattering in the sky.

Maybe the point of calling wasn’t to say anything at all. He just missed the person on the other end of the line.

“What do you want?” Chen Xiucheng prompted when Wu Jinshan stayed silent. “If you’re not gonna talk, I’m hanging up.”

Wu Jinshan hesitated for a long time. When he finally spoke, even his own voice sounded unfamiliar. “Tomorrow… come watch the game.”

He didn’t even dare say my game. He had no idea if Chen Xiucheng would be willing to come all the way back from home just for him.

“Got it. I’ll make sure to bring my girlfriend along to cheer for you.”

“……”

That night, Wu Jinshan stared at the empty bunk across from his, like he was standing on a vast open field with no signal, no direction, and nothing to guide him.