SWY 110

“…….”

“I love you, Shan.”

The words that finally spilled from Lestel’s mouth and reached Sharhan’s heart were, I love you.

Sharhan blinked in a daze. The air itself seemed to slow, and even the wind felt like it had stopped.

In reality, the wind had only grown stronger, scattering their hair in all directions, but it felt as if the entire world around them had frozen in place.

The only sounds were their hearts pounding against each other’s chests.

“……”

Sharhan’s face flushed belatedly. From his earlobes to both cheeks, even the back of his neck turned red, and his chest grew hot. His whole body felt as if it were standing over boiling water.

‘Lestel, loves me?’

All the complications between their families faded away, and only those words, I love you, remained, echoing in his mind.

‘Lestel, loves me? Lestel Ailun, loves Sharhan Kaios?’

Even though he’d suspected he might hear those words someday, Sharhan felt a maddening urge to scratch at his skin.

At the same time, it felt like he’d just swallowed warm, melted chocolate. Sweet and sticky. His heart pounded, and he felt shy.

“Say something. Anything.”

“……”

“If you keep staying quiet like this, I’m really going to cry.”

“……”

“Shan?”

Only then did Lestel pull away, taking half a step back. He waved his fingers in front of Sharhan’s dazed face.

“……”

Sharhan’s eyes finally regained focus, and he stared at Lestel. His silver hair was a mess, and his green eyes wavered uncertainly, nervous after his confession. His pale skin, lit by the snow, looked even more translucent.

Sharhan was reminded of the day he’d wanted to secretly kiss Lestel’s cheek, the cheek where childhood freckles had long since vanished. But now, instead of a peck on the cheek, he wanted to press a deep kiss to those frozen lips.

Back then, he’d forced himself to bury the urge, to forget it. But not anymore. Now, he could hold Lestel however he wanted. Kiss him however he pleased.

There was no need to hide. No reason to hold back.

The anxiety, fear, and unease that had tormented Sharhan for the past two days surged back.

Who else but Lestel could shake his heart like this? Who else could make him feel so wild, so desperate? Not even Iris, precious as she was, could do that.

Only Lestel could.

“Honey?”

“I-I think I love you too.”

“What?”

“I… I think I feel the same way you do.”

His mouth moved on its own, bypassing his brain entirely. Only after the words were out did Sharhan realize it. He looked at Lestel, who now wore the same dumbfounded expression he himself had had just moments ago, and laughed. His face was hilariously blank.

“What… did you say?”

“I said I like you, Lestel Ailun.”

The feeling he’d had while watching Ardelle clinging to Lestel’s back wasn’t just loneliness. The reason he’d always reacted so strongly when it came to Ardelle… it had to be jealousy. Because no matter what he did, he could never be tied to Lestel through marriage.

‘So it really was jealousy.’

Between them stood feuding families, the fact that they were both men, and a rivalry built since childhood. Sharhan had always seen Lestel as someone he had to defeat. He’d repressed every strange impulse, every fluttering feeling. Because he believed he had to.

But what he had never examined closely, that emotion buried deep in his heart, was love.

‘I… liked Lestel?’

Even now, he could barely believe it. He almost scoffed at himself. Lestel Ailun, of all people… But when he thought about it, no one else had ever shaken him like Lestel did.

Only Lestel could make him angry, make him laugh, make his heart race. Only Lestel had driven him to do foolish, childish things. He wanted to protect him, beat him, make him smile, spend every moment with him. The mere idea of anyone else standing at Lestel’s side made him want to scream.

The beginning and end of all of Sharhan’s emotions, was Lestel. He only now understood.

All of that, all along, was love.

Even during the three years they’d been apart, he’d thought of Lestel every single day. Sometimes with anger, sometimes with longing, sometimes with cold resolve. Not a day had gone by without Lestel in his thoughts.

That deep, aching feeling he hadn’t understood then… was love.

Sharhan glanced at Lestel, who still had that dumb look on his face, and gave a bashful smile. The emotion swelling inside him now was so huge, it made him wonder how he hadn’t seen it earlier.

He finally understood why his heart had always raced whenever he was with Lestel.

He had never, ever stopped loving him.

After so many years and so many detours, he had finally arrived at this truth.

You’re the only one who sets me on fire like this… How did I not know?

“Say it again.”

Lestel, who had been frozen stiff for a while, finally spoke, like someone thawing out of paralysis. Sharhan nodded without hesitation. Embarrassing as it was, he didn’t want to hide what he’d just realized.

“I love you, Lestel.”

“Again.”

“I love you.”

“Just once more.”

“I like you.”

“Shan, say it again.”

“…Do you have a death wish?”

Having finally made his confession, Sharhan’s face twisted in frustration at Lestel’s teasing, his eyes narrowing dangerously. At last, Lestel burst into laughter and hugged him tight.

“I love you, Shan. I’ll never let you go. No matter what happens.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t you ever let me go, either. No matter what happens, you have to remember that I love you. Promise me you’ll never let go of my hand.”

“I promise.”

“You have to keep that promise. If it’s not you, I have no reason to live.”

Sharhan also reached out and pulled Lestel into his arms. For the first time, it felt like his body and heart – until now always out of step, stumbling forward – had finally found their balance.

Sharhan and Lestel moved quickly before the sun had fully set. Their destination was a treehouse Lestel had spotted on his way.

Built in the branches of a massive tree, likely over a hundred years old, the treehouse hadn’t been meant for actual habitation. It looked like something built for children to play in. Still, because it was anchored to strong, deeply rooted branches, it had survived the avalanche.

However, the rope that had probably been used to climb up had long since disappeared, so they had no choice but to scale it by hand.

They decided to mark footholds using the axe, since the tree’s slick surface made climbing difficult.

Every time Lestel struck the tree with force, a loud thud echoed, breaking the silence. They knew the noise might draw the moving corpses, but there was no other way.

“You go first.”

Following Lestel’s suggestion, Sharhan climbed up first, using the axe marks to swiftly ascend. As soon as he reached the treehouse, he extended his hand. Lestel, halfway up, grabbed it.

“It’s cramped.”

The interior was small enough that two grown men had to curl up tightly in each other’s arms just to lie down. As soon as Sharhan pulled Lestel inside, he wrapped his arms around him and looked around.

In a corner, he saw tiny bowls that looked like toys left behind by children. One of them held a grimy old rag doll.

“I kinda like it. We have to hold each other close, after all.”

Lestel grinned, clearly unbothered by the tight space.

“We can’t even stretch our legs. What’s there to like?”

To make matters worse, it wasn’t well constructed, wind came in through the large gaps in the walls. Sharhan curled up, and Lestel held him tighter.

His body was cold too, but Sharhan leaned in willingly. The cramped space was one reason, but more than that, they needed to share body heat if they didn’t want to freeze.

“You think Derry’s with Ardelle and the kids?”

“Probably.”

“Where do you think they went?”

“Who knows.”

“Do you think we’ll see them again?”

“I hope so. But even if we don’t, I don’t mind. Finding you was enough for me. Do you know how awful it was to wake up and find you gone? I was sure I’d been holding your hand when the avalanche hit, but realizing I must have let go nearly drove me insane. Everything was white, and I didn’t even know where to go. I dug around with my bare hands, terrified I might find your body buried nearby. As I came toward the villa, I prayed you’d be there… and you were, right in front of me…”

Lestel’s voice trailed off, thick with emotion. It was still hoarse, likely from shouting Sharhan’s name until it broke.

“You think I didn’t feel the same?”

“I’m just glad I found you before I lost hope.”

Lestel pressed his forehead to Sharhan’s. Their noses brushed, and then their lips met.

They kissed for a long time, tongues entwined, exchanging saliva. When it started to drip down Sharhan’s lips, Lestel wiped it away with a smile.

Though it wasn’t their first kiss, Sharhan still felt shy and cleared his throat, eyes closed.

“Trying to sleep?”

Lestel played with Sharhan’s earlobe as he asked.

“We’ll have to walk again tomorrow. I need to rest. …Do you think Thunder and Lightning are okay?”

Before leaving the villa, they had checked the stables, now completely buried in snow. They hadn’t dared dig, but there’d been no sign of the horses.

“They probably got away. They’re smart.”

“And the whistle?”

“…It’s in the bag I strapped to Thunder.”

The only thing Lestel had on him now was the amethyst brooch he always carried.

“We should try whistling often, just in case.”

They had no means of communication, no mage allies, and only a few frozen potatoes to eat. Sharhan sighed, feeling their poverty, and closed his eyes again.

That was when Lestel’s hand slipped under his shirt. The cold touch made Sharhan flinch.

“We can’t do it here, huh? But I want to be inside you.”

“Are you serious?”

This place was too narrow for even a position change, let alone sex, and taking off clothes in the freezing wind would risk frostbite in the worst place imaginable.

Worse, the axe noise had probably attracted some nearby corpses. Sharhan could already hear the distant grrr of predators in the dark.

Unless they wanted to roll out of the treehouse and become monster food, the only option tonight was sleep.

“Damn it, we finally confessed our feelings, and now we can’t even have sex.”

“But Lestel.”

Sharhan called his name quietly as Lestel sulked, running his hand across Sharhan’s bare skin.

“What?”

“…How many people have you slept with?”