SWY 111

“…….”

The answer was silence. Like someone caught in a drizzle after suffering from thirst, the hand that had been caressing bare skin came to a sudden stop. Sharhan, who had tossed out the question like it was nothing, gradually furrowed his brows.

‘What, have you slept with so many people you can’t even answer?’

He had been pissed before too. But back then, he hadn’t realized his feelings yet, so he’d just thought, ‘I haven’t even kissed anyone, but that bastard Lestel’s done it countless times? That’s insulting.’
Now he knew. What he’d felt back then wasn’t just competitiveness, it was jealousy.

‘You say you love me, but you rolled around with someone else all you wanted, huh?’

He knew it was better to leave the past buried, but he couldn’t help being curious. If he got angry, he’d look petty, but his insides were boiling. Veins bulged at his temple. Clenching his teeth to swallow down the rising fury made his jaw ache.

“Why can’t you answer? Huh? Too many to count?”

Sharhan struggled to calm himself and asked again, pretending like it didn’t bother him. His heart was churning, but he didn’t want to show it.

“…….”

“At least give me a rough estimate… It was during the time we were apart, so what does it matter?”

He chuckled lightly and playfully tapped Lestel on the shoulder.

“What about you then?”

“What about me?”

“How many people did you sleep with?”

“…….”

This time, Sharhan went silent.

“Shan, why can’t you answer? Huh? Too many to count?”

It was impossible to count. Because he hadn’t slept with anyone.

“…….”

“Let me rephrase it. You said you’ve used your ass too, right? Then how many dicks went in there besides mine? Give me a rough estimate. It’s all in the past. I’ll try to understand everything.”

Sharhan stared at Lestel, who was parroting back his words with a smile and eyes curved like a bow. But something about it felt dangerous, too dangerous to lie his way out of.

‘He’s smiling, but there’s murder in his eyes.’

Like a wolf sweet-talking a rabbit, Lestel grinned and took Sharhan’s hand, gently scratching the back with his thumb. He was clearly trying to come off harmless, but Sharhan, who had known Lestel nearly his whole life, wasn’t buying it. Enduring the ticklish sensation creeping up his skin, Sharhan snapped.

“Answer my question first.”

“You’re trying to wriggle out of this? I told you, it’s all in the past. I can understand everything.”

“And what if I can’t understand? You’d better quit with that crap and just say it. How many people did you sleep with?!”

“Honey, I told you to go first! How many?!”

Lestel propped himself up on his elbow, grabbed Sharhan’s chin, and demanded again. Sharhan scowled, annoyed at how Lestel kept answering questions with questions.

He even thought, Should I just lie and say a hundred or something? Or stubbornly insist he goes first? But he gave up on that quickly. He didn’t want to turn this into a pride battle that would just hurt them both, not when it had barely been a day since realizing his feelings.

‘Fine, I’ll let it go. I’ll let it go.’

As he locked eyes with Lestel’s green gaze looking down at him, he figured maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to make him happy by saying he was the first. He’d just been unwilling to admit it, but honestly, Lestel, smiling like that, was just as beautiful as when they were kids.

“…You.”

After all the bluffing about countless partners and using every hole, suddenly turning honest made Sharhan shy, and his voice came out far too soft. Naturally, Lestel didn’t catch it and furrowed his brows.

“What?”

“…I said, you.”

“Say it properly. I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”

“Are your ears clogged?! You’re the first! I’ve never used the front or the back! I only gave up the back because it was you! Why the hell would I let some random guy fuck me? I’d crush their dicks just for looking at me with those filthy eyes!”

He started off shouting, but his voice shrank with every word until he was practically muttering to himself by the end. And then, once again, came the realization:

‘Damn, I really am slow and dense.’

Because of his job as a mercenary and his looks, there’d been plenty of guys who’d hit on him. But all he ever felt was disgust and rage. And yet, when it came to Lestel and his clearly calculated advances, Sharhan had eventually fallen for it. There was no need to think deeply about it. Lestel had always been the exception. The only ridiculous thing was how long it had taken him to realize that.

Lestel, who had been staring down at the flustered Sharhan, slowly flushed. His green eyes gleamed like a forest soaked in dew, and the corners of his lips curled so high it was obvious he could barely contain his joy.

‘His smile’s practically reaching the sky.’

When Lestel’s fingers began sneakily trailing over Sharhan’s skin again, filled with delight, Sharhan suddenly felt a flicker of annoyance.

“Happy now?”

Even though the question came out gruffly, Lestel, clearly in a good mood, rubbed his forehead against Sharhan’s and smiled.

“Yeah. I’m the only one who knows how gorgeous and irresistible you look when you’re turned on. Do you have any idea how jealous I was, just thinking there might’ve been someone before me? If I could, I’d chop off the hands of everyone who ever touched you.”

“I feel the same. The thought of you rolling around with–”

“I was a virgin too.”

“…What?”

“The sex we had, that was my first.”

“Seriously?”

Sharhan’s eyes widened.

“Why’s that so hard to believe? Was I really that good?”

“At first, it was kind of lame, so I thought I’d never sleep with you again… but you knew your way around pretty well! So why did you lie?!”

“Because I studied hard. I didn’t want to seem inexperienced when I finally got to sleep with you. And I figured pretending I had experience would help me seduce you more naturally. I’ve liked you for so long, do you really think I’d feel like fooling around with anyone else?”

“O-oh, really?”

Sharhan’s ears turned red with embarrassment.

“You were the only one I ever wanted to touch or hold.”

“W-wait… what did you say earlier? You’ve liked me for that long? I forgot to ask… but when exactly did you start liking me?”

“Back when my mother passed away, and you held my hand while I cried.”

“That’s way too–”

“Since we were kids, basically?”

“……”

Lestel pulled the stunned Sharhan into an embrace, his flushed ears glowing.

“I told you. If it’s not you, I have no reason to live. My life’s been filled with only you, for a very long time.”

Sharhan gently pushed Lestel away and cradled his face in both hands. The way Lestel’s cheeks turned pink, shy from his own confession, made his rare expression look even more precious. Sharhan pressed a kiss to Lestel’s forehead, then lightly nibbled his sharp, smooth nose.

‘I’m sorry I realized it so late. And I’m sorry for how hard you had to try, alone.’

The cold was biting, but the warmth between their joined chests made it bearable.

As Lestel hugged him tightly, Sharhan leaned into the embrace, thinking, Since I was late to realize it, I’ll love him all the more. I won’t ever let him feel lonely again.

***

The next morning, they had no luggage to pack, so splitting a frozen potato was all it took to finish their simplest departure yet.

“We’re heading to Ailun Castle, right?”

“Yeah. We need to bring Iris back.”

Tightening their cloaks, they opened the cabin door. That’s when they saw them, corpses swaying left and right as they stood frozen among the trees. Leaning out for a better look, they counted six. Just like the ones from the villa, the frozen corpses moved sluggishly. But things weren’t exactly ideal on their end either.

“How about three and three?”

“Sounds good.”

“You sure that weapon’s enough?”

“Guess we’ll find out.”

“Want to switch?”

Lestel waved his axe. Sharhan scoffed like, ‘You use it’, and leapt down. Hearing a sound, the first corpse charged, and he smashed its head with the poker. With a dull thud, he struck again and again as it staggered.

Krhhh!

The others, scattered like reeds, creaked and turned, then charged all at once. Lestel jumped down after him, cleaving heads with his axe in swift succession. The cleanup ended in a flash.

“We seriously need to find real weapons.”

Even though the poker was made of iron, it was too thin and weak to be truly lethal. Just now, it had taken multiple hits just to stop one corpse. He needed something proper, a sword, axe, or spear.

“Let’s search every house on the way to Serman. We need more than just weapons anyway.”

They needed food, clothes, and warmth too. Watching their surroundings, Sharhan and Lestel trudged across the frozen ground.

“Isn’t it this way?”

“No, it’s that way.”

“Pretty sure you’re wrong.”

“I’m telling you, it’s this way!”

“And if it’s not?”

“What if it is!”

Without a map and in unfamiliar territory, they argued now and then, sometimes raising their voices, but quickly made up and found the right path. The cold was a bit better than yesterday, but still harsh enough that walking was a challenge. Fallen trees, avalanche debris, and the occasional corpse drained their strength.

“Let’s take a break.”

Stopping to catch their breath and reassess direction, their mouths puffed white clouds. Lestel took Sharhan’s hand and tried to warm it with his breath. It chilled again almost instantly, or maybe even more. But Sharhan still smiled, touched by his thoughtfulness.

“What’s that?”

Something had fallen on the white snow. Curious, Sharhan stepped closer and frowned. What had been abandoned naked in the cold was a corpse. When he saw its wide-open eyes, a groan escaped his lips.

“Teddy.”