SYU 9. No Day Like Today

Wu Jinshan woke up that morning with a deep frown, staring blankly at the ceiling for a long time.

This might have been the most reckless, most idiotic, and most brainless decision he had ever made.

He cursed himself silently for letting lust override reason, for falling for Chen Xiucheng’s tricks and handing over leverage on a silver platter. A lifetime of good reputation, all about to go up in smoke.

Because of this, he became even more committed to his materialist worldview. He swore to never again dabble in silly superstitions like making vows.

Erectile dysfunction? Premature ejaculation? A lifetime of impotence? Please. Only an idiot would believe that nonsense.

He tried to console himself by looking on the bright side. At least Chen Xiucheng had agreed to do some adult-level practice and research with him.

That was a major breakthrough.

Wu Jinshan had always been the type to act once he made a decision.

He immediately drafted a detailed itinerary, analyzed when their schedules overlapped, and thought carefully about where best to carry out their “practice.” Should they book a room off campus? Stay lowkey in the dorm? Or maybe there was some quiet corner on campus that would work just as well?

He even scouted the entire campus, marking potential locations on a map. Now all that was left was to discuss things with Chen Xiucheng and get his final approval.

What Wu Jinshan didn’t know was that Chen Xiucheng, being the forgetful type, had already tossed that entire conversation out of his mind. He hadn’t taken any of it seriously.

And who would? Chen Xiucheng considered himself a straight man, and Wu Jinshan knew that. No matter how things went, he was not about to find joy in messing around with another dude’s ass.

What Chen Xiucheng failed to notice, though, was how much Wu Jinshan’s attitude had shifted recently.

Maybe Wu Jinshan had actually realized he’d been in the wrong. That was what Chen Xiucheng figured. After all, it wasn’t like they had some deep personal grudge to settle.

If this meant they could finally get along, then sure, a little injury was worth it. He was generous enough to let bygones be bygones.

Wu Jinshan would ask him after class if he wanted to review notes together at the library. At night, he would ask if they should shower together. At breakfast and lunch, he would tag along behind him, tray in hand, and sit right beside him while eating.

In Chen Xiucheng’s mind, these were Wu Jinshan’s attempts at reconciliation. Signs that a friendship was beginning.

He even thought, if Wu Jinshan could just stay this polite and agreeable, if he would stop picking fights and constantly targeting him, then honestly, he wasn’t such a bad guy. He was smart, good at studying, and always down for a soccer match or swim. Rumor had it he had even won a few medals.

Chen Xiucheng also realized that Wu Jinshan could be pretty generous. When the cafeteria had something good on the menu, like scallion chicken drumsticks or pork cutlet rice bowls, and he wanted an extra helping or two, Wu Jinshan would use his height and long legs to elbow through the crowd and buy more with his own money.

The main thing was, Wu Jinshan didn’t really have friends. To everyone else, it looked like Chen Xiucheng was his closest companion now, and that came with a real sense of achievement.

Whenever someone asked, “What’s up with that guy who used to hate your guts? Why is he being so nice lately?” Chen Xiucheng would puff out his chest and proudly declare,

“Your brother Cheng here is the kind of man who can tame Wu Jinshan!”

There was just one thing that still confused him. Every now and then, Wu Jinshan would suddenly get angry, fly off the handle, and sulk in silence

Like that one night, when the dorm next door had rounded up seven people to play games. He stayed out with them until late, only sneaking back into 502 in the middle of the night. As soon as he walked in, Wu Jinshan snapped at him.

Another time, he and Wu Jinshan were walking to the cafeteria when Lin Lu and two other friends suddenly showed up and asked him to eat out.

Chen Xiucheng did ask if Wu Jinshan wanted to come along, but not only did Wu Jinshan decline, he even threw in some sarcastic comments about how the food at that restaurant was trashy, low-end, and tasteless.

Then there was the time Chen Xiucheng had a random impulse to join the football club. The captain, Zhong Lei, had no objection, but Wu Jinshan was dead set against it. He scoffed at the idea and said Chen Xiucheng was fickle, lacked discipline, had no perseverance, no endurance, and no willpower.

Chen Xiucheng held back for Zhong Lei’s sake and didn’t argue on the field. Instead, he went to play basketball with Lin Lu and the others. But Wu Jinshan showed up on the sidelines again, throwing barbs left and right. He said their teamwork was a mess, their plays were awful, they could not rebound, they couldn’t shoot, and it was hard to tell whether they were playing basketball or getting played by the ball.

The whole court turned tense. Chen Xiucheng’s friends had had enough, and a brawl nearly broke out right then and there.

Chen Xiucheng felt like Wu Jinshan was one of those tank-type DPS characters in games. He would just plant himself there and provoke everyone with maxed-out aggro skills, then mow down the field without fear.

The tension finally exploded one afternoon in the cafeteria.

“I’m telling you, Wu Jinshan, are you fucking sick in the head?”

Chen Xiucheng snapped, and with his naturally loud voice, the entire cafeteria and even people outside heard him shouting. He cursed Wu Jinshan up and down, calling him a walking bundle of thorns and a complete pain in the ass.

Wu Jinshan had squeezed in as usual to sit next to Chen Xiucheng, but Chen Xiucheng was already sitting with Lin Lu on his other side. While they ate, Lin Lu was leaning in and sharing the latest treasure trove of anime girl CGs on his phone. They were works by Japanese illustrators, all sexy and over-the-top.

Because this kind of content wasn’t exactly classy or mainstream, Lin Lu had his arm around Chen Xiucheng’s shoulder, and they huddled close, shielding the screen while they browsed. Chen Xiucheng didn’t notice Wu Jinshan coming over.

He still remembered Lin Lu asking which one he liked best, and Chen Xiucheng had said one was pretty, another was cute, this one had a mysterious vibe, that one had a killer body, curves in all the right places, striking poses with fluids dripping everywhere.

Wu Jinshan suddenly leaned in and snapped right into his ear, “Disgusting. Perverted. I’ve lost my appetite.”

Chen Xiucheng froze. He felt like Wu Jinshan had just licked his left ear. It was ruined. Done for.

Everyone at the table was watching. Why was he the only one being called out? He was a straight guy who liked anime girls, so what? Wu Jinshan was gay and thirsted over cyber men all day, and that wasn’t gross?

“I’m perverted? Like hell it has anything to do with you. Why don’t you go manage the Pacific Ocean while you’re at it?”

He only cussed Wu Jinshan out a little, but Wu Jinshan retaliated tenfold, launching into a full-on rant and listing every grievance between them since the start of the school year.

He brought up that time Chen Xiucheng threw some clean laundry on his bed, or when he had washed Wu Jinshan’s jacket without permission.

Chen Xiucheng, momentarily thrown off by the shift in topic and started trying to explain himself. He said he had just been sorting laundry and had casually tossed two pieces onto Wu Jinshan’s bed. They lived in the same dorm. Was it really such a problem to borrow the bed for a second?

Then Wu Jinshan brought up how he had messed with his desk. Chen Xiucheng remembered touching a few of his books, but he had put them back exactly where he found them. Who would have thought Wu Jinshan could tell just because the angle of one book was slightly off?

Next was the dorm cleaning schedule. Every time it was Chen Xiucheng’s turn, Wu Jinshan would complain that he was unhygienic and didn’t clean properly.

As far as Chen Xiucheng was concerned, doing the basics was enough. The place would get dirty again anyway. Wu Jinshan was the one who insisted on poking into every corner, nitpicking like he had nothing better to do.

He even complained that Chen Xiucheng was too loud, said he couldn’t stand how he liked to sing in the shower or hum tunes around the dorm. Even just a few lines were enough to set him off.

This guy was a master at digging up old dirt. Chen Xiucheng was starting to suspect that Wu Jinshan secretly kept a logbook. How else could one brain hold so much useless crap, complete with dates, details, and direct quotes? The man was practically a walking voice recorder with AI-level memory.

Chen Xiucheng was just one step away from blurting out the thing about getting fingered.

It wasn’t like he was scared of him. He just thought it was childish and exhausting to fight over such petty stuff. But if he didn’t fight back, he really could not stomach it.

Seeing that Wu Jinshan’s mouth was going off like a machine gun, nonstop, Chen Xiucheng finally snapped. He couldn’t outtalk him and he couldn’t stand it anymore. He kicked a stool across the room and sent it flying straight at him.

That was how the fight broke out.

The commotion even alerted the student counselor. No one got to finish their lunch. Everyone had to rush over to haul them off for disciplinary counseling.

The counselor said it was one thing to bicker a little in the dorm, but how could they take it to the cafeteria? Did they have no shame?

Writing a self-reflection wouldn’t be enough to satisfy public anger. Giving them official demerits felt a bit too harsh. So the two of them volunteered to serve the people by cleaning the public men’s restroom for a day.

One of the janitors had just taken a few days off. So now they could step up, ease the burden, and learn what it meant to appreciate the labor of the working class.

What no one expected was that the two of them, after waking up at four in the morning, getting their cleaning supplies ready by four-thirty, and arriving at the cafeteria bathroom, were already fighting again within ten minutes.

And once again, it was Wu Jinshan who started it.

He said that when Chen Xiucheng threw his arm around other guys, he was acting slutty.

He said that calling people “bro” and getting chummy just made him look like someone anyone could fuck.

He even said that being friendly with everyone was just Chen Xiucheng’s way of leading people on, calling him a walking central air conditioner, whoring himself out to every bee and butterfly in sight.

Chen Xiucheng seriously suspected Wu Jinshan had no idea how idioms worked. He wondered how this guy ever managed to pass the college entrance exam with that level of Chinese.

“You said you were going to make me feel good. What kind of bullshit service is this? I feel like shit right now!”

“I feel fucking terrible!”

Chen Xiucheng threw the mop to the floor, so pissed off his brain was about to burst. He was done with this job. Couldn’t do it. Not anymore.

But just as things reached a boiling point, Wu Jinshan suddenly cooled down. With an oddly serious look, he pulled out a neatly prepared schedule, like he’d been waiting for this moment all along.

“No need for any plans,” Chen Xiucheng said. He was a man of action. “No day like today.”

They were already in a bathroom, after all. It was five in the morning. No one was going to show up.

Chen Xiucheng propped up a sign at the entrance that said “Cleaning in Progress – Temporarily Closed,” locked the door behind him, then turned around and crooked a finger at Wu Jinshan. He pointed at his crotch and said, “Let’s see what you got. Make me feel good. Right now.”