SWY 105

Lestel sat up like it was nothing, but Ardelle, startled, suddenly began hiccuping.

“T-that… hic…”

“Were you two sharing a secret or something? Talking about something I’m not supposed to hear?”

“N-no, it’s not… hic.”

Holding her chest tightly with both hands, Ardelle’s hiccupping looked suspicious to anyone watching. As Sharhan slowly ascended the stairs, he glanced between hiccuping Ardelle, who had slumped to the floor, and Lestel, who stood blankly nearby, his gaze dark and unsettling.

He’d woken up at the sound of whispering, but the distance had been just far enough. And their voices quiet enough, that he couldn’t make out the conversation. He had, however, clearly heard Lestel’s final words.

‘What was that? Like? No, love?’

“…Fuck.”

Sharhan cursed before he could stop himself, startling Ardelle, who blinked in surprise.

“Did you… did you just curse?”

“Did I say that out loud?”

Sharhan himself was startled, he’d thought he’d just said it in his head. But outwardly, he remained composed.

“You did! You totally said ‘fuck’ just now.”

“Your hiccups stopped.”

“Huh? Oh, you’re right. I must’ve been so surprised I stopped.”

“Good. Anyway, what were you two talking about? I woke up and saw you sitting side by side on the stairs, I thought you were secretly going on a little date or something.”

Sharhan climbed the stairs slowly, deliberately, like he was pressuring them. Intimidated, Ardelle shrank back a little even as she tried to explain.

“It wasn’t a date! I woke up because it was so cold, and Lestel had just come back in from outside. I was asking if something happened. He said it’s snowing, but everything’s fine.”

Sharhan stared at Ardelle, who stood up pretending nothing was wrong. The darkness was a blessing, if not for it, Ardelle might’ve seen the fury in his face and sat back down out of sheer intimidation.

‘Seriously? Lying now? I heard you. And what, the snow? Really?’

He didn’t know why, but his insides were twisted. It felt like he’d swallowed something boiling—so hot it chased away the cold completely. The air was freezing, yet he felt none of it.

Sharhan forced himself to suppress the rage building in his chest, but his eyes turned to Lestel’s face.

“Really? Lestel, you tell me. Did you two really not say anything important?”

“What would Ardelle and I have to talk about? Let’s go back down and sleep.”

“That’s probably a good idea. There’s still some time until sunrise.”

Ardelle, sounding like someone who had finally found the key after being locked away, quickly descended the stairs. As Lestel passed Sharhan, he caught his wrist.

“What?”

“You don’t have anything you want to say to me?”

“No.”

“You really didn’t say anything with her?”

“Nope. Why do you keep asking? What would I even say to Ardelle?”

“I heard… never mind. Yeah, you’re right. Let’s just go sleep.”

Sharhan exhaled sharply and walked down the stairs ahead of Lestel, then lay down. When Lestel tried to lie beside him and pull him into an embrace like always, Sharhan shoved him away.

“Shan?”

“It’s hot. Move.”

“Your breath’s visible in the cold and you’re hot?”

“If I say I’m hot, I’m hot, bastard. Don’t you dare touch me.”

Though they were whispering not to wake the kids, Sharhan’s voice was firm.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Why are you so bent out of shape all of a sudden?”

“I’m just hot, so don’t touch me. That’s all.”

“Well, I’m cold.”

“Then go hug Ardelle or something.”

“…Did you just say that?”

“Of course I did. What, was that not actual language? Or do your ears turn anything I say into nonsense?”

Sharhan knew he was being petty, but once his mood twisted, there was no turning back. The frustration kept building until he could no longer hold it in. He turned away from Lestel, lying on his side, but then suddenly sat up.

‘You confessed to Ardelle, and yet you’re still holding me? What am I to you? Are you kidding me? Shit, why am I this mad?’

As if sensing his fury, one of the children stirred and let out a soft, uneasy sound. Sharhan stilled, then nudged Lestel’s leg with his foot.

“Get up.”

***

Outside, it was bitterly cold. Even with his robe wrapped tightly and his hood pulled low, the chill cut straight to the bone. Sharhan nearly started pacing in place, but Lestel’s quiet footsteps behind him helped him regain some composure. It’d be ridiculous to be the one who called someone out, only to shiver like a fool.

“…You called me out. Say something.”

Lestel’s voice was as frosty as the wind. He was clearly offended by Sharhan’s cold, snappish behavior.

Sharhan finally turned around and took a deep breath. The cold air stung his lungs, but the heat in his head and chest burned just as fiercely as before. Nothing was cooling down.

“You… What the hell is this?”

“What are you talking about? Say it clearly.”

Lestel crossed his arms, that usual arrogant posture irritating Sharhan for the first time in a long while.

“You and Ardelle. What’s going on between you? What are you hiding from me?”

“What are you talking about? Whatever you’re imagining, it’s nothing.”

“You met three years ago, right?”

“She came to the estate on an errand. We ran into each other, exchanged greetings, and that was it.”

“That’s really all?”

“Yes. What are you hoping to hear?”

“Bullshit. If that’s all, then why the hell did you say you like her?”

“…What?”

“Or was it love? Your confession was so dramatic, I nearly teared up. Damn, if you love her so much, why the hell were you in bed with me? When you came at me, you looked like a fucking dog in heat.”

“You… heard that?”

Lestel’s arms dropped, his pupils visibly trembling. Watching him squirm like someone caught red-handed, Sharhan bit his lip.

‘He’s panicking because I heard how he feels about Ardelle. Why does that piss me off so much?’

Sharhan kicked at the snow like a petulant child and spoke in a tightly controlled voice.

“Yeah, I heard. You sounded real passionate.”

“You heard… then why are you so angry?”

“What?”

“Why are you mad that I confessed? Why does it matter to you?”

“Who says I’m mad? I’ve got no reason to be mad, just like you said.”

“But you are mad. Shan, don’t try to deny it.”

“……”

“Why?”

“Because…”

“Because?”

Lestel echoed his words with a faint smile playing on his lips. Sharhan, flustered and speechless, saw that smile and scowled.

‘What the hell is he smiling about? My insides are a mess and he’s grinning? Smug bastard.’

Even Lestel’s smile irritated him now. Sharhan clenched and then unclenched his fists before blurting out

“It pisses me off.”

“What does?”

“You confessed to Ardelle, and yet you were holding me. What am I, your blanket? I went along with it for a while, but now it’s just insulting.”

“You ‘went along with it’?”

“Yeah. What, you think we had some deep emotional connection or something? You’re the one who said we should stick together since it’s hard to find partners in times like these.”

“I did say that. But was that really all it was for you?”

“Of course it was. You said ‘let’s stick together,’ so we did. That’s it.”

“Really, that’s all?”

“Why do you keep repeating yourself? It’s annoying. Do you want me to say it again? We stuck together because you said so. Nothing more.”

The truth was, though not as fast as their bodies, Sharhan’s heart had started to change too. But his twisted mood, burning like a fireball in his chest, made it impossible to be honest. His head was too hot for rational thought.

“You need to get your act together. I don’t care how much you’ve slept around, but chasing after someone while rolling around with someone else? That’s just pathetic.”

“……”

Lestel smirked, like he was daring him to say more.

“I wasn’t going to say anything, but the more I think about it, the more pissed I get. You dragged me into bed even after I told you I wasn’t interested. And now what? ‘I like you’? No, ‘I love you’? Tell me, were you thinking about Ardelle while screwing me? Try saying that out loud. I’ll fucking kill you.”

Just imagining it made him nauseous. Face contorted as if he’d swallowed filth, Sharhan stormed up to Lestel, ready to grab him by the collar. But Lestel only smiled as he watched Sharhan fume.

“Shan.”

“You’re smiling? You think this is funny?”

“Are you… jealous?”

“Jea–jea–jealous? Why the hell would I–?”

“I’ve never thought of anyone else while holding you. My head’s full just from thinking about you. I feel like I’ll die if I can’t be more connected to you. There’s no room for anyone else.”

“……”

“I want you to be jealous.”

Sharhan wanted to shout that he wasn’t, but his throat tightened. No words came.

He stared blankly at Lestel, who was standing there smiling, snowflakes falling gently around him. The white snow made Lestel’s silver hair seem to glow. Sharhan’s heart thudded so hard it felt strange.

“……”

“When I said I like you–no, love you, I meant it. But I wasn’t talking about Ardelle.”

“Then who–?”

His heart pounded wildly. It was so loud he feared it might burst from his chest.

Lestel took a step toward him. His foot sank deep into the piled snow.

And then–

Rumble

A deafening roar rang out, and the ground trembled violently.

Sharhan and Lestel turned their heads.

A massive avalanche was crashing down toward them, obliterating everything in its path.

“Le–”

There wasn’t even time to call his name.

The two of them were swallowed whole by the wall of snow.