SWHCBB 88

Chapter 88: What Kind of Past and Present Life Is This Supposed to Be?

Wen Jue didn’t know how long he had been unconscious. When he slowly regained awareness and opened his eyes, he found that the sky was already dark. He lay there in a daze, and the memories from right before he fainted surged back into his mind, making his eyes burn with heat again.

Luckily, a familiar voice interrupted his thoughts.

“You’re awake? Where does it hurt?”

It was Bai Yuan. Only then did Zhiyu realize that his head felt heavy and dizzy, faintly aching. And every small movement, even a single breath, hurt.

“It hurts…” As he opened his mouth to speak, he realized even his throat ached. “My whole body… hurts.”

Bai Yuan withdrew the needle from his head and replied indifferently,

“Your rage attacked your heart, your blood and qi reversed their flow. And since your injuries weren’t fully healed, all the accumulated toxins in your body flared up at once.”

“Congratulations, you’re not going to live long.” Bai Yuan’s calm tone always had a way of making his words sound sarcastic and biting.

Wen Jue was silent for a while, then turned his head toward Bai Yuan’s direction with a calm expression.

“Really?”

“Fake, obviously. Heh.” Bai Yuan sneered. “You may not want to live, but I still do. Don’t drag me down with you.”

“…Sorry,” Wen Jue murmured. He hesitated, wanting to ask about Jiang Chuang, but the words came out instead as, “Why haven’t you lit any candles? It’s so dark…”

Bai Yuan’s hand paused mid-motion. He waved in front of Wen Jue’s face and, seeing no response, immediately understood.

“You’ve been asleep all night. It’s noon now, the sun’s blazing outside.”

As soon as he said that, he saw Wen Jue freeze, his breathing trembling, then a bitter smile twisted his lips.

“I’m blind again, aren’t I?”

This time, the blindness was more complete than before. Before, he could still vaguely sense the presence or absence of light. But now his world was nothing but deathly silence, with not a sliver of light penetrating through.

Just like his life. He had once glimpsed a blurry, hazy light, only for it to vanish in an instant, leaving him in darkness once more.

Bai Yuan replied, “You’re blind. What else did you expect, throwing your life away like that? If you hadn’t survived, I’d make you kneel and kowtow twice to me.”

Wen Jue forced himself upright and nodded. “Once I recover a bit, I’ll definitely kowtow to the divine physician.”

Seeing how sincere he was, Bai Yuan’s mouth twitched.

“Forget it… I can’t afford that. It might shave years off my life.”

Wen Jue fell silent again, clearly weighed down by heavy thoughts.

Bai Yuan asked, “Aren’t you going to ask me whether your eyesight can be restored?”

Wen Jue calmly shook his head. “You’ve already done so much to save me. I know you’ve cut into your own flesh just to heal me. Now, because of my own recklessness, the poison acted up again, and I lost my sight. How could I ask you to suffer more for me?”

“If I’m blind… then I’m blind. I’m used to it.” His tone held no sorrow, but the pallor of his face combined with those words made him sound like someone who had given up on life.

Bai Yuan clicked his tongue silently. This is what you get for getting involved with the mortal world: paying off your ancestors’ debts, then getting sucked into someone else’s love and hate.

“Do you want to see Jiang Chuang? He brought you to my room last night, crying and making a huge fuss.” Bai Yuan paused, then added, “It was really annoying. But after seeing him cry like that, I couldn’t bear to kick him out.”

The mention of Jiang Chuang made Wen Jue’s heart throb with a thousand tiny, stabbing pains. He furrowed his brow, his breath shaking before he slowly shook his head.

“No… I don’t know how to face him right now.”

Bai Yuan nodded. “Then I’ll go chase him off. He’s been sitting outside the door since last night. Even I’m getting annoyed.”

Outside the door…

As he listened to Bai Yuan’s footsteps approaching the door, Wen Jue wanted to call out and stop him several times. His heart ached, twisted with guilt, confusion, and bitterness. He resented that Jiang Chuang had loved the wrong person. He even resented fate itself, why wasn’t he that Wen Jue?

A tangle of emotions threatened to tear his heart apart. Wen Jue curled into himself, restraining his impulse to call Bai Yuan back.

But it was as if Bai Yuan could read his thoughts. He stopped walking, turned back, sat on the edge of the bed, and asked in his usual cool tone,

“What exactly are you struggling with?”

Wen Jue blinked. “What?”

“Jiang Chuang told me everything last night, everything that happened between you two. I may not understand your romantic entanglements, but I’ve seen how you interact. I don’t believe he’s loving someone else through you. He just loves you.”

Wen Jue laughed bitterly, then muttered with embarrassment,

“Sorry… for dragging you into this. But he and I… we’re not even thinking of the same person. We don’t share the same memories, the same experiences. Even the smallest difference can make two people entirely different.”

Bai Yuan bluntly pointed out the real issue.

“The past life?”

“He told you even that?” Wen Jue was surprised.

“I told you, he told me everything. So tell me: do you really believe your past self and your current self aren’t the same person?”

Wen Jue nodded bleakly. “What does the divine physician think? If memory, experience, personality, and choices are all different, how could we be the same person?”

Bai Yuan raised an eyebrow, choosing not to answer directly.

“The way we determine identity isn’t like yours. We look at the soul. All things have souls. Whether you were a pig in your past life, a tree in this one, or something else in the next, as long as your soul persists, every life is still you. Just different parts that make up the whole you.”

Wen Jue had never heard such a perspective before. For a moment, he forgot his grief and looked curious.

Bai Yuan continued,

“But we’re not like you. We don’t reincarnate. When we die, our souls are extinguished, no past, no future. But you, what kind of past and present life is this, exactly?”

Bai Yuan gave Wen Jue a long, complicated look.

“…Huh?” Zhiyu looked confused.

Bai Yuan snorted.

“It’s a long story. I’ll just ask you one thing, do you still want to live?”

“I…” Wen Jue hesitated. “If something happens to me, will you be punished? Will you…”

“Don’t worry about me,” Bai Yuan said impatiently. “I’m asking you. Stop rambling.”

Did he still want to live? Yes. He always had. Before, he thought it wouldn’t matter if he died, as long as he lived long enough to see his sister ascend the throne. He never really valued his life.

But after he and Yunchuan loved each other, he’d started wanting to live more and more. The future had begun to seem full of hope. He wanted to travel the world with Yunchuan. He looked forward to the day his eyesight was fully restored, to wake each morning and see Yunchuan lying beside him.

But now… with all this talk of past lives and rebirth, all his silent hopes had become a joke. Still, did he want to live?

“…I do,” Wen Jue whispered.

He still had selfish desires. He hadn’t had enough of life. He didn’t want to betray Yunchuan’s reborn devotion, even if he still agonized over who that love was truly for.

“Then that’s all that matters.” Bai Yuan stood up and headed toward the door.

“If you have a knot in your heart, untie it. Have you ever heard of someone dying from emotional blockage? You keep brooding like this, bottling it all inside, no immortal could save you.”

Bai Yuan flung open the door.

He said to Jiang Chuang, who had been standing there so long he was almost a statue:

“Come in.”

Wen Jue immediately clenched the quilt in his hands. His heart seized.

He heard Jiang Chuang’s hesitant, shuffling steps. Slowly, he entered. The door closed again.

Even though he couldn’t see, the moment Jiang Chuang stepped inside, the entire room felt suffocating. The air grew thick with his presence, his heavy breathing surrounding Wen Jue from all sides, impossible to ignore or escape.